#I think I'm probably just going to get possessed by Curufin's ghost occasionally every so often until I die at this point

[paradife-loft]

ohhh, it just hit me (thanks Blind Guardian) - the reason I'd never really gotten anywhere on Curufin's response to Fingolfin's death, is because I was trying to poke at it from the angle of Fingolfin himself as a person (silly me).

no, Fingolfin's death is - this symbol like the kids are alone again, that there's no solid bedrock anchoring the order of things anymore. shades of the experience when the Feanorian host were the only Noldor who'd arrived in Beleriand yet. it's a traumatic echo of Feanor's death. it's another piece of Feanor being snuffed out of the world (because what Fingolfin is to him, is Feanor's shadow-foil; the sum of all his understanding of Feanor's feelings about him, and a spotlight shown on all the places Feanor is missing from).

(it's not something you'd ever talk about with Curufin, or really even bring up obliquely, for obvious reasons - he'd shut you down fast, and mean, and probably not even realize he was doing it or why. there's probably a while where even discussing Fingon in his new position around him would make him snippy - I mean, aside from just the perennial "that crown should be in our line" grousing.)

(and like, this isn't really the most prominent aspect of his various dysfunctions at the time, and it certainly doesn't linger at the same intensity for relatively long since Fingolfin wasn't a daily fixture in his life that way, but. it is very much still there. as if he needed another facet to that clusterfuck of an emotional life <3)

#I think I'm probably just going to get possessed by Curufin's ghost occasionally every so often until I die at this point #even this far in there's still something new to find #no good things for the poor sad elves #Curufin #'what'd you do at home tonight?' 'cooked dinner. listened to Nightfall in Middle Earth.' #'laid out on the floor staring up at the ceiling for a while getting lost in Curufin's feelings about the fate of the Noldor' #'y'know normal Tuesday evening stuff'