#Tess Servopoulos mother figure

[everythingmp3]

𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

this is a combination of three concepts: "no outbreak" + "Joel is readers father and Tess is his best friend (my take on the dbf thing) + "road trip".

AO3

authors note: this started out as just for fun but then it turned into the longest fic I’ve ever written and I ended up really liking it, so wanted to put it out there! I tried to keep it fun and light while also giving the characters depth and heart and I think it ended up being a good mix of the two. it brought me a lot of joy to spend time with this story, it is close to my heart now and I’m proud of it, so I hope you have a good time reading <3

warnings: minors dni. drinking, brief discussion of a strained mother relationship, smut. reader is in her early 20s and Tess is in her early/mid 40s, so obviously a large age gap

word count: 23k

when your father suggested to you that you should drive back home from college with Tess instead of paying for a flight, you thought please god no. 

it wasn´t that you had anything against her, you´d never even been introduced, but after the stress of finals and packing up your dorm the last thing you wanted to do was to spend hours and hours trapped in a car with a stranger. the reason that you had never met her even though she was his best friend was that she moved to Boston ages ago and they mostly did their friendship long distance, Joel mostly visited her whenever you were at your grandparents or your mothers place for spring break or the summer. you were aware of her, you knew they were close and had a longstanding friendship, but you had yet to meet her for the first time. now that you weren´t a kid anymore he thought it could be fun, to connect you two, since you were both two of the most important people in his life. 

he really tried to sell it to you when he heard a hesitant silence on the other end of the call, going on and on about the beautiful lush nature you could see on the drive, the adventurous nature of it all, the fact that Tess was a very chill person who wouldn´t be overbearing at all, and you could tell from his tone how enthusiastic he was about the idea of having his daughter and his best friend finally getting to know each other, so you masked your initial annoyance and agreed to it, telling yourself that if it was really that bad you could just pretend to fall asleep in the passenger seat for a few hours. 

Tess had about the same reaction when he called her to suggest that she should take you with her on her drive down to Texas. she had a thing for road trips, especially during summer, the feeling of an open road with the windows down and hours of nobody to answer to, so she´d told him in advance that she would come by car to visit him, so when he realized that you´d be off school the same week she was planning to come, he thought perfect, Boston is very close to her college town. Tess had no good argument against taking you with her and she knew that she´d be in his good graces afterwards, so she thought fuck it, what´s the worst that could happen? she would come to remember this moment later and think if you only knew. 

you could tell that Joel was kind of hoping that Tess might function as a sort of mother figure for you, since you and your mom were anything but close, but what he didn´t realize was that the kind of attention you wanted from women like her was not necessarily the maternal kind, at least not strictly, otherwise he might have thought twice about putting you in a confined space with his good looking friend.

Joel gave you her number and predictably she was not one for long or emotional responses, a short and unembellished “see you at 12.” was all you got from her, no “looking forward to meeting you”, no “see you then!”, which made you wonder whether that was just the way she texted or if she was also kind of reluctant about the whole thing. for some reason it made you feel better to know that she wasn´t the type to be overly excited, nothing would have grated on your nerves more than having to be chipper and talkative the whole drive. something about her being more on the reserved side seemed desirable to you as you made your way downstairs that morning, a little tired and hungover from the farewell party the night before, your head pounding for a moment as you stepped out into the sun. 

it took you about five minutes until you reached the side of the road where you´d agreed to meet and the first thing you thought when you spotted her was thank god the car is big. the second thing was she looks much cooler than I expected. of course you´d seen pictures of her but they didn´t do her justice at all; Tess was leaning back against the passenger side door, her arms crossed, her black t-shirt and worn out jeans an effortless but flattering look for her, her stance giving off an air of confidence as the wind blew through her hair. for a moment there you were glad you´d actually bothered to get dressed in a real outfit and not just lounge wear. Tess´s mental image of you was also very different from the reality that she was confronted with, for a moment she didn´t even register that it was you as you came closer because for some reason she´d pictured you much younger, probably due to Joel´s habit of calling you his “babygirl”. the moment she saw you she realized that you were fully grown, not some little girl.  

due to that slight confusion she only got up to move towards you once you were only a few feet away, giving her a friendly nod as you already felt sweat collecting at your hairline from the effort of carrying your bags. “hey” you said as you stood there, slightly self conscious as she pushed up her sunglasses to take a good look at you, waiting a second before she said “you´re late.” in a stern tone that took you off guard. you glanced down at your phone “yeah by two minutes...”, suppressing a laugh because you knew that it might not land well. Tess was never the best at first impressions and she realized that she might have come on too strong there, so she pointed at your luggage “here, let me take care of those, you go ahead and get in”, so you handed her everything you´d brought, except for the smaller bag that held your books, water, etc., smiling to yourself and shaking your head as you got into the car, thinking well, this is gonna be interesting. 

you tried to find a casual way to sit as she got in on the other side and rested her hands on her thighs before turning to you.“so. here´s the plan” she started, before going on to lay out your next 30 hours or so, she kept it brief, telling you which states you´d have to pass through, including an overnight stay somewhere in Tennessee if she had calculated the amount of miles you could manage in a day right. you just nodded along, adding the occasional “sounds good”, not giving her any trouble, before she started the car. you tried to butter her up a little then “thank you for doing this by the way. I know you probably would´ve preferred to do it on your own so.. yeah I appreciate the ride, really, it beats having to get up at 3am to go to the airport”, she could tell that you were a little worried about being a nuisance so she softened her tone a little, “oh it´s fine, really, besides I think he also had to do some convincing to get you to agree to this huh?” you laughed then, “I mean, a little yeah.”. she looked good driving, competent, you suddenly felt relaxed as you got comfortable in the passenger seat, rolled the window down a little, and started chatting with her about the surface level stuff that strangers always had to get out of the way when trying to get to know each other.

she asked about college, about classes, how you lived, roommates all that, you asked her about her job, her apartment, what she does on weekends, but after a while you both felt the other one getting bored so it turned a little more personal, you asked her “so, remind me how did you and my dad meet again? I´m sure he´s told me before but I forgot”. she thought for a moment, you just looked at her from the side, enjoying the draft of the wind that was cooling you down in the midday heat, “well, I think it was the second year of college. oh yeah I remember now, we were both at this awful party, like truly not the crowd any of us would have usually hung with, and we ended up in the garden smoking while things were escalating inside. I think we were both just glad to meet a somewhat sane person we could sit in silence with for a moment so yeah, guess that was that, we hung out a lot after that”, you nodded, smiling at the idea of them around your age. 

“well from what I´ve witnessed I think you´re a good friend to him. really helped him a lot when things were.. you know not great back then after the divorce and all that. maybe I benefitted too from that, him being more stable thanks to your support” she shook her head “okay you´re giving me too much credit there I think. but yeah I remember, it was a tough time. you were too young to remember much right?”, she seemed genuinely interested then, leaning over a little while glancing back and forth between the road and your face, “yeah I just remember bits and pieces. but you know, things got better for sure, seems like a distant memory now to be honest” she was glad to hear that, “yeah, from what I´ve heard you two did make a good duo” she´d heard endless praise from him, always calling you his angel to a point of her getting tired of it at times. 

by that point of the drive you were already outside of city limits, on the highway, so for a few minutes you both sat there in silence until you tried to prop your legs up on the dashboard. she immediately shoved your knee to signal for you to take them down “oh no absolutely not”, “what? why??” you protested, “you would snap in fucking half if I made an abrupt stop right now with you sitting like that, and I plan on delivering you in once piece, so legs down, now”. reluctantly you put them down again, groaning a little, rubbing your temples yet again, you´d done this motion a few times before, and it dawned on her then what your issue was, “late night hm?” you didn´t laugh, “yes.” your tone indicating that you were regretting it, and Tess felt herself warming up to you then, knowing that you weren´t some sheltered miss perfect, but someone who would do something reckless like partying before two days of travel.

“you need an aspirin or something?” she said, a slightly condescending touch to it, which made you perk up and prove to her that you were doing just fine, “I´m good, thanks” you turned off the radio because the song was getting on your nerves, some awful pop tune you´d heard one too many times, “god I hate that fucking song.” you got an idea, “do you have an aux?”, she eyed you from the side, “well depends on what you´re gonna play”, you cocked your head, in a way that said really?, so she grinned and reached down to hand it to you, “here, let´s see what you got”. you took the challenge, scrolling through your playlists for a moment, “I think a road trip calls for some oldies, what do you want, something fun or something serious?” she thought of it, “I think fun is better, something upbeat would do you some good I think” teasing you a little, “right okay, I got it”, you put on one of your favorite songs from a 90s band, the one you always went for when you needed to feel energized and hopeful, you waited for her reaction to see if she knew the song, “you´ve never heard this one??” you said, a little incredulous, the first verse was still building up as she shook her head “no”. “damn, what were you doing in the late 90s?” she answered a little dramatically “jeez I don´t know, getting stoned, being stupid?”, you smiled, enjoying the feeling of messing with her, “well clearly, otherwise you wouldn´t have let this pass you by” , “how about you save the jokes and we just listen huh”, Tess said while pulling her sunglasses down to her nose again, so you stopped talking and turned up the volume, setting down the phone before rolling your window down all the way, the rush of air giving adding to the intense vibe of the song.

after a second you forgot about her and closed your eyes, getting into the familiar groove of the song, even better on loud car stereos, holding your arm out of the window and resting your head on your shoulder, feeling the wind between your fingers, moving your hand up and down in a wave like motion as you mouthed along to the lyrics you knew by heart. it was a moment of you fully losing all concept of time and space and it felt great, Tess tried to keep her eyes forward but she kept looking over at you, the sight was endearing to her, it looked straight out of a vintage photography book, all those shots of young people sticking their heads out of cars to feel a sense of freedom, of adventure, your lips forming the words she was hearing, the song much better than she expected, very close to the kind of stuff she´d put on. after a moment she forced herself to look away from you and the moment she realized that she had to muster up willpower to do it her whole body ran cold as she thought fuck. no, not her. she tried to recover but at her core she knew it was too late, something about you was getting to her, and it was getting worse by the second.

once the song was over you opened your eyes and sat upright in your seat again, looking at her, waiting for her to speak, she nodded in approval “yeah that was good”, “well I´ve got more where that came from” you announced while adding a few songs to a playlist, so the next hour or so you both mostly talked about music, she recognized one song you´d picked and told a story about a concert she´d been to where that exact one was also played, it made her feel good to see your eyes light up as she recalled the story, she liked being able to impress you with something and over the course of that hour you grew increasingly comfortable with each other, laughing more freely, making darker jokes, in general acting more the way you would with a friend. while a slower song was playing, you looked at her, not too obviously, and had a similar feeling to the one she´d had before; you caught yourself admiring the way her bare arms looked holding the steering wheel, her skin already slightly tan from the weeks of good weather before, the way her her hair fell down her shoulders, a few lighter strands shimmering whenever the sun hit them, you caught yourself anxiously checking how you looked in the side mirror and thought fuck. this is how I act when I am into someone. you tried to deny it for a moment but it was clear that you were starting to care what she thought of you, including your physique. 

after a while she saw that you were battling fatigue and told you that you could rest if you wanted, so you did, using the sweater you had packed as a makeshift pillow squeezed between your shoulder and the window. for another hour or so she drove you two further into the country while you dozed off a few times but never really fell asleep, it was peaceful state to be in and she enjoyed the feeling of watching over you in a way, glancing over every now and then to make sure you still looked relaxed. 

