#Thess liveblogs Baldur's Gate 3
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Thess vs Do-Overs
Y'know, I wasn't going to liveblog my current BG3 playthrough. I figured it was redundant and unnecessary, because I've been through this with the same character already. Well, mostly the same character - I sacrificed Steam achievements for a modded game and am running Alisaie as an aasimar properly.
Thing is, even after years of poking at it in early access and a couple of experimental playthroughs, and one that got me at least midway through Act 3 ... I still underestimate how much fucking game there is. I did most of the same things, but ... just the tiniest differences in approach or timing or quest order change things SO. FUCKING. MUCH, so it's actually kind of worth it after all.
I mean, also I may be looking at having an owlbear cub join my camp, for once. The order I went about that was a little weird too. Plus there's the whole thing where I'm bringing Karlach with me more. And also ... one more thing.
I know a lot of the people who follow my Tumblr who play BG3 also played the Dragon Age games. Now, the Dragon Age games are simpler than BG3 in a lot of ways, and because of that, it's easier to stack a party to maintain specific approval ratings for companions. And, I mean, it's not strictly cheating. Like, if you knew damn well that you were going to deal with the Carta and probably do something illegal as a result, you are not in-game likely to take Aveline, or you're going to want to bring Blackwall when you're going to support Grey Wardens. But in Baldur's Gate 3 ... well, this game is huge, and there are so many chances for companion approval and disapproval, and it's hard to remember them all. And sure, you can bring the party that you like best, or whose overall party balance works best for you, but in times when it's mostly just talking...
Summary: I found a comprehensive companion approval guide for Baldur's Gate 3. Just in case anybody wants one.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few things to write. I have to say, practice apparently does make perfect because I managed to get through the first section of this game and into the Underdark surprisingly quickly.
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Thess vs The Patch/Hotfix Cycle
So ... okay, much as I love Larian, and how much they've grown and developed as a studio between Divinity: Original Sin 2 and Baldur's Gate 3 ... does anyone else feel like we're still somehow in early access, just because of the Patch/Hotfix Cycle?
It's like ... they do a patch. And these patches are huge, with big quality of life improvements, and that's great and everything? But the more they tinker with the code, the more chance you're going to have of coming out with a game-breaking bug somewhere along the line. Patch 6 in particular, with all of its significant QOL changes, somehow brushed up against a change in ... *checks* ah, yeah, Patch 5 ... and completely broke the game for some of us in the process.
See, there's a condition that you can pick up - "Enemy of Justice". It's supposed to be for killing a guard or something. I'm assuming some kind of criminal activity. Thing is, even if you're not doing any criming, you can pick this status up - specifically if you want to try to recruit Minthara on a good playthrough. Because if you kill anything before you knock her unconscious (including, apparently, the 5hp Scrying Eye which'll get you everybody's attention if you're not careful, and the low hp goblins everywhere), whoever struck the knockout blow gets Enemy of Justice. Which I guess makes sense. You assaulted her and killed her guards. She's going to take issue with that, and probably know that you're not as devoted to the Absolute as you pretended to be early on. (Though why anyone should believe her at that point, no idea.)
The problem is ... apparently Enemy of Justice doesn't discriminate. If you killed any kind of guard, anywhere, and left a witness ... everyone will be after you. Look, I first found this out because Lady Esther over in the Rosymorn Monastery literally attacked me on sight. She doesn't know jack from shit about the whole Absolute cultist bullshit, and probably doesn't care because it's not her assignment. So she has no valid reason to attack me. However, Enemy of Justice says that I am Public Enemy Number One for ... killing minions of the big bad, okay. And somehow everyone in Faerun knows this.
And I mean that literally, as some people have gone into Act 2 and found that everyone in the entire zone wants them dead. The Harpers at the Last Light Inn and the Absolutists at Moonrise Towers will both auto-aggro if you've got the bug that sticks that fucking Enemy of Justice to you. It's a pain in the arse, and basically makes the game unplayable. I mean, the worst part is, this only seems to really come into force when you come out of the Underdark and into what's ostensibly Act 2-adjacent content, so you go through the Underdark thinking all's cool and then boom! Just ... everyone hates you. Apparently it all goes away when you kill a certain Big Bad at the end of Act 2, but ... I mean, how do you get to that point if everyone wants to kill you?
So ... yeah, sometimes it feels like we're still in early access, because we're still seeing such massive patches that, just because of how much the code's being tinkered with, is an open invitation for more game-breaking bugs. I do love Larian trying to polish the game to make it the best game it possibly can be. But ... I mean, I would like to be able to play it at some point. And I can't do that if I'm stuck just a bit before the Grym fight, unable to continue because if I'm going to kill Lady Esther (and make no mistake - I am going to kill Lady Esther), I want Lae'zel approval for it. Which I don't get if she just runs at me screaming.
Larian ... please. Make it actually playable, and then stop trying to polish it. Let it be finished. It's a great game. Stop breaking it trying to make it somehow better. We can't play it when you do this.
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Thess vs Devs' Intentions
I read an article yesterday (I think it was GameRant) about a whole bunch of stuff that was cut out of Baldur's Gate 3 before official release. I don't remember all of them, but that's probably because they weren't very important to me one way or the other. However, there were a few that, for better or for worse, caught my attention. And ... well, I'm me. Before I start liveblogging the ridiculous cuteness that is the start of the Shadowheart romance (because whatever multiverse she lives in, Alisaie apparently goes for the dark-haired, mostly-serious, adorkable-when-allowing-herself-to-be-vulnerable godly ones), I wanted to talk about a few of them.
Exhaustion Mechanic: Oh dear sweet fucking gods, I'm glad they scrapped that one. Apparently that whole bit where the companions remark how tired they are is a holdover from that, but it used to come with a decrease to stats, just like the exhaustion mechanic in the PHB. Except ... I'm not sure they could have implemented that without it being ridiculously punishing. Encumberance is bad enough; don't hit my stats because I want to keep playing without taking a long rest, okay?
More Crafting Than Just Potions: Apparently at one point they were looking at allowing people to make and enchant their own weapons and armour. This is why you tend to find gems and metal ingots all over the place. While I'm a little sad about the lack of a crafting mechanic, I can see why they left it out - having a herbalism kit in the TTRPG version is one thing, but carrying around a fucking forge is something else again. And at least now I know this, so I can actually sell off the stupid metal ingots (except the infernal iron, obviously) because I don't actually need them.
Minsc: Apparently he should have been introduced earlier in the game, with a much more comprehensive character arc. I'm not sure why they went with the "rushed in Act 3" introduction to him in party, mostly because I haven't got that far yet, but I would imagine it has something to do with party management.
The Entire Upper Level of Baldur's Gate: Apparently there's an entire section of Baldur's Gate the city that was just ... excised from the game. Maybe they didn't have enough time to finish it, or maybe it just made the game too unwieldy, but apparently data mining indicates that there were a few things tied to the upper city that ... well, were really, really important to varoius characters' endgame states. So if you're dissatisfied with some characters' endings? It's probably to do with that. (And I won't go any further because spoilers.)
The Dark Urge: Now, here's the one I look at and really think, "Larian learned some lessons from Divinity: Original Sin 2" as regards player agency and going too far on the grimdark. Because apparently? Originally, the only way you could have an original character was to take the Dark Urge. There was no Tav / Dark Urge divide; if you wanted your own character instead of playing one of the origin characters? You were stuck with the Dark Urge, whether you wanted it or not. Now, don't get me wrong; if someone wants to play that, more power to them. Just, from what I've read about it, it does involve a certain loss of agency dependent on your stats. If you have to resist that Dark Urge, you're going to need saving throws, and if that's your dump stat because you wanted to play a strength-based character, that's just ... yeah. I don't mind the option being there; it's interesting on the conceptual level. I just wouldn't want that to be my only option. So I'm glad that Larian pried themselves out of Grimdark Valley long enough to go, "Okay, some people might not want to spend all their time fighting blind murderfrenzy just to play a good character", and make a separate, non-Dark Urge Tav. I also figure it has something to do with the issues in Divinity: Original Sin 2 where you'd want to take a specific course of action only to have one of your companions slaughter the quest objective before you could talk to them. (Still never forgiving them for that.)
