#Lan Xichen is stabbed and feverish and thinks he's talking to his Jin Guangyao

[memorydragon]

re "what kind of writer am i" very agree with pain and help me. Love your fics so much!!! Also your characterisation is on point! Taking this as an excuse to shower you with praise and love for your art, your work is so amazing and every day I'm happy it exists and want to thank you for sharing it.

It has been so long since you sent this, and it's my fault entirely. I've been keeping the message to look at, since allos have been policing my fics again (I've mislabled a fic as slash when it should be gen despite there being a literal scene of post-coitus pillow talk, but what do I know, I'm aro/ace). So thank you, really, this message got me through a rough patch.

You still probably don't go here, but you hoped they'd understand each other, so have a bit of Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue... having more issues. XD

"I've been thinking about what you said," Nie Mingjue said, his arm dropping to wrap around Lan Xichen's waist. "About not wanting sex."

"I..." Nie Mingjue hadn't believed him. Had Nie Huaisang said something? With his back to Nie Mingjue's chest, Lan Xichen could feel his heart beat, solid and steady. The ends of his ribbon was trapped between them, and the realization made his ears burn.

"You accepted who I am," Nie Mingjue said. "And I admit it will be... challenging. But I would like to try."

Lan Xichen froze, barely able to breathe.

"Not sex," Nie Mingjue corrected with a curse. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I want to try a relationship again, without sex."

"But you..."

Nie Mingjue sighed, then shrugged, pulling Lan Xichen closer. "It's not like I can't get myself off when I want to. But compared to not having you... Xichen, Let's try this again, okay?"

He had missed this. The soft kisses, being held, being loved. Having someone who could take off his forehead ribbon and handle him without restraint. He couldn't give anyone a proper relationship, but he still felt so greedy wanting the intimacy. If he'd heard those words in the past, would things have been different? Would he have been able to keep this?

But this wasn't the past.

"Xichen?"

He pulled away from Nie Mingjue's embrace and faced him. "Thank you, Mingjue-xiong."

Nie Mingjue frowned. "What's with the thanks? there's no need."

Shaking his head, Lan Xichen smiled. "No, those words... They made me so happy." Cangse Sanren had gotten a happy relationship, despite being like him. Maybe for others, there could be the intimacy and love, but Lan Xichen didn't deserve it.

"I wish... I wish I'd been able to hear those words before," he said softly, still smiling. "Maybe things would be different."

"Xichen, what... Has someone hurt you?" Nie Mingjue's hand went to Baxia's hilt, ready to hunt down anyone who dared.

"You won't believe me," Lan Xichen said ruefully. "But I don't deserve this. You were right. I do trust too easily. I was the reason you were killed."

It was almost a relief to finally admit it.

The troubles of time travel are that scars that haven't happened yet still can't be erased. XD Also, remember kids, Lan Xichen is going through a rough timeline and his thoughts are not currently healthy. It's not greedy to want a relationship and intimacy. Sex is not a requirement for a relationship.

I've been debating doing another pause to type, but honestly, I'm getting into proper Gusu Trauma parties as the war starts and that's fun. XD

#Thank you again for the really kind message #It did help a lot #thegoldenavenger #mo dao zu shi #Mem's fic #mdzs #Time Traveled and Traumatized #And he's definitely traumatized #3Zun dynamics are too much for him to sort out at this time #and how they end up... also concerns Jiggy #And the scene towards the end of this bitch of a fic that is the reason I'm writing this #I'm actually almost to writing his first meeting with Meng Yao in this timeline #which is gonna be fun #Lan Xichen is stabbed and feverish and thinks he's talking to his Jin Guangyao #and why did you toss me to the side rather than taking me to mutual suicide with Resentful Energy Corpse Nie Mingjue? #while poor Meng Yao is gets all of his sins from the previous time line thrown in his face before he's even done them

[ibijau]

part 13 of the Nomad Nie AU // On AO3

Lan Xichen tries to defuse the situation with Meng Yao and to save his husband

It wasn’t easy, walking in this much snow, least of all after such a long ride. Jin Guangyao, wanting to make a statement to both sides of the fight, had stopped almost exactly midway between the Wen and the Nie, so they would all hear and see him and his hostage. Lan Xichen still did his best to rapidly cross the distance between him and the other two men. Before he even reached them, he heard his husband cry out for him.

“Xichen! Don’t come!” Huaisang shouted, trying to come toward him, only for the blade in Meng Yao’s hand to be brought closer to his throat.