around 2pm you were startled out of your state of half sleep by the buzz of your phone and as you looked at with tired eyes you let out an audible “fuck no.. ughh”. Tess was amused by that reaction, “what? crazy ex or something?” you shook your head, not even cracking a smile at the joke because your heart was racing all of a sudden, “no I wish… it´s my mom.”. Tess had heard enough from Joel over the years to know that you and your mom weren´t exactly best friends, and for good reason. as his confidant she knew the whole story, that she´d left Joel for another man when you were around 4 to move to another state with him, that Joel got custody, which meant that you mostly saw her whenever you were off from school. she looked at you as you stared at the phone, deciding what to do, “you gonna answer or?”, you seemed panicked, “I don´t know”, “go on and answer, you can give me a sign if you wanna hang up and I will find a reason, okay?”, you gave her a look that said thank you as you picked up. 

it wasn´t anything crazy, your mom was asking about your plans for the summer, if you´d come visit, how you were doing, but the way you were speaking was almost heartbreaking to Tess, it shocked her a little how your voice changed once you started talking to her, you sounded depressed almost, you spoke slower and with much less feeling, like you were putting up a mental barrier between yourself and her. thankfully the call only lasted a few minutes but it still left you feeling deflated as you put your phone down and sighed, Tess gave you a moment to relax before asking, “so, how are things with her?”, you shook your head, trying not to let it get to you, but the few times a month she called were always unnerving to you. “god I don´t know. it´s complicated”, Tess nodded, staring ahead, “I´m listening” something told her that it was a good idea to make you get it off your chest, so you tried to find a way to phrase it “it´s just.. when I was younger I stopped visiting her during summer when I was around 14 because she started accusing me of favoring dad, which is insane because of course I am closer to the parent I live with? so we kind of drifted apart, she never apologized or anything that went down and I was honestly fine with it just being dad and I. but then when I started college, all of a sudden she acted like nothing ever happened and tried to be all caring, asking me to come to her place more. but honestly, I don´t need all that anymore, I´m grown, I´m good without her. but I don´t know.. .” Tess took it in, “sounded to me like you really didn´t wanna take her up on that offer to visit in a few weeks”, you shook your head, “yeah I don´t wanna go, at all. but I guess I should”. Tess considered it, “I mean, you don´t have to. you can say no. after everything you went through, I think you don´t owe her shit”, that took you by surprise, it got to you, hearing someone put it that way, after being guilt tripped by your mom quite a few times over the years, “if you say so” you said, trying to internalize it, Tess nodded reassuringly as she stopped looking at the road for a moment and turned to you, “I am saying so, yes.”, a faint smile on your face then, which was relieving for her to see. 

about fifteen minutes later you could feel yourself getting a little dizzy and tried to breathe through it but Tess noticed, you´d gotten suspiciously quiet “hey, you good?” she asked, resting her hand on your shoulder for a moment, which did soothe you a little, the feeling of her fingers on your skin, “yeah I just get a little car sick sometimes, but it´s fine”, “okay let´s stop at the next gas station and get something to drink, maybe move around a little to get your blood flowing again, alright?” you nodded, “okay”, a light squeeze on your arm from her before she let go of you, leaving your skin tingling where she´d made contact, you found yourself wishing you could ask her for a hug once you were out of the car and told yourself to get a grip already.

once she pulled into the parking lot of the gas station you moved to get out but she told you to wait, quickly walking around the car to open the door for you and offering a hand to help you up, an almost shy smile on your face as you let her do all that, “thanks” you said as you stood up next to her, straightening out your clothes and stretching your legs while looking around as she did too.“we really are in the middle of nowhere huh” you said as you looked at the fields around you that were only interrupted by a few small farms in the distance, “hm, looks like it” but both of you took some comfort in feeling like you were far away from your usual life, completely out of reach. “okay let´s go” she said, motioning for you to follow her. once you were inside you saw a bored looking girl around your age busy on her phone at the register and about a hundred different drinks to choose from in the fridges, as you both scanned the various labels you agreed that a classic coke was probably a good idea, so you reached in and grabbed two, “we´ll need some water too” she said as she walked away from you for a moment to get some while you briefly scanned the bars of chocolate and candy, debating whether you should get some but ultimately deciding against it.“here let me go check out, I´ll join you in a sec” she said pointing at a bench outside of the store, urging you to go get some fresh air and shake off the feeling of dizziness that was still somewhat messing with you. 

you walked outside, taking in the air, a distinct smell of dry grass and dust, no noise at all except for the occasional car passing by. you sat down on the wooden bench and took some deep breaths as you felt your head getting clearer and your heartbeat becoming steadier again. once you heard the door slamming you perked up, watching Tess as she made her way over and flopped down next to you, handing you your coke, your water, and finally, dropping something in your lap that you couldn´t identify at first before picking it up: it was the exact brand of chocolate you had looked at before. apparently your eyes had lingered just long enough for her to see and as you looked down at the golden packaging you realized that she was admitting something to you in a way: the fact that she was paying close attention; someone else might have just written it off as a friendly gesture, but to you it seemed a little deeper than that, perhaps because you wanted it to be. you smiled at her sheepishly as she took a big sip of her coke, “thank you” you said, your tone all sweet, but she waved it off, not wanting any praise for it,“drink” she instructed, “and not just a sip, at least half that bottle, we need you fit again”, you nodded, taking the order, gulping down a good amount of the ice cold beverage, which did make you feel more energized immediately. for a second you both just sat there soaking up the sun, you weren´t facing her but your attention still went in her direction, the way she was sitting, relaxed and not afraid to take up space, the space between her jeans and shirt revealing a hint of her skin that made your cheeks feel hot, so you tried hard to look at other things, the perfect empty sky, the red truck that was passing by, the field across the road, anything but her, you knew by then how attentive she was, how little it would take to give yourself away. 

after a while she leaned forward as she pointed into the distance, “look, those are horses I think, right?”, you squinted your eyes, “oh yeah that´s cool, it´s been ages since I´ve seen one. or ridden one for that matter. I kinda miss it sometimes.”. she turned her head and eyed you, saving the suggestive riding jokes she could´ve come up with in that moment, “you really are a Texas girl huh?” you smiled at her, “well, in that regard I guess. but other than that not so much..” she raised her eyebrows, “no?”, you shook your head, uncrossing your legs to sit more comfortably, blissfully unaware of her trying not to stare at your thighs, “no. I mean, do I strike you as the southern belle type?...” she looked you up and down, “hm, no guess not.” a grin from her then as she thought about how you definitely weren´t what she had expected. you were charming her without even trying hard and it was beyond whatever she had envisioned before, having fun was not what Tess had allowed herself to hope for when she agreed to take you with her, but there she was, a few hours into knowing you, already completely won over, the initial skepsis nowhere to be found. 

for a second she completely forgot who your father was and felt the way she used to feel when she was hanging out with a girl she had a thing for, that slight buzz of adrenaline that tinged every interaction, the warmth in her chest, something passed between you for a moment, a silence that was a little too long and comfortable for it to mean nothing. you both could have stayed for longer but you still had a good few hours of driving ahead of you, so Tess clapped her hands together “alright, let´s go. you feel better right?”, you nodded emphatically as you stood up in unison with her, “yeah much better!”. she led the way and smiled to herself as she got back into the car, pretty certain at that point that you shared her feeling of this is much nicer than I expected.

once you were back on the road the energy shifted yet again, it was like there was an invisible barrier between you both that was breaking down by the minute, in some ways you were still feeling each other out, but in others you already felt like old friends, something was in the air, a sense of familiarity, even though neither of you had revealed anything too personal yet, there was an unspoken connection, the kind of thing that´s hard to put into words, a sense of I have a good guess who this person is deep down because I am similar. 

as you were getting further South you came across some of the insane Christian billboards that were very familiar to you, huge banners you could read from far away that said things about the rapture and repenting, one particular one you saw that afternoon made you laugh, so Tess asked “what is it?”, you read it out loud for her “Heaven or Hell, which one will it be?”, a cheap graphic design of fire and clouds making it campy almost, Tess smiled, “wow, right to the point huh?”, you leaned over then, looking up at her with a challenging grin. “so, what will it be for you?”, she briefly glanced over at you, wondering if you were actually asking her or just fucking around, “well I highly doubt any god would let me into heaven so. I´ll burn I guess” a dry way of delivering it, no laugh to accompany it, which intrigued you then, “oh yeah? what makes you say that?”, she could tell you were daring her to tell you something juicy but she just shook her head, staring forward, “you really think I´ll just confess my sins to my friend´s daughter?”, you leaned back into your seat then, crossing your arms, sulking a little “oh come on, I am more than that. I can keep a secret you know” she nodded, not unaware of the slightly lascivious tone you used for that last part of your statement, “I bet you can. maybe ask me again after I´ve had a drink or two”, that sounded better to you, “alright, I will”.

she took her right hand off the steering wheel and turned to face you for a moment, reaching for the golden cross necklace that was dangling a few inches above your chest, taking the pendant between her fingers, the sudden unexpected intimacy of it making your face flush, “you´ll have an easier time getting in I suppose”, you had to recover for a second after she let go and drove with both hands again, “this is just for aesthetic purposes. I don´t think I am a good candidate for heaven either”, she didn´t buy it, “really? what have you done in your young years that is so unforgivable?”, you shrugged, imitating her previous answer, “you think I´ll just confess my sins to my father´s friend?”. touché she thought, “right, I´ll just have to use my imagination then”, her voice low enough as she said it to worsen the heat you´d already felt because of her, so you pulled down the window further and tried to cool down while she kept thinking about what you´d said, because for some reason she could tell that you weren´t bluffing, that there was a potential for danger in you. a sense of guilt washed over her as she thought of you like that, like a temptress of some sort, you weren´t doing anything wrong, it was her own issue that she couldn´t get her mind out of the gutter, she knew this, but it was hard, for so long Tess had spent her days in a dull haze of boredom and apathy, so any hint of euphoria and excitement pulled her closer like a moth to flame, and as much as she told herself that she´d get burned if she wasn´t careful, she couldn´t deny that part of her wanted the pain, the ache of doing something wrong. for a second, as she kept driving, the sign, your necklace, the imagery of transgression and possible punishment for it felt like an ominous warning from some higher power, like something was telling her you´re going into dangerous territory, you´re losing sight of what´s right. you´re gonna reach a point of no return if you go down this road. 

thankfully there was enough scenery around to distract herself with, so for a while you both just watched the endless stretch of land that reached til the horizon until you agreed to find a place to stop and eat a proper meal, since it was already afternoon and you´d hardly eaten more than a few snacks here and there. you were in no place to be picky so you settled on a diner that had fairly enthusiastic reviews online and to your surprise the spot where it was located was beautiful, a few stores in the middle of nowhere surrounded by lush greenery, a white church and a few houses in the distance down the road. during the meal neither of you talked much because you were truly starved, sitting there across from each other in a cherry-colored booth, switching between devouring your food and downing multiple glasses of sweet tea, since the place was relying only on a small rusty fan to get some fresh air flowing. there was something deeply carnal about that moment, your tired and slightly overheated bodies getting a sudden rush of endorphins from the generously iced drinks and salty comfort food, the thick heavy air of the day hanging around you, you were both completely reduced to your senses and the moment almost had a dreamlike quality, something out of a film. 

neither of you were particularly bothered about eating in a clean manner, so you caught glimpses of the other person wiping their mouth against the back of their bare arm and it was a sight you couldn´t help but enjoy, seeing each other uninhibited in a way, watching someone indulging in a meal like that was not entirely devoid of eroticism: your lips glistening from the oil, your tongues licking up the juice that was left on them, deep breaths after particularly large bites. after you were done you both just sat there for a moment, before grinning at each other “god I needed that…” you said, running your hands through your hair while exhaling,“yeah I could tell”, she teased, you shoved her arm then “um excuse me, you also didn´t hold back there, miss”, she suppressed a grin and leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking up the last few moments of doing nothing before continuing the drive.

