#afterwards. like this. that's why i dont get excited abt things. i keep myself at a stable neutral. a light misery if u will

[heavens--night]

abuse/rape/detransition/body-mod/medical fantasy

i get off thinking abt this so much its not even funny. i have an ex who was really controlling of my body and would get really cold and mean when i told him having my chest touched made me dysphoric. i was glad when i was able to get out of a relationship with him but we had a lot of mutual friends so i tried to keep things amicable. he still follows me on socials and knows i’m transitioning.

i could never afford top surgery on my own, but with a long time e-begging and doing some degrading cam work i was finally able to put together enough money to get those hateful tits removed. it was hard going off t before the procedure, but i reminded myself i’d be right back on it afterwards, and i haven’t been taking it long enough for the most meaningful changes to take hold anyway. after this, i remind myself, i’ll be able to become the person i truly am.

i dont have a lot of friends in my area with their own cars though so i ended up having to rely on my ex for a ride to and from. he was weirdly really chipper about it for someone who used to give me the silent treatment for hours if i tried to stop him playing with my tits. he used to constantly pressure me to let him suck on them, grope them, cum on them... now i’m finally gonna be free of them and he seems genuinely happy for me. ‘you’ll be so much happier afterwards,’ he says. ‘i’m so excited for you to finally be the real you.’

the second i’m awake i know something’s wrong. my chest is bound, but no amount of packed gauze could explain the size of my chest. it feels so sore, swollen, and heavy. much heavier than before. i’m crying and confused, but of course that’s just the anesthetics wearing off. my ex takes me back to his place over my protests.

i know what happened to me, but i can’t believe it. all that time, all the humiliating things i did to scrape together the money - how did he even get control of it? how did he manage to schedule this procedure instead? why didn’t i realize something was wrong? it was all for nothing. i put all my savings into what i thought would save me from having these humiliating, dysphoria-inducing tits and now....

i’m in such a state of despair and dissociation the healing process is a blur. the checkup appointments, where my new doctor gropes and measures my huge, perky fake tits all seem like a terrible dream. he recommends an increasing regimen of groping - sorry, ‘palpating’ - my sore breasts to improve sensation and promote ‘psychological integration’ with my new body parts, and my ex (now, apparently, again, boyfriend) is eager to assist.

every day, he makes the most of his gift to me, my ‘true self’ finally realized in a pair of heavy, sensitive tits that jiggle with every step and keep me hiding in the house, too ashamed of my body and my stupidity to even go outside. that doesn’t stop the world from finding out about my degradation, of course. about a month into my new life, just as i’m coming out of my deep depression enough to start planning some kind of escape, my boyfriend sits me down to watch a porno together.

i’ve been going along with this little routine - it’s better than when he pressures me for sex, and usually he’ll just put on some degrading straight porn and jerk off on my tits to it - but i instantly recognize the setting of the video. it’s our bedroom. the bed where he so often forces me into such humiliating positions, where he makes me ride his cock with my fat udders slapping my chest with every bounce, where he stretches my helpless pussy and fills me with cum every night. it’s all here in HD. from the angle, it looks like there’s a camera on the bookshelf somewhere. i feel so sick.

‘big titty plastic bimbo creams herself riding raw dick!’ there are almost three thousand views. my face, twisted in shame and discomfort as i’m fucked with my giant tits and shaved pussy on full display, is in every shot. even while i was camming for money, i made sure i could never be identified. at this rate, everyone will see my new ‘true’ self. there’s nothing i can do.

#rape fantasy w #non-con #detransition kink w