“Be quiet, you!” Meng Yao snarled. “Do you think I would hesitate?”

Lan Xichen froze for a moment, his eyes meeting Huaisang’s. In a situation such as this, it wouldn’t be too odd for the kidnapper to inflict some small wound on their victim, just enough to draw a few drops of blood and show how serious they were. At least, it wasn’t uncommon in the novels Lan Xichen read at home, and while a little vicious, it never did any lasting damage to those hostages. But with Huaisang’s health, even a small cut would be dangerous, especially if they truly ended up taken away by the Wen. 

“Meng gongzi, please don’t do anything too rash,” Lan Xichen begged, taking a step closer. “Maybe we can still… wait, is that Zonghui’s sword?”

Having recognised a blade he'd seen so often while training, Lan Xichen stopped walking again, terrified for his husband’s cousin. Meng Yao try to laugh his usual polite laughter, as if they were just chatting calmly, only for it to come off somewhat maniacal.

“Yes! That idiot, can you believe he trusted me when I told him it hurt me to be tied so tight? Those Nie are really too stupid compared to civilised people, they just don’t understand deception in the least!”

A wave of anger mounted inside Lan Xichen upon hearing Zonghui dismissed that way. If Zonghui had listened to Meng Yao’s complaints, if he’d tried to be kind to him, wasn’t it proof that the Nie were nowhere as cruel and barbaric as Meng Yao had convinced himself they were? Didn't it show they had to have held him in some esteem in the past, enough so that his betrayal couldn't fully erase years of cohabitation and collaboration?

But looking at his friend, Lan Xichen figured the argument might be lost on him. There was a wild glint in Meng Yao’s eyes, and a flush on his face that made Lan Xichen suspect the other man might be running a fever. After a blow to the head as hard as the one he’d been given just a few days earlier, it wouldn’t be surprising if Meng Yao had become unwell. In that case, using reason would be no use at all, but perhaps emotion might still work.

“Meng gongzi, Meng Yao, please don’t do anything reckless,” Lan Xichen pleaded in a softer voice, walking closer and stopping just out of range of that sword. “I’m here with you now, so do we really need Huaisang? You’re always saying he’s a bother, so why keep him around? You should just let him go, we don’t need him.”

Meng Yao laughed disdainfully. “Lan gongzi, if we don’t have him, those barbarians will just kill us. We’re useless to them.”

“Surely they must value you,” Lan Xichen insisted, smiling warmly at the other man. “They wouldn’t have trusted you with this plan if they didn’t think you’re an asset. So please, just let Huaisang go, or else you know we’ll have the Khan eternal hatred and it'll be a hassle. Let him go, Meng Yao, and then the two of us will have a better chance to go home together. Wouldn’t you like that? Don't you want us to go home?”

Meng Yao frowned, as if considering it, while Nie Huaisang gasped in horror.

“Xichen, don’t!” he cried out. “They’ll kill you!”

Lan Xichen threw his husband a sharp look, hoping to silence him, but it was too late already, and Meng Yao returned to his senses.

“Silence, you!” he snapped, pressing the sword harder against Huaisang’s skin, not yet cutting but causing a small indent on his throat. Held like this, any wrong movement on either part might cause a wound. Huaisang froze, barely daring to breathe, which seemed to please Meng Yao. “Lan gongzi, it’s really safer to keep him with us for now, so let’s join the Wen before Xu loses patience.”

“Then first you must move that blade away,” Lan Xichen warned, unable to look away from his husband’s throat. “Or else, you might hurt him by accident.”

Meng Yao shrugged, the sword scraping slightly against Huaisang’s skin who went rigid with terror. He threw Lan Xichen a desperate look, tears forming in his eyes, and clenched his hands at his side to resist the impulse to push that sword away.

“If he’s hurt, he’s hurt,” Meng Yao said. “Actually, a little blood will show the Khan we mean business, wouldn’t it? I should…”

“If you spill a single drop of his blood,” Lan Xichen snapped, putting one hand on the handle of his own sword, “I will make you regret it.”

It was perhaps not the smartest thing to say at such a moment, but Lan Xichen was getting truly worried. Meng Yao’s eyes opened wide in shock at the threat, before narrowing as he seemed to reconsider the entire situation. Lan Xichen’s hold on his sword tightened.

