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itscanonfellas · 6 years

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You Could Call It Love 6/6

Part 6/6

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken

Liam’s ignoring his texts and attempted calls. As soon as he’d left behind Malia and the school, Theo drives all the way to Mason’s. He’s pretty sure he’s broken the speed limit a good couple of times on the way to Liam’s best friend’s house, but lucks for once on Theo’s side because he doesn’t run into the sheriff or any of his little deputies on the way there.

The moment he pulls into the driveway, Theo hops out of the truck and then has to run back when he realises he’s left the engine running.

Mason’s the one who answers the door; clearly unamused as he eyes Theo up and down critically “What do you want?”

“Liam caught a ride with you and Corey?” Mason gives a curt nod and Theo lets out a little sigh of relief “Is he here?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should go check back at the school? Or literally anywhere other than here for that matter”

So Mason’s in a mood with Theo now too, just great. He isn’t even sure what’s happening at this point, as far as Mason knew, he and Liam were still a couple so he couldn’t possibly be angry at Theo for marking up Liam’s neck like he had. So he finds himself at a loss, scrambling to find something he’s done to cause this situation “Come on Mason”

“Don’t ‘come on Mason’ me!” Mason snaps, arms crossed “I don’t know what it is that’s happened between you and Liam but the whole ride here he didn’t speak a word to me, he didn’t even tell me to shut up when I started singing to the radio! You know how bad that is?!”

“I don’t know either!” Theo snaps back and throws his arms in the air “He was fine and then I ran into Nolan and suddenly he just-!”

“Wait, did you say Nolan?” Corey abruptly cuts in, all but materialising in the doorway causing Theo to almost jump – almost but he catches himself – and he clenches his fists. Mason doesn’t flinch.

“Yeah, he asked for a little advice on having a crush on somebody the other week and he wanted to tell me how things went”

Mason looks to his boyfriend who’s staring up at Theo, mulling over his words with a minute frown, Mason currently looks just as lost as Theo does “Who was it? His crush?”

“Nolan’s?” Corey gives a small bob of his head in confirmation and Theo can only hope Nolan will forgive him for breeching his trust, it’s for a good enough cause. “Brett, why?”

And then, rather abruptly, a content smile blooms bright on Corey’s face taking Theo by surprise “He decided he wanted to run home from here a couple minutes ago, you can probably catch up to him”

Theo grins back in return; deciding he’ll thank Corey later as he turns tail and runs back down the driveway; almost tripping over the curb before catching himself and hopping back into his truck. Even from here he can hear Mason cussing out Corey for giving away vital information and breaking the code but Corey just pushes Mason back inside the house and, well Theo has the feeling Mason won’t be complaining for long.

It’s awkward trying to drive and scent Liam out at the same time and more than a few times he’s had to pull over before he decides, fuck it, and gets out to track Liam on foot.

He’s close enough that he doesn’t have to focus to catch Liam’s scent, he just follows it almost like a trail; letting his feet lead him.

Of course, Theo’s luck has to run out eventually and all the warning Theo gets is a crackle of thunder rippling across the sky before rain begins to pour down, at first a light trickle but there’s enough falling to make Theo realise it’s not going to go away any time soon.

Great. Just great.

Fortunately enough, it only takes Theo around 10 more minutes before he comes across Liam, trekking through the woods just a few feet ahead of him and he calls out “Li!”

Liam stops and shoots around in surprise, momentarily taken aback by the sudden yell of his name, before he seems to recognise Theo and then proceeds to speed up his pace.

Oh right, he’s ignoring him. “Oh no you don’t” he breaks out into a sprint at Liam and before Liam can even run away, Theo’s knocking them both to the ground; leaves crunching beneath them as they roll; coming to a stop with Liam beneath him and Theo keeping him pinned by the wrists and Liam tries to kick out at Theo but with his legs either side of Theo, they’re fairly useless. After a brief struggle, Liam gives up to pin Theo with a glower and despite it all, Theo smirks “I always pictured doing this in a very different scenario”

His answer is Liam moving to knock Theo off again.

Okay, not really a good time for jokes then. “Will you stop?!”

“WHY?” Liam snaps back; echoing loudly in the empty woods around them.

“Because I’m trying to talk to you!”

“Well find someone else to talk to!” Liam starts to squirm again and Theo keeps his hands firmly on Liam’s wrists so he’s not able to start scratching at Theo or worse, punch him in the face again.

“Will you stop being such a child?”

“Says you asshole?!”

“I don’t even know what I’ve done!”

“Of course you don’t! You never do!” Liam’s eyes are no longer blue but a stunning gold as their voices increase in volume. “You never think about anything or anyone besides yourself!”