So ... yeah, some things I'm really glad they stripped out. Others I wonder why? And some, while I enjoy them as mechanics (look, I am a crafting fiend, okay?), I can accept that they wouldn't have added much. I guess I wonder the thought processes that were going on in dev meetings where they came to those conclusions. I imagine the Dark Urge thing and the exhaustion mechanic thing both got, "Look, we can't stick them with this; they will riot", but ... what happened to that whole section of Baldur's Gate?
Maybe I've been dealing with too much bullshit from various AAA game companies*, but if they sell that shit as DLC I am going to set something on fire.
* - YES I AM LOOKING AT YOU, BIOWARE, WITH YOUR SELLING OFF THE ACTUAL ENDING AND/OR KEY ELEMENTS REQUIRED TO UNDERSTAND THE NEXT GAME IN THE SERIES AS DLC. I AM NOT FORGIVING YOU FOR LEGACY, AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT FORGIVING YOU FOR TRESPASSER. DLC IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ADDED EXTRAS, LIKE SOLDIER'S PEAK! YOU USED TO UNDERSTAND THIS, EVEN IF YOU DID STICK A FUCKING AD FOR IT IN CAMP.
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Astrid vs New Friends
On a beach somewhere
Astrid: Wakey-wakey, chicken bakey?
Shadowheart: ...what?!?
Astrid: I didn't want to be shaking you or anything because you might have thought I was trying to poke your whatsit.
Shadowheart: ...Excuse me?
Astrid: Oh, no, I mean ... you're pretty but I'm all about the consent. I meant that thing. *gestures to hand clutching doohickey*
Shadowheart: *looks at doohickey in her hand* Oh! Right. That. Thank you. And for getting me out of that pod, too.
Astrid: Don't mention it. Glad you survived the crash.
Shadowheart: I ... saw you get knocked out of the front of the ship. How did you survive that fall?
Astrid: Given who you apparently worship, you'd laugh if I said "the intervention of some benevolent deity", right?
Shadowheart: Until I died.
Astrid: Good one for the laughing spell, got it.
Shadowheart: The ... laughing spell?
Astrid: Never mind. You might see it sometime ... if we're sticking together?
Shadowheart: You saved me from the pod, you respect my privacy, and you can literally insult people to death. I'm sticking with you. Plus if anyone can charm someone into helping us, it's you.
Astrid: Okay, cool! Now ... how are you on pillaging the dead? I ask because ... you know, holy person...
Shadowheart: I worship Shar.
Astrid: Okay, fair enough! Just asking! Now let's see what we can find.
A little while later, up a cliff
Shadowheart: What do you mean, we're going back for the intellect devourers?!?
Astrid: Well, neither of them was Us, and they looked hurt but I still saw them kill imps in one hit so maybe we'll get lucky and find more survivors to help.
Shadowheart: Like your githyanki friend?!?
Astrid: Iiiiiiiii don't think she and I get along very well. I don't like when people leave others to die just because, you know?
Shadowheart: Well, this is going to be grand. What, you expect someone halfway decent to fight will just step out of a wall and--
Waypoint Rune: *looks really weird*
Astrid: ...I think your god intervenes more than you think.
Gale: *sticks hand out of portal-looking waypoint* Um ... little help?
Astrid: I ... am not strong enough to pull you out of there. *touches portal* Please calm your tits.
Gale: Not in a calm place right now; and I don't have--
Astrid: Sorry, wasn't talking to you! Erm ... more specifics. Portal, please calm your tits.
Gale: ...That's ... actually helping! Just a little tug should do!
Astrid: That's what they all say, but I like a man who needs more than that to get any joy.
Gale: Wait, what?!?
Astrid: Well, that means there's a better chance of mutual joy!
Shadowheart: She's a bard. Highly optimistic and nearly sickeningly sweet bard, but still has the thing about the sex jokes.
Astrid: *pulls Gale out of wall, while giggling* There you go! Hi! I'm Astrid.
Gale: Gale of Waterdeep. Pleasure. Well, circumstances aside. I take it you know about the ceromorphosis?
Shadowheart: You know the technical name for this?
Gale: That and all the symptoms; no way to help. I don't suppose you--?
Shadowheart: Cleric. Of. Shar.
Gale: Oh. Well, if you're looking for a cure, and I'm looking for a cure, maybe we should do so together.
Astrid: So long as we can deal with any of the more ... illithid-y survivors. I don't want them killing any more of the locals.
Gale: Ah, an altruistic sort!
Shadowheart: Mm. Better than "I don't have to run faster than the abominations; I just have to run faster than you", at least. I honestly just don't want them behind us while we're looking for a cure.
Gale: Optimism and pragmatism, and I'm somewhere in the middle ... I think we'll get along just fine.
Shadowheart: Just remember we have priorities. And they are in your brain, not your pants.
Gale; Astrid: Spoilsport.
A little while later
Astarion: I found an intellect devourer and have it cornered; come kill it!
Astrid: If it's too weak to attack you, I think it'll be okay if-- *gets grabbed and floored by Astarion* Yeek!
Shadowheart: Excuse me; that is my sickeningly sweet bard and if you don't back off I will smear you across the landscape!
Gale: ...Ah, that explains the comments about priorities earlier.
Shadowheart: ...Shut up.
Astarion: Now, now, sudden moves might make me twitch and I'd like her neck intact, so--
Astrid: *head-butts him*
Astarion: OW! *reels back and lets Astrid up*
Shadowheart: I think you broke his nose. Didn't think you were strong enough for that.
Astrid: Learned that manouvre in taverns; it's a thing.
Mind-Sharing Thing: *happens*
Astarion: Oh. Right. You're in the same boat as me. Apologies.
Astrid: You're angry and scared; it happens.
Astarion: I am not scared.
Astrid: Well, since we are in the same boat, and the boat is the HMS "Turning Into A Mind Flayer"? You maybe should be.
Astarion: Oh, yes, because my turning into a monster is such a novel experience.
Astrid: ...wut.
Astarion: Never mind. Look, maybe we can control these things--
Shadowheart; Astrid; Gale: Are you stupid?!?
Astarion: *winces* ...All right, which one of you actually hurt me with that one?
Astrid: *sheepishly raises hand* Sorry. This is why I'm usually not rude to people.
Astarion: Noted. Anyway, yes, fine, getting rid of it, good plan. Are you doing that and can I join you?
Astrid: Sure! And if you still really want to kill intellect devourers--
Astarion: That was just a distraction gambit, but I suppose...
Astrid: There's a few down there.
Astarion: Oh, joy.
Later, fighting intellect devourers
Shadowheart: You know if these things hit us even once, we're dead, right?
Astrid: We'll just have to make sure you all hit first. Astarion, you're fastest of all of us, so here goes... *clears throat, pulls lute; playing and singing to the tune of Mack the Knife* "Oh the elf babe / has such teeth, dear / and he shows them / pearly white / just a dagger / has our new friend, dear / and he keeps it / out of sight--"
Gale: What the--?
Astarion: *Inspired; murdering EVERYTHING*
Shadowheart: I thought she'd insult them to death again, but this...
Astrid: "On the floor of / this weird transport / lies a brain that's / oozing life / and who's sneaking / to stab the next one / that's Astarion / with the knife..."
Gale: ...Now I want a theme tune.
Astrid: *finishes off with a flourish now that everything's dead; puts lute away* Working on it!
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Thess vs Mod Issues
Well. That explains some things.
