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mystoriesnotover3110 · 2 years

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August..

wow, I cant believe its been a year nearly since I almost lost my life, what a year it has been, I've thought about this a lot in the last few days for at least 15 years or so all I wanted was to die, I woke up every single day asking God to take my life.. I never would have imagined the change I've had in a year the growth Ive made for myself. I’m afraid of death now honestly, even though I know where im going when I die, but I thank God every morning I open my eyes now, I cant wait for the future if you had asked me a year ago if I thought the last year would be what it has been I probably would have said you were insane.. nah that day I had full intentions for my plan to work, but I call it my true second chance at life, I could never imagine the pain I've caused my parents and siblings over the years and I'm truly sorry for the things I've done in my past but I hope they see the difference in the person I was a year ago and the person I am now. I've got such love for myself even on days that are hard I'm so proud of the strength I have to continue to grow as a human each and every single day, last year was a really hard year for my family in general we lost my moms sister, great grandmother and then my moms mother... and I think about it now and I'm like if I had died last august they would have lost me as well.. it takes time to heal all wounds, the progress I've made with my parents & my relationship I would have been laughing at the thought of it a year ago... I truly can talk to my parents about any and everything. they say for people like me its better after we go through something like that to not be in a serious relationship but I don’t agree with that based on I truly believe I hit that rock bottom so I could meet the love of my life and that is truly HAILEY.. she has helped me become so confident in the person I am every single day, I'm learning how to stand up for myself in healthy ways not just continue to be bullied every single day like I was before, I've learned that i’m happier wearing mens clothing with a splash of make up and jewelry, I love to wear hats and I rock the confidence I have, no I'm not saying i’m perfect nobody is because I still have days that are hard and that have been hard but instead of going to old habits I actually try and find the good in every bad situation. I try and learn from my mistakes instead of repeating them. my advice to those that struggle each and every single day is please don’t make a permanent decision because of something temporary going on in your life, my life could have ended last year and I would have missed so much, I would have never meet Hailey, I wouldn't have figured out who I am, I wouldn't know what I know now, I’m so grateful for my second chance...Im sure my family is, i feel things so much deeper than most but I don’t carry it as a burden anymore I own it, I own every single feeling that comes along, I feel it and I let it out. I don't allow other people to control how I feel or what I say or when I say it anymore... some people may not understand me to this day but they don’t have to they just should be my support they should love me regardless of what is going on with me, and those who are around me regularly support me, I've gained friends and I've lost friends, over all I've learned that life isn't easy and you just have to cope you have to keep going even if it's hard... all in all I can say my journey is something special I'm blessed to be the person I am every single day. I love me for me..

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