#I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else

[artykyn]

I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone

Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.

At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that. 

#sometimes I forget I lived in Pennsylvania for a year literally because I just don't share that memory with anyone #I haven't kept in touch with anyone I met there either #a whole (small) chapter of my life that feels like it had no impact #other than teaching me that east cost humidity suuucks #like.... yeah okay so I had severe depression for half of it and I learned how to get over it #so okay that's at least some personal growth I got from the chapter #actually you know what yeah sometimes even the *bad* or *short term* chapters of your life are actually really good for you #because even then you are learning a lot about who you are #I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else #and that I can make due living pretty much anywhere and doing anything. it's clearly not as important to me as the people I'm with #and that will indeed influence the next steps in my life and make my next chapters happier since I know what I do and do not like #Idk yet how long I'll stay here in Oregon. When I moved here I was prepared to spend 5+ years of my life in Portland #now I'm like. eh. pretty locations are fun vacation destinations but everything becomes boring when you live there and get used to it #so might as well pick the location with the people you love the most #or maybe everything just seems boring to me right now because I'm depressed again. whatever #i'll finish school and get a job and figure out my next life steps after that