#Happy anniversary to the show that fundamentally changed my brain and the course of my life forever

[junetuesday]

i'm always up to lending an ear, love! if you want to vent it out then feel free - cathartic release etc etc... I've been alright, busy with work and trying to write and generally being pretty all over the place in my own head, but i'm breathing and i have a pulse so we're doing ok! also, i have to ask... the GQ pics... i wanna see your responses: you favs/fantasies/causes of death✨

ahh ok i’ll put it at the end under a read more so people can ignore if they choose to haha, thank you

sorry you’ve been all over the place, but glad you’re doing okay!

GW pics… phewt. my favourites are definitely the brown leather jacket ones, and the one that’s my header/icon (and the others like it), but the BTS video was the real killer for me like the bits of him laughing i just—–ugh my HEART. BABEY. the cream turtleneck looks hella soft and i really want to borrow it/snuggle him in it lmao

the other thing that i can’t stop thinking about is just like, imagine looking through the pics with him and taking the absolute piss out of him because they’re such “”””model”””” pics gipejgoewgewgwtgw but yano in a loving, am actually super proud of you and you look fire kinda way

okay SO! just for reference there’s 4 sets of friends involved here - my best friend megan (who i met on myspace literally over 10 years ago), 2 friends from uni, 4 friends from my course at uni (aka pharmacy girls), and 4 friends from high school

16-18th august megan was here and we went to ariana grande and had a fun time, all was well

19-23rd i was in norfolk with the 2 non-pharmacy uni friends for one of their birthdays, went canoeing and mini golfing etc etc, still having a good time

24-26th i was up north with the pharmacy girls, because one of them got married! this was a bit tougher, i ended up ducking out early and crying/having to take extra anxiety meds etc

27-30th i was back in london, exhausted from my travels and just basically big sad. like, Big Sad. Cried for 10 minutes because the thought of sitting at the table and eating a meal sounded too hard kinda sad. by the 30th i was feeling better though, and i had the flat to myself from then on so that was nice

31st my friends from school came to london, we bought a load of food and wine and spent several hours in regent’s park and it was delightful. we talked about everything and nothing, laughed a lot, and i got properly drunk without crying or having a meltdown for the first time in well over a year (maybe even two)

1st sept one of my school friends had stayed over so we went out for lunch before she had to go home, a pretty chill day tho i was a bit sad after she left (but in an aw that was nice i love my friends kinda way)

3rd-6th i talked about here and in the midst of that i got a new laptop lmao (edit: the 3rd was also the one year anniversary of my dad’s death so that was weird) 

then sunday i saw my brother for the afternoon/evening which is always nice and then today i finally managed to chase up the outcome of a mental health assessment i had two months ago SO basically they just discharged me back to my GP and recommended they change my antidepressants. which is fine, i’m happy to do that because the ones im on clearly aren’t working, it’s just that lately i’ve been struggling a lot with feeling like people don’t think i’m trying hard enough to get better (for context i’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety but the last two years have been really shitty, like quit my job and became a recluse shitty) and i was kind of hoping this assessment would show that there’s something else like fundamentally wrong with me other than “just depression and anxiety”, like that would serve as evidence that i’m not just being lazy?? but at the end of the day i know it is a good thing that there isn’t anything more severe wrong with me, and i am trying my best and “just depression” isn’t a thing and that my family do love and support me it’s just my brain being mean to me as usual, and in any case the diagnosis doesn’t really change the course of action, it’s still gonna be meds and therapy. 

so yeah that’s where i’m up to! that was long and im sorry! but if anyone was wondering lmao hi

#personal #tw depression #tw anxiety #tw mental health #aossi