And, okay, that hurts. Theo knows Liam’s picking the things that hurt the most in order to make Theo let go of Liam but hearing the words Theo fears coming from Liam feels like a knife to the gut and the more Liam talks the deeper it goes. “Li what are you on about?”

“Don’t call me Li!” Is snarled out; booming loudly in time with a ripple of thunder from the sky. Theo hopes to god it doesn’t start throwing lightning at them because they’d pretty much be fucked if it hit. “Don’t call me anything just go! Get out of my life!”

“If you wanted me gone” Theo retorts; adjusting his grip on Liam “You shouldn’t have asked me to stay in Beacon Hills”

“I wish I hadn’t!” And that would have been more impactful, had Liam’s voice not broken halfway through. He sounds almost confused and far more wounded by the statement than Theo feels; eyes fluttering closed as he lets his head drop back onto the ground. “I wish…”

And it seems like Liam’s finally calming down, chest rising and falling deeply as he tries to gain some form of control over himself and Theo leaves him be for a moment. The rain’s falling down in heavy sheets now, soaking the ground beneath them and turning the dirt to mud and Theo’s knees slide a little but he finds his ground. They’re both getting covered in mud and soaked to the bone but Theo doesn’t pay it one bit of attention.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, and the claws recede away, Theo finally speaks up, voice soft “Come on Li, talk to me?”

When Liam’s eyes finally flutter open, they’re back to their breath taking blue; misty with the beginnings of tears and he aches. He caused Liam to feel so distraught. After he’d promised Scott he’d never hurt Liam. “You…I don’t get you Theo” his voice wavers “I thought I did but I really don’t” that isn’t the end of it, so rather than ask questions Theo remains still and instead waits for Liam to continue “I thought there was something…something between us? And I was so sure, even Mason agreed even before we were fake dating and you started calling me your boyfriend not just your fake boyfriend” He rolls his head to the side, looking away from Theo’s gaze “Then you had that talk with Nolan and you said it was about him needing advice on a crush so I didn’t really think about it but…then Nolan showed up all content and you suddenly just smelt so happy to see him”

Apparently, that’s all Theo’s going to get out of Liam because he screws his eyes shut; breath hitching. But it’s enough. God is it enough.

When Theo’s brain finally catches up on the spiel Liam’s just blurted out, he feels like all his breath has left him; leaving him light headed and fairly sure he’s imagined the whole thing. But no, he isn’t because everything is too real. He can feel the rain soaking through to his skin; dripping from his hair and he blinks the water out of his eyes. Liam’s heart is hammering in his chest and Theo’s certain his is going a mile a minute because holy fuck this is happening.

At first, it’s only a small smile that blooms on Theo’s face before it slowly grows and grows until he feels like his cheeks will split “Li”

“Just shut up I know it’s…let’s just leave it”

“Li you’ve done a lot of dumb things but this tops them all”

“Don’t make fun of me!” Liam’s back to glaring at Theo; using Theo’s slackened grip to wretch a hand free and shove at Theo’s shoulder; consequently sending him tumbling off of Liam. Luckily enough for Theo, Liam slips on the rain sodden floor and it gives Theo just a fraction of a second to recover and yank Liam back down to the floor by the ankle; sending a splatter of mud up at them both and Liam’s head cracks painfully against the floor.

“Will you just listen!” and surprisingly enough, Liam falls silent; sure he isn’t looking at Theo and they’re both completely soaked to the bone but Theo would call this one of the best moments in his life. Liam, the guy Theo has been pining over for so long, too long, liked him. There was no way he was going to let Liam walk away, not now. “Jesus, Li, you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that? How many sleepless nights could have been avoided if you’d have just said something?”

“Stop”

“No Li, how could you sit there and think I don’t care about you? Ever since you brought me back, I stayed and fought because of you, I stayed in Beacon Hills even when so many people didn’t want me here because of you; everything I’ve been doing is because of you little wolf” Liam’s eyes are screwed shut and he reeks of confliction, like he’s unsure what to do or if he believes Theo. But all he has to do is look at Theo and he has his answer. But of course, Liam’s stubborn. “Liam, look at me”

“I can’t”

“Why not?”

Liam’s jaw clenches tight; bottom lip quivering and eyes remaining tightly shut “Because you’re getting my hopes up” The conviction in his voice is replaced by sorrow, now weak and almost pleading. “You don’t care about me like I do you, it’s all been fake”

“Us being together? That was fake but remember, it’s much easier to lie when you just use the truth”

“That doesn’t make any sense” despite it all, Liam lets out a broken laugh and Theo smiles, some of the tension dissipating and he finally relinquishes his hold on Liam’s wrists. Instantly Liam brings them back down but doesn’t make the move to shove Theo off again.