Before either of them could move, the Wen leader barked something their way, startling all three of them. Again Meng Yao’s sword scraped against Huaisang’s throat, nearly cutting through it and leaving it slightly more red.

“We’d better get going,” Meng Yao said, his voice colder now even if his expression remained somewhat feverish. “Or else, that idiot will come take Huaisang without our input, and then it’ll all have been for nothing. You can come with us, Lan gongzi, or you can stay here and die with the Nie. And they will die, trust me. Once Huaisang is in Ruohan’s hands it's over, his brother will have to…”

“NO!” Huaisang roared, elbowing Meng Yao in the stomach.

Surprised by that sudden attack, Meng Yao moved without thinking, letting his sword slash into Huaisang’s neck. For all his talks of threats and his willingness to cause a war, Meng Yao looked stunned by the blood on his sword, the red drops on white snow as Huaisang fell to his knees. He looked up toward Lan Xichen, mouth open to ask a question, only to find himself stabbed through the chest by the friend he’d so desperately tried to protect.

They stared at each other, equally shocked that this was happening. But the instant Lan Xichen had seen Huaisang hurt, he’d acted on instinct alone.

"Lan Xichen!" Meng Yao shouted, spitting blood. "After all I did for you, you're choosing that barbarian over me? I treated you as my friend! I helped you, advised you, I was going to save you! And now you're…"

Unwilling to hear those accusations, Lan Xichen pulled his sword out of the other man's body. Meng Yao coughed up more blood and fell to his knees next to Huaisang, still glaring at Lan Xichen. 

Lan Xichen ignored him and threw his sword aside so he could gather Huaisang in his arms. Then, without waiting a moment more, he started running toward the camp while holding his husband, who had both hands pressed against his own neck. Behind them Lan Xichen heard Meng Yao throw more insults his way, his voice quickly turning weak between fits of coughing before eventually stopping. More importantly he heard the furious shouts of the Wen, the way they sent their horses after him. 

Lan Xichen heard it all and didn't turn to look. Looking would only make him lose time when the only chance of survival Huaisang and him had was to get to the Nie camp. If the Wen caught up with them… Lan Xichen nearly tripped at that thought, jostling Huaisang in his arms who moaned in pain. If they were caught, Lan Xichen would be killed for ruining the Wen's plan, while Huaisang would be taken away. Then he would probably bleed to death in a matter of days among those enemies who wouldn't realise the danger to his health. 

So Lan Xichen, with the energy of despair, ran through the snow. His legs and lungs burned, Huaisang was a heavy weight in his arms, but he ran. The snow was slippery, the ground uneven, but he ran. The horses were catching up to him, the camp still out of reach, but he ran, until he thought he could feel the hot breath of a horse against his neck.

Lan Xichen heard a shout behind him in a language he didn't understand, the sound of a sword being brought down, and braced himself. Yet instead of being struck in the back, there was only the unpleasant scrapping of metal meeting metal right next to him. 

Unable to resist his curiosity any longer, Lan Xichen looked back to find Mingjue and the Wen chief locked in battle. He slowed down, unable to tear his eyes from that duel until Mingjue, who had the upper hand the whole time, swiftly slashed at his enemy and sent his head rolling into the snow in a single powerful blow. 

Without a word, Lan Xichen and Mingjue looked at each other, both of them panting from their efforts. Then the Khan's eyes fell onto his brother, worry flashing on his face. Lan Xichen tightened his hold on his husband. 

"I'm taking care of him!" he shouted. "Do what you must!" 

Having said this he started running again toward the camp, this time with the Khan blocking the Wen's way. Even once he reached the first ger he didn't stop running, not until he'd taken Huaisang to their home and laid him down on some furs. 

A few people tried to come in, wanting to help. Lan Xichen took the medicine they were carrying, but still sent them away, knowing they would surely notice if there was too much blood.

Outside, the battle went on, noisy and messy but turning to the Nie's advantage by the sound of it. Inside, Lan Xichen was fighting another battle, trying to mop the blood steadily flowing from his husband's neck long enough to apply balms on it, just as he had before. This wound was bleeding more than the other one on his arm, weeks before, but it wasn't too deep and had miraculously avoided cutting anything critical. Although very pale and weakened, Huaisang was still conscious and even managed to whisper instructions on how to deal with his wound. 

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't struggled," Lan Xichen scolded him, fighting tears as he pressed a new, clean piece of fabric against the wound. "Couldn't you see Meng Yao was serious?" 