she told you that you could go wait outside if you wanted, after she got you to quit offering to pay and pushed you towards the door as she went to get the bill, so you stepped outside and took a look around, your attention immediately caught by a patch of wildflowers nearby. once you knelt down to run your fingers through the grass, admiring them from up close, you felt compelled to pick a few, so you were too lost in thought to realize when Tess came outside and approached you. she stood behind you and watched for a moment, endeared by the sight of you carefully choosing certain kinds of flowers, eventually speaking up “well isn´t that just sweet”, a clear hint of irony in there, a smugness to her expression as you turned your neck to look up at her. “oh fuck off, you don´t like flowers?”, she was standing with her hands in her back pockets, almost cocky the way she was eyeing you, “sure I do, but maybe not enough to do all that”, you turned back around then to finish the little bouquet you´d started, “or maybe you just know that your knees would give in if you tried to crouch down like this for more than a minute”, you felt a light shove to your back then, her shoe giving you a push forward that almost made you lose balance, “no I think my knees work just fine”, she said as you shook your head but secretly enjoyed it. “might wanna add some yellow to that” she said as she got down next to you and ripped a few honey colored flowers and placed them in your open palm “can´t just be blue and purple”, you smiled at her then, both of you still kneeling, “didn´t think you´d be the one to have an opinion on color palettes” you remarked as she got up again, brushing some dirt off her pants,“well, there´s a lot you don´t know about me”,  you got up too then, tying the flowers together with a few pieces of grass. “I know. it´s not easy getting information out of you”, you said as you both walked to the car again, a carefree nature to the way you were skipping down the street behind her, revived from the meal, she considered it “you´ve got a point, I´m not a very open person I guess”, you smiled, “well, we still have a day, we can work on that” she laughed, “so you´re trying to fix me now?”, you looked at her from across the car as you both stood in front of your sides of it, waiting a second before getting in,“no, just trying to figure you out”, an earnestness to that statement that made Tess feel uneasy, knowing that she was on thin ice, that you could catch a glimpse of something if you looked closely enough, but again, there was also the need to let you see it, to be reckless.

you decided to aim for two more hours of driving, which would mean that you´d reach the motel around 8, leaving you about 6 more hours to get through the next day. the sun had become less blinding by then, the light more golden, the shadows longer and it made everything around you look even more picturesque, you´d forgotten just how much you environment impacted you, after months of never leaving the city you could feel your body waking up again, desperately trying to soak up all the details, all the ways you were confronted with beauty you weren´t used to. 

you tried to come up with ways to pass the remaining time, eventually settling on trying to read Tess´s birth chart for her after having to convince her for 15 minutes to give you her birth time because she was skeptical about what the website might say about her, so then you just sat there picking and choosing which parts of the analysis to tell her, mostly reading the flattering parts out loud, adjectives like “determined, strong willed, pragmatic”, purposely skipping over the part that called a particular placement indicative of her being a “passionate lover, sometimes to a fault, not afraid of breaking taboos”, but taking note of it, smiling to yourself. you could tell that she was just pretending to find it silly, her expression gave away that it was nice to have you entertaining her with something lighthearted, it was comforting to her, your voice, your attempts to get her to laugh, which worked most of the time. a few times she looked over at you, the way your face was glowing in the orange light, and got hit by such a violent wave of affection that she kept the amount of times she did it limited. 

just as planned you, pulled into the parking lot of the motel around 8pm, both of you a little worn out and groggy, looking forward to the comfort of a bed. the first thing that you noticed was that the whole thing was painted a bright turquoise, it had faded a little over the years, an old timey charm to it, your best guess was that it had been built sometime in the 70s; there was a relatively large swimming pool in the middle of the court, a few plastic chairs outside of the floor level rooms, some guests sitting there smoking, a neon sign glowing in the setting sun, all of it more inviting than you´d expected, nothing fancy but a place that seemed ideal for one night. 

on the way inside both you and Tess pointed out certain details about the place to each other and complained about your sore muscles, groaning from the weight of your bags until you reached the reception, putting them down on the floor for a second as a young worker with a bright toothpaste-ad-smile greeted you so enthusiastically that you both needed a moment to gather your thoughts. Tess leaned on the counter as he looked at the computer to see which rooms were available, apparently you´d lucked out and came at a time where at least five were vacant, he turned to look at you again, and asked “so, is a room with two singles fine?”, which confused both of you for a second as you thought why the fuck wouldn´t that be fine? that´s exactly what we´re looking for?.

but then it dawned on you: you absolutely did not look like mother and daughter. he was trying to signal to you that he wouldn´t mind if you wanted a room with a double bed instead, he was saying that he wouldn´t be shocked by you two being a couple. as you realized this you turned your head away for a moment, stifling a laugh, while Tess was gripped by a white hot panic and quickly told him “yes that´s perfect! thank you!”, in an uncharacteristically high pitched tone. it was hilarious to you but not to her, you watched her face as he slid the keys to your room over the reception counter and wished you a good night, telling you to come back if anything wasn´t to your liking, Tess just walked away without answering, so you gave him a very polite “thank you so much!”. you could hear Tess muttering “Jesus Christ.” under her breath as she led the way down the hallway, clearly still unsettled by the previous exchange , which contrasted your own reaction, the delicious thrill you got out of it, that a stranger didn´t think it impossible for you to belong together. 

once Tess opened the door you both tentatively walked in, gauging the state of the room but there was nothing to complain about; the beds were both big enough to fit two, the sheets had quilted throw blankets over them with a rustic flower print, the walls were all wood paneled, the floor carpeted the same way it had been in the lobby, an old tv and an armchair pushed against the wall facing the beds, to others it might have looked like a room where people went to get killed in slasher flicks but you both liked the feeling of back transported back in time, the dusty smell, the muted color palette, it was more soothing to you than a brand new, sterile room.

“which one?” Tess asked, pointing at the beds, giving you a choice, so you picked the one next to the bathroom door, flinging yourself  down onto it face first in a dramatic fashion, arms spread out, legs dangling over the edge, she smiled, setting down her stuff next to her bed, near the door that opened to a little terrace near the pool, since you were located on the ground floor. she pushed it open a little to let some fresh air in and got some clothes out of her bag, “I need a shower” she announced, “yeah me too. but you go first” you said, still laying there, the exhaustion of the day catching up with you.

as you heard the water of the shower turning on you tried your best not to imagine how she´d undressed, how she would look getting into the shower, how her eyes would close once the hot stream hit her face, you tried not to imagine how her back would look with water drops run down her spine, you tried not to imagine her whole body flushing from the heat, you tried but failed, so instead of just laying there you found ways to occupy your mind with other things: unpacking, taking your shoes off, taking a look outside the window, stepping onto the terrace for a moment, still, the sound of the shower kept forcing images into your mind that made you feel defenseless and exposed in your longing. 

after about ten minutes Tess stepped out of the bathroom and found you sitting on your bed, scrolling on your phone, until you looked up and had to mask your feeling of awe, she looked even more attractive to you then than before; her hair had gotten a little damp and fell down her face in beautiful waves, her face looked youthful and glowy, she´d gotten dressed in shorts that were cut off right above the knee and a white tank top, since the heat had gotten more intense and humid the further south you´d traveled that day, and to make things worse the scent of her shower gel was streaming in through the bathroom door and it was an intoxicating mix of something creamy and musky, you breathed in deeply, feeling a tingling sensation all over your skin. 

she caught something in your look even though you were subtle, but she let it go, interrupting your thoughts “so, what should we do once you´re done freshening up?” you considered it, putting your phone down as she also went to go sit on her bed, “we should get a drink” you decided, “I mean, there´s that bar right across the street and I doubt there´s much else to do around here”, she looked at you then, “I don´t know if your dad would love the idea of me buying you drinks”, you wanted her to forget about him, about the sense of responsibility that she felt weighing on her, so you were insistent, “well he isn´t here, is he?...” a distinct sense of urgency to the way you said it, she could tell you weren´t happy about her bringing him up, and she could take a wild guess as to why. Tess couldn´t really argue with your logic and besides she liked the idea of unwinding like that after driving all day so she nodded, “alright. one drink”, “two” you responded, a grin, she laughed then “so, we´re negotiating now, are we?”. 

the shower woke you up and revived your spirits, you stepped out feeling ready to move around and talk again and as you walked back into the room Tess had thoughts that weren't dissimilar to the ones you´d had about her before, but she was better at hiding it, a brief look was all she allowed herself before she turned her attention back to collecting the keys and her wallet before waving you out of the door before her, forcing her gaze to remain cast to the floor until you weren´t in close proximity anymore, she knew looking at your neck from up close would have been a bad idea.

the sky had turned a muted light blue, sunset was approaching, and you could both feel the eyes of a few other guests who were hanging around by the pool following you as you made your way towards the street, you could tell that it wasn´t judgment but something like intrigue, both you and Tess realized that you made a rather striking duo, which gave you a boost of confidence, or maybe even cockiness, as you left the motel behind and approached your destination. the bar had a distinctly timeless look, it was the archetype of an american bar, a flag waving in the wind, about four different neon signs buzzing in the windows, the image of a blonde woman in leather gear on a bike spray painted onto one of the walls, lettering beneath that read “ride or die”, a few trucks and bikes parked nearby, a few metal trash cans and a bench near the back exit. “ever been to a place like this?” Tess asked as she held the door open for you, “no never” you said, “well, i´ve seen much worse, i think this should be fine” she mused as she followed you in. 

the room was spacious, there were about ten booths in a row alongside the wall to your right, a bar and a line of chairs all the way down the counter in your direct line of sight, a few pool tables and something that looked like a jukebox further back, a few different sources of light including multiple red lamps that gave the room a slightly sleazy feel. “what are you drinking?” you asked as you both approached the bar where two couples were talking to the bartender who all seemed to know each other, “hm, I doubt we´ll have much of a menu to pick from” you nodded, “right. how about you order for us, I´ll have what you´re having i am not picky”, you didn´t feel like awkwardly standing there next to her while waiting to be served so you went to choose a table, settling on a booth towards the back of the room, and from where you were sitting you could see Tess talking to the bartender, he was around her age and very obviously took a liking to her, he laughed a lot while she was talking, almost an obnoxious amount, keeping his eyes on her as he poured the drinks, seemingly starved for some pleasant chatting, and you couldn´t really blame him for being easily charmed by her because you were in the same place. 

after a few minutes she set two glasses down on the table and sat down opposite you, “okay, he was going on and on about how he makes the best old fashioned around, something about a special ingredient, so here you go”. you took one of the glasses and had a sip, nodding as you set it down again “not bad, but then again I am fairly easy to impress after the shit I´ve had to drink in college”, she smiled before drinking a good amount, “he liked you” you said while searching her face for a reaction, keeping your eyes on hers, but she didn´t seem to care much “well..good for him”, something about the way you´d said it made her suspect that you didn´t love the idea of other people hitting on her, which was an endearing thought, you getting a little possessive even though you hadn´t even spent a full day together. 

you both enjoyed the sensation of the cool glasses in your hands, soaking up the atmosphere, a vaguely familiar song playing over the speakers, the faint smell of cigarettes and old leather seats that wasn´t entirely unpleasant, you could both imagine people who lived nearby spending their nights there after a hard day at work, letting go of whatever was going on outside, because it kind of applied to you too. as you traced the rim of the glass with your index finger, spaced out, you could feel all the stress from the months before trying to leave your body at once, a deep exhale as you realized how far away from everything you were all of a sudden. Tess was leaning her head on her hand, watching you intently, a smile forming as she could basically see the thoughts swirling around in your head, “wanna tell me what you´re thinking, or no?”, she was being gentle with it, trying to coax you out of your shell instead of demanding answers, you came back to the present moment then and met her eyes, debating whether or not to tell her, but it felt good to be offered a space to express your deeper feelings, so you took another sip before asking, “can I be honest for a second?”, she nodded, “you can also do it for more than a second”, putting her arms on the table then, sitting upright, signaling that you had her full attention. “alright, well. I usually don´t really like to talk about this stuff with people because they either panic or give me pity, but I have a sense you won´t, so if I am being real with you, the past few months weren´t great. the whole second semester honestly, it all felt.. empty in a way? if that´s the right word. I did my work and went to class and whatever but other than that I didn´t do much at all, just didn´t feel like it. last year a friend of mine who was a grade above me graduated and since then I´ve kind of just been.. floating I guess. nothing really excites me, and it sounds ungrateful maybe, but I wish there was more to my life. there is this constant feeling of “is this all?”. I don´t know if that makes sense but yeah.. I am kind of glad I´m on a break now, it was about time. today was honestly the first good day I´ve had in a while…”.

