#I thought I got these feefees out my system

[justwhatialwayswanted]

Time to write

#I thought I got these feefees out my system?? #mr krabs meme

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 47 - 48

My therapy bills have been steadily rising ever since I took on the challenge of reading this book.

If you recall correctly, last time we left off where some Ilkens attacked their ship and revealed the big baddie Erawan knows of her Wyrdkey. Chapter 47 picks up immediately after that reveal.

What, were you expecting an angry rant from me? Sadly, this book has crushed my very soul, and the quicker I stop criticizing SJM’s glaring flaws, the quicker I am freed from this demon.

Rowan hauled ass back to their ship, his magic near-flinging him through the air.

Man, I see why everyone says SJM’s writing is amazing. Love it when epic fantasy medieval Fae characters describe themselves as hauling their asses around, and getting all pissy at one another. Love it!

But Aelin wasn’t moving. Gavriel and Aedion, bloodied and limping, were barely moving. Fenrys, his chest a bloody mess with greenish slime —poison …

I’m sure these very painful injuries will never be brought up after this chapter. Rowboat decides to be the hero of the day and picks up a bow to shoot down the Ilken.

“A gold coin says he misses,” Fenrys rasped. “Save your breath for healing,” Aelin snapped. “Make it two,” Aedion said behind him. “I say he hits.” “You can all go to hell,” Aelin snarled. But then added, “Make it five. Ten says he downs it with the first shot.”

If these characters weren’t assholes, maybe I’d enjoy this banter. Also Fenrys, your chest is ripped open and soaked with poison, you should be knocking on death’s door by now, not making witty remarks.

Rowboat gets a clean headshot because of course he does, then tells Assdion and Fenrys to pay up, pricks. His words, not mine. The scene ends. Oh, I can totally see why a cliffhanger was necessary, so much happened after the last chapter ended.

Assdion is thinking about the battle and how he and his father fought side by side. Oh, fuck you SJM, give me that father son content!!!! I want Gav being a good dad damnit show me, don’t tell me!

[Aelin] still knelt over Fenrys, offering Rowan nothing more than a pat on his thigh as he stormed past to help with the other wounded. A pat on the thigh— for making a shot that Aedion was fairly certain most of his Bane would have judged to be impossible.

Another reason I hate Assdion’s POVs: they’re 95% him splooging over Rowboat and Alien. Like ungh we get it, Rowboat is the best warrior ever you don’t need to beat us over the head with it.

Aedion set down the pail of water [Aelin]’d asked him to get for Fenrys, trying not to wince as she wiped away the green poison that oozed out. A few feet away, his father was tending to a blubbering pirate—who had barely more than a tear to the thigh.

Hey man, not everyone can deal with pain the same way, especially not someone’s who mortal. Have you ever considered the pirate might be horrified and shaken up after witnessing his friends being eaten alive, that he might be in shock right now? Also, Gav is such a sweetheart for helping to comfort him. Lowkey shipping nameless pirate and Gav right now.

Fenrys tries to get Alien to tend to the others, which admittedly is rather noble and selfless of him, but dude, you got poison leaking out of your chest. Alien asks Fenrys how his magic works under the excuse of keeping him awake, but it’s actually so SJM can info dump at us.

“No one knows where it comes from—what it is,” Fenrys said between shallow breaths, fingers curling and uncurling at his sides. “But it lets me slip between folds in the world. Only short distances, and only a few times before I’m drained, but … it’s useful on a killing field.”

Oh, of fucking course nobody knows where it comes from. This is SJM on her knees begging you and I not to think about how her world works or why her magic is so inconsistent. She just slaps abilities onto her ocs and gives no thought as to how it all works in the big picture.

“What’s your shield made of, then?” Fenrys tried and failed to shrug. But Gavriel muttered from where he worked on the still-whimpering pirate, “Arrogance.” Aelin snorted, but didn’t dare take her eyes off Fenrys’s injury as she said, “So you do have a sense of humor, Gavriel.” The Lion of Doranelle gave a wary smile over his shoulder.

I love Gavriel..... I’m stanning him..... Wait every time I want to stan someone in this novel, SJM ruins them. Shit. Never mind.