Instead Theo puts his hands to better use; bringing one up to cup Liam’s cheek and he wipes a lingering tear away with a swipe of his thumb. “Liam, look at me?”

For a moment, they both remain still, neither making the first move. Liam doesn’t open his eyes and Theo makes no effort to encourage him, he just sits there and occasionally strokes Liam’s cheek or a stray strand of wet hair from where it’s plastered to his forehead.

And then, after what seems like an eternity of silence, Liam’s eyelids twitch before finally they crack open almost hesitantly.

Those damn blue eyes.

There’s so much hope and fear in those eyes Theo feels like he can’t breathe. Liam’s so scared he’s going to be rejected but honestly? How could Theo ever even consider rejecting Liam? The thought alone has Theo speaking before he’s even caught his breath; whispering out hoarsely between them “Fuck Li I love you”

It’s a surprise to them both as Liam’s eyes widen at the abrupt confession, mouth agape while Theo realises fuck maybe it’s a little too soon for love confessions, they’ve only just established the feelings between them it’s a little too much.

But Theo doesn’t have time to dwell on it. Why? Because Liam curls his hand into the fabric of Theo’s t-shirt and pulls him down on top of him, mouths clashing together just this side of rough but Theo’s mind stutters to a halt. When his body catches up, Theo uses his grip on Liam’s face to tilt his head just slightly at an angle so the kiss softens to a lax glide of their lips together.

Kissing Liam earlier had been one thing, Theo thoroughly enjoying it –extremely so in fact – but at the time he’d been eaten away by the guilt of forcing Liam into it.

Now though? Theo just melts; plastering himself against Liam in order to lap at Liam’s bottom lip and Liam parts his lips allowing Theo to deepen the kiss. He’s drunk on Liam, his smell, his taste and Theo’s drowning in it all. Theo’s free hand somehow snakes its way in between the two of them and wriggles under the soaked fabric of Liam’s shirt. Despite how cold Theo feels, Liam is warm to the touch and he seeks more of the warmth the further his hand slide up Liam’s stomach; inching up towards Liam’s chest before his finger brushes against Liam’s nipple.

Liam mewls out into Theo’s mouth at the contrast in temperature, body arching up into Theo’s touch as if begging for more “Cold” He whimpers out and Theo can’t fight off the smile.

“I’ll warm you up baby” and then he’s bringing Liam back in for another wet kiss; Liam squirming underneath Theo as he brushes his thumb over the pebbled nipple again before deciding to pull up Liam’s shirt altogether. It’s a bit of a struggle but once the fabric is bundled up beneath Liam’s chin, Theo is breaking the kiss and moving down.

The marks from before are still littering the side of Liam’s neck and Theo wonders how out of all the things that couldn’t be healed by werewolves super healing, hickies were one of them. Instead, he sets to work on the other side of Liam’s neck; sucking and nibbling at everywhere his mouth can reach while Theo’s hands map out Liam’s bare skin as if he can commit it to memory.

“This isn’t warming me up Theo” And Liam sounds so put out and almost irritated that a laugh bursts out of Theo and he stops kissing at Liam’s neck to press his forehead to Liam’s collarbone as he chuckles and Liam’s laughing along with him.

“What?”

Theo shakes his head before pulling back to gaze down at Liam who looks soaked and flushed and oh so pleased. “I love you, Li” and Liam’s cheeks burn a deeper red at the confession, hands coming to cup Theo’s face to bring him down for another kiss, this one much softer.

Whatever little bubble to two have made for themselves out in the woods, it all comes crashing down when a voice cuts through the silence of the night like a knife. “THEO!” Liam yanks his head back to glance towards the direction of the yell and Theo for a moment forgets himself, growl rumbling low in his chest at another person coming and interrupting time with his Liam. “THEO?!” The voice hollers again and Theo bundles Liam closer to him, but it seems Liam recognises the voice because he pushes at Theo’s chest.

“Theo, stop, it’s the sheriff” Liam hisses softly and shoves at Theo again and it’s enough to bring Theo back to the situation at hand.

They’re two teenagers making out in the woods in the darkness of night, the sun almost completely devoid from the sky and honestly? Theo barely even noticed just how dark it had gotten. Not to mention the fact the two of them are completely soaked to the bone, clothes stained with mud that isn’t going to come out quite so easy.

The pair scramble up from the ground, Theo almost slipping on a soft patch of ground but Liam catches him and hushes his laughter as they make themselves more appropriate. At least it isn’t raining anymore.

The light of the sheriff’s flashlight cuts through the treeline and Theo follows it until they’re stood directly in the beam of light where sheriff Stilinski is squinting to see the two of them. “Good evening Sheriff” Theo greets with his usual smug smirk back in place while Liam gives a more meagre greeting.