See, I had a few issues on this my second playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3. Specifically, I was struggling with Nere's head. I had it in my inventory. The game would not recognise that I had this head in my inventory. This was annoying, but not a huge problem. It's a side quest. The asshole was dead. So I just kind of yeeted the head into the lava and moved on.
Now, two things, each more problematic than the last. First, it will not recognise that I have a night orchid for Shadowheart, which is frustrating as hell. But the worst of it is that I have two chunks of infernal iron and I am at the Last Light Inn and Dammon is asking me for infernal iron to fix Karlach and IT WILL NOT RECOGNISE THAT I HAVE INFERNAL IRON.
So I hit Google. Now, apparently this is a bug that mostly hits people playing with mods, but has actually hit some people playing an unmodded game. One of the last couple of hotfixes Larian did kind of messed up some bits and pieces and made some important items (iron, night orchids, heads, all manner of shit) just ... not be recognised as being in your inventory when it's in your inventory.
There are a lot of things that can be done about this and they're all complicated as fuck and it's frustrating. I don't even know where to start with the fixes. I'm trying one, but it may be that the only way is to ... well, start again, clean, no mods. Which means no proper aasimar Alisaie, at least until the next hotfix. And that's assuming that I don't wind up with the same bug in a non-modded playthrough.
FUUUUUUUUUCK.
Well, I'll keep going through this whole validation ... thing and we'll see how it goes. It's a good thing that a) I like Act 1 well enough and b) am perfectly happy to keep going through things to find the New Stuff. Bneh.
EDIT: I've been doing some hunting and while there are a lot of fixes, I've learned a few things. Like, this apparently started with Hotfix 16, because Larian's still implementing this "grab whatever you want from whatever companion you want / the camp chest whenever you need to" thing and it's a process. It's apparently fucking up with ModFixer, which a lot of mods apparently need or already have embedded in it. Thing is, the person who made the ModFixer mod has never updated it, ever, and apparently the comment when people flag up the issue is "The mod isn't broken; I'm not fixing shit". So ... that's nice. Of course, some people are having this bug without having any mods at all, so they're right in a way, but that doesn't help all the people with the mods. So that's nice. I'll probably have a poke at fixing things but I'm going to have to go back to a way earlier save anyway because this goes all the way back to the Nere fight, so I don't really know how to cope with this. But I can't do all that much right now because I have an appointment with the optician in about an hour because I really need to have my glasses prescription looked at (gods, the sticker shock on this one but I'd like to be able to see and have fewer headaches, so there you have it), which means clothes / shoes / out. I also need more heavy cream and some limescale remover for my kettle. Yay hard water. I just pray I don't come out of the eye tests with more migraine - I usually do because of the glaucoma puff test, but I'd like to have a video game day.
*sigh* Maybe I'll just go back to poking new games I haven't touched yet and leave BG3 alone for awhile.
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Astrid vs the Arcane Tower
Approaching the Arcane Tower
Astrid: Oooh, pretty. Except ... what are those?
Turrets: *go BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT*
Astrid: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...
Gale: Astrid, back up! IGNIS!
Turrets: *are immune to fire, continue to go BZZZZZZZT on Gale now*
Gale: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...
Astrid: Okay ... let me think...
Astarion: How about we just give up this whole endeavour and do something a little less deadly?
Shadowheart: We. Are. In. The. Underdark. There is no 'a little less deadly' here.
Astrid: Okay, everyone? How fast can you run?
Gale: Not that fast. We'll never get to the tower without those things destroying us.
Astrid: Not all in one go, no. But look. *points at various bits of wall* There's cover. We rush to those bits, take a breath, run for the next bit. I'll take the lead; I got this nifty go-faster ring. Oh! Hey! Wait! Potions of Speed! You guys will need those! Here!
Gale: You just ... lug all that around. Because of course you do.
Astrid: I am made of useful!
At the doors to the tower
Astrid: Aww. I was hoping that we could ignite these braziers with the turret bzzzt and maybe that'd stop it. Oh well, we're in cover now. Astarion?
Astarion: There had better be something incredibly valuable in there. *picks lock on door*
Yet More Turrets: *go BZZZZZT*
Astarion: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!
Astrid: Okay ... so ... again with the running. How're we feeling potion-wise?
Gale: Tapped out. I don't suppose.
Astrid: I may be made of useful, Gale, but I also have the carrying capacity of a faerie dragon. I guess we'll just have to dash for that ... elevator, there. We can use the balconies as cover when we need to breathe.
Shadowheart: Are we sure that elevator works?
Astrid: The turrets do, so why wouldn't it?
A short while later...
Elevator: *does not work*
Astrid: Aw, nuts.
Gale: I imagine there's an arcane generator of some kind in the basement. We just have to get there. Did anyone see stairs?
Astrid: No, but I saw bracket fungus and I'm pretty sure those won't disappear on us. More running?
Astarion: *sigh* At least we did find useful things...
Later, in the basement
Shadowheart: You're ... throwing bits of plantlife into the generator.
Astrid: And some parts. Let's see... Aha!
Generator: *sparks to life*
Braziers: *ignite*
Turrets: *stand down*
Shadowheart; Astarion: *stare at Gale*
Gale: ...Don't look at me. I don't know how she managed to fix an arcane generator. And honestly, I'm not sure I'd tell you if I did.
Astrid: Anyway ... so where would the real shinies be, Gale?
Gale: Top floor, but there might still be defenses up there if there's anything really good.
One short elevator ride later
Animated Armour Automatons: *all look at them funny*
Gale: Ah. Something incredibly good, then.
Astarion: I suppose we'd better get ready for a fight then. I suppose we couldn't have had something I could actually feed on...
Shadowheart: Well, Astrid has that Heat Metal-- wait. Astrid what are you doing?!?
Astrid: *walks up to automaton* *recites poem*
Automatons: *nod and go about their business, leaving the party alone*
Gale; Shadowheart; Astarion: ........................
Astarion: I have seen her talk her way around goblins, bugbears, ogres, squirrels, and giant spiders ... but I think I draw the line at animated armour.
Astrid: It's actually simpler with constructs. You just have to figure out what their protocols are likely to be. So ... I told them we belong here. Help yourselves?
Gale: *helpless laughter*
Quite some while later, now that the detour is over
Astarion: Should we be worried about more minotaurs?
Astrid: We should never be worried about anything. We are epic.
Two Minotaurs: *chaaaaaaaaarge*
Astrid: *pulls out lute*
Gale: *grins* Oh, here we go...
Astrid: *to the tune of Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)* "You're looking for a victim / And any will suffice / But the one you picked today / Has command of fire and ice / You're cruising through the tunnels / See a wizard as you pass / But if you blink twice / He's gonna roast your burly ass!"
Gale: ...I have a theme song. I think I like it. IGNIS!
Shadowheart: ......Now I kind of want one.
Astarion: Well, I got one first.
Gale; Shadowheart: Oh, shut up.
Astrid: "And all the clerics say / You're pretty fly - FOR A DEAD GUY!"
Shadowheart: That does not count.
Stabnation: *ensues*
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Thess vs Approval Guides
One of the things I'm not all that thrilled about in terms of video gaming is the vocal minority (the very vocal minority) that seems to believe that anything but the hardest modes and no help whatsoever is "cheating" and somehow makes one "not a REAL gamer". I mean ... I'm old. I remember video gaming's infancy. I remember when all most people had in terms of playing video games was the big arcade cabinet jobs, and you couldn't really get a guide for those. The whole point of them was to get people dumping more and more quarters in as you beat your head against increasingly harder levels and--
Basically, we were all playing Souls-likes back then.
Anyway, when consoles came along and games evolved past "increase enemy frequency, speed, strength, and / or HP; repeat until unsustainable", we started getting guides. And they were nice, too - they gave hints and tips and bits of lore, and while it was a bit of a pain flipping through a physical book, at least most of the games at the time actually had a fucking pause function, so you had the time. Sure, it was another way to get a bit more money out of players. At least we were getting something for our money. So guides were entirely acceptable at the time.