“Lorcan was a bastard in Maeve’s palace, don’t worry,” Fenrys smirked, his bronze face wan.

Unghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bronze

“Your parents?” Aedion pressed when Aelin herself seemed to be straining for words. He’d seen her heal little cuts, and slowly repair Manon’s wound over days, but …

Fenrys is almost dying because of the massive wound on his chest but we really out here focusing on Alien getting exhausted, huh.... that’s the level you’ve stooped to, SJM............

Rasping, laboring breaths from both of [Fenrys and Aelin]. Aedion shifted so that Aelin could lean wholly against him, biting down on the weight it put on his already-swollen knee.

OH MY GOD WE REALLY ARE. I don’t give a fuck if Alien is a “”little tired :((”” from using her magic, FENRYS IS GODDAMN DYING. SJM STOP METAPHORICALLY SUCKING ALIEN’S DICK FOR ONE GODDAMN SECOND PLEASE.

Fenrys says that serving Maeve fufills the male Fae need to serve and blehhh its gross. But I don’t care, Gav decides to finally spill the beans on his backstory and HOLY SHIT I AM READY. GIVE ME THE CONTEXT.

Gav was a soldier who came from a noble family. Being the youngest of three brothers, he wouldn’t inherit or rule ever, so he became a soldier. That’s why Maeve took interest in him, and why he joined her.

[Gavriel] rolled his shoulders. Fidgeting. “I only hated [serving Maeve] once. Only wanted to leave once.” He didn’t continue. And Aedion knew what the unspoken words were. Aelin brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “You loved [Aedion’s mom] that much?”

I-I CAN’T BELIEVE... IN A SJM NOVEL... I’M FEELING EMPATHY AND SORROW FOR A MAIN CHARACTER....

So Gav fell in love with Assdion’s mom and was willing to attempt to break the oath to Maeve to run off with her. That’s just... so sad but so good for his character hhhhh Gav deserves the world........

Honor is my code,” Gavriel said. “But if Maeve had tried to harm either you or her, Aedion, I would have done everything in my power to get you out.

Shit, I’m such a sucker for this kind of parent/child relationship. Assdion also feels bad for being a dick to his father, so that felt amazing to read. Overall, this was a good scene. A lot is left unsaid and not jammed down our throats, but it clearly shows Gav was a selfless and as good a father as he could’ve been. Did someone break into the editing room just to patch up the scenes with Gav? Nameless editor, you are my hero.

Aelin pushed off Aedion at last, trying and failing to get to her feet. Aedion reached for her as the focus went out of her now-dull eyes, but Rowan was already there, smoothly sweeping her up before she kissed the planks. Too fast—she must have drained her reserves too fast, and without any food in her system.

Normally I’d bitch about poor wittle Alien’s feefees getting all the attention while there are men dying on the ship but whatever, that last scene put me in a good mood so we’re not complaining today, folks.

The chapter ends with Assdion keeping watch during the night with Lysandra. I can’t believe that chapter was actually decent and made me choked up... how will SJM ruin it? Let’s find out in chapter 48.

A low, rumbling growl sounded, and Dorian looked across the deck, to the prow. The witch was still there. Still tending to Abraxos’s wounds, as she had been all night.

P-PURE....WHOLESOME......Manon and Abraxos are truly a treasure in this dumpster fire of a novel....

Manon had not let anyone near him. Aelin had tried once, and when Manon snarled at her, Aelin had cursed enough to make everyone else halt, saying she’d rutting deserve it if the beast died. Manon had threatened to rip out her spine, Aelin had given her a vulgar gesture, and Lysandra had been forced to monitor the space between them for an hour, perched in the rigging of the mainmast in ghost leopard form, tail swaying in the breeze.

Manon: Hey so I have no reason to really trust any of you and you’ve made threats to me before, so don’t get near my only friend on this ship.

Alien: what a slutty bitch!! you deserve to have your only friend die!!! fuck you you bitch!!!!

Words cannot describe how much I hate Alien is there a scene where someone finally kicks her ass? Please I need it.

