#This was very entertaining to write and cathartic but I cannot emphasize enough how accurate it is to how I'm actually feeling right now

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

It is only 9AM and today is already wretched.

Woke up at 5:50AM, exhausted. Stomach hurts. Tried for an hour to fall back asleep but couldn't. And of course, the mystery bone that appeared on the porch of the house is still there. The bone materialized two days ago. Probably a chicken bone. Neatly arranged on our porch railing. At least I hope it's a chicken bone. That's probably the least unsettling type of bone it could be.

My housemates say they didn't put it there and I believe them. We don't even eat chicken generally. Or... other things that could have produced a bone of those dimensions. So who else? Raccoons? The Planks*? A serial killer? (a chicken serial killer???)

The night before last the bone was moved from one side of the porch to the other. Still neatly placed. Roughly parallel to the wood grain.

The bone is attracting yellowjackets. I do not like yellowjackets. Well this is untrue- I like yellowjackets quite a lot actually. They're fun to learn about. They're important to the ecosystem. But I am wildly spheksophobic and I cannot leave the house while they are There. On the bone. On the porch. Right. By. The Door.

I am trapped and it is a problem. I am missing a math TA meeting. It's an optional TA meeting, but I feel bad because the professor is bringing food. Probably food I can't eat. My stomach hurts. But it's a nice thought and I feel impolite.

Maybe I should make an excuse. How should the email go? "dear professor I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the meeting there's a BUG on a BONE and I do not know how it got there. The bone, I mean. The bug presumably flew sincerely Svet PS the bug is a yellowjacket** that's why it can fly

PPS Did you know adult yellowjackets primarily consume plant sugars? It's actually the larvae that need the protein in meat. It's a sweet, that the yellowjacket is on the bone specifically in effort to feed its own. I hope it gets enough protein. Still scared of it though

PPPS Yellowjackets are in fact the most eusocial of all wasp species! That's why they're so aggressive, they have something bigger than themselves to protect. unlike me I'm just scared for my own skin. And I'm not aggressive at all in fact I'm rather passive and pathetic. I wish I was more like a yellowjacket "

yeahh maybe I should not write an email it sounds daft when I put it in words. The yellowjacket is minding its own business. I should just be able to leave. But I can't make myself get through the front door. Stupid brain. Stupid bone. Why is the bone where it shouldn't be??

so- guess I'll just watch the bone in hopes the yellowjacket is kind enough to give me an opening to leave before my class starts at 11AM :/. Hope the chicken serial killer menacing the house doesn't get me first. Because I do fit the victim profile, given that I'm being rather chicken right now

*I named all the squirrels in our yard Max Plank because he's my favorite physicist. Collectively they're The Planks, naturally

**actually scientifically yellowjackets are order Hymenoptera while bug scientifically only refers to order Hemiptera so it would be inaccurate to call the yellowjacket a bug even for alliterative reasons, which is another reason I probably shouldn't send the above email. Can't have the math professor I work for knowing I don't have my insect orders straight. what a mortifying thought

#It's really funny in a surreal way. Local spheksophobe defeated by bone. #This was very entertaining to write and cathartic but I cannot emphasize enough how accurate it is to how I'm actually feeling right now #It's so frustrating having a fear that every fiber of my rational being knows is overblown but I'm too paralyzed to actually do anything #vent #Svet rambles #also yellowjackets are legit really cool I do recommend reading up on them