Nie Huaisang shrugged weakly, then winced in pain. 

"Better dead than used against my brother," he whispered. "Anyway, I knew you'd save me." 

"You're so unreasonable!" Lan Xichen sobbed, watching the fabric on Huaisang’s neck slowly turn red. "I swear, your brother is right, you're too unreasonable sometimes!" 

Nie Huaisang smiled at that accusation and tried to nod, only to wince once more. Lan Xichen started scolding him again, all the while crying heavy tears which mixed with his husband's unceasing stream of blood. 

This was how Mingjue found them when he returned, the battle won. Like the two of them he was stained with blood, though by the look of things, none of it was his own. He threw them a look so severe Lan Xichen feared he would be sent away. With everything that had happened, they had never had the chance to let the Khan know that Huaisang had shared his secret. 

But Mingjue did not force Lan Xichen to leave, only motioning for his brother-in-law to move aside so he could check on Huaisang. Lan Xichen promptly obeyed, relieved that someone more experienced was there to help. Mingjue lifted the piece of cloth to look at the wound. His face showed no emotion as he demanded more cloth, but his hands were trembling slightly as he pressed down on the gash, careful not to choke his brother. 

With great calm, Mingjue took over caring for his brother. Throughout the rest of the night and part of the morning he stayed with Huaisang, telling Lan Xichen how to help, sending him outside sometimes when he needed more cloth or medicine. 

Without needing to be asked, Lan Xichen remained elusive when others asked about Huaisang’s state. A neck wound could easily be a serious issue, so it did not seem to surprise the Nie that Huaisang was bleeding so much. They were a little more puzzled that Mingjue would deal with this alone, but ultimately they knew how protective he could be, and there were other wounded to be cared for after that battle, so everyone stopped insisting. For his part, Lan Xichen almost asked after Meng Yao, even after all this, before deciding it was pointless. Zonghui (who was well, in spite of a blow to the head. This Lan Xichen did ask) had taught where to strike to kill someone. Even if Meng Yao had initially survived, any Nie finding him would have finished him off for what he'd done, and the Wen wouldn't have any better feelings for him.

Around noon, Lan Xichen was sent to fetch some light soup. Mingjue, tired from his long effort, left to his brother-in-law the task of feeding Huaisang, only watching tiredly as he too ate something. Soon after, Huaisang fell asleep, and Mingjue encouraged Lan Xichen to do the same. 

Although he'd thought he would be too nervous to close his eyes, Lan Xichen passed out as soon as he laid down and slept a dreamless sleep.

In the first few days that followed, Huaisang's fate remained uncertain. Even if the wound wasn't deep, it was in an area where it wasn't possible to rely on compression to help stop the flow of blood. To make it worse, Huaisang developed a fever on the first evening, making his brother and his husband fear that they would lose him. Lan Xichen spent that entire night at his side, holding his hand, doing everything he could to soothe him. If Huaisang had to die, Lan Xichen refused to let him die alone. 

Thankfully the fever broke that following morning, and from there on Huaisang slowly improved. 

It would take a while for the wound to fully close, and Huaisang would have to stay inside and be careful for days, or more likely weeks, but his life was no longer threatened. 

When his brother announced this, Huaisang demanded a party to celebrate. Mingjue scolded him, called him spoiled and unreasonable, then went ahead and arranged for all of Huaisang’s favourite foods to be prepared that evening, or at least as many as could be managed in the middle of winter, so the three of them could indeed celebrate. They even shared some liquor together, though Huaisang complained heavily when he was allowed very little of it, only to then promptly get drowsy from drinking and needing to be helped to bed. 

Lan Xichen took care of that, carefully removing any unnecessary layers before wrapping his husband in furs for the night. Until Huaisang’s wound had further healed, they’d agreed it might be safer to sleep separately to avoid any wrong movements during the night, something neither of them enjoyed. Lan Xichen was glad to have that little bit of intimacy that night, even if it was somewhat ruined by Khan Mingjue’s jokes against his brother’s inability to handle liquor. But this too, he figured, was a good thing. If the Khan could poke fun at his brother, it meant he wasn't so worried about him anymore.

"I owe you his life," Mingjue soberly remarked when his brother-in-law had returned to sit with him, passing him the bowl of alcohol.

"You really don't," Lan Xichen replied, taking a polite sip. "He wanted to kill Meng Yao when we learned the truth, and I didn't let him. If anything, it's my fault he was wounded."

