#I wouldn't know how to structure this without having worked on Option Three and RSofC.

[meanderings0ul]

About to hit the 25k mark on my current Big Project. Am currently simultaneously:

A) tearing up at the scene I am typing

and

B) genuinely panicking about how many years this thing is probably going to take me to finish

#i am sure everyone writing a book does this exact combo of things #but o m f g #the scale of what this has turned into. the amount of research and worldbuilding work I have done this year. #last time i did anything like this it was 2017? that was a lot of time and experiences ago. #and while there's every chance i finish writing that project someday *i did not finish that project* #i'm so terrified my brain will flake out on this one. even remembering that i put down option three for months and still finished that one. #that one was nothing like the scale of this. this dwarfs RSofC. there is so much of my heart and soul and hopes in this one. #i think my guess of 60k range was...woefully off. i would not be shocked this hits 80k. would not be shocked it exceeds that. #i've done a novella and a thesis. this is a book. #i did not expect the notes i took down the night i saw M4 to become a book. but it did. #and i've learned so much as a writer since the last time I tried a Big Project. #I wouldn't know how to structure this without having worked on Option Three and RSofC. #I wouldn't even know how to *write* it without things I read in 2020. and things I felt in 2021. and things i've been able to say this year #this has become something so beautiful in my head and i want it to exist so much. #but i am such a slow writer. #i hope we're all still around to read it when it's done. #project: BinTG #and i think i wanted this to have for later #for whenever it's finally done #because i'm getting the sense that by the time it is my life will have changed so much again this moment will feel like someone elses #and i'll want some of this some of her some of me to have to look back at