Tess was´t exactly shocked, it wasn´t anything too out of the ordinary, but still, she did feel affected by the idea of you struggling with your frustrations on your own, she could see the way you were holding yourself as you spoke about it, your shoulders hunched, your eyes less bright than before, your hands nervously fidgeting with the orange peel in your drink. she leaned back as she spoke, partly to fight off the urge to reach out and touch you, your hand, your cheek, “no I get that, that feeling of wishing things were more exciting. you know, this might be a good moment to mention that I was a student advisor for a while in my early 30s”, that caught you off guard, “really??” a hint of a smile on your face as you processed the information, the image of her talking to people your age about their issues flashing in your mind. she nodded, “hmm, by far not the worst job I had”, you leaned forward then, your hands folded, your head resting on them, “well, advise me then” you said, a slightly flirtatious undertone that didn´t escape her. 

she thought for a second, “you know, I think what you said applies to about every other person your age. this might not be the encouragement you´re looking for but I think your 20s are kind of meant to be a shit show. mine sure as hell were, and I would honestly be more disturbed if you told me that everything´s perfect. I mean within reason of course, there are things that require intervention, but I doubt you´re the type to actually fall off, you´ll be fine trust me. you´re not the kind of person I´d have been worried about back then”, it worked. her honesty and lack of sentimentality about the whole thing made you feel much better than any bullshit “just change your mindset, just think positively! practice gratitude!” response ever could have. she was refreshingly calm, there was an ease about her that was comforting to be around, that was helping you relax, usually you felt like you had to shoulder everything on your own but around her it felt natural, to let yourself be more vulnerable for once. 

“you´re good at this” you said, grinning as you felt your worries fading, the enthusiasm about being with her taking over again, and it pleased her, seeing her effect, she downed the rest of her drink and smiled after putting the glass down “I try”, a moment of silence before she added “but you´re okay  right now, yeah?” making sure, and you wanted her to know that you were genuinely enjoying your time with her, so you quickly said “oh yeah, as I said today was really nice. I guess this would be a good time to say thank you, for doing all of this” Tess was still horrible at accepting praise “oh no need to thank me, you´re good company, the time flew by” the first explicit acknowledgement of her affection towards you, which made your face glow a little then. 

“I can listen too by the way, anything you wanna get off your chest?”, you offered, watching her getting more comfortable, crossing one leg over the other, “I mean, not really, but ask away if there´s anything you´re dying to know” she answered, challenging you in a way, the ball was in your court, and for a moment you considered asking something innocuous, but you thought why not just take the chance and ask what I actually want to know, so you tried to sound as casual as possible as you asked “is there someone waiting for you back home?”. she didn´t expect you to get right to the point but she respected it in a way, that you weren´t wasting time with boring questions, “do you think I´d be using my vacation days to go visit your father if there was someone in my life?” you shrugged, “I don´t know”, she shook her head, “no, I mean bless him but my friendship has its limits” you smiled, the relief of her not being taken a little too visible in your expression, “okay. so what do you do in your free time then, if nobody´s around to keep you busy”.

“hm. I don´t know, there´s not much to boast of, I am honestly pretty boring. middle age will do that to you”, you laughed then, “oh come on, I don´t believe that! I think you just don´t wanna tell me anything. but then again, makes sense that you don´t have much personal drama going on, I doubt anyone would try to mess with you”, she squinted her eyes at you, “what´s that supposed to mean?”, “well, you give off a very strong don´t fuck with me vibe”, she laughed too then, “okay I´ll try to take that as a compliment”, “it was meant as one. I mean I benefited from it the whole day, didn´t worry once about some freak coming up to me because i knew you´d take care of it”, that did make her feel satisfied then, to know that you felt safe in her shadow, “good. but I guess it does also scare people off sometimes” you could read in her expression that she might sometimes wish that she was softer, more inviting, “not the right ones” you responded a little too quickly, weight to the words, a seriousness. she looked at you and something passed between you, about ten seconds of you just wordlessly sitting there, thinking similar things, unwilling to say any of them, but you didn´t have to, over the day you´d both gotten good at filling in the other´s silences, reading certain looks. the mix of it being rather late, both feeling a slight buzz from the drink, the dim warm light, the feeling of almost having broken down the barrier between you all the way, the intimacy of sitting there like that, it could have led to something then, if you hadn´t caught yourself staring at her way too softly and forced yourself to look somewhere else before it was too late, Tess clearing her throat and adjusting her hair to distract herself from what had just happened between you. 

your gaze landed on the pool tables behind you, “do you know how to play?” you asked, changing the subject, “sure, I mean it´s been ages but I believe the muscle memory´s still there”. 

“I´ve never played it”, she was a little stunned then “never?? damn what are young people doing these days”, you shrugged, “guess we are too busy vaping and being on our phones”, a dramatic delivery, she didn´t give you a laugh but a look that said okay, very funny. “I mean, you could try right now”, you were almost a little shy then, she could tell and it was amusing to her, “oh come on, it´s just a stick and some balls, I think you can manage'', so you agreed “okay sure, why not. you´ll look fucking perfect next to me, so good for you I guess”, she shook her head as you both abandoned your seats and walked over, “ever heard of having fun? this isn´t gonna be an exam sweetheart”, the pet name hanging in the air and forcing a bit of color to your cheeks as you went over to one of the empty tables with her, running your hands along the old wood, the green surface, taking a good look at it as Tess excused herself for a moment, going over to the bar and promptly returning with two shot glasses in her hand, a grin on her face as she handed it to you, a carefree youthfulness to her demeanor all of a sudden, “here, drink this, loosen up a little” so you did, washing down whatever it was that she´d ordered, the burn of it making you cough for a second “jesus”. “so” she said, handing you the poll, “show me how you think you should hold it, let´s see what we´re working with here”, you tried to conjure up the images of people you´d seen playing and tried your best to mimic the pose, leaning forward. 

even though you weren´t looking directly at her, you could tell she was stifling a laugh, so you shot her a glare, “oh that´s very encouraging, I told you I´ve never done this”, she stepped closer then, visibly amused by your defensiveness, “well you could have been a natural but.. guess not”.

you were standing again by that point, “are you just gonna laugh at me or give me some actual tips?”, “right, okay, so that angle won´t work, it has to be lower and your hand has to be..” she knew that verbal instructions weren´t great, but she was trying her best to avoid the inevitable: going up and touching you to adjust your technique, since she knew how horrible of an idea it was to get that close to you, how hard it would be for her to keep the very small amount of restraint she had left in her intact, when sitting across from you had already made her feel insane. looking at you standing there, your skin glowing slightly pink from the light behind you, she knew that going over and getting in your personal space was about the last thing she should do, “the angle? what the fuck do you mean” you said, clearly confused, waiting for her to be more helpful, so after another moment of hesitation she thought  fuck it. I´ll just do it quickly, I won´t linger.

“do what you just did” she instructed as she approached you, so you did, still unaware of how close she´d get, you thought she´d just stand there and tell you what to change but then you could feel her presence right behind you and before you knew it she was pressed against you. the moment she touched you, any coherent thought left your mind and you were left trying to process all the physical sensations: her long hair falling down your shoulder, her face near yours, her deep voice mere inches from your ear, the front of her calves brushing against the backside of yours, and worst of all: her hand, her fingers adjusting yours, gently moving them into the correct position. suddenly, the whole room was a void to you, nothing around you registered anymore, your entire being was completely wrapped up in her impact and all of it made it nearly impossible to process what was being said.

“like this, okay?” she said as she could feel the shift in your physique, the way you seemed frozen under her, seemingly afraid but she knew it wasn´t fear, so despite what she told herself, she drew it out, staying like that for a moment too long, breathing in your scent, feeling your arm against hers, the warmth that your bodies were exchanging. for a moment she couldn´t help but savor the feeling of having that effect on you, against her better judgment she let herself feel the thrill of leaning over you like that until she came back to her senses and realized what she was doing, how her mind had made the jump to other situations where she´d be behind you like that, so to your disappointment she eventually let go. “okay, other than that I think it should be fairly easy”, and it was, for a while you both took turns, immediately making fun of the other one if they had a bad shot, silently mouthing along to the lyrics of the songs that were playing over the speakers that you recognized, a slightly awkward silence when it was a particularly romantic one. 

it was a nice and back and forth because both of you could feel the other´s charged gaze whenever it was your turn, you might or might not have done certain things on purpose, like bending your neck a certain way, biting your lip, pulling your shirt down so she would have a better view of your chest, if she dared to look, which to her own frustration she did, again and again, but you weren´t any better at self control, each time it was her turn you tried your best not to gawk her at her but she looked beautiful, her arms being the focus of the game was not ideal for keeping your pull towards her at bay. 

just as you were getting done with your last shot of the game, a young waitress came by to set down a drink in front of you, before you could finish the sentence “um sorry, I didn´t-”. she pointed down the room “it´s from the table over there”. you looked to where she´d directed your gaze and saw a group of three guys that seemed to be in their late 20s smiling at you a little too enthusiastically. “oh god no..” you uttered as you realized that they´d bought you the drink. they weren´t being too creepy about it but you hated the idea of having been observed without your knowledge, and you really didn´t want anyone to interrupt what you and Tess had going on, so you asked her “oh god, do you think they were watching us the entire time?” as you gave them a mild smile and looked away again, moving closer to her instinctively, “well if anything they were watching you”, she said, a mix of protectiveness and pride bubbling up in her, the former because she could tell you didn´t enjoy the attention you were getting, the latter because she thought tough luck guys, she´s more into me, which shocked her for a second, her sudden feeling of she´s mine, the way it went against everything she´d told herself about remaining detached. 

you got an idea then, “let´s leave” you said, as you reached for the drink that did look pretty good. without thinking twice you started guloing it down and when Tess realized you were trying to drink the whole thing at once she nudged you in the side “hey easy there”, but you were already finished by then, setting down the glass and exhaling in a slightly pained manner, she shook her head in disbelief, “are you trying to make yourself sick??” but you just smiled at her, a flicker of mischief in your eyes, and pulled her arm to make her follow you out, “I don´t feel like being watched any longer but didn´t wanna waste it, come”, so she let you drag her out, a smile on her face as she felt your fingers wrapped around her wrist.

by that time it had gotten dark and breeze that hit you as you stepped outside made you both sigh simultaneously, the parking lot was empty, it was just you and the intense atmosphere of a night out in the country and as you started walking you could feel the buzz of the drink you´d just downed getting to your head, so without asking first you steadied yourself against her, linking arms, feeling her slowing down her walk so you wouldn´t trip. after a while you realized just how comfortable you´d gotten with her, that you were acting the way you´d act with a close friend or a date, so once you´d crossed the street together you stepped away a little self consciously, but she didn´t mind, in fact, she almost reached for you to pull you back because she really enjoyed being held onto like that, but for what felt like the hundredth time that day she kept her hands to herself, clearly worn down from the constant effort of keeping suppressing her instincts, less and less willing to keep doing it. part of her was ready to just do what was wrong already. part of her was only waiting for it, the disaster, the point of no return. 

as you saw the pool that had been lit up by then, the delicious icey color that made the water look inviting, you got an idea, “let´s cool down for a second, come on!” you urged her, “you wanna get in with your clothes on?...” she asked, wondering if she was understanding you right, but that wasn´t the plan, you weren´t in the mood to shower again, “no let´s just put our legs in for a moment”, your voice giving away that you were slightly tipsy as you walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, submerging your legs in the water until it reached up to right under your knee, the smell of chlorine weirdly nostalgic, transporting you back to carefree summer days as a kid.

