#I feel out of place and it doesn't help there's not much gov housing in this area so it makes it obvious I'm the fucking poorfag

[fuumusu]

There was a time in my life where I would walk to the park and talk to everyone there and one time met a dude trying to steal fish from the lake and he gave me a hit from his pipe

#mine #I remember this time in my life vividly but barely at all I was like barely home just wandering around talking to anyone I saw #The bus stop was the best spot people were always the nicest people and I'd only meet them briefly #Miss my old neighbour who'd I'd pick up cigarettes for in the middle of the night when she didn't want to leave her baby #I feel out of place and it doesn't help there's not much gov housing in this area so it makes it obvious I'm the fucking poorfag #like there was just so many more gov houses in the old place and it was fucking nicer

[misery-has-no-company-now]

Hola :3

Ya got any angsty Gov hc’s 👁️👁️ If so may we pls have some 🫴🫴🫴

**you don’t have to**

Hola! Do I ever not have angsty Gov hcs-

(Implied/referenced physical abuse, PA and VA are not nice in this, mild references to trauma and a strong dosage of insecurities)

He's ambidextrous because he was forced to be. He was originally left handed, but thanks to the way things were back when he came into existence, he wasn't allowed to use his left hand. Virginia would tie his left hand to the table or chair so that he wouldn't try to write with it. Gov learned quickly to stop that, though his handwriting was really shaky with his right. When Gov tried to eat with his left hand during one dinner, an already angry Penn took out his anger on him and broke his hand to get him to stop. Even now that the idea has eased out of existence, Gov is scared of doing anything with his left hand in front of Penn or Virginia.

Also, though his handwriting with his right used to be shakier earlier, that has changed and the trauma of being forced to not use his left means that his hand starts shaking terribly whenever he even holds a pen in that hand. He can type just fine with both hands on a computer though, since that he mostly learned himself with a bit of help from Mass, who wasn't really so damn stupid as to stop him from using his left hand. Now, the only hint that he's not naturally right-handed is that he struggles to write his 's', 'z' and 'e' s (since these are tough for because of the angle they're written in, or at least that's the case as far as I know)

He doesn't think he's worthy of anything unless he works. He thinks food is a treat given to those who work very hard so that they can continue to do the same and that sleep is a reward he is undeserving of because it is only for those who don't have as many responsibilities as he does [guess who told him these two things]. He thinks that he can only take a break if it is justified - which means when he has overworked himself to the point of falling sick. He never rests because it stresses him out more to try and relax than to just continue working, since he always feels like he has too much pending incomplete work to not stop doing it - he doesn't actually, those lazy people at the White House just keep pawning off their work to him and he doesn't even realise it. He goes days with only coffee and water since he feels that's all he should get since those are intended to help him work better anyway.

Also - his entire existence has been connected to a use, to a purpose for which he was created. As a result, he feels worthless and useless if he thinks he isn't fulfilling his purpose - which is to work for the people. He's also really scared all the time that if he doesn't reach the high expectations everyone else places on him all the time, he's going to get replaced and thrown away. He's really insecure about this so he keeps on trying to prove himself by striving to do better and better, and falling into a pit whenever he thinks he failed (which is a lot).

He has trauma from all the wars he's been in but doesn't realise it. Nor does anyone help him either. Neither does he ask for it, because he was never taught that it was okay to ask for help. Rather, he was told the very opposite. He gets scared and flinches at sudden loud sounds, and wakes up from nightmares in a cold sweat, but thinks those are completely normal stuff.

When you're born in a fire, you think the whole world is warm. But when you're born alone, you find the fire cold. (I make little to no sense here just ignore this) Gov was born in the middle of a war, and he was left alone to his own devices for most of the time; so fighting is all he knows how to do properly, and loneliness is his closest companion. He doesn't have any friends either; with everyone either seeing him as the people of the government who keep making terrible decisions (and so blaming him for it) or just as someone to use for their own benefits (something which has worsened his trust issues a lot too). But he doesn't think he needs any either, since that's not required for his work, and he's been taught by a less than good at being a parent Penn and Virginia that he shouldn't do anything other than carry out the role he was intended for.

He's also not used to getting anything without working for it. Florida got him a gift once and had meant it as a joke but Gov got so emotional over it and kept asking Flo why he'd gotten him something since he couldn't remember what he'd done to deserve it that Florida started feeling guilty (a rare moment) and just took him to Loui's home for some good food since that's the only way he knew how to comfort him. [He gave Gov a break for exactly 2.4 days]

Speaking of emotions, Gov doesn't know anything about then. He was never allowed to feel, or express his feelings either, and so he never learned anything but anger (directed at him from others) and fear (of others). All the emotions he has learned about over time, he hides behind a mask and a trained diplomatic voice. No one, not even the people who should be able to, can tell when something is wrong with Gov - especially since they all think that he's just always stressed, and any time he shows some other emotion is just a variant of this stress. (NY, NJ, Mass, and Utah eventually realise something is wrong, but that's a long and far way ahead in the future.)

Speaking of stress, that's all Gov knows truly. Stress, coffee, work, and headaches - the four constants of Gov's life, with the added touch of being yelled at by someone for something he isn't to blame for ever so occasionally enough to be daily. That and pain. It's all he's familiar with.

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I've got many more, but I think this is enough for now so I'll stop here. Let me know if you'd like more though, I'm always willing to answer even if I don't do so until quite a while after you send the ask (but I love receiving them so feel free to send more asks). Btw I think this is the first time in a long while that you've asked me for headcannons without there being an ongoing conversation about these blorbos of us already, so that's there😂 /j. Sorry for the rather long wait to get this answer, but I hope you like it!

#referenced physical abuse #I made Gov sad again #welcome to the table #wttt #wttt florida #wttt gov #wttt pennsylvania #wttt virginia #but only mentioned #mostly #also in mentions - NJ & NY & LA & MA & UT #thanks for your ask!