#also i didn't go into the separate grade levels of each topic essentially if they teach the topic they're stuck teaching all grade levels

[izzy-b-hands]

my brain is buzzing with random au ideas and shit while im sitting here awake entirely too early

and i just. Fucking Niche AUs I'll probably never finish part two:

-Call Center AU: Ed and Stede are middle managers learning to work together (and falling in love of course) after their companies and staff merged in a new big ass building (for fun: many rumors it's haunted. It isn't, Buttons just hates getting up early for work so during the week he hides out and lives in the basement.) Badminton & Co are trying to buy out their newly merged company with plans to fire everyone. Is this one just so I can shove in Murray Hewitt references with Stede? Partially! It's also bc i can throw in The Office references for my mum, who thus far will only read fic if I have a few in there & it's mainly comedy, and she hasn't read like any of my stuff fic or original in ages so. Yeah skdnfng

-NTSB (National Transportation Safety Board) AU aka did u know aviation is another special interest of mine? u do now!!:

Ed and Stede lead separate teams as part of Aotearoa's TAIC (their version of the NTSB), and are called in to assist with an NTSB investigation re: a crashed plane & a dead Badminton bro as a result ( Either of the two we've seen thus far, w/subplot abt him being a dick who was super rich bc of a shit ton of rental properties in Aotearoa that he didn't keep up well and hiked rent on constantly bc he seems like the landlord type.)

However, as it progresses it becomes clear there's more at stake than just a plane accident investigation (tho obvi also v important still) bc it appears there might be sabotage involving ppl in both the states and Aotearoa (aka hi jack!! and any other random pirates or historical ppl i might add in lol.)

This is difficult tho, bc like. they didn't like this Badminton of course so him being dead is like well this will be positive for his renters at least maybe, but also holy fuck other ppl died as a result jfc what the fuck. so then it's a matter of do we or do we not reveal the whole truth & open up what would be a can of worms re: Badminton, but would be an utter disservice to the rest of the victims' families if NOT revealed.

Substitute Teacher AU:

A school has had just. horrible luck and a few scandals and now the entire staff has been fired and the district really doesn't wanna spend that much money on new ppl yet so

enter Stede and Ed as separate teams of substitutes, attempting to cover all the topics at a decently large school where tbh they could use even more teachers (enter Doug, Mary, Spanish Jackie who actually teaches French & likes how her nickname fucks w/the kids a bit lmaoo, & Jack as additional help)

Nigel & Chauncey both have kids at the school, and expect special treatment as a reward for donating generously to the school (not really that generously tho), which means they are Nightmare Parents. Like yes it's sad they're both divorced but like if u talked to them for five mins u would Understand.

Big events in it would be Parent/Teacher Conferences (Izzy and Jim end up having to manhandle a screaming Nigel outside after Roach asks him to tell his kid to stop trying to set things on fire in Home Ec), at least one school dance ("Ed, they're vaping in the bathroom, what do I do?" "Idk join them?" "Ed!" "What? They'll do it regardless!!") and the graduation of the oldest grade (I think middle schoolers would be both the cruelest and funniest option for this au) and how they'll actually miss these goddamn kids, & don't know if they'll be contracted for the same school next year as permanent or called in to sub more or what

Topics for everyone thus far:

Jackie-French as noted above. She also enjoys that the kids always think Frenchie should teach her class purely based on his name. Doesn't tolerate any bs during class & will send u to the principals, but if everyone behaves they get an extra point added to their grade just for showing up and being polite. For some kids, for various reasons, it's a life saver.

Frenchie-joint band and choir director with The Swede. Treated like a local rock star by the kids bc he tells them how back home he plays in a few bands, and plays gigs in between teaching contracts/assignments. A couple make fan shirts after they google and manage to find out the name of the band he usually performs with. They give him one too and he can't help but well up bc. kids man. one minute little assholes the next moment doing something so kind and unexpected!

The Swede- mainly choir director but helps with the band bc they have a huge class size but of course the district doesn't care abt that.

Ed & Stede-joint principals, also Theater. Ed jokes that he's the Fun Principal bc he occasionally lets the kids get away with like. smoking near the school or playing hooky. If he catches them they get a 'guys cmon if u keep this up i gotta stop u forever so like. be mindful' talk. Stede thinks he's truly the Fun One tho bc he keeps making up ideas for those funny dress up weeks schools do in the states and Ed we are teaching here so we should do as the Romans do, so to speak! (how does that work, it doesn't really as far as i know with a lot of teaching jobs but shhhhh fiction time.)

Buttons-shop related classes, any and all, including woodworking and a v basic automotive class (obvi they won't pay for a garage set up, so he has to rely on drawing and otherwise illustrating & using texts to teach.) Also serves as the lunch room monitor bc the kids are p sure the rumor that he once ate a guy is true, and no one wants to Test Him.

Jim-Gym. Took it on purely bc they think it's funny to hear the kids go 'its time for gym/Jim!' Another beloved teacher for being supportive when kids struggle with the class, and also bc if everyone has good attendance each quarter then they'll take a day to show them knife throwing (after permission slips are signed of course.)