“yeah this is nice, come” you said, waving her over impatiently as she still stood a few feet away, watching you, but eventually she gave in and got down next to you, consciously leaving a space about the width of a hand between your thighs. 

the air was finally bearable, still warm but not too humid, it was an idyllic moment, a deep silence you never could have experienced in the city, nobody around, the feeling of the gentle waves against your shins, it lent itself to introspection so for a moment you both just watched your legs as you moved them around a bit, accidentally touching underwater a few times but acting like nothing had happened. eventually you broke the silence, “kind of a shame that we´re gonna be home tomorrow already. I´m having fun”, of course Tess felt the same way but she wasn´t just gonna say that, not too fast, so after waiting for an answer that wouldn´t come you joked.“you know, now would be a good moment to tell me that you feel the same way”, which made her laugh, “I do, of course. this has been nice”, you turned to her then, “well that didn´t sound very enthusiastic, you can do better”, she smiled and turned to face you, “what do you want me to say, hm?” , you leaned closer then, a dramatic tone as you said “oh I don´t know, maybe that you´re obsessed with me, that you´re having the time of your life, that you wanna spend weeks and weeks with me, that I am the best traveling partner you´ve ever had”. 

she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, fixing you with a questioning look, “okay you´re drunk, aren´t you?”, you shook your head, protesting, “no”, “okay got it, you want me to blow up your ego a little, huh?”, she tried her best to divert attention from the fact that your exaggerated remarks weren´t too far off from what she actually felt about you. you shrugged, “sure yeah”, clearly wanting something else from her, she shook her head, “you´re not what I expected at all”, “right, let me guess, my dad advertised me as his perfect little angel baby” she grinned then, realizing that you knew exactly how he talked in your absence, “sort of yeah”, “do you wish I was more like that?”, you asked, she cocked her head then, giving a look that said, of course not, “no. would´ve been pretty lame”, you were pleased by that answer and leaned back, your back against the stone floor with your legs still dangling in the water, “oh damn” you said, as you saw the dazzling night sky, the lack of light pollution making it a thousand times more visible than you were used to, “look!” you told her, pointing up, so she tiled her head, “oh wow, that´s fucking beautiful.”, Tess couldn´t remember the last time she´d bothered to look up at the night sky and it struck her then that the whole day you´d succeeded in making her wake up to the world around her again, Tess wasn´t used to sudden rushes of excitement and joy anymore, she´d given up on that a long time ago, but there you were, again, waking parts of her up that had been dormant for a while, a genuine warm smile on her face that others in her life very rarely got to see.

laying down you closed your eyes, stretching your arms out and feeling your chest rising and falling as you took slow deep breaths. Tess remained sitting upright, for a second she also closed her eyes, but then she glanced down at you, your peaceful expression, and thought if she was my girlfriend I´d lean down and kiss her right now, just to see her reaction, she could visualize it perfectly, an initial moment of surprise followed by you smiling against her lips, she knew she couldn´t do it, but she thought of another way to get your attention back, so after about a minute of drifting off into a state of deep relaxation you were startled out of it by the sudden feeling of water hitting your face, cold drops splattered all over your cheeks and forehead. 

you opened your eyes and shot up while muttering “what the fuck??”, and the moment you laid eyes on Tess, her smug grin, you realized what had happened, “just making sure you´re not falling asleep there” she said, eyeing you, clearly amused by your reaction, so you got the sudden urge to do something to her too, thinking I´ll push her in, but she was too fast, she saw the thought forming, so the moment you lunged forward and tried to force her into the pool she grabbed your shoulders to push you back, which left you two in a struggle for power, one that she was clearly winning, her grip way too strong. you tried to muster up some force but you were clearly weaker than her, and something about it was thrilling, the proof of her strength, and it registered, she could tell that you took some sort of pleasure out of being handled like that, so neither of you let go, your faces barely a few inches apart as your fingers dug into the other person´s skin, you kept staring at each other and all of a sudden something like fear flickered through both of your eyes, because you felt it like electric currents, the rising tension between your bodies, the heat; she caught you looking back and forth between her lips and eyes, you saw her leaning forward a little and eventually you could feel each other´s breath as your touch slowly turned form forceful to gentle, your muscles not flexed anymore but you hands still where you´d grabbed each other. you almost pushed yourself to close the remaining distance then, you were so close, but then a door slammed shut nearby and abruptly shocked you both into letting go of each other, coughing nervously, adjusting your clothes, listening to the footsteps of the person who had just walked out until they were gone.

Tess was the first to get up, mumbling something along the lines of “yeah uh, it´s late let´s go inside”, while you kept sitting there for a beat longer, cursing the person who had walked out because you knew you wouldn´t just get a chance like that again, you could tell she was spooked, so if anything were to happen, you´d have to initiate it, you knew this and it frustrated you. once you walked inside the room you saw her rooting around in her back, neither of you knew how to continue after all that, so she took the easy way out, announcing “I´ll go get ready, brush my teeth get changed all that”, you just nodded, a quiet “okay” as she left you standing there. 

the moment that Tess shut the door behind herself she leaned back against it and put her hands over her face, breathing out like she´d just run a marathon, her heart still beating out of her chest, she was near paranoia at that point, wondering whether the timing of you being interrupted right at that moment was some final warning from a higher power, giving her one last chance to stop, to control herself. 

she knew she should have been grateful to get that chance, but she wasn´t, deep down she wished that things would have played out the way she wanted them to, the feeling of your breath against her lips was still burning on her skin and it was not going to stop until she´d feel it again, until she´d get to give you what you so clearly wanted from her. in an attempt to calm down she stepped towards the sink and splashed cold water on her face before changing into a loose tshirt and shorts with fabric thin enough to be bearable during summer nights. once she had nothing else to do in there she was dreading going back into the room because she had no idea what you´d do, what she´d do. it felt like she was walking into a trap: you and her in one room for the entire night. 

while she was going through all that you were trying to busy yourself, turning on the bedside lamps, shutting the curtains, eventually just sitting down and pretending to be busy on your phone until she walked back in again. you knew that was your cue to do what she´d just done so you said “yeah I´ll get ready too”, leaving her some space. you were quicker than her in there and less panicked, if anything you were frustrated because you were still so worked up from the image of her almost leaning in to kiss you, the thrill of that anticipation, and it made you feel determined then, staring at yourself in the mirror as you thought to yourself you´re gonna have to do it because she won´t. go back out there and finish what you started. she wants you to. so after a while you mustered up a good amount of confidence before walking back out again. 

what Tess did not realize was that she´d made a grave mistake by turning on the TV because with that she had given you the perfect excuse to sit down next to her, since her bed was the one directly facing it. if she´d just sat there reading a book or laying down, you would have had a much harder time finding a casual way to get close to her again, but the moment you saw that opening, you used it, walking over to her side of the room without even asking her if you could join her and sitting down on the right side of the bed, your back against the big pillow, your legs stretched out. she didn´t acknowledge it, she didn´t look at you or say anything, there was a clear effort on her part of acting chill but you could practically hear her blood rushing. sitting there, gauging the situation, you knew you´d have to be shameless because she wasn´t moving an inch, you´d have to break her, hit her weak spots, so in a first attempt to do that you moved your leg so it would touch hers, your knees making contact, she didn´t pull away but she also didn´t react, so you waited, your breath starting to get more shallow as you felt her skin against yours. Tess was frozen up because her mind was saying push her away, tell her to leave, make her go to her own bed but her instincts told her differently, so you went further, laying your hand on her leg, which sent a shock through her whole body and made her shake her head, finally speaking, her voice barely above a whisper, “we can´t…”, almost pleading with you then, which made you turn to her, waiting for her to look at you but she wouldn´t, so you stopped being subtle. 

after a moment of mustering up all of your courage, you got up and moved on top of her in one swift motion, your legs on either side of hers then, straddling her, trapping her, Tess´s hands were gripping the sheets to keep herself from touching you as you got comfortable and put your hands on her shoulder, staring at her with a fire in your eyes while she shut hers from the overwhelming sensation. “we really shouldn´t be doing this..” she said but you shut her up by leaning close to her neck, breathing against her skin, “I won´t tell a soul, I promise, I swear on my life”, you could feel her shuddering under you, so you made it even worse, moving your hand to hold her cheek as you whispered to her, “please Tess. please..” drawing out the words, a neediness in your voice that hit her right at her core. begging was the thing that always got her to her knees, so her will was completely broken by then. the feeling of your weight on top of her, your bare legs pressed against hers, your scent that awoke a visceral hunger in her, your relentless pursuit, all of it was driving her completely insane and the decision was already made, she was just drawing out the last few seconds where she could consider herself guiltless. the moment she heard you whining the word “please” again, no part of her was hesitant anymore; she let go of the sheets and grabbed your face to pull you down into a kiss.

you both kept your lips pressed against each other for a moment, prolonging the intense thrill of that first contact, before pulling back and kissing again, and again, and again, an erratic nature to it, her hands in your hair by then, and the most freeing thing about the moment was that neither of you tried to conceal your violent desperation because you could tell you were together in the feeling, you didn´t even try to stay quiet, moaning into each other´s mouths whenever you separated for a second, the sounds lower and mure guttural whenever they were trapped inside of you, a constant shifting of you on top of her, your hands on her chest to steady yourself as she pulled your face close, the kissing turning slower and sloppier the more time passed; the moment you felt her tongue against yours you were a mess and she could tell, you were moving against her thigh, not aggressively but there was a clear rocking of your hips and it turned her on even more, to feel you using her as she felt your tongue in her mouth, an almost perverse nature to how you were going about it then, sucking each others lips, licking over each other´s mouths, while you felt only the thin fabric of your shorts separating the ache between your legs from the muscle of her leg, which you were using to create friction, but Tess couldn´t just stay under you, she craved more, so eventually she put her strength to good use, pushing you to the space next to her on the bed and pulling your top over your head, throwing it to the floor and immediately grabbing your tits after, staring down at you in awe as you moaned from the sensation, “you´re so fucking pretty..” her voice even lower than usual, getting you even mor worked up.

she bent down to kiss your neck as she grabbed your hands to keep them at your sides, your fingers interlaced as she savored the feeling and scent of your skin, you could feel it with every kiss, how much she wanted you, how she was keeping herself from biting your flesh because she wanted to taste you that badly, it was turning your sounds even more desperate, the burn of her kisses all over your neck and throat as she moved down and let go of your hands to squeeze one of your tits as she ran her tongue over the other one, your hands on her back then, moving under the shirt that she still had on, scratching her a little as your nails dug in with the effort to hold on as she had her way sucking on the heavenly soft skin of your chest, surely leaving a few marks, switching between kissing and licking, fully lost in a haze of pure lust by then, there was no shame, nothing holding her back from taking what she wanted, from giving what you needed, in that moment you felt more present in your body than ever before, every breath left you feeling more alive, you could feel each of her fingertips leaving a deep impact where they rested on your body, you felt warm all over, not the usual kind of warm but the kind that spreads from your core out into every part of you, a visceral warmth, it was a type of arousal you weren´t familiar with, and she could tell, she was also lost in her need but she was more experienced, so she knew she´d have to take care of you right, which she was doing, you were blissed out by the feeling of her on top of you, her unrestrained claiming of your body as you pulled her shirt up and begged “please, I wanna feel you”, which made her undress too then. 

