#WHAT AN EPISODE!!! HOT DAMN! WILL REWATCH ONCE I'M SURE I'LL SURVIVE IT.

[colloquialcolors]

gonna write a fucking post about the Winter TLOU section and episode 8 because what ELSE am I supposed to do after witnessing that huh.

As someone very very pleased overall with the adaptation from the game to the show, something I have missed a little is, oddly enough- the hard cuts to black and time jumps after emotionally harrowing sequences or intense moments. After Henry and Sam's deaths. Joel collapsing outside the university. This episode, though, made something about that choice click into place.

For more context- in the game, this section comes immediately after Joel's fall and unconsciousness. The entire section with Riley and Ellie panicking was DLC, meaning the original flow of the story does not provide you with that context, and you might miss it entirely. Instead, the game cuts to black as Joel goes unsconscious with Ellie pleading above him-

and you get the title card. WINTER. It was not winter before. And you are Ellie, hunting. You have been playing this whole game as Joel thus far, and you suddenly, after all that chaos, are Ellie. Hunting in a white blanketed forest. Lighter, quieter, agile and a far cry from the girl yelling, panicked, above Joel.

And this Ellie is capable, at hunting- she already has a rabbit or two, and has just shot another- when she spots the deer, she has some idea of how to track and take it down (hindered mostly by us, the player, adjusting to controlling her). Until the encounter with David, where Ellie asks a little desperately about medicine, you have no inkling on if Joel is even alive, and Ellie being so capable is almost its own negative indicator. As the section wears on, Ellie does a lot more killing in game than she does here- she stabs a nonzero amount of clickers, zombies, and people in the neck during various navigation and escape scenes, shoots the rifle and the bow (miss u bow) with her own kind of proficiency, and reflects many things you have to assume she learned from Joel. The game medium lends itself well to a certain level of capability, of course- even for 14 year olds with bloodied hands.

While the hard cuts to black provide a gut punch I do miss a bit, getting rid of those allows the show to fill in some gaps- especially about these characters in their weak moments, low moments, after the dust has settled and they need to pick themselves up again. It does a lot in humanizing them. Shows them rattled and uncertain and shaken and mourning, instead of dropping us back in after they've picked back up their broken pieces, given the dignity of speculation.

Ellie, especially, is more scared here- more uncertain, more shaky, playacting as Joel rather than successfully emulating him. There is no hard cut where we get to assume Ellie has scraped things together and settled in it. We see her fear, playing out, see her desperation firsthand, before she even sets back out. She is so young. She was young, in the game too, but it is driven home in new and more intense ways, here. She is so profoundly out of her depth.

The uncertainty makes these same victories hit harder, too. Ellie, terrified and horrified and angry, sassing back. Ellie with realization and fear dawning- making the play for the keys, snapping his finger. "Tell them Ellie is the little girl who broke your fucking finger." Ellie, telling him- I'm infected, and now you are too. So many of these lines and scenes are almost verbatim, but it lands differently, with this different context, with an Ellie who is much less sure but still so lethal.

Less, and more. David's entire Fucking Pedophile Shit deal was much less prominent, in game. The overtness of it made things so much worse. So much scarier. Bella's delivery of Ellie's yells and reactions carry an edge of panic, of fear, of raw emotion, brings a scene that was always at 150% up to 300%, until Ellie, screaming, swinging down the knife is an almost physical, visceral catharsis.

In the game, Joel finds here there- pulls her off, pulls her into a hug after she fights him for a moment, the music swelling to give their words to each other privacy as they lock gazes and speak. Here- Ellie pulls herself back to reality. She finishes her catharsis. She realizes, on her own, face spattered with blood, what she's done. She stumbles from the smoke to the clean outside under her own power, on her own.

When Joel grabs her- she fights, there is such audible rage and horror and fear, and it hurts more, it cuts deeper, understanding that fear, the depth of it. Before he spins her around, and the comfort scene is only half a minute longer, but there is so much more to it- more that led up to it, and more in the moment, of Ellie's gaze going from panicked to unbelieving to weak with relief to something heavier.