These days, companies have found way better ways to squeeze more money out of its customer base (ways that don't cost nearly as much in design, printing, distribution, even materials to create the things), and the creation of video game walkthroughs have been taken over by hobbyists who give that shit out for free on the internet. So we don't really get player guides anymore. Somehow, that translated into a bunch of people who measure their self-worth by their ability to play a video game saying that anything less than just bashing away at it until you win is "cheating", like it's somehow better to go back to the days of the arcade when everything was designed to beat quarters out of you until you "did it right". I hate how easy it is to internalise that shit.
Thing is, though ... a lot of games really aren't about just "winning". Not that I have issues with using walkthroughs that way - hell, I do - but we're also talking about games with well-developed companion NPCs that one wants to make friends with, or at least not offend too much so that they'll stay around. And while I kind of noticed this with the Dragon Age games, Baldur's Gate 3 is really flagging up to me how interesting a challenge it is to play through using a companion approval guide.
Look, it makes sense, anyway. You as a character know these people. You're pretty sure what you're going to come across maybe 75% of the time. You know how you're going to react when it happens. And you know how the people you've been sharing a camp with for awhile, and whose fucking brains you occasionally tap into, are going to react to your usual proclivities. Thus, if you're going to do something criminal and/or violent, you probably want to take the pragmatists with you and leave the nice ones at home. And if you're going to be an altruist? The pragmatists aren't going to like it, so you take the nice ones, and leave the pragmatists at home. It's that simple.
But the thing is, because of how BG3 is structured compared to ... well, particularly the two later Dragon Age games, I hadn't really noticed before how interesting that makes things from a tactical standpoint. You have to start getting used to what all of the characters can do. (Especially when it comes to picking a subclass - are you going to stick with the default they give you, or will you pick something that's better for you tactically, or what fits the character better? I tend to go for the latter, honestly - which is why Astarion winds up with the Assassin subclass, Lae'zel is continuously a Battle Master, and ... wel, okay, Gale gets the default of Evocation, at least in part because he has a very clear understanding of the dangers of exploding near people whose lives he values.) Anyway, the party balance you choose changes the tactical approach, and so it's just a different way of approaching a challenge. Particularly if you tend to run a specific party of good-aligned individuals but then want to take the pragmatic, neutral-aligned-at-best out for a run to kill someone they'd particularly enjoy killing. Like, I tend to favour Karlach over Lae'zel for a straight-up martial melee fighter, but if you're going to a githyanki creche, you kind of have to take along the bloody githyanki, or it's going to get problematic. So ... you know. Whole change in approach, and so while maybe "cheating" in terms of tilting the scales of characters' approval ratings, still adds a certain degree of challenge to the game and means you seldom get comfortable just going along with the same party all the time.
Also... Dear Larian: THANK YOU for not having us lose approval with characters when we turn down their sexual advances. It's nice to think that the response is less, "How dare you?!?" and more "Ah, well; would've been nice but it's not like friendship's really a lesser boon..."
This message brought to you by my having developed enough approval with Astarion for him to try to "thank me" for sharing his blood by shagging me. Which ... I have a couple of characters who really would go for him kicking around in the back of my brain, but this is Alisaie. Dark-haired, occasionally adorkable but mostly stoic religious types are her jam.
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Astrid vs the Nautiloid Vessel
First, meet Astrid:
Bard extraordinaire, and the closest I've ever been able to come to the original Astrid when I was playing WoD lo these many years ago. Astrid was my way of exploring the WoD's dark grittiness on very different terms than the usual; most people lean into the dark broodingness of it all, so I made the most cheerful and optimistic person alive, partly to see how much she could take. I did not expect the response I got to her - nearly everybody absolutely adored her, and got a little bit surprised by how subtly nasty she could get to actual threats. She's the one who had the time-delayed rote that would have any vampire who tasted her blood feel like their blood was on fire ... and would feel like their blood was on fire when they tasted any blood for three months. Her take on it: "I warned them..."
Anyway. On with the liveblog.
Scene: a burning Nautiloid ship:
Lae'zel: RAAA KILL YOU, THRALL!
Astrid: Um ... no thank you?
Mind-Sharing Thing: *happens*
Lae'zel: It is ... abominably cheerful, in your head. And what is that?!?
Astrid: You ... know what they are. I mean, technically an intellect devourer, but I helped them, so they're nice to me. Then again, that might have something to do with having treated the haematoma that had them too swollen for the skull they were in, and since I couldn't fix the whole ... being an intellect devourer now thing, I settled for a little bit of medical treatment. I think I might have made them a little more docile during the procedure but I didn't mean to...
Lae'zel: Please. Stop.
Astrid: Oh. Sorry. Anyway, this is Us. Us, meet ... Lae'zel? Am I pronouncing that right?
Lae'zel: *glares*
Astrid: Manners are a thing!
Lae'zel: Ugh. No matter how ... insufferably nice you are, you might at least be of some use to get to the helm. I don't need to run faster than the abominations; I just need to run faster than you. Now help me deal with the imps.
Astrid: ...Okay. *turns to imps; voice goes Vicious Mockery resonance* A PLAGUE RAT FUCKED YOUR MOM!
Imp: *straight up dies*
Lae'zel: ......................
Astrid: This is why I'm nice to people. If I'm not ... that can sometimes happen.
Lae'zel: ...noted.
Later:
Lae'zel: Why are you rooting around this place like some kind of deranged pack rat?
Astrid: I don't know how it works where you're from, but most of the places we're probably going to escape to tend to want money for important things like ... you know, food. Anyway, there's that one lady banging on the pod over there and I want to find a rune that fits that machine...
Lae'zel: What did I tell you about touching things?!?
Astrid: She's trapped! You saw what happened to the last one! This one's at least responding! ...Plus she has an awful lot of really great curse words I'm looking forward to fitting into my repertoire...
Lae'zel: We have no time for this, you--
Astrid: ...and if you let me finish, look at her armour! Her circlet! She is a cleric! Tell me that a cleric wouldn't come in handy right now!
Lae'zel: ...Ugh, fine.
Astrid: *finds rune; frees Shadowheart*
Shadowheart: You keep dangerous company.
Astrid: *raises eyebrows, gestures at the absolute carnage all over the place*
Shadowheart: Fair point. We stand a better chance together.
Lae'zel: You will follow my orders!
Astrid; Shadowheart: How about no?
Lae'zel: ...Hate you both.
Later still, at the helm
Lae'zel: Get to the helm! I'll hold these creatures!
Shadowheart: How about we listen to the suicidal warrior-gith, hmm?
Astrid: Ummmmm ... nope. *Vicious Mockery Voice* HEY! YOU! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU STRAWBERRY-COLOURED MOCKERY OF A HELLSPAWN!
Imp: *straight-up dies like the last one*
Shadowheart: ........Or you can keep yelling insults until everything around us is dead. That works too.
Several dead imps later
Lae'zel: I won't reach that in time; it's too far!
Astrid: Nyoom! *dashes over and connects a thing*
Lae'zel: ...what the--?
Astrid: That one imp's father was a plague-rat; mine was a wood elf. Now let's-- Oop.
Dragon: *breathes fire at basically everything*
Astrid: Oh nuts... Okay, maybe it works like lute strings... *twangs single connected bit of tentacle weird*
Nautiloid Vessel: *blinks into existence over some beachy area or other, dropping parasite infectees like confetti*
Astrid: Oh nuts-- *is hit on head with rock and knocked out of ship* shouldvelearnedfeatherfallshouldvelearnedfeatherfall yeeeeek!
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Thess vs The Beginning
So the fix I was given removes the little icon that says "Enemy of Justice".
However, Lady Esther still aggros on sight.
Right. New playthrough. Minthara cannot be worth this.
Also, apparently Hotfix 20 didn't fix half the bugs and adds several more. Larian ... really, you need to stop.
