#OH and when i connect the fragility to the tenderness i dont mean that i believe hes like. secretly soft

[alexstorm]

IN MY OPINION, when someone (as Al appears to be) compartmentalizes their emotions, those compartments are engineered in part as a mechanism to protect their most vulnerable selves. It doesn’t mean they don’t have friends or don’t appear to have fun or appear to be normal, high functioning people… but it does mean that it is harder for them to expose the tenderness of their true identity without achieving extreme emotional intimacy. Being that exposing this is already difficult, letting someone see that part of you and then experiencing the pain of that ending makes it that much harder to do it again. Is it a coincidence that each relationship since has been with a partner that allows him to hide behind some major characteristic that distracts from that emotional intimacy? I doubt it. Arielle, I think was too caught up in establishing her own identity and too grateful to be with some massive rockstar to press him. With Taylor it was that plus substance abuse. He and his current dont even speak the same language, emotional vulnerability isn’t IMPOSSIBLE, but … c'mon. Haha. I dont doubt that Al and Alexa still have love for one another, I love my ex and know I always will… at this point I don’t really believe that those big loves ever die, but it doesnt mean you think a relationship should exist. Until Alex reaches a place where he can face things like honest emotional pain and allows himself to become comfortable displaying that without metaphor it’s likely he will keep choosing partners that allow his disassociation from the reality of his emotions persist. He is afraid of certain things, I suspect. And being a man of opportunity he is in a unique position to keep avoiding those things if he wants. Life doesn’t slap people of means in the face the way it does for everyone else. Also … I really think the sweater is just a fucking sweater for her at this point. If it really is his, it’s in amazing condition after all these years - I’d never get rid of a piece that holds up like that. I hope Alex pushes through and connects his feelings. There’s this mythology about art that it’s the divine conduit for how you express yourself, but like all things; that hits a plateau and the work will begin to suffer and become stale if you don’t change how you’re doing things. Lots of hope to Al. Oh boy.

* * *

I love this anon! You always come in with such thoughtful essays.

So yes, my A-level psychology level also taught me that compartmentalising usually happens when someone wants to protect themselves from certain feelings that have caused them major pain in the past. After all Alex is a fragile and sensitive (not meant in a negative way) artist. To turn out as great art as Alex does you have to have “big” feelings and be at least in touch with them whenever you want to create. But unfortunately for him, he’s now able to lock off those parts so well that he seems to have almost forgotten about them being useful in real life and not just for art. As you’ve said he needs to learn (again) to display his honest emotions without metaphors. And I think he wants to otherwise why would he then name “A Song For You” as one of the greatest songs?! Those lyrics are as straight forward as they get.

I mean I can relate to him not wanting to open up because of fear of getting hurt. That’s basically my whole problem as well but I’m at least aware of it and make the effort if I feel that person deserves it. In friendships as well as in relationships. The fear is still there but you have to work through it. Each time it’ll be a little bit less difficult.

What you said about the art mythology is my whole concern with Alex all along. I’m worried he’ll lose the “magic touch” one day because he’s not “living and feeling” properly anymore. I want him to create great music for a long time but if he’s emotionally unhealthy this could turn into physical addictions and worse. If I weren’t an atheist I’d say I pray for him but like you I send all my hope because he’s one of the greats and everyone wants to see him happy.

#submission #Alex Turner