#HOW BAAAAD CAN I BE? IM JUST DOING WHAT COMES NATURALLY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

actualbird · 3 years

Note

may i raise: artem mr 99% win rate senior attorney at 28 or whatever wing, driven to full blown laughter in the nxx headquarters. the reason: some dumb joke luke says that just so happens to cater to artem's Oddly Specific Sense of Humor

I LOVE THIS ASK SO MUCH BECAUSE I LOVE HUMOR. and humor theory, humor studies, linguistics of humor, senses of humor, just, oh man, you hit something here, anon. im kind of sorry for what this answer is going to be because i have thoughts and by god am i going to tell you all of them

i like to think a weird little thing happens, among the NXX Investigation Team: marius wants to know what exactly can make the other members of the team lose their fucking marbles.

mc was his first target and she was very easy to crack. she likes videos of animals doing cute yet silly things and was brought to wheezing laughter at a video of a golden retriever valiantly trying so hard to catch food in his mouth but missing every single time. with further prodding, marius also finds out shes into memes and jokes from medias shes familiar with.

vyn was next and he took a bit of thinking, from marius. marius needed to get vyn right on the first try because he's sure that if he fails once, vyn will give him THE most smarmy unimpressed expression ever and marius will have to be physically held back from punching him in the face. so he thinks about vyn's personality and background, thinks about maybe psychology jokes, but then marius comes to a conclusion that he believes enough to hazard a try. one day, when he and vyn are waiting in the nxx meeting room, marius sends him a tweet. with bated breath, he watches vyn notice it, open it, and then emit just the softest little "hehehe"

which, from vyn, is honestly as boisterous as his laughter is ever going to get.

the cause of the laughter? that video of a dude being pushed from a platform into the dark abyss, his scream echoing, from the Perfectly Cut Screams twitter.

because vyn is like, insane.

marius decides to leave artem for last (because duhhh marius has barely seen artem smile, is he even capable of laughter?? artem is going to be marius' Boss Level, he goes last) so next on the laugh train is luke.

but luke has figured out that marius is on a mission and luke, an arrogant shithead in his own way, refuses to let marius break him.

marius wants to STRANGLE LUKE. marius has sent him memes of olde, memes of new, comedy sketches, tiktok compilations, vine compilations, and luke does not laugh. marius is damn sure he would have, at some of those things, but luke is Refusing To Laugh and marius is so close to challenging him to like, a duel (shut up, he doesnt know okay, hes frustrated and he doesnt know how to express that like a normal person, get off his back) or something.

marius gets so desperate that he even resorts to what he thinks is the most groan-worthy form of humor: puns

very specific puns, because today marius is testing his theory that maybe luke's nerditude will betray him. puns about engineering and natural science, theyre all TERRIBLE but marius continues because he WILL WIN, GODDAMNIT and

theyre outside of the courthouse, waiting for mc to finish up (she just had a trial and she was awesome, as per usual, queen shit) so marius, vyn, luke, and artem are idling outside, and while waiting. marius is telling puns to luke. aggressively.

"you can give up, you know," luke smiles sweetly. "no shame in that."

"fuck you, next pun," marius scowls. "a raven has 17 primary wing feathers. these feathers are called pinions. and the crow only has 16 of those feathers. so the difference between a crow and a raven is..." marius winces. "...only a matter of a pinion."

"okay," luke says, and marius wants to punch him sooooo baaaad. "not only does that pun suck but it's also just. objectively wrong. both crows and ravens only have 10 primaries---"

"shut the hell up, birdbrain."

"---among those 10 primaries there a few that are longer and more distinct than the others, kind of looking like fingers, so to speak. crows have 5 evident finger feathers---"

"oh my god"

"---wheareas ravens only have 4. so i guess with some editing, the joke could still work. a more sound version though would be to compare crows and song sparrows, which do have the correct difference in primaries and---"

marius is about to flick luke in the forehead, but hes stopped by the strangest sound.

the sound of somebody having an asthma attack but like, through a kazoo or something.

marius, luke, and vyn turn to where artem is and he is, inexplicably, losing his shit. he continues to lose his shit actually for like 30 whole more seconds before he calms down enough to look up at everybody who is in turn looking at him like he's grown a second head.

"what?" artem says, puzzled.

"why the fuck were you laughing?" marius asks.