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Thess vs Hotfix Disappointments
Note to self: NEVER READ THE COMMENTS.
So apparently Hotfix 20 is out, and has fixed an awful lot of bugs with Minthara. ...Not, however, the bug that's been plaguing me of late. Apparently Minthara was so central to an evil playthrough that the attempt to use a less complicated workaround to let her join the party on a good playthrough just leaves everything to do with her bugged right to hell.
Apparently it got to the point that a few days ago, someone actually came up with a Ring of No Justice mod for this damn game just to take the damn status condition off. Which ... is a solution, I guess? Just ... now I have a quandary. Because honestly? They still don't seem to have ironed out all the bugs about Minthara joining a good playthrough ... and I'm not sure Drow!Mommy's worth this shit. I mean, c'mon. I warmed to Lae'zel to the point where I stopped killing her, at least, but at least she isn't bugged to Avernus and back.
So, I have two options. I can either use this Ring of No Justice mod and remove the Enemy of Justice condition and carry on with my current playthrough ... or I can say, "You know what? Fuck it. Just knocking her out wouldn't make any sense IC anyway, so I'm going to go back and just straight-up murder her". I don't want to spend the rest of a playthrough having to deal with the cornucopia of buggy bullshit that comes with having her on the team. Plus, let's face it - I'm never going to have her in my party anyway. Just ... I'm nearly to the end of Act 1 now and do I really want to go through this again?
...Probably more than I want to run into another cavalcade of bugs, honestly. I guess I could just leave that playthrough to one side and start a second one, see how far I get before the whole situation is fixed. Or I could just get as far as Moonrise Towers on this playthrough with the mod and ... honestly, probably kill her to shut her up about all the slaughtering of the goblin generals we did and...
.........
Yeah, no, it's nice that they gave us the option to keep Minthara on a good playthrough, but it's not fucking worth it and makes absolutely zero sense so here I go on the nautiloid again. Fuck, I'm never going to finish this game at this rate.
...Except I just got the baby owlbear AAAAAAAA.
(Oh, and the "NEVER READ THE COMMENTS" thing? Came when I went to check the hotfix notes, had a look at the "Discuss" part of the announcement of the fix notes to see if anything more was said about the situation, and ... yeah, no, that made Reddit look sane.)
EDIT: I found a way easier workaround than the one I liked to - THANK YOU, SCRIPT EXTENDER - so we'll see how it goes. I may end up shanking Minthara anyway. Depends on how merciful Alisaie's feeling that day.
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Astrid vs the Mushroom People
Still meandering through the Underdark
Astarion: I can sort of ... hear or feel or ... something ... what you people are thinking. Are those parasites getting frisky again?
Astrid: Nope. Myconid spores. They do that.
Shadowheart: Myconid corpses. And duergar corpses. And ... myconids looking at us.
Astrid: *walks up to myconids* Hi! We're adventurers just passing through; can we be of any help?
Astarion: Oh, for--
Gale: Myconids are good friends to have and I don't want to be ... 'tripping balls' ... for the next week thank you very much now shut up.
Shadowheart: There's worse myconid spores can do anyway, so maybe be polite.
Myconid: We have problems. Talk to our leader.
After a bit of a wander through the myconid camp
Blurg: Oh, hello. We don't get many surfacers down here.
Astrid: You ... are probably the least bugbeary bugbear I have ever met.
Blurg: The Society of Brilliance prefers brains over brawn, and I technically have both, so hey. Anyway. What are you doing down here?
I mean, it's a long story but I guess I can sum up with, "We need to get to Moonrise Towers because--
Blurg: Wait. Hang on. *peeeeeeers* Oh. Illithid tadpole. Um. Let me get a friend of mine to have a look. Omeluum?
Omeluum: *is an illithid*
Omeluum: You're ... taking this extremely calmly.
Astrid: Well, if you're a bad illithid, you're unlikely to want to eat a brain that's being tadpoled because hey, new thrall. Also if you did you'd probably have the Happy Banana Song stuck in your head for the rest of your life.
Omeluum: Well, I'm severed from the Elder Brain and actually only eat the brains of the Society's enemies and you don't seem to be so I can try to get it out if you want.
Astrid: Will it involve poking me in the eye with an awl?
Omeluum: No; just ingesting some dangerous plantlife.
Astrid: ...Let's call that Plan D. We should talk to your leader before we overstay our welcome.
After a brief conversation with Sanctum Leader Mushroom
Astarion: So we now have to purge duergar. Wonderful.
Astrid: You'll get something to feed on, anyway. That's something, right?
Astarion: Mmm. I did nearly chip a fang on that bulette. Might be nice to have something a little easier to sink my teeth into.
Glut: YOU KILL DUERGAR. I COME WITH; KILL DUERGAR TOO.
Shadowheart: Is ... that such a good idea?
Astrid: I mean, having a myconid representative is probably good; easier to have someone properly connected to the colony verify we did the thing.
Astarion: I am fighting. Alongside. A mushroom.
Astrid: Probably better than fighting against a mushroom, right? I think it'd be hard to stab people if you're tripping balls on whatever fluid myconids have in place of blood.
Shadowheart: So that's where Gale got that phrase.
Duergar: *ambush*
Stabnation: *ensues*
Stabnation: *ends well for our intrepid party*
Glut: GOOD. I MAKE THIS PLACE MINE; KILL LEADER SPAW AND BE LEADER! YOU HELP, YES?
Gale; Astarion; Shadowheart: *exchange looks*
Gale: Five gets you ten she's going to just stab him.
Astarion: I don't take 'sucker bets'.
Shadowheart: I'll take that. I'll go with that divebomb-yeet thing.
Astarion: Oh, I see; I should have known none of us would assume she'd do something so interesting as double-cross anyone. Fine - I'll go wiiiiith ... calling his progenitor a pizza topping.
Astrid: *Dissonant Whispers resonance* I have a great recipe for mushroom stew...
Glut: *freaks right the fuck out*
Gale; Astarion; Shadowheart: *exchange more looks*
Shadowheart: I hate to say it ... but Astarion got closest.
Astarion: I'm starting to be able to navigate that cheerful little mind of hers. It's bizarre. Like a swarm of butterflies, except some of them occasionally carry knives.
Astrid: Still wouldn't mind a little help here! Also I get half your profits from betting on me.
Gale: Only half?
Astrid: The rest is part pay for picking all my locks for me.
Astarion: Oh, fine.
Stabnation: *ensues
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Thess vs Drivers
Honestly, when I got Baldur's Gate 3, I thought it was a video game, not a driver detector.
This is three times now that I've switched on Baldur's Gate 3 and it's said, "Hey! Your graphics card drivers aren't up to date! Yeah, I know you only updated them a few days ago, but there's been a new update since then! Why don't you go download it now?"
I get they want us to have the best experience, but ... seriously, how big a difference can there actually be?
Still, I guess at least it tells me. And is kind enough to link me to the NVidia site so I can download and install the appropriate drivers.
Okay, Larian, I got the drivers. Am I done? Can I play now?
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Faerun!Alisaie vs Auntie Ethel, Again
But first, a certain Blade's aftermath
Wyll: I don't believe I condemned my father to death. I--
Alisaie: Dude, seriously. Look. You could not make that decision yourself, because you're way too damn close to it, so you put it in my hands ... probably at least in part to have someone to blame for it, but okay, fine, I can cope. But let's look at the logic. The man basically disowned you for making that fucking pact. That's how much he hated that you were in it.
Wyll: So, what, he deserves to--?