the moment she was topless you grabbed her face and pulled her down to feel her chest to chest, giving her a deep kiss as you felt her tits pressed against yours, a sensation that felt divine while making out, so for a moment you stayed like that, flush against each other as you continued the needy slow kissing from before, this is what it is supposed to feel like you thought because you knew you could do just that for hours and hours and still want more, you could feel her long hair falling down the sides of your face as you kissed and you loved that one feminine part of her, you´d admired her all day so in that moment it felt like a dream to get to feel her all over you like that, after a while she became impatient, she needed more, she wanted to please you as intensely as possible, so she moved down and helped you out of your shorts, leaving you exposed, her hands running over your thighs while admiring you, but before she could touch you the way she wanted to, you grabbed one of her hands and moved it to your face, your tongue running over her fingers before she went along with what you were doing and put her fingers in your mouth, your lips closing around them to suck on them, coating them in your spit, which was enough to almost make her black out then, her breathing all kinds of fucked up, interrupted by a moan, as you got lost in the sensation of having her in your mouth like that, a distinctly perverse feel to it that thrilled you both, “you´re a good girl, hm”, she breathed as you let go and made eye contact with her, which she held as she moved her hand between your legs to finally feel how wet you´d gotten, an involuntary “fuck..” as she felt your slick heat, you were soaked and she was getting off on it, the proof of your need for her.

at first she just moved her fingers between your aroused lips to savor the warm velvety feeling, the absolute mess that she was responsible for, a distinct whining sound from you as she did it, “you feel fucking perfect” she assured you, sensing that you needed more, she was careful then, watching your face closely as she moved up a bit, looking down at you as she pushed her middle and ring finger inside of you, a slight gasp from you, “okay?” she made sure, “yes, yes” you urged, a breathless tone, as you felt the initial burn subsiding, replaced by the pleasure of feeling her knuckle deep inside of you, she let you breathe through it for a moment before moving her fingers again, her free hand on the side of your face, which you leaned into as she fucked you the way she´d been dying to, the rythm slow and intense, a secure skilled nature to her movements, she knew what she was doing, she knew how to get you to lose yourself, fully, you felt an intense throbbing and pleasurable ache at your core, it spread through your whole body as you let out soft cries from the sensation, your hips moving up to meet her hand, she could have stared at you like that forever, the way your face twisted when she hit a certain spot, the control she had over your whole being in that moment, the needy whines that left your lips that made her unbearably soft for you, “you´re okay baby, I got you”, the baby slipped out, she usually never said it to hookups but you were different, she felt a deep affection for you, it made your lose your mind even more to hear her call you that while she was fucking you just right, her arm was strong so she wasn´t going to cramp up, a relentless pressure on the spot inside of you that was making you unravel, “fuck just like that don´t stop please” you uttered in a breathless tone, begging her to finish you off, your nails digging into her back as she leaned down and felt you struggling to kiss her back as she kept her fingers inside of you to angle them just right and push until you couldn´t handle it anymore, her own moans getting louder again as she felt your walls clenching around her fingers, your body exhausting itself with pleasure, “you´re close hm?” she cooed down at you, a weak nod as your head fell back against the pillow, your hair all messed up by that point, “you can cum sweetie, come on, show me how pretty you look”, her words were the final push you needed to surrender to the feeling that you were still trying to keep inside, but it was over, one more deliberate hard push from her fingers and you felt every single muscle inside of you tensing up, you´d had orgasms before but not like that, it was fully body, hot and close to a spiritual experience, your mind silenced by the intensity of your physical experience, she was completely in awe, staring at you, her free hand flat on your chest as she slowed down but didn´t stop yet, giving you a moment to ride out your high on her hand, eventually pulling her fingers out and hearing a whine as she did it, the sudden emptiness almost painful for a second. Tess left you a moment to breathe, to lay there, spent and flushed and still unable to think, savoring the aftershocks of the climax, the soreness that felt good, the little pains of sex that made it clear you´d had a good time. 

after a minute she caressed you, your stomach, your hips, drawing patterns with her finger as she asked “I wanna taste you so bad.. can I?”, you still sounded shaky as you nodded and said, “yes, I´ll be a fucking mess though”, she grinned as she grabbed your thighs and pushed them apart to get between them, “good, it suits you”, so you braced yourself for a good amount of over stimulation as she started kissing your inner thighs, biting down as she got further up because she knew nobody would see the indents her teeth left except you, she could tell that you were still weak so she held your legs in place with a firm grip as she got her face where she wanted it, at first just pushing her lips up against your cunt to coat them in your juices, before using her tongue to lick it all up, a filthiness that she loved, a hum of pleasure as she held you in place and licked all over your core in broad sloppy strokes, “fuck Tess” you whined, because you could tell you were gonna cum again if she didn´t stop, you were still raw and sensitive from before so it didn´t take much, her fingers dug into your flesh to keep you from moving away from her face as you failed miserably at keeping quiet as she sucked on your clit and made you finish against her lips, not as hard as before but still intensely, you were emptied of any strength by then, slack against the sheets as she also tried to catch her breath, wiping her mouth before moving to the empty space next to you and laying down too. 

for a moment it was perfect, she was still high on the feeling of you all over her, the echo of your sounds  fresh in her mind, your taste still all over her lips, but as her heart rate slowed down and her thoughts became clearer again the reality of her situation came crashing over her; she looked at you, the proof of what she´d done written all over your naked body, your face, and felt like the walls were gonna close in on her, so she got up, giving your leg a pat as she said “uh I need to-” stopping for a moment to breathe properly “I´ve gotta get some fresh air, I´ll be back in a second”. Tess picked her shirt up from the floor, pulled it over her head and walked outside. you could guess why she was acting that way, what she was thinking, so you decided to give her some space before going after her. 

as you laid there on your own, you knew you should have maybe felt a bit of remorse but you didn´t, at all, you smiled to yourself as you waited for you limbs to get less shaky and eventually got up, looking down at the red splotches that she´d left on your chest, on your thighs, tracing them with your finger before getting dressed and following her outside. 

once you walked out the cool night air hit your face and you saw her sitting at the table right next to your door, occupying one of the two plastic chairs, so you quietly approached and sat down opposite her, eyeing her as her gaze remained cast to the floor, her fingers tapping on the table, a nervous habit. you observed her for a moment before asking, “hey, you okay?” in a gentle tone, she still didn´t meet your eyes as she answered, “yeah I don´t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I really shouldn´t have done that”, you could tell that she was genuinely beating herself up so you said, “well, I initiated so-” but she shook her head and looked up at you then, “still, I should know better. I am responsible here”, you titled your head then, “Tess you know we are both grown right? you did nothing wrong”, she kept looking at you, her tone lower then, “he´d fucking kill me for this.” she said, plainly, a hint of fear in there, you knew of course who the “he” in question was, and it pissed you off, “he doesn´t own me.”. 

that surprised her, the seriousness and slight hint of anger with which you said that, it was not what she´d expected and you had more to say on the matter once you saw that you had her attention. “you know” you started, crossing your legs and leaning back, “I spent so much time of my life catering to other people´s needs, I went through some pretty horrible times without ever expecting much help or understanding, supporting others through their shit while I was also taking care of myself, so I think I deserve to go after what I want for once without crucifying myself for it. I have considered everyone else´s feelings often enough, I think it´s about time I look out for my own needs too. and I don´t wanna speak for you, but you also strike me as the type to deny yourself joy for some reason, some self-punishment thing maybe, I can tell because I have done that myself. so I mean this when I say it: we have nothing to feel bad for. this is our business, nobody else´s. and I for one wont apologize for being happy right now, because I am” she processed it, that impressive monolgue, your passionate plea for self determination, Tess cracked a smile then “damn. you´re pretty fucking wise” you shrugged, echoing what she´d said to you earlier, “I try” a pause then as she relaxed and felt the darker feelings leaving her system, replaced by the immense excitement she´d felt before, “you´re not a bad person and this doesn´t change that” you said, “okay?”, she nodded, trying to believe you which was made easier by your confidence, “okay.”. 

Tess realized then that she´d messed up by just leaving you there right after doing all that to you, she regretted it, that her conscience had gotten to her and that she´d missed out on the chance to hold you and lay there together, so she looked at you, endeared by the loving gaze you were watching her with and waved your over “come here” she said, smiling warmly, patting her lap, so you got up and walked over, hesitating a moment once you stood in front of her, so she pulled you down and wrapped her arms around your back to hold you in place, “you should know by now that I am strong enough to handle you”, you put your arms around her neck and smiled back at her, feeling her move one of her hands to your thigh, squeezing gently as you stared into each others eyes. “I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have left you there”, “oh it´s fine really, I can only think about what you did before that anyway” you said, running your fingers through her hair then and she looked all blissed out in that moment, she loved having you sitting on her, holding you close while you were being tender with her, “you´re so beautiful.” she said, an emotional tone, you could tell that she really meant it, so you leaned down to kiss her, a soft and romantic one, it was a dreamy moment, you were alone out there, an ideal temperature by that point, not cold but fresh, the sky still sparkling with stars, you both felt nothing but gratitude then, to be ending your day like that. 

you laughed then as you pulled back from the kiss, “god. I like you so fucking much. I don´t know what´s happening to me” which made her blush, “yeah me neither. I think I was close to passing out when you got on top of me” it came back to her in that moment, “oh yeah?” you liked hearing her talking about how she´d felt in that moment, she grinned, her hand caressing your thigh as she spoke “yeah, you got me good.”, “well you did too. but you know that, I wasn´t being very subtle about it…” you said, recalling how utterly desperate you´d sounded all throughout the act, “no need to be embarrassed, you sound hot”, you were the one blushing then, “stop” you said, looking away from her for a moment, “oh don´t act shy now, I know you´re not”, she teased, and she was right, with her you weren´t. you rested your head on her shoulder for a moment as she kept her arms wrapped tightly around your waist, before you both felt your limbs going numb, “okay, we should probably get some sleep”, Tess said, so you both walked back inside, not giving a fuck at all if anyone had seen you doing all that out there.

once you were back inside she could see you stopping in front of her bed, eyeing it like you were about to get in, “no, come on, we already did enough” she said while giving your back a light shove to move you away, “I won´t do anything, I´ll just lay there and sleep!”, you insisted, all sweet and innocent sounding, “I don´t believe you for a second” she responded, so you sulked a little as you walked over to your own bed and pulled up the blanket to get in.