Olu-Spanish, but defers to Jim a lot bc then he gets to talk to Jim and no he doesn't have a crush on Jim! Also occasionally bemoans to Jim for them teaching the kids to swear in Spanish. Jim finally kisses him during one such lovingly made complaint.

Wee John-Home Ec, sewing & other textile based art. One of the fave teachers bc he always has snacks in his classroom, and will let any exhausted kids nap during class so long as they turn in finished projects (first is a lil plushie, then a bigger one, finally they have to design & attempt an article of clothing. Doesn't have to be anywhere near perfect or even complete, he just wants them to try.) Once freed Stede after he accidentally sewed his finger to some fabric while mucking abt after school in the classroom.

Fang-any and all math classes. No one knows how he handles the work load, but he's always chill af abt it. Another student fave for being kind and taking extra time with kids that suck at math, or flat out have dyscalculia & require the extra tutoring as part of their IEP.

Ivan-Social Studies. He knows the kids find it boring, so he does his best to give it some extra shine by making up projects for the kids to do that are graded a little bit kinder than regular hw bc he's more concerned that they have fun (and might retain the info better as a result.) One of the kids' faves ends up being a journal assignment abt the Oregon Trail, aka write an Oregon Trail story that can be as dramatic and/or like the video game as they want.

Izzy-Head Librarian. Cannot believe they fired the library staff as well as everyone else at the school. cannot get over how little the district does to help keep up said library (books are heavily damaged & still on the shelf, new books rarely ordered, and literally the shelves are not in Dewey order. That makes a vein in his forehead twitch every day until he takes an evening to correctly label and reshelve everything.) Winds up staying late a lot to repair books, order new books (when he runs out of what little funding there is, he puts them on his own cc and just doesn't tell anyone, claiming them as charitable donations from 'an anon donor'), and otherwise do any additional upkeep to get the place up to par. Realizes halfway thru the year no one got assigned to teach the Health class, and begrudgingly takes it on as well. He teaches in a section of the library, with Mary taking over main library duties for that time. Has to deal with all the horribleness that is teaching middle schoolers that topic ("You can't all keep laughing every time I say penis or we'll never get through this chapter. And that's hell for you as much as it is for me!")

Roach-Home Ec, cooking class. also helps in the lunch room bc literally they did not actually hire any kitchen staff, the subs are told to do that too. He winds up telling the kids they can help by prepping the ingredients for their lunch in his classroom, then he'll take it all to be finished for lunchtime in the industrial kitchen. They end up loving it after the first week, bc he brings in recipes that are decently healthy but that most the kids are up to trying or already like.

Mary-painting substitute if Doug is out for a day, but mainly works alongside Izzy in the library as the assistant librarian. Yes they gossip abt Ed and Stede. Yes they have a running bet on when they'll finally announce a relationship and fill out that paperwork with HR (this immediately starts a side convo for them abt the shoddy quality of the paperwork & how slowly it gets filed. They admit to being sticklers at times, but also they're right.)

Doug-art, painting and sculpture. Always up for weird art ideas, and has the graduating grade (even if they don't take his elective course) make a mural before the end of the year. They each get a framed pic of it, and he plans to have each graduating class redo the wall each year, should he be contracted for another full year.

Jack-biology/gen science. Encourages the kids to 'really get into' the dissections. Does his best to try and get the district to agree to a field trip to the local morgue to see a full on embalming, but is told uhhhh no bud. Accidentally reveals a parentage issue for a few kids while using eye & hair color to teach Punett squares.

Lucius-Creative Writing. Has a loving feud with Pete bc most of the kids are in both their classes. Said kids have bets on if Pete or Lucius will propose to each other or not by the end of the year. Makes a point to be a safe place for any kids with writing that may point to some other issues going on in life (based off my hs lit mag teacher Dr. Brenda Werner. No joke, she saved my life as a kid, I think Lucius would be the same for his class.)

Pete-Newspaper/Yearbook. Very big on making sure stories are accurate, bc 'ppl doubt my stories a lot, so you need your details and shit in order.' The kids: ooooh he swore!!!! and promptly do not absorb this knowledge fully. But they enjoy his class bc he's chill and is happy to let them explore what options journalism can offer, and to research odder stories for internal class articles vs school paper ones (Missing: David, Where's Shelly? vs Cilantro: Should Roach Use It In Our Lunch Or Does It Taste Like Soap.)

#text post #these are somehow dumber than the first set akdnfkgngm #in my defense on the plane one ive been watching the show air disasters on Hulu for like. three days straight #so it is v much Activated Special Interest times rn for me #the teaching one got way out of hand ive spent like an hour typing that bit up alone akdnfkg #also i didn't go into the separate grade levels of each topic essentially if they teach the topic they're stuck teaching all grade levels #even if maybe that's not ideal and stretches a short staff even shorter #anyway we should pay all teachers subs or not more