Alisaie: Oh, for fuck's sake, no. Look, just shut up. This is Alisiae Tav Talking Time. He sent you away because he couldn't bear seeing you in that pact, and--
Wyll: But he hated me--
Alisaie: ALISAIE. TAV. TALKING. TIME. He did not hate you. He couldn't bear to look at you because he felt like he failed you. He left you to run Baldur's fucking Gate alone at a young age and a demon came in and ... hell, probably manufactured a situation where a pact with a demon was the only way to save the entire city. If he'd left you with any kind of backup, that would not have been a thing. He blames himself. He couldn't look at you because he couldn't help you and it killed him to see it. ...Plus also probably a little bit not wanting to have a demon potentially pulling political strings on the Sword Coast, but that's beside the point. Anyway. Point is that if he knew - absolutely, for 100% certain knew that his death would free you from that pact, I would bet coppers to croissants that he'd stick the blade in his own throat to set you free. Because you are his son and he loves you and parents are willing to die for the lives, safety, and well-being of their children.
Shadowheart: I thought your parents were petty criminals who were looking to sell you off to Sharess' Caress when you were far too young for any of that kind of thing. How do you know so much about parents?
Alisaie: Yeah, fine, my family was not exactly what you'd call 'loving' or anything other than 'abusive' but guys, come on; I'm a bard. I Know Stuff.
Shadowheart: Fair. And honestly, none of this matters in the least because Alisaie is a hero and she's made us all into heroes - and in your case, Wyll, that's ... I suppose 'hero squared', all things considered...
Astarion: What she's trying to say is that there's almost certain to be a 'in the very teeth of time' rescue situation in the not-too-distant future. Don't worry; one doesn't just ... make Duke Ravengard dead, even if Gortash is running things at the moment. They'll take a few days to let the populace forget all about him and then they'll make him dead.
Alisaie: Bedside manner. Get one.
Astarion: I was only saying we've got time. So possibly unbunch your knickers a little, Wyll.
Alisaie: Anyway, there's another good reason why I kind of had to vote for you breaking the pact. Karlach doesn't know your father, doesn't care about politics, and would probably crush my head if I handed you over to Mizora.
Karlach: You're my bestie and all, but ... it's true. I would.
Wyll: So ... good deeds as a distraction so no one thinks we're really hunting them, and then we save my father?
Alisaie: Pretty much, yeah.
And, after a stop at the Baldur's Mouth just to be petty
Wyll: We're doing good deeds ... in the park.
Alisaie: We're prepping for good deeds in the park. Look, when I was younger, I couldn't afford apothecary prices, and foraging for herbalism components so I didn't die of scurvy or infected wounds or whatever else kind of got to be a habit, so... Huh.
Gale: Um ... is that your "illithid so-called Emperor is talking to me" 'huh', or your "I am seeing something that most don't see because I let Volo of all people stick an awl in my eye" 'huh'?
Alisaie: ...Wyll? How do you feel about venting some spleen by stabbing some Bhaal cultists?
Wyll: Fairly good, as it happens, but what--?
Bhaal Cultist: *swearing a lot from behind Invisibility ability*
Gale: Ah. Yes. Botched-surgery-had-perks 'huh'. Fair enough.
Stabnation: *ensues*
Elder Brain servants: *turn up to help* Free uuuuuuuuuus...
Alisaie: ...I do not consider "help I didn't need with an ambush" sufficient payment for letting an elder brain run amok. Just saying.
After that whole mess is sorted
Gale: Are we sure we want to check in on the hag survivors? I mean, that eviction notice about the walls bleeding does not fill me with comfort. I mean, we could go rob Lorroakan...
Alisaie: And then we'll have to hang out with Astarion and he'd want to know why we can't just kill his sire and make him UberVamp and I have enough to cope with right now. I just want to check in on Mayrina and her undead husband because they're bound to be here...
Cleric of Torm: BEGONE, FOUL HAG!
Alisaie: Hey, look, I got ambushed by assassins on the way here, so don't give me shit for my hair not being on point.
Hag Survivors: ................................
Bugbear Dude: She's telling the truth, as it happens.
Cleric of Torm: Oh. Yes. The ... the one Mayrina told us about. Well. Before she could say anything but "baaaa", anyway.
Alisaie: What the fuck--? *heads upstairs* ...Oh for... HEY! CLERIC-LADY! WHAT CLERIC WORTH A SHIT CAN'T REMOVE A CURSE?!?
Cleric of Torm: Um...
Snake Individual: Aw. And I was having such a good time.
Alisaie: ...wut.
Snake Individual: *becomes redcap*
Now-Redcap: *summons multiple giant crabs*
Alisaie: ...And here's me without a pot of boiling water and some garlic butter handy. Oh well. I guess I'll have to improvise.
Stabnation: *ensues again*
When that's all over and done with
Mayrina: Thanks for that. We were fighting her--
Wyll: 'Her'? You mean Ethel? That 'her'? The one we shish-kabobed and set on fire?
Mayrina; Alisaie: That doesn't kill a hag.
Mayrina: Turns out you need to kill her mushrooms first. Oh, by the way, we found out she wanted to eat my baby to turn it into a hag like her, so she's been looking for another kid, and...
Alisaie; Wyll; Shadowheart; Gale: Vanra.
Mayrina: We've got the fixings for Hag's Bane in the safe downstairs. We'd go - I mean, we tried, but I'm not a fighter, Connor ... really only does direct instructions, that scaly asshole was probably hobbling us, our bugbear friend's kind of lacking in the smarts department, and our cleric...
Cleric of Torm: *fervently praying after having done jack all during the fight but cast Shield of Faith on herself and then stand there*
Shadowheart: Gives the priesthood a bad name; I understand.
Wyll: So now where to?
Alisaie: Barman was less than helpful, so we go to the woman in charge at the Blushing Mermaid. Captain Grizly has a bit of a past but not even she's going to be into kid-stealing.
And, back at the Blushing Mermaid...
'Captain Grizly': Lora's a right mare and getting on my tits with this so-called 'missing child' bollocks. I want you to end her.
Alisaie: I have way more important uses to put this particular blade to than killing a frantic parent, lady. And you are not Captain Grizly because she'd do her own damn killing.
'Captain Grizly': *becomes Auntie Ethel*
Wyll; Gale: Whaaaaaaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuck...
Shadowheart: Their general perception of the world around them is a bit lacking, isn't it?
Alisaie: So's their grasp of dramatic narrative. So, come on. Vanish and make us chase you into your lair again.
Ethel: Oh, no. Fighting's bad for the baby. I thought I'd give you a bit of an appetizer first anyway.
Various Patrons: *become redcaps*
Alisaie: Oh for fuck's sake, I hope the real Captain Grizly's alive so I can explain why there's going to be more blood than usual on her carpets...
Stabnation: *ensues yet again, because it is that kind of day*
And, eventually, in the hag's lair, after a lot of stabbing and trying not to kill Captain Grizly with her Whispering Mask issue...
Shadowheart: This is not going well. I can't even see her copies, let alone tell which one is really her. And excuse me, invoking duplicity is my thing...
Alisaie: Shadowheart! Flame Strike! THERE! *points at random section of deck*
Shadowheart: ...Oh, right, Volo's nonsense! *calls down holy fire*
Ethel: So you learned a few new tricks. Fine. That won't save you. Look at you, all poison-sick and covered in insects and cowering where my beloved mushrooms stood. You're done. ...Last words, mouthy-bard?
Alisaie: Just four: "I. Got. You. Monologuing."
Ethel: ...what--
Alisaie: *Mobile Flourish - Ranged*
Ethel: *is yeeted into a chasm and dies*
Gale: ...You know Astarion would have yelled at you for losing any loot she might have been carrying down a hole.
Alisaie: Astarion can go fuck himself.
Wyll: Um ... I used my last Misty Step to get over here to destroy the mushroom and ... I'm kind of stuck...
Alisaie: Luckily for you, I can help with that. *tosses a Potion of Glorious Vaulting* The fruits of my foraging labours earlier. Worth having to stab a few assassins for?
Wyll: Right now? YES.
Captain Grizly: ...Are your lives always this insane?