Dorito and Manon ““banter”“ for a while and I’m already falling asleep zzzz

[Manon] met [Dorian’s] gaze, as if willing him to see a century of all that she’d done. “I am not mortal. I do not play by your rules. I have killed and hunted men for sport. Do not mistake me for a human woman, princeling.” “I have no interest in human women,” he purred. “Too breakable.”

W.....what.....

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK AM I READING

Is this a reference to Sorscha???? The healer who died rebelling against the evil king??

YOU CONSIDER THAT BREAKABLE. YOU CONSIDER HUMAN WOMEN WEAK AND BENEATH YOUR FEET NOW. SJM. YOU FUCKING, TYOU DHAHKFGDJFGS DHFAGJFD HDSFGJD

I AM SO FUCKING FURIOUS LIKE HOW, HOW IS THIS IN A YA SERIES. THIS IS GOING TO TELL YOUNG GIRLS THEY’RE WEAK FOR FALLING IN LOVE AND NOT HAVING SPECIAL POWERS LIKE MANON. WHAT THE EVER LIVING HOLY FUCK SHIT IS THIS.

FUCK YOU, SJM. FUCK. YOU.

“So you miscalculated,” Manon said. “So [the ilken] tracked you. Don’t get distracted with the minor defeats. This is war. Cities will be lost, people slaughtered. And if I were you, I would be more concerned about why they sent so few of the ilken.”

Manon is absolutely right, of course, but Alien shuts her down and everyone pats her on the ass for it. God I am fucking sick of the narrative bending over backwards to praise Alien for breathing.

Manon said a bit numbly, as if it was the first time she’d even spoken it to herself, “I am the last Crochan Queen—the last direct descendant of Rhiannon Crochan herself.”

Because literally nobody can not be royalty in this series. Average people from normal backgrounds rising up to do extraordinary deeds? Pfffft, nobody will read or like that. I am going to proceed to cling to my copies of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and cry now.

Two queens—there were two queens among them, Dorian realized.

And two princes - Rowboat and Assdion were described as princes for whatever the fuck reason - and a king, which is Dorito’s crusty ass. No wonder my favorite character, Gav, isn’t royalty, everyone who is is an asshole.

“Maybe [Maeve] told Erawan [that Aelin is alive],” Aedion said. Fenrys whipped his head to the general. “She’s never had any contact with Erawan, or Adarlan.” “As far as you know,” Aedion mused. “Unless she’s a talker in the bedroom.”

Great, so now we can add Assdion slut shaming Fenrys to the list of his sins. Oh, but since Fenrys is a guy, it’s played off as a joke because of course men can’t be slut shamed, tee hee! I fucking hate you, SJM.

Fenrys says something that makes Alien think of Baba Yellowlegs, a character in the carnival in Cr0wn of Midnight. Turns out she was a fortune teller who is now connected to this plot because SJM totally didn’t pull the Fae shit out her ass for H0F, nope!

Rowan knocked on the door of their private bathing room. [Aelin]’d locked it. Walked into their room, then into the bathing room, and locked him out. And now she was puking her guts up.

Indoor plumbing.....private bathrooms...... on a medieval ship..... they have functioning toilets......in the medieval century......

THIS GODDAMN WORLDBUILDING. So what goddamn time period is this in? Clearly its like medieval Britain, they have monarchies and castles, and use swords/arrows but then they have shit like toilets?? You have to pick a time period and stick to it, gdi, you can’t pick and choose!

Rowboat flips because she locked him out. Maybe she’s sick and wants to be left alone, fuck face??? Seriously he’s being so possessive and controlling this is not healthy!!!

Ten seconds. Ten more seconds seemed like a fair enough amount of time before [Rowan] crunched down on the handle and splintered the lock.

Holy fucking possessiveness. Batman! I fucking hate this asshole.

Rowan looked at the bucket [Aelin]’d half filled, then at her bloodless lips. At the sweat beaded on her brow.

Oh, so this means no toilets? Well, I suppose I’ll have to apologize a bit for my rant, but having private bathrooms is still dumb. later Rowboat sees that everyone has gone to shit on the nearby islands.

Eyllwe. Eyllwe was burning.

Greaaaaaaaat can’t wait to see how these people’s suffering is reduced to nothing but angst for Alien’s feefees......

#the worm talks #the worm reads: eos #anti sjm #anti tog #anti eos