#CRINGE???? IDK IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED A BIT but like embarrassed /pos like. it's me. younger me. n i'm still v fond of it.

[noxtivagus]

ffxv makes me so emotional oh my god 🥹🫶🏼

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxv. ] #i love love love final fantasy so much like. video games in general i cld rlly ramble abt each of my interests for hours like i'm #v much ffxv mood rn. god esp that one story two years back i've mentioned it so much here atp but IT REALLY IS SO PERSONAL N #CRINGE???? IDK IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED A BIT but like embarrassed /pos like. it's me. younger me. n i'm still v fond of it. #..still makes me shy though but even more i finished writing that uh oneshot back then w noctis #childhood friends to lovers uhuh secretly in love but both think it's unrequited uhuh #why has that always been among my fav tropes.. I DON'T EVEN RLLY HAVE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? there's nothing irl that inspired it at all. #but then ^ that's also w my uhhhh original characters n then my wol too in ffxiv honestly n #even with other characters.. a v similar sentiment w claude n like lancelot or lucifer. ffxv / fe3h / gbf were my top 3 back in 2020 #botw hades octopath acnh & other ff were games that i rlly rmb then too. but ever since ffxiv i haven't been able to play much other vgs 😭 #the witcher 3. nier automata demo. code vein demo. genshin. hzd. rdr2. ac odyssey n lots more but god i've barely finished any #OH I NEARLY FORGOT.. I'M SO SORRY must be bcs i was listening to it earlier so i thought i already wrote it but kh3 yes #AAAA WAIT I'M RAMBLING AGAIN I WAS GNA WORK ON SOME STUFF BEFORE I SLEEP 🥹 sleep by 3 for more hours or by 4 so i can uh #get some stuff done before tmrrw? i will. do my best this week as quickly as i can so i can.. rest? my mind rlly needs a rest i think >< #yk what i can always write n do more the next day yeah i'll sleep no later than 3:30 #i think i'm going back more to my old self again but i'll do my best to not isolate or distance myself too much i don't want to destroy #things even more like. in that. dream n. in the past when. i thought i was over it but i think those wounds r reopening #but i'm stronger than them n. fuck. it's the same as before n that's why i'm crying that's why i'm so afraid that's why it hurts so much #but i've written too much here. it hurts so much but even if it feels too similar to.. back then it's. not the same it's not the same #i've improved i've gone this far i've made friends i've made so much memories. but i'm so afraid that i'll fuck up again n #i think i'm like this bcs. oh ffs my dream told me basically that i really do think i already fucked up. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry #the past.. present. the future. too fast too much n it's just like before n that's. why i'm helpless to it. i can do better but this #i forgave them but maybe i haven't forgiven myself. entirely at least. so. the familiarity of this rn is keeping me frozen in place? #n then other stuff r so overwhelming too n fuck i don't want to think about this anymore i'll be fine i'm fine i can do this on my own #..no. i can't do that again. fuck i'm crying so much why does this feel the same as two years back #i'm sorry please don't forget me please don't leave me please tell me i didn't fuck up please don't tell me i did it again #i'm sorry i was doing better i was healing but i'm back to this again i know better but i can't do any more rn n i'm sorry i'm so sorry #fuck it i'll wipe away these tears. it feels so empty inside but i'll feel better somehow by the morrow. i don't want to be a burden nymore #i know it's bad n i don't want all my progress to be for naught but.. no i can't fuck this up again but i feel i alrdy have. i'm sorry. gn