Alisaie: This is actually pretty tame compared to some of the shit we've had this month, honestly. Oh, yeah, by the way, sorry about the ... whole thing in the upstairs. We had to kill a lot of redcaps on your carpet--
Gale: Though she did get me to throw a health potion at some of your clientele so they didn't die of shrapnel bomb, so that's something...
Alisaie: And the chest I poked in your chambers? I honestly thought that was Ethel's and I backed off when I got funny looks.
Captain Grizly: Right. Well. I think saving my life kind of covers all that. You've always got a home at the Blushing Mermaid. ...Say, I remember you - you used to play a battered lute for incoming sailors down on the docks before you moved on to better things!
Alisaie: If that's a request for a command performance, probably going to need to be tomorrow. I've got to make sure Vanra got back to Lora, and let Mayrina know that Ethel's proper dead this time, and then I probably need to wash more than blood out of my hair...
Captain Grizly: ...Well ... my stage is always open.
((Controller Person Note: Yes, Alisaie is technically Featherwind in Ellon, but we're not in Ellon, and anyway, given how well it scans, I couldn't help the Gideon the Ninth reference.))
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Thess vs Baldur's Gate 3, Take 2
Yeah, no, while I might go back to the Adventures of Astrid at some point, I've decided I'm going to do an entirely different playthrough, maybe even try keeping more potential companions this time. It should be easier, because I'm playing a variant Alisaie. Still half-elf (aasimar in this game, man - there are mods to let aasimar be a thing but only Scourge so ... nah), obviously still Bard, probably still Lore but might stick with the actual charater's subclass and do Swords (I'll see where it gets me, because Coterie!Alisaie could have gone either way) ... but she's a little more flexible about some things. And probably more resilient, emotionally. I did not realise how fucked up this game got, and poor cheerful Astrid was not having a good time.
I mean, not that BG3!Alisaie is going to exactly be partying, but... Hey, at least there should be some interesting versatility in party now.
Also ... hey, the liveblogging will begin again from the start and while I do still have a few more interesting filks up my sleeve, I've noticed that y'all like it when I play characters that get ... loud.
Alisaie can get very loud.
(Also I got to make a Guardian that looks like a certain spouse. It seemed apropos.)
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Astrid vs Protections
Still at the inn, talking to Isobel
Isobel: Well, you sound like you can infiltrate those cultists for the Absolute perfectly well, and you don't seem to be their level of deranged, so ... here's some protection against the shadows. We're going to need something bigger for those darker shadows, but--
Marcus: OHAI.
Isobel: ...Marcus. What. The fuck.
Astrid: So ... large winged gentlemen don't normally appear on your balcony? I mean, a serenade from under the balcony is more traditional if you're going around sweeping ladies off their feet ... which is not what you have planned but mine sounds better.
Marcus: No, look, it's all good! Ketherick can explain everything! I mean, you're coming with me no matter what so how about we don't make it a fight, hmm?
Gale: Excuse me ... Marcus, was it? Let me explain a little something to you. See, over here we have the Blade of the Frontiers, and he's very much about the heroism and the rescuing of ladies fair. And then over here we have Astrid, our bard who ... takes rather unkindly to rudeness and abduction. And then there's us.
Shadowheart: You so much as touch my friend and I will turn you into a radiant smear on the carpet.
Gale: I'm honestly more likely to just set you on fire. So since you are outnumbered and outclassed, I'd suggest--
Demon-Things: *crash in through the roof*
Gale: ...Well, that's just cheating.
Stabnation: *ensues*
A little while later, at an ambush point
Gale: I would have really liked to have a proper rest before we did this.
Astrid: We go by the patrol routes, Gale, and when the Harpers are available to help us. And honestly, it'll be fine. I figure, bunch of goblins, maybe a human or two, and--
Drider: Oh, hey, someone's trying to sneak up on us! Come out of there, you!
Shadowheart: ...shit. NOW we find driders?!?
Astrid: ...Hi! All hail the Absolute!
Drider: Ah, you're on a mission for the Absolute! Wonderful! ...But where's your lantern?
Astrid: Don't need one. I just sing and the darkness leaves me alone.
Drider: ...Such power! Truly?
Astrid: Yep! Allow me to demonstrate. *pulls lute*
Drider: *leans forward expectantly*
Astrid: *dive-bomb Thunderwave right to the face*
A couple of goblins: *go flying*
Gale: Oh, I've been hoping for a set-up like this. *casts Fireball*
Most of the backup: *is immolated*
Drider and a couple of humans: *still standing*
Harpers: *getting over the being-gobsmacked; join in the fighting*
Astrid: *who has segued into song; to the tune of Holding Out For A Hero* I've got great companions / In these Shadow-Cursed Lands / One who brings the healing / With her words and with her hands / And for those who'd harm us / There's her adamantine mace / You won't think it's quite so grand / When it breaks your fucking faaaaaaaaaaaaaace! I need a cleric! / She'll help us kick all your asses / You just wait and see / And I'm telling you / There's so much she can do / When she invokes some duplicity / I need a cleric! / The radiant light from her guardians / Is only just the start / We bask in the sight / Of her radiant light / Through the Shadow she weaves 'round her heart / Weaves 'round her heart...
Shadowheart: .........I got a theme song! *Inspired; wrecks some people's shit up*
Wyll: Do ... do I get a theme song?
Astrid: Working on it!
Stabnation: *ensues*
Several dead patrollers later
Pixie: ...I guess cute rhyming won't make me sound any more innocent?
Astrid: Well, it would, generally, but I kind of know that trick really, really well. Look, we don't really want to keep you locked up in there because that looks really uncomfortable. Just we kind of need to not get shadow-cursed. Is there a solution that works for all of us?
Pixie: Oh, is that all? Well, those assholes just stuffed me in here and didn't even give me a chance to make a deal for it! So I wasn't going to tell them that I can just kind of ... make you immune to that, but I'll tell you so we can strike a deal; you let me out of here and I'll make you all immune to the yick, okay?
Astrid: Hmmmm...
Gale: You're not thinking of keeping her locked up in there--?!?
Astrid: No, I was trying to find a good way of working in giving her one of my sweet rolls and making it seem like she'd be doing us a favour by taking it. Because I don't know how long she's been locked up in there but I figure it's long enough to get hungry and food is a thing!
Pixie: ...Wow, you really know how to get a pixie amenable to not conning you. Yes, please to the sweet roll. Or some of the sweet roll; it's kind of big but yes, I'm hungry, and here, you can even keep the bell. So it's like a trade?
Astrid: Works for me! *trades chunk of sweet roll for little bell* Oh! That sounds so pretty! Thank you!
Pixie: ...Are ... are you just a pixie that was too nice for con-artistry and got turned really big?
Gale: Oh, be reasonable. You saw her con that drider into a prime attack position. I've also seen her con everything from ogres and giant spiders to high-ranking Harpers and a literal devil. She's just ... Like That.
Pixie: ................I have decided that that bell there? That makes you an honorary pixie. Okaybye! *nyoom*
Wyll: Is she always like this?
Shadowheart; Gale: *fond* Yes.
Shadowheart: Honestly, I'm glad she stopped dragging Astarion out with us. When she did this sort of thing with him around, he rolled his eyes so hard I thought he'd sprain something.
Wyll: So ... how ... attached ... is she ... to--
Gale: Not. Another. Word.
Wyll: I have dance steps.
Gale: I took her through the Weave with me!
Shadowheart: You both are ridiculous. She's incredibly loyal and her being very close friends with Wyll doesn't mean she's going to go giving her more romantic affections to anyone but Gale, who she's already--
Astrid: Hey, Shadowheart! This is a night orchid, right?
Shadowheart: .........Yes. Yes, it is. I ... don't have anything to give you in return; I--
Astrid: I just saw it growing and thought you'd like it; I don't need anything back. Call it a thank you for being a good friend and saving my life all the time. So ... quick bit of exploration and then onward to the mission!