So few cut aways in the show. no dignity of a timeskip and implied fractures, just bleeding characters, holding onto each other in the snow.

#this is allegedly a meta but mostly for me to store my love 4 the winter sequence and capture my thoughts right after the ep #sysfandoming #tlou #the last of us #the last of hs hbo #tlou spoilers #the last of us spoilers #the last of hs hbo spoilers #tlou hbo #idk how to tag this #hmmmmmm. #tlou episode 8 #WHAT AN EPISODE!!! HOT DAMN! WILL REWATCH ONCE I'M SURE I'LL SURVIVE IT.

[julies-butterflies]

Honestly, your writing reminds me a lot of the buffyverse. Just the perfect balance of humor and sadness and romance and heart that just feels like a vivid window into the world you've created.

God the Body...the best forty minutes of television I may never watch again. I've rewatched Willow and Tara's kiss (because I'll adore them forever), but just...the weight of it. It took me a full month to work up the nerve to watch the episode, to be ready to cry that much.

What you said about not wanting people to suffer, because of your work...It's never once felt like that for me. And I've cried a LOT while reading your work. I'll try to explain it the best I can

Grief can be so isolating, and disorienting. Your world goes topsey-turvey, supports you took for granted go flying into the abyss and suddenly it's a minefield of those glass shards. And no one's grief is identical. No two circumstances are the same. It's not possible for anyone else to know exactly how you feel, because no two hearts break alike.

Sometimes, it's because people just don't understand. Sometime's it's because they no longer want to. But some days, that feeling of aloneness can be crushing.

Then one night, I stumbled upon Let These Shadows Fall Away Like Dust. That one hit me way harder than I was ever expecting. The question of how to grieve the living, the dilemma on when forgiveness is deserved...Alex's anger, his devestation, the rawness of it all....That's my broken glass. Those are concepts I've been struggling for over a year. I'm still picking up pieces every day.

I sobbed, because it was such a relief. To see the feelings that had been scrambled up in my mind just reflected there, on my screen. The reminder I had desperately needed, that I was not alone. That even though my circumstances were different, I was not the only one trying to unravel those messy emotions.

Then again, I also read your deathfic for fun, so maybe I'm not the best judge of this. I tend to like angst. I tend to get a lot of "WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT THAT SAD" in group chats :D

Please don't feel any pressure to respond to me quickly or anything. I never mind the wait. I'm so sorry for the rough times. Wishing that you and your family gets whatever you need to help ease your storm. Sending love and support as well.

(sorry for all the metaphors. I'm super sleepy and apparently, I resort to purple prose when tired lol)

I know exactly what you mean about Emily. I understand why people don't like her, but I just love to see her written as such a grey character. It's just so much more powerful when the love is so clearly there.

I mean, that's what a tragedy is, really. Love cut short. Grieving a future that could have been everything, if fate had not been cruel. I don't know if you know musical theater, but I like to think about the Barber and His Wife, from Sweeney Todd: the whole tragedy of that show, is that they were happy all together, and then permanently broken. How their paths keep crossing, but they never connect to heal. Never lost, but never found.

And that's the tragedy of Luke and Emily: too stubborn and too late. You find that grey area, the messiness so well, and just bring it all out so wonderfully. You do the same with Bobby/Trevor, ESPECIALLY in the horror and the wild. God, that absolutely devestated me. I'm not a big fan of horror in general, and I haven't explored the genre that much but...if all horror is like yours then DAMN, I might just have to become a fan.

This got super long (lol) so I'll wrap it up now but! THE SIC FIC QUEENS TOGETHER???? When I tell you I lost it.... all too well Bobby and what you've lost reggie in the same story are killing me. I am hooked and incredibly hyped. Loved both updates so far, and cannot wait to see where the story goes!