"because it was...funny," artem says as if this is obvious when it is NOT and then everybody in that moment realizes

that what makes artem laugh seems to be the act of over explaining jokes itself.

(and before anybody sends a follow up ask, marius' favorite joke is bofa.

artem scrunches his eyebrows. "what is bofa?"

marius grins, absolutely fucking DELIGHTED.)

#tears of themis #marius von hagen #artem wing #luke pearce #vyn richter #hc

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marcusflintwood · 7 years

Audio

freaking wow…. get u a nice ny girl like me

i cant wait to listen to this in like a month or so and die of embarrassment…. anyway, thank you for everyone who asked for this!!! it was super fun to do and i like how u guys know what my voice sounds like now. so like whenever you read a text post of mine you can read it in my voice or whatever

transcription under cut!!!

0:00 “ok tumblr accent challenge cause y’all asked for it and i’m here to deliver. my name is gizelle and my username is marcusflintwood. i am from new york, um, and here I am pronouncing the following words:”

0:15 “aunt, roof, route, theater, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, New Orleans, Pecan, both, again, probably, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, pajamas, caught, n-naturally? aluminum, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, doorknob, envelope, and… GPOY”

0:37 “when you throw toilet paper on a house that’s called tp-ing a lot of people do it in… the halloween season”

0:45 “a bubbly carbonated drink is called soda and i HATE IT!”

0:50 “gym shoes are sneakers”

0:52 “my grandparents are lolo and lola but that’s just because i’m filipino not that, like, it’s an accent thing, yknow?

0:59 “the wheeled contraption that you put your groceries in is a shopping cart?”

1:04 “the thing that you change the TV chanel with that’s a remote”

1:08 “the next one is chose a book and read a passage from it so i picked up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and im gonna read Chapter 7 Mudbloods and Murmurs, and im gonna be reading the passage that marcus is in because i love him”

1:24 “(phone rings in background) Several people in green robes were walking onto the field, broomsticks in their hands. “I don’t believe it!” Wood hissed in outrage. “I booked the field for today! We’ll see about this!” Wood shot toward the ground, landing rather harder than he meant to in his anger, staggering slightly as he dismounted. Harry, Fred, and George followed. “Flint!” Wood bellowed at the Slytherin Captain. “This is our practice time! We got up specially! You can clear off now!” Marcus Flint was even larger than Wood. He had a look of trollish cunning on his face as he replied, “Plenty of room for all of us, Wood.” Angelina, Alicia, and Katie had come over, too. There were no girls on the Slytherin team, who stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the Gry-Gryffindors, leering to a man. “But I booked the field!” said Wood, positively spitting with rage. “I booked it!” “Ah,” said Flint. “But I’ve got a specialty [it’s specially im freaking dumb] signed note here from Professor Snape. ‘I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker.’ ” “You’ve got a new Seeker?” said Wood, distracted. “Where?” And from behind the six large figures before them came a seventh, smaller boy, smirking all over his pale, pointed face. It was Draco Malfoy.”

2:45 “ok i need to stop reading because wow thats so hard. um, would i rather be a wizard or a vampire? id probably rather be a wizard.”

2:55 “um, do i know anyone on tumblr in real life? um… no, not technically. i’ve never like made friends with somebody on tumblr and then went to meet up with them in real life or whatever. but um i do have like [real life] friends who have a tumblr? but yknow like that probably doesnt count or whatever

3:14 “ok end sing three uh any three words i want um,”

3:21 “(cuts abbruptly with A Boogie wit da Hoodie’s Timeless playing in the background) what if i just like yknow sing an entire chorus instead?”

3:23 “(cuts to me singing, amazingly) I CANNOT WASTE NO TIME BITCH IM REALY GRINDIN IF I EVER SAID I LOVE YOU I WAS LYIN!!!! I FUCK WITH YOU BUT YOU WAS ALWAYS LIKE A SIDE BITCH CAUSE I COULD NEVER PUT NOTHING OVER GRINDIN!!!! i just left my baby grl a message I said i wont be comin home HAH THATS A DUB BITCH IM ON THE ROAD HAH”

3:45 “(music still playing) okokok i need to fuckin stop this is so baaaad”

3:49 “(cuts abruptly) ok! uh thanks for listening i guess!”

#audio #about #accent challenge

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