“okay, have it your way. but you´re missing out” you told her from across the room as she smiled to herself, “I´m sure I am”. you both got comfortable and turned to face each other, resting on your pillows, arms over the blankets because it was too warm otherwise, your expression almost sad then, “oh don´t look at me like that” she pleaded, knowing that it would be a horrible idea to give into your wish, to allow intimacy like sleeping next to each other, she was already way too attached. you kept thinking about how you were dying to be held by her again and it was visible all over your face, so after a moment of silence and her staring at you, unable to free herself of the urge to reach out, she couldn´t deny you any longer, “alright, get over here”, which she didn´t have to say twice; it took about one second for you to hurry over and crawl under the covers that she was holding up for you, gesturing for you to get in. 

the moment you laid your head on her chest, she put her arm around your back to pull you closer, her other hand finding its way to your hair, gently running her fingers through it as you made a humming sound of pleasure, “better?”, she asked, a rhetorical question, “much better, and I know you agree” you said, a satisfied smile as you closed your eyes and relaxed into her. “can´t remember the last time I shared a bed with someone” you confessed, a moment of spontaneous honesty, “me neither” she felt like putting her cards on the table too, which was new, she´d hardly shared anything about her love life with you before but she wanted to make it clear that she was not used to it, being that close to someone. the moment was soft, quiet and sacred almost, after a long day of trying to figure each other out, trying to hold it all in, it was such a relief to have it all out in the open, laying there in each other´s arms, tired and content and aware that it was no small thing for either of you, to trust someone, to be vulnerable like that, after having gotten used to being on your own. your hand slid under her shirt and rested on her stomach as you both started getting drowsy and drifted off to sleep after you said a quiet “good night. sweet dreams” to each other. 

later that night you separated in your sleep, sprawled out on either side of the bed, legs and arms only half covered by the blanket, a deep peaceful sleep, which Tess only woke up from once, immediately putting her hand on your arm to feel your presence next to her while falling back asleep again. 

around 7 am Tess couldn´t sleep anymore because she usually got up around that time at home, so for a while she just laid there, enjoying the serenity of the early morning, the feeling of your body so close, until she became restless and quietly got up, careful not to wake you. she cracked the door open to let some fresh air in, stepping out to look at the cloudless sky, watching a few people smoking and drinking coffee outside of their rooms. around 7:30 she was dressed and sat down in the chair in the corner of the room to read but after rereading the same paragraph about three times because she wasn´t paying attention at all, she stopped lying to herself and did what she actually wanted to do: watching you sleep. 

she sat there looking at you, your peaceful expression, the way your body was twisted up in the bedsheets, your leg that was fully visible over the blanket because your shorts had hiked up during the night, your face resting on your hand as you slept on your side. it looked angelic to her, like a painting that some lovestruck artist had drawn of their girl; the way some light feel through the curtains and hit certain parts of your skin, your hair, she was trying hard to memorize every detail because she had no idea if and when she´d see you like that again. it almost made her laugh to herself then, just how deeply romantic she still was after years of not experiencing much romance at all, it didn´t matter, it was still there, her devoted nature, her desire for something all consuming and life changing. for the right person Tess was willing to bleed and ache and do the objectively wrong thing if it meant seeing them happy, seeing them well loved and healed by her affection in some way, even if it was just for a short while. nothing in the world was more important to her than feeling like she was actively making someone´s life a little easer and lighter, so seeing you in her bed, looking like you´d just gotten the best sleep of your life, it made her feel like she hadn´t done anything too unforgivable after all. 

around 9 am she knew she´d have to wake you up so you could get ready without being in a hurry, so she sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed a strand of hair out of your face, traced your nose with her index finger. when that didn´t wake you up, she shook your shoulder, gently, which finally made you stir and open your eyes, squinting them at first while you tried to recall where you were. “well hello sleeping beauty. you´re not a morning person, huh?” she said, smiling down at you as you came to your senses and shook your head, your voice slightly creaky as you said “no”, blindly reaching for her and placing your hand on her thigh as you closed your eyes again, “hey come on, no, you´ve gotta get up”, she said, touching your cheek, so you forced yourself awake, stretching your limbs out as you registered that she was already dressed and ready. “wait, how long have you been up?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. “hm, like two hours?”, you looked at her then, “you should have woken me up”, “why? we don´t have to leave til like 10”, you smiled at her as you sat upright then, pulling her hand towards your legs which you´d moved onto her lap, “I wanna make use of all the time we have left together”, you could see a slight blush on her cheek then.

“just woke up and already flirting with me, huh?”, “yes, in fact I am. you look hot, I like this” you said, fingering the fabric of her button up shirt that she´d pushed up to her elbows, she didn´t say anything but stared at you in a way that made it clear that she enjoyed your shameless way of speaking to her, a contrast to all the subtext the day before, so she pulled you closer to kiss your cheek, feeling your arms around her waist as she did this, her lips moving to your neck for a second, getting a few soft sighs out of you that made her feel weak, like she should do more, but she pulled away just before a mark could form, taking in the satisfied look on your face before announcing, “okay, here´s the plan. we have to check out at 10:00, so I looked up places where we could get breakfast and I found this one that looks pretty good about 5 miles away. I think you could use some coffee hm?”. you nodded, moving your legs away from her and getting up from the bed, “yes sounds good, let me get ready, I´ll be quick”. 

after getting dressed you sat down at the small wooden table that had a mirror standing on it to take care of your hair and apply some skincare to your face, you could feel her eyes on your backside as you did this and it felt nice, to have someone silently observing your little morning rituals, to be witnessed by someone who clearly had a loving gaze directed at you. once you were done you joined her on her bed, “we still have 20 minutes” she said and for a moment you both just laid there, your bags packed, your room clean, nothing left to do. after a moment of comfortable silence, it hit both of you at the same time: the fact that you had no idea when you´d be together in private like that again; there was no clear answer as to when you´d share a room or a bed again, when you´d be free to do whatever you wanted again, so as you both turned to face each other, still untouched by any stress or exhaustion that the day might bring, your skin still sweatless and fresh, you both felt the need to touch each other, to do something, to use the bit of remaining time. 

you´d gotten very good very fast at reading each other´s expressions, so you knew she wanted you to when you reached over and slid your hand down her shorts, as she did the same thing to you, your arms touching where they crossed, both of you moving closer together to make it easier; it was very different from the night before, there was a slow sensuality to what you were doing, an intimacy that was pure in the sense that you just wanted to quickly make the other person feel good, no need to get undressed or make it a whole thing, a moment of desire that was comfortable and soft, relaxed positions while hearing the other person sigh and move their hips a little. you reached down each other´s underwear and started doing what you usually did when you masturbated, a laziness to it that lulled you into a state of arousal that was full body, intense but not violent or overwhelming. instinctively you started mirroring what she did, gentle movements at first, faint gasps from both of you, and it became a delicious game very quickly, to feel yourself growing hotter not just from the feeling of her fingers on you but the sounds that you were getting out of her, the sensations equally thrilling. Tess was obsessed with the way your lips parted, how head fell back, the way you needily pushed yourself against her hand, the way your sighs were slowly turning into moans, she could feel herself growing wetter just from that sight, it had been a while since someone had touched her like you were in that moment, so she was sensitive, an immediate throbbing sensation at her core the moment you increased the pressure of your fingers, matching the rhythm she was using on you then, a shared feeling of if i go harder, she´ll be louder, so you ended up pushing each other towards your orgasm at the same time, you didn´t even need to tell each other that you were about to finish because you could tell, your legs touching as you moved around more, finally tensing up as you came and felt the release tingling all over your body, a brief silence after you removed your hands from each other´s underwear and laid flat on your back, satisfied by the unexpected early morning action. 

eventually she got up and made a waving motion with her hand to signal to you to the same “okay, we should get going, get your stuff”, which seemed very typically Tess, following up a moment of vulnerability with a return to her stern giving orders vibe, but you didn´t mind at all, it was hot to you, her duality, the fact that she was so sweet to you but also had no problem bossing you around when she wanted to. you could still feel the heat between your legs as you moved to collect your bags and followed her out, a glow to you that was unusual, normally you looked mildly annoyed at that hour while walking to class, so it was a great contrast, to start your day on such a high.

the drive to the breakfast spot only took about fifteen minutes, which was a relief because you were both starving and in need of caffeine. you walked in ahead of Tess and were met by an older woman working there who reminded you of the women you´d grown up around, a cheerful demeanor, a thick accent and the immediate use of words like “ladies” while addressing you both, even though you definitely weren´t too ladylike, especially not Tess. it was an intriguing thing for her to see you talking to the woman as she assigned you both a table, the way you immediately slipped into a different vocabulary, the way she treated you like a sweet daughter of hers even though you were strangers. 

all Tess could think in that moment was if you only knew that she just jerked me off, a smugness to it, she liked that it wasn´t obvious at all to people what you were to each other, there was something undeniably sexy about being a secret thing. 

after you sat down across from each other there was a moment of silence and it was distinctly different to the kind that had hung between you the day before, it was comfortable and warm instead of apprehensive and charged, the kind that signals to onlookers oh yeah they know each other well, no awkwardness at all. after you ordered a good amount of breakfast foods to share and sat there waiting, you asked, “so, how long are you staying again?”. “two weeks. and I am so fucking glad right now that I declined your dads offer to stay at your guys´s place” she said, leaning back and crossing her arms, “well I´m not.” you said, which made her laugh.

“where are you staying then?”, you inquired, “at a friends place, she and her husband are out of town for a while, I am house sitting in a way” you pondered that, “hm right. you should give me the address”, “should I? so you can do what, come over at night?”, you shrugged, “maybe, yes, I´ll say I am going to a friends house”, “hm, I´ll think about it”, she said, but you both knew she´d tell you of course. 

“do you and dad have any plans?” you asked while keeping your hands busy with a paper napkin, absentmindedly ripping small pieces off. “kind of, we´ll go visit our college town one day I think, see how it´s holding up, visit old landmarks of our youth, all that sentimental stuff. other than that not much, guess we´ll see how it plays out. and you?” she said, leaning her head on her hand then, eyeing your curiously, “what about me?”. “you know, what are you gonna do with all your free time when we´re gone”, she asked, you thought about it, “god I don´t know. relax, sleep, go to this cafe I used to basically live in when I still lived at home. oh and I think my best friend from high school is coming back in a few days, so I guess we´ll hang out a bit”, that got her attention then, for some reason she imagined some beautiful prom queen type, luscious hair a bright smile, someone striking and charismatic, “best friend?” she probed, her tone low and a question hidden in there she wouldn´t explicitly ask, which you clocked of course and found charming, her inability to hide that she was the jealous type. “yes, best friend. she´s straight. besides, even if she wasn´t, not my type”, she relaxed a little because she could tell you weren´t lying, “right, a little too young for you, hm?” a cocky grin on her face as she said this, your sudden expression of shock giving away that she´d gotten you good with that one, you shook your head, “unbelievable..”, but you weren´t really offended, it felt good to be messed with. 

once the coffee and food were spread out before you, you both stopped talking as you were busy deciding what to indulge in first, you went for the waffles, she went for the pancakes that were generously topped off with chocolate chips and strawberries, a stark contrast to her usual first meal of the day which she hardly ever put much effort into. the thick syrup you poured over the waffles was running down the sides of them and pooling up so you used your finger to clean the plate, licking it off without thinking twice, but after a moment you could tell that Tess had stopped eating and just sat there looking at you, your mouth, you pretended you didn´t notice and decided to fuck with her a little, drawing it out, making it pretty obscene, the way you ran your tongue over your index finger, repeating it once you got the rest of the excess syrup off the edge of your plate; Tess was not subtle with her staring because it stirred something in her, the sight of fingers in your mouth, out of nowhere you felt a pretty hard kick to your legs under the table which made you stop and say “ouch?? what the fuck?”.

“I could ask you the same thing, we´re in public, you´re being mean” she said, “mean?” you said, raising your eyebrows, “yes, you know I can´t do shit right now”, you smiled at her then, pretending you didn´t know what she meant, “and what is it that you wanna do so badly?”, her eyes were still fixed on you, “how about you keep eating instead of giving me hell, could you do that?”, pointing at your cutlery, “sure.” you said, acting all nonchalant, drinking some of the orange juice and grabbing a strawberry from her plate as her demeanor relaxed again, “god..” she uttered under her breath as she picked up her fork again.