"You chose mercy," Mingjue retorted. "Menyao didn't. His choice got him killed. Yours deserve a reward. Name it and it's yours." 

Taken aback by that sudden demand, Lan Xichen looked away. He didn't feel like he deserved any special gift, just because he had done what he believed any decent person would have done. Besides, he'd already gotten a reward: Huaisang was healing, what more would he have wished for? 

"Anything at all," Mingjue insisted, guessing his thoughts. "If you want to be set free and go home, I'll allow it. I know you won't betray our habits to your Khan." 

The offer startled Lan Xichen so badly that he dropped the bowl of alcohol, spilling it over himself and the carpet.

He missed his home. 

He missed his brother, his uncle, even his father, though they'd never been close. He missed his room, his books. He missed the shop down the street that sold prints, the tanghulu their cook made when he was in a good mood. He missed warm baths, finely woven cotton clothes, and the elegant guan he'd been gifted for his coming of age. 

It would be nice to go back, and have his comfortable life returned to him. 

If he went home, Lan Xichen thought, it was almost certain that Huaisang would try to follow him. The Khan wouldn't be able to stop him, not if he was really determined. And that, of course, was the problem.

Lan Xichen, naturally, would be delighted to have his husband with him, this man he’d never expected to love as much as he did. It would be wonderful to show Huaisang around town, to make him taste new foods, to help him discover new entertainments. They would paint together, go to see plays, and pet Lan Wangji’s rabbits. For a while at least, it would be amazing. 

Then after weeks, or months, or perhaps years if they were lucky, Lan Xichen's family would start reminding him he needed a real marriage, to a woman who would give him sons. And once the initial joy of having Lan Xichen back passed, how would they treat Huaisang anyway? If Meng Yao, after years of living with the Nie, still only saw them as inhuman barbarians, how could people who knew nothing of life in the steppe think differently? And as for Huaisang himself, even if they loved each other, how happy could he really be away from his horses and his hawks, away from the brother he adored? 

Among the Han, Lan Xichen saw no future for them. 

Here though, among the Nie… certainly life was harder on the steppes, more dangerous as well, but it had its good sides as well. Lan Xichen had found that he liked the Nie, and they seemed to like him well enough. He loved his horse, and looked forward to riding it again in the spring. He hoped, also, that Huaisang would teach him how to hunt with a hawk. He wanted to be taught this, and every other aspect of their lives they might be willing to share with him.

"I have decided on the favour I want," Lan Xichen announced while trying to mop the spilled alcohol. "I wish to stay here, as Huaisang's husband. That's all I want." He paused a moment, considering something. "I also hope Huaisang and I might have our own ger at some point. It's normal for married people, isn't it?"

The unexpected demand stunned the Khan into silence for a moment, making him stare at his brother-in-law with sharp eyes. Then Nie Mingjue burst out laughing, while Lan Xichen blushed, hoping the other man couldn’t guess why he wanted them to have their own ger. 

He really didn't mind the Khan's company, and they'd become closer while caring for Huaisang, but… but at some point in the future Huaisang would be fully healed, and privacy would be very welcome.

“We’ll buy wood this summer,” Mingjue promised, “and you’ll help us build your ger.”

Lan Xichen smiled at him, grateful beyond words that the Khan agreed to this capricious demand. But then again, with how much he spoiled his brother, perhaps it shouldn’t have been too surprising.

They chatted a while longer the two of them, until the Khan had enough and decided to go to sleep. Lan Xichen prepared to do the same, but couldn’t resist checking one last time on Huaisang, just to make sure he hadn’t started bleeding again. He almost laughed when he came closer and saw Huaisang hastily close his eyes, pretending to be sound asleep.

Lan Xichen knelt down at his husband’s side, checking his wound, making sure he was comfortable. He then leaned closer, until his lips nearly touched Huaisang’s ear, making him shiver.

"Didn't I promise you I'd stay?" Lan Xichen whispered. "Stop being so worried about this. I'm choosing you today, and I'll keep choosing you every day."

Still pretending to sleep, Huaisang didn't reply, but he also couldn't refrain a smile. Lan Xichen pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek before getting up again. He sighed fondly as he prepared, overcome with love for this silly husband of his. 

Whatever the future held for them, he knew they would face it together.

#xisang #lan xichen #nie huaisang #jin guangyao #nie mingjue #mdzs #jau writes #Nomad nie #this is the long awaited character death chapter :)