Gale; Wyll: *staaaaaaaare at Shadowheart*
Shadowheart: *blushing a bit* It's like I was saying. She's just like that. Now let's go before she wanders into--
Oliver: Come play with me!
Shadowheart: Oh balls. Astrid, leave the creepy child alone--
Astrid: Maybe ... you should go find someplace that isn't here? Because this is not a good place to play and we kind of have stuff to do, so--
Oliver: DO WHAT I SAY.
Shadow-Things: *attack*
Shadowheart: The one time she doesn't just humour the kid...
Stabnation: *ensues*
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Astrid vs the Shadow-Cursed Lands
Riding up in a big elevator, turning up in abandoned ruin
Astrid: I ... thought this was going to be Moonrise Towers. I ... don't think this is Moonrise Towers.
Elminster: Hi! Mind making camp? I need wine and cheese before I give the news.
Wine and Cheese: *is provided*
Elminster: You stock well for travelling adventurers! Anyway, Gale, Mystra sent me.
Astarion: Please tell me that Mystra's making booty calls now.
Elminster: Actually, she sent me to say that she'll stabilise that nasty mess you're carrying and only let it explode when you get close enough to the Absolute or its source of power or both. A sacrifice in Her name.
Astrid: ...So ... what if we destroy it first? You know, without having to have Gale erupt?
Elminster: Didn't sound possible to me, but ... anyway, you're not going to blow up until she wants you to now; good luck!
Gale: ...Well. That ... happened. I think I'm at peace with it.
Astrid: ......I'm going to do something about this. There are far too many Big and Powerful Entities messing with people I care about! Right. Fine. This is not Moonrise Towers. We will go out and find Moonrise Towers! *flings open door*
Outside: *is made of dark and cursed scary*
Astrid: ...Oh.
Shadowheart: I ... think it's mostly sparing me, the darkness. Shar must have blessed me?
Astrid: And it doesn't have anything to do with the shiny Light-casting ring I gave you?
Shadowheart: SHAR. BLESSING.
Astrid: In which case, thank you, Shar. Now let's see if we can actually find where we're meant to be going. Oh. Who's that over there?
Harpers: *point weapons at people*
Lady Harper: Who are you and what are you doing here?!?
Astrid: Um ... I mean ... this is not the nicest place for introductions and storytelling but I can break out a bottle of wine and some sandwich fixings and--
Lady Harper: Oh, so you're a funny girl. Great. The one bit of sunshine we get here and it's in half-elf form. Hey. Wait. What are you doing?
Astrid: Me? I'm not--
Other Harper: *starts shooting at companions*
Shadows: *peel forth from the darkness and go about killing people*
Lady Harper: Oh fuck.
Astrid: Hrm. Oh. Okay. Let's see. How well do they deal with fire?
Astarion: Let's find out, shall we? *Fire Arrow*
Shadow: *is very unhappy*
Shadowheart: Fire. Radiant. Anything that gives light!
Gale: Now you're playing my song. IGNIS!
Stabnation: *ensues*
Stabnation: *finally ends*
Lady Harper: Well. I guess that was a good interruption, since I can see you're not about to hurt any of us...
Astarion: ...No. No, I suppose not.
Lady Harper: Look, if you're wandering around here, come over to the Last Light Inn. The dark doesn't get in there.
Astrid: Might take you up on that. Thanks.
Gale: *siiiiiiiiidles up to Astrid*
Astrid: Hmm?
Gale: Soooooooooo ... I ... once read a thing ... about how tough fights with one's life on the line tend to make one ... well ... horny. Did you ... ever ... read anything ... like that?
Astrid: ...I'd say more of a ... practical experience sort of thing...
Astarion: Oh for pity's sake will you two just fuck already?!?
Astrid: *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* But I am now also learning that an audience will tend to kill the mood.
Gale: Well. Um. Thoughts for later, then.
Astrid: With less blood and mud and maddening darkness. The most I like to be smeared with in those sorts of situations is ... honey, maple syrup, melted chocolate, that sort of thing.
Gale: I ... shall compose a grocery list.
Astarion: Should've moved faster, Shar devotee...
Shadowheart: I have effectively a sister in her now, so don't be vile! Anyway, you're only bitching because you won't be partaking in that or any other kind of feast with her any time soon.
Astarion: Hrmph. Well. At least you've found me a nice chest to open. Though with my luck it'll be a mimic again.
The Chest: *is not a mimic*
Astarion: Oh, well, that's fine, then--
Spine Blights: *ambush*
Corrupted Vine Blight: *also ambushes*
Astarion: Oh for pity's sake...
Stabnation: *ensues, painfully*
Controller Person: *now has a tiny taste of what they put their VTT RPG party through*
Spine Blights: *explode on death here*
Controller Person: *may or may not be going, "AT LEAST I DIDN'T DO THAT TO YOU!" at this point*
After hacking through to the inn
Jaheira: You're one of those True Soul things!
Mol: They're all about the being heroes, though! They saved my friends from harpies and nasty druids and snakes and all sorts, so they're fine!
Jaheira: .........All right, fine, but I'm going to want to talk to you in a bit.
Astrid: Okay ... these are ... some of the tieflings from the Emerald Grove. Um. Okay. Astarion ... I'm going to have to ask you to go back to where we're camping, and bring Wyll; he had the best relationship with the Emerald Grove tieflings.
Astarion: Fine. But I'm going to hesitate briefly to ask that demon piece of nonsense about the runes on my back.
Astrid: Just don't promise him anything right away!
Gale: And we should ... let ourselves be glared at in the meantime?
Astrid: Nope! *chugs a Potion of Speaks With Animals* I'm going to go find out what the deal is with that ox.
Wyll arrives, a bit later, to find Astrid, Gale, and Shadowheart dripping with ooze
Wyll: ...What happened to you?
Gale: That ... was not an ox.
Astrid: I just wanted to know what it was! All it had to do was tell me that it just wanted brushing and a warm stall! I'd have brushed it myself if I'd known that was all it wanted! But it just attacked after it told me that!
Wyll: Are ... you all well?
Astrid: Oh, sure. Just ... here, we did some trading on your behalf and also dug through the camp stash. Potential pack blade ... I got a new bow so you can have my hand crossbow ... shield because I got a good one ... boots that'll help you jump better... I think that's about what we need. Okay. Now let's talk to this Jaheira person.
Inside the inn
Jaheira: Yes, I drugged your wine with truth serum. Drink it.
Astrid: *chugs*
Gale; Shadowheart: What the fuck?
Wyll: It's not like we have anything to hide...
Astrid: Look, I can't say whether the parasite's changing me because people change all the time and honestly, when you've done half the things I have this week, change happens. All you really need to know is that we're as against this Absolute whatever-it-is as you are and we're actively trying to take it down.
Jaheira: ...Fine. I suppose you're about our only hope for rescuing all the people the cultists kidnapped and kill their leader. But you're going to need to be able to travel safely so go see Isobel upstairs.
Astrid: Okay; just ... can I maybe please play a little something to cheer people up first? If I'm going to have to pretend to be one of those cultists to get anywhere with this mission, I need some cheerful and for me, cheerful comes from cheering others up.
Jaheira: ...As you like...
Gale: So ... she drank the wine that was going to make her tell the truth ... and she talked around the problem instead.
Shadowheart: You have met her, yes?
Wyll: ...She's wonderful.
Wyll: *has hit three Inspirations in the last five minutes*
Gale: I thought your tastes ran more to the ... demonic.
Wyll: Thankfully those kinds of ... 'benefits' ... aren't in my contract. And the judgemental tone is a bit rich coming from someone who bedded a literal goddess. ...Look, I'm not trying to take her from you or anything. Let's just call it call it wishing you joy of your romance with this divine being.
Shadowheart: And if Gale really does have to explode himself to destroy the Absolute, I'm sure you can comfort her in her grief.
Gale: *dry as the Sahara* Thanks.
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