“oh by the way, you know you won´t get around at least one dinner with him and me right? he´ll insist”, you said,“yeah I know. should be interesting… I´ll just pretend you have an identical twin sister who is sitting at the table with us instead of you”, you laughed then, “sure, whatever works for you”. 

once you were done eating you sat there for a few more minutes, chatting, until you knew it was time to get back on the road. the hours that day predictably passed way faster than the day before, the way they always do when you´re starting to reach the peak of having fun and lose track of time. the first hour went by in a flash, the second was mostly spent telling stories about your lives that might amuse the other person, she of course had more years to choose from than you but you still found a good amount of stories from your adolescence that entertained her, neither of you had talked that much and that openly to someone in what felt like years, so you never ran out of things to say and never got bored, eager to connect and know more, even the seemingly irrelevant details about your lives.your bond seemed solid by that point, even though you´d only met the day before. two and a half hours into your drive the midday sun was beating down on the car and the open windows didn´t help much, so you decided to stop for gas and get some snacks and drinks, planning on a half hour break to cool off and regain some energy. 

once you were inside the station, you pulled her towards the back where people could get slushies, at least 10 different flavors to choose from, which didn´t seem like a bad idea to you in that moment. “oh I haven´t had one of these in ages, let´s get some”, she looked at you as you both stood there, “sweetie you know this is literally just sugar and food coloring right? like this is a fucking nightmare for your body”, you rolled your eyes at her, “jesus Tess, I didn´t take you for a health freak”.

“I don´t think it´s a health freak thing to not wanna rot your teeth”, you shoved her in the side then, “oh come on, live a little, you know sometimes the nasty stuff hits the spot”, she grinned then which made you register double entendre there, “oh fuck off just come here and choose, it won´t kill you”, so she gave in “okay okay, let me see”. you took a cup and handed her one too, “we should mix flavors I think, I remember that being good. I´ll do cherry and coke I think, classic. you?”, “hmm, I´ll do blue raspberry and coke”. 

after you walked back outside you sat down on the hood of her car, thankfully on your own, taking your first sips at the same time. “okay you´re right this does feel good” she admitted, immediately drinking more, savoring the feeling of the ice melting in her mouth, the sweetness giving her a rush while you just watched her, pleased with the sight of her all absorbed in the drink. after a moment of silence you asked, “wanna try mine?”, leaning over before she could answer, the distinct taste of artificial cherry transferred directly onto her tongue as you gave her a deep kiss, making sure she´d feel the residue of your drink, a quiet moan trapped in her throat as she felt your cold lips against hers, a distinctly youthful feel to it, using the excuse of tasting all the options as an excuse to kiss, to touch tongues, it was pure bliss for a moment, the warmth of the sun contrasted by the freezing drinks in your hands, your sloppy display of affection, the uninhibited nature of your desire for her, a sly grin on your face after you pulled back and licked your swollen lips clean, watching her use her hand to wipe hers while she shook her head and laughed to herself, her face flushed. “god what the fuck am I gonna do..” she said in an existential tone, looking over at you, the way you were using the straw to scoop some of the drink out, “like right now or..?” you joked, clearly understanding what she meant. “it´s gonna be such a nightmare to just leave in two weeks. I´m not built for casual at all, I can´t do all this and then just leave, that´s fucking insane.” you smiled at her, “yeah I know. about that, I kind of had an idea..” she was curious then, listening as you went on “you can say if this would be too much, but I could tell dad that I wanna go back to college a few weeks early, it wouldn´t be weird at all, a lot of people do it, and then I could.. you know. come visit. you could show me your city, your life” a bright expression on your face then as you imagined it. she eyed you, processing your proposal, “you´d do that, really? go behind his back and lie like that to come see me?” you shrugged, “absolutely yes”. 

it surprised her that you were willing to do all that and made it sound like the most natural thing in the world, it made it clear to her that she might not be alone in her slightly obsessive mindset when it came to what you two had going on. “I should probably discourage you from doing all that, but who am I kidding, that sounds great.” she thought about it for a second before adding “you´re really just gonna take the risk of living with me for a while?”, you laughed then, “risk? is there something you wanna tell me, criminal record or..?”, Tess shook her head,“no, I mean, not that I am aware of, but you know. you have no idea how I live, how I act in my everyday life, it could be a let down” your expression softened then, you could tell that she wasn´t used to having people stay over. “I grew up with a chaotic single father, I think I can handle about any strange habit you could possibly think of. I bet you´ll have to kick me out in the end because I won´t wanna go back to the dorms” she smiled at you, “well, I´ll drive you back to college then, see how you guys live nowadays. do young people still do a lot of drugs?”, she asked, half joking, “not the crowd I run with. but maybe I should start. any suggestions?”, you were alluding to her past which surely included more than one experiment with recreational drug use “none, don't start, it´s not worth it. but you know, smoking´s fine, your dad would hate that I am saying this to you, but I think weed has a time and place” you nodded, “we should get high together sometime. see what happens”, she nudged your leg with hers, “well I think I know what would happen”, a grin on your face as she said this, “I´d hope so” you said, brushing your knee against hers as you both finished your drinks, getting rid of the cups once there was only a small layer of colorless ice left at the bottom. 

you had about four hours of driving left, and after about one too many times of you distracting her by touching her, she took you up on your offer to take a break from driving and let you do it for the remaining distance. “I should have made you take over sooner, this is nice” she sighed, stretching out her legs and getting comfortable, doing the same shameless staring from the side that you´d previously done to her, which you didn´t mind at all.“you´re a better driver than I thought” she remarked, which made you turn to her for a second, “are you insinuating that you think young women are all bad drivers? pretty sexist Tess” you teased, not really meaning it, she smiled, “sure, you know me, huge misogynist”.

for a while then you just discussed the logistics of when and where you could see each other, which places in your hometown you might take her, when you might use the excuse of sleeping over at a friends place to spend the night at her place, and a few times Tess caught herself almost slipping back into the mindset of what the fuck am I doing here, but your words had stuck with her, she couldn´t remember the last time she´d felt that present and glad to be alive, so she thought of the sneaking around as something you just had to do, without building it up to be this huge moral issue.

 she looked at you a few times that afternoon and thought about how you had no idea that you were strong in some ways that she wasn´t, that you were teaching her certain things without even trying, it was an unexpected thing in your dynamic, that you were giving each other things that you needed without even having to ask for them. she was giving you a stability and security you´d been missing all your life, so often you´d been around people who stressed you out or who couldn´t control their moods, who relied on you to keep the peace, and being with her brought you a deep sense of calm because she was so opposite that, so attuned to how you were feeling, so willing to be the shoulder to lean on, both physically and emotionally. you were giving her a lightness and lust for life that she had lost a while ago, she was so used to settling for the bare minimum and just letting the days pass her by, that your sense of freedom and your way of making the most out of any situation you were in, paying attention to details and indulging in pleasures no matter how insignificant or strange they might seem, it was waking her senses up again, her need for more, for passion and fire, you were helping her see that there was no point in denying herself joy when it presented itself, just out of the fear that it might not last forever. 

around 5 pm you drove into your hometown and both of you suddenly quieted down, knowing that your road trip was reaching its finish line. you parked further down the street on purpose, you wanted privacy and no fear of being seen from the house for your last few moments in the car together, so once you pulled into a spot and turned off the ignition, you both sat there in a charged silence for a moment, a shared feeling of I don´t want this to be over yet. 

eventually, you looked at each other and she took your hand, giving you a reassuring squeeze, “ready?”, she said, “no.” you answered, a sharpness to your tone that amused her, watching you as your gaze wandered down onto your lap, the sight of your fingers intertwined, and all of a sudden a violent wave of emotion crashed over you; you realized just how much that time with her had given you, how fulfilled you were, how happy and carefree you felt with her, after missing that feeling for so long. you couldn´t do anything about the fact that you were tearing up and she could tell, “are your crying?” she couldn´t help but smile because she knew they weren´t tears of pain, you turned to her, a little embarrassed about it, looking at her intensely, a gentle touch on your cheek to wipe the tears as she almost felt her eyes glistening too, words weren´t needed, the way you looked at each other said it all. a spontaneous willingness to be risky made you both lean in for a kiss, even though there was a slight chance some neighbor or acquaintance could have been walking down the street, you didn´t care one bit, holding each other´s faces with urgency before pulling away and laughing, realizing at the same time how dramatic you were being. you wiped your eyes and shook your head, “jesus look at me…”, she grinned, “look at us. we´re fucked, aren´t we?”, you smiled at her, nodding, “looks that way”. Tess took the reins and moved to open her door, “okay, come on, we need to go”. 

as you walked down the street to your house you pointed out certain things to her, which house belonged to which crazy neighbor, where you´d once almost crashed your dad´s car right after getting your license, which tree you´d climbed when you were a kid. 

as you walked up to your house you felt her tap you on the shoulder, “you forgot something” she said, snatching her sunglasses from your head which you´d used to push up your hair during the drive, she put them on, giving herself the comfort of not having to make immediate eye contact with Joel once he opened the door, urging you to take the lead. Tess stood a few feet behind you as you rang the bell and he opened the door, immediately pulling you into a tight embrace, almost crushing you, “my sweet girl, look at you. I swear you get more beautiful each time I see you”, the hug lasted longer than the casual kind because you hadn´t seen each other since Christmas, a slight feeling of self consciousness as he showered you with affection in front of her. eventually you separated and he looked at Tess, a warm expression as you walked past him to get inside and left them standing in there in doorway as she walked closer. Joel greeted her “well well, and who do we have here” gesturing for her to also give him a hug, which she did, “hey Miller, been a while”, “yeah, too damn long” he said, glad to see her in person again since the last time had been over two years ago. 

he gave her pat on the shoulder, “I´ve gotta say, you look great” he told her, meaning it, “well, I´d say you do too, but you´ve aged quite a bit, my friend” she teased, which made him laugh, “ah there we go, just what I´ve been looking forward to, your unparalleled charm”. their immediate comfort around each other put her at ease, all the worries she´d had before about facing him after your time together, potential feelings of dread or guilt or terror faded away in an instant, replaced by a sense of excitement as she followed him inside. 

you had dropped your bags off at the bottom of the stairs and were waiting for them in the kitchen. once they entered the room he immediately went over to the fridge, “you guys must be dying of thirst, what do you want?”, you and Tess both pointed out the refreshments you wanted and took a few sips after he handed them to you, waiting for him to talk. “be honest with me, did she give you any trouble?” he asked, clearly addressing Tess but you spoke up before she could answer “which one of us are you asking?” you said, which made him laugh, “well, I guess both of you”, Tess chimed in then, “nothing I couldn´t handle”, you added to that, “I mean, putting up with you for two decades was good practice for one day with me I think” you joked, smiling at him, and he was relieved to see that apparently you had gotten along really well, “okay I see, you two seem a few things in common, huh” he was alluding to you both making fun of him, but you and Tess thought, well, you are right about that on many levels.

“so, tell me, what did you guys get up to? how´d the road treat you, hm?” an expectant look on his face as you and Tess briefly locked eyes, “you go” she said, keeping herself busy with her drink as you tried to find a way to talk about what had happened, starting simple with things you´d seen on your drive, what you´d had to eat and drink, little funny moments that you knew would amuse him, people you´d observed at all the stops you´d made, and his face immediately lit up as he heard you talking with enthusiasm, a kind he hardly heard whenever you called from college, a sense of pride over the fact that his idea to get you two together had been a good one.

Tess was lucky that he was busy paying attention to you, because as she listened to you talk from across the counter, the look on her face was not the look of an acquaintance or a friend, it was the distinct look of a lover watching their beloved, the kind that stops people in their tracks on the street with the need to witness proof of just how deeply humans can be impacted by each other, how bright our eyes can shine when we are facing what we love, whom we love.

once it was her turn to talk, it was your turn to be the lovestruck fool, admiring her as she stood there, the memory of her hands on you giving you a warm feeling all over, and all you could think was:

thank god I didn´t say no to going on that trip her. thank god I listened when my heart told me to do the “wrong” thing. thank god we still have the majority of our time together ahead of us, even though it feels like we already spent a lifetime together.

#tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #the last of us x reader #tlou #the last of us fanfiction