Oh yeah and I forget: I have to ask, do you have a fan cast of the one, the only, the incredible Keith Richards? (and that goblin is so cute!!! I really want to pet the blood thirsty monster. So badly)

Love, your totally-not-undead-pen-pal, :D

-Vampire Anon

Know musicals? Vampire Anon my beloved, I am a musical theatre bitch. Take a look at my high school graduation cap! (Anastasia is my favorite musical... something about the themes of home, love, and family, the idea of always finding a place in the world even after enduring incredible hardship, that anything is survivable with faith and love in your heart... I'm also a Romanov history bitch, and Christy Altomare is such an incredible talent and human being.) Literally, talk to me about musicals anytime!

And yeah, I definitely see your metaphor... the tragedy of The Barber and his Wife was how close they came to each other throughout the whole show, existing within reach the entire time, after being separated for so long. But it wasn't the same; it never could be. Time and trauma had changed them both into something unrecognizeable, and when they came face-to-face, they could only hurt each other. At a certain point, the ghosts of your past are meant to stay ghosts. Sure, you might want them back more than anything --- but what would it mean? What would you truly be getting back?

Luke's "back", of course, and he comes home to visit his parents multiple times... but they're not the same people he left. They're older, greyer, changed by grief... while he's just the same. A snapshot forever frozen in time, a memory crystalized in amber. You can't hold memories in your hands. You can't pull them close and refuse to let them go. Eventually, they'll slip away... and to Mitch and Emily, a memory is all their son is, now. That's what's so heartrending about the situation we see in the show, especially --- so much love still exists between all of them, but it has no place to go.

Okay, sorry, it's 3am here and I'm rambling too, haha --- mentioning musical theatre was a mistake.

I'm so glad my stories have been able to connect with you, especially 'shadows' --- that one resonated with a lot of people, more than I ever realized it would. It's not the most personal story to me... but definitely one that needed to be told, and the emotion in it... hits home for a lot of people. It means so much to me knowing that story, and Alex's internal struggle, has made people feel less alone.

I think I'm going to have a hard time looking back on that one, though. We were staying at my aunt's house for the weekend where I wrote most of it; I read a few excerpts to her, and she said she liked it. She was always interested in my writing... I kind of wish I'd gotten the chance to share more of it with her.

Like you said. Grief's a funny thing. Disorienting, relentless, and crushing.

Please just remember, though --- whatever you're dealing with, you're not alone. You don't have to cut yourself on those broken pieces... one day, you'll wake up, and realize you feel whole again. It will never feel the same, and the pain will always be there... but healing around it is what makes us stronger. You don't owe anyone your forgiveness; it's okay to grieve when you've lost something, regardless of whether death has taken them from you. Grief doesn't have to be earned, it simply has to be felt.

You'll be stronger for it, in the end. I'm sorry you've been hurting so much.

Anyways! Oh gosh! On to lighter, happier topics! Please tell me...

What are your favorite fics? (Like, my fics, obviously, which fics of mine do you just go gaga over? Please praise me or else my ego will shrivel like a worm on hot pavement.) No, okay, I'm kidding --- what are your top fics for this fandom? Like, what are the ones that really resonate with you, that you could read over and over? The JATP fandom has so many greats, but I'm always drawn back to Some Killer Queen You Are by pearlcaddy (buffyverse meets jatp!! iconic!!), Lantern's Light by thefairhero (literally the SOFTEST reggie), the sky's not empty tonight by firefall (just... devastating and beautiful in a dozen ways), and literally anything by foundfamilyvevo.

How long have you been in the JATP fandom? Who are your favorite characters? What's your favorite JATP song?

And finally, most importantly... what are your favorite musicals?

(also... since u asked... behold keith richards and tremble)

#vampire anon my beloved #also... vampire anon... you're a writer #i can tell!! i can read it in your words #youre so eloquent and put things so beautifully #do you write fic?? have you posted any for jatp??