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whatsgodgottodowithreligion-blog · 6 years

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Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

In the chapter titled “The Steeple And The Damage Done”, I discuss the myriad sins of the Catholic Church - not only has the church marginalized, demonized and otherwise ostracized many of its believers/followers, it has turned a blind eye to many societal atrocities: from Wounded Knee to the Crusades, from The Inquisition to the Holocaust (the Vatican’s unholy ties to the Third Reich during WWII have been widely chronicled) to its ignoble history of sexual abuse by church clergy. Singer Sinead O’Connor’s seismic episode of tearing up the picture of Pope John Paul II on SNL over twenty-five years ago was viewed as not only heretical, but disrespectful, and an unfair indictment of the Catholic Church. Of course, genuine heretics always show us what we are unwilling to see, and so, O’Connor’s brave gesture (bolstered by her own memories of being abused in her childhood) turned her into a pariah overnight - essentially imploding her musical career over a ‘crusade’ no one was ready to lobby for.

Frankly, scandals involving sexual impropriety by church clergy have always been the elephant in the sacristy - one only has to objectively examine the timeline of sex abuse within the Catholic church and its subsequent denial by church hierarchy to see that periodically, the general public becomes outraged to hear of priests having inappropriate sexual contact with children and/or adolescents of church members. And similarly, we are told that someone (or likely everyone) within the church hierarchy was aware of this abuse, but either turned a blind eye, or cloaked themselves in denial of having any foreknowledge of such abuse occurring within their midst. Media exploitation (motivated by both perverse titillation and viewer ratings) spurs on charges, litigation and frequently, prosecution of those trespassers. And since we, as a society are ‘all about the children”, those who have been exposed as pedophiles become the devil incarnate, and looked upon as the lowest form of human life.

But while we revel in self-righteous condemnation and demonization of sex abusers, we fail to recognize that both the abuser and the abused are broken souls in need of healing. I remember listening to a talk by Ken Keyes, Jr, author of the personal transformation tome, The Handbook To Higher Consciousness. He began by stating the basic truth that all our actions and behaviors as human beings are motivated by a desire to either gain love or to compensate for a lack of love. All the attendees to his lecture were in agreement. Once they had accepted this ‘truth’, he then challenged them to see it in a situation that made many uncomfortable: “What about the child molester?” he asked, “Isn’t the child molester trying to gain love?” Few in the audience had the understanding to explore the truth in that statement - after all, we are conditioned to view the world through our dichotomies placed upon it: good/evil, right/wrong, righteous/heinous. We cannot accept the idea that even in the context of such sin, behind that sin is a person trying to fulfill a basic emotional need, a need all human beings have - to feel loved and validated.

Like O’Connor, I have a backstory of abuse - psychological, physical and sexual, and like O’Connor I think the Catholic Church needs to confront the devastating cycle of abuse and denial that continues to damage the souls of those who put their faith in religion and God by way of its pastorate. However, I go one step further to say that both parties are in need of ministering to. I realize this puts me in the minority, but then, I have a bigger understanding of the cycle, or the circle that remains unbroken when we fail to look at the dynamics of abuse. Psychologists and psychiatrists have long pointed out that if we were to look at the backstory of the abuser, we find that somewhere in that continuum, the abuser began as the abused.

One of the most important elements of my own healing journey was to take a sobering look at the upbringing of those who parented me - partly in a search for answers, but also to gain a better understanding as to what would make someone who was responsible for bringing me into existence treat me like I didn’t deserve to be alive. I learned that my mother’s dad was an alcoholic and her mother didn’t have much time for her; my dad was raised by his grandmother, after his birth mother ran off and abandoned him - she bore a child out of wedlock, and had no intention of saddling herself with a child and no husband to help raise him. My great grandmother was a proud Cherokee woman, but she also harbored some extreme ideas about discipline and child-rearing that manifested itself in some horrific beatings visited upon my father.

If a child, any child, who seeks love, acceptance and validation from his parent receives instead anger, violence and criticism, how exactly is that child able to have anything resembling a healthy self concept? And without that self-concept, what can that adult child bring to the table in terms of being a nurturing parent for their children? I was one of seven siblings - I find it nothing short of miraculous to think that two people so devoid of personal examples of love and compassion by their caregivers could ever give out what little emotional resources they had at their disposal to effectively raise seven children into healthy, responsible and caring adults - the harsh reality is, it’s not possible. And I can see the outcomes of such an environment played out in the stories of my adult siblings - which is why, I was not shocked when my sister (the eldest sibling) dropped out of college and left home to join the Army, marry a fellow serviceman (who surprise, turned out to be both an abusive alcoholic and a womanizer) and wind up a widow when one of his many mistresses shot him to death.

