#I wish I could approach it all with 'cool' nihilism like 'okay then just I'll do what I want' but I think what I want is meaning

[hadoriel]

Love suddenly bursting into tears because I want my life to mean something but life is inherently meaningless

#personal #SORRY just bad bout of sudden depression #I mean I have chronic depression but sometimes it just kinda pops in to remind me how much I hate life #really I think that sums up my very root for depression though tbh #I want my life to have meaning to it but am sidelined by the fact there's nothing I want to live for and that anything I do is meaningless #so I'm more or less just sitting around being mostly bedridden wishing I could die but sticking around just because people say I should #so I'm whittling away the time until this can finally end and at the same time enduring the horrible pain that is existing in general #what sucks too is nobody has any solution to it whenever I ask for help #it's just the same misguided attempts that I know don't work or just depressing the crap out of the person trying to help me #I wish I could approach it all with 'cool' nihilism like 'okay then just I'll do what I want' but I think what I want is meaning #but I know meaning doesn't exist so I just sit there like... cool then I guess I'll just waste my time here in purgatory #sorry again if this hurt anyone reading