Will the circle be unbroken?

Which brings us to the latest sex abuse scandals rocking the Catholic Church and the Vatican, some twenty-eight years after Sinead O’Connor’s public protest against clergy abuse and complicity on national tv. Last week, in light of recent allegations of sexual abuse by two (now retired) Chilean bishops, Pope Francis expelled both Francisco Cox (84) and Marco Antonio Ordenes Fernandez (53) from the Chilean Diocese - their defrocking was one step below total ex-communication, but was no less punitive in the eyes of church canon law. A day before Pope Francis’ announcement, he accepted the resignation of Cardinal Donald Wuerl, considered up until that time a fierce advocate for victims of clerical abuse, but whose own history was rife with instances of foreknowledge of abusive priests during his tenure as bishop of Pittsburgh - a Pennsylvania grand jury report scathingly outlined a well-documented timeline of abuse spanning over several decades under Wuerl’s watch.

In Cardinal Wuerl’s case however, The Pope was considerably more merciful: he accepted the resignation, praised Wuerl for putting “the good of the church before himself”, let him stay on until his replacement was chosen, and allowed the Cardinal to keep his influential offices inside the Vatican. Apparently canon law has a different set of tenets than American law, where if you have knowledge of someone committing crimes and you look the other way rather than reporting it, you are essentially an accomplice to that crime. Perhaps what’s even more troublesome is the official response by Pope Francis to the current spotlight on sexual abuse by clerics:

"The Church must be saved from the attacks of the malign one, the great accuser and at the same time be made ever more aware of its guilt, its mistakes, and abuses committed in the present and the past." Pope Francis wrote. In addition, he implored parishioners to recite a daily rosary during the entire month of October, ending with this petition to St. Michael: “St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, and all evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls." In other words, errant clergy have been overtaken by evil - specifically the Devil, and that prayer and vigilance are needed to restore the Catholic Church to its status of holy impunity.

But if indeed the sin of sexual abuse is being acted upon by clerics possessed by some evil entity, why no mention of exorcism? Such a solution is in perfect alignment with the ideology of spiritual warfare - we are at war with Satan. Satan must be rebuked. Therefore, wouldn’t it be possible for these pedophiles to be redeemed through some sort of exorcism, or intervention of the Holy One to vanquish Satan from their once forthright souls? I am not saying this to be facetious - I am saying this because at least the idea of exorcism allows for some measure of atonement, redemption and reconciliation, which is a whole lot better than just damning abusive clergy to Hell. Perhaps the biggest tragedy in all this is the presumption that the abuser is beyond saving - that the crime is so outrageous, such a blatant atrocity, that the only action required is condemnation, conviction and incarceration.

I am not dismissing the idea that in terms of sexual predators, the instance of recidivism is high, and perhaps so deeply ingrained in the psyche of the abuser that rehabilitation is impossible - yet I am told (constantly by those quoting scripture) that nothing is impossible with God. So is that just another holy platitude I need to discard? Are some souls too damaged to be saved, under any circumstances? And what about forgiveness? Victims of abuse will never heal completely as long as they hold onto anger, resentment and hatred toward the abuser - forgiveness is always done for the benefit of the wronged, not the violator. But some things are unforgivable, they say. Forgiveness condones the abuser, they say. The abuser is evil and should be stoned to death, locked up and raped in a penal environment, stoned and set ablaze, etc. etc. Why bother examining the culture of forced celibacy dispensation, repressed sexual feelings and desires, the eunuch paradigm which fosters shame, guilt and self-loathing? No one is born a sexual predator, but why waste time looking into how pedophiles are born?

The two things which allow the circle to remain unbroken are denial and a lack of compassion for both the victim and the victimizer. We can talk all day about good and evil and how folks are beyond saving, but at the end of the day, what will help not only those adversely affected by sexual abuse, but those who seek out sexually abusive behavior in a desperate but wholly inappropriate search for love and approval? If we are unwilling to ask these questions and look earnestly for answers, nothing will change. Abusers will abuse, the circle will remain unbroken, as will the cycle of suffering. Only until we see the truth in their mutual suffering, will we have any hope of reconciliation and healing.

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