“Hi Mr Stilinski”

“Got a call about a truck abandoned on the side of the road and reports of a disturbance in the area, thought I’d come investigate myself when I ran the license plate and found it under your name” Theo hadn’t really thought about the possibility of someone hearing them all the way out here, but their yelling and screaming must have set off a few alarm bells for whoever heard he and Liam earlier. They’re lucky they only just got caught otherwise things never would have been sorted. The sheriff sighs with a shake of his head, a weariness in his tone that indicates he’s had to do this more times than not.

“Sorry Sherriff, things just got a little carried away with my boyfriend” Liam’s smile widens a little at that but it just seems to baffle the sheriff.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Honestly?” Liam pipes up, eyes averted to his feet “I don’t think so”

Sheriff Stilinski rubs tiredly at his eyes for a moment, as if weighing up what to do before finally sighing “Get home, you two, otherwise you’re going to freeze to death with those clothes on” he spins in place and begins walking back to the road and the two dutifully follow.

Had Theo not been looking at the Sheriff, he wouldn’t have noticed anything amiss, but for a moment his eyes catch something dark on the sheriff’s neck and he squints a little to make it out and “Holy shit” he snickers quietly and Liam glances up at him.

“What?”

“Look!” Theo points to the sheriff and moves Liam’s head to the spot he’s pointing to “Sherriff’s got a hickies!”

“No way…” Liam trails off, blinking against the darkness for a second before finally realising Theo’s right and he snorts out a loud bubble of laughter before he can stop himself.

The sheriff glances back at the pair and while Theo schools his expression of perfect innocence, Liam has to bury his face into his hands; shoulders shaking none too conspicuously. Stiles is never going to hear the end of this.

Eventually they reach the roadside where Parrish is sat in the passenger seat of the patrol vehicle and he waves at the two, a somewhat knowing smile on his face and Liam waves back, if a little more embarrassed than Theo is.

Once they’re in the truck Liam bursts into another bout of laughter; head hitting the headrest of his seat “Oh my god I can’t wait to tell Stiles”

“He’ll probably have a heart attack” Theo agrees with a snicker of his own and he turns to watch the sheriff climb into the cruiser, Parrish laughing at the sheriff’s look of bewilderment and he places a hand onto the sheriff’s shoulder. “And I think I know who gave it him”

Liam swivels in his seat to glance back at the pair Theo is watching, making a small noise of questioning “Parrish? How’d you figure that out?”

“Look” he gestures as the sheriff’s expression softens into something more relaxed as he leans into the touch on his shoulder, eyes not leaving Parrish’s once. “He looks at Parrish like he’s smitten by him” his eyes trail off to where Liam’s giggling beside him and he can’t stop the dopey smile that slides into place “Like how I look at you”

Liam’s head shoots around so he’s looking at Theo, surprise evident on his face before he practically melts. Theo ducks his head down and meets Liam halfway in a lingering kiss and, sure sitting in his car soaking wet isn’t a pleasant experience, and neither is the chill that’s starting to set in, but Theo is more than happy to stay here forever if it means he gets to be here with Liam.

The honk of a car horn rips through the truck and the pair spring apart “FINE! OKAY! We’re leaving!”

Liam beams contently and settles into his seat as Theo starts the truck.

#teen wolf #tw #liam dunbar #theo raeken #liam x theo #Thiam #corey bryant #Mason Hewitt #mason x corey #morey #sheriff stilinski #jordan parrish #what's their ship name???#part 6 #You Could Call It Love Series #the final part i'm shook

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alexilulu · 6 years

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10 Games I Played in 2017, Roughly Ranked

This is wildly long lol so have fun, idiots

#10: DESTINY 2

This is sort of awkward. Destiny 1 was a game I enjoyed with small reservations; it was obvious how hampered they were by their own backend in creating new content and design spaces to explore, prior to The Taken King. Even then, it had shining moments of joy for me. I adored the goofy dead ghost hunting like halo 2/3 skullfinding, using every trick at your dispoaal to find another morsel of insane, well-crafted tidbits of lore for this world that the game itself rarely even touched on, let alone explored. Destiny 2 was supposed to be the "we listened and we're fixing it" for that game, and a needed jump to a new backend that would free them to create the things they dreamed of.

The grimoire was removed wholesale, those bits of lore still true presumably but inaccessible in the game again. Instead of finding ghosts, you examine objects in the world, getting a 2-sentence Nolan North quip that usually is more funny than it is educational about this sprawling world they created. And it doesn't save that anywhere. We actually moved backwards in term of the lore's accessibility to the player, somehow. The game itself is still Destiny, helmet popping and aiming down sights and kicking balls around the tower, and it's storyline was ambitious in a way the original was not, actually making you feel at least a little weak for about 10 minutes before you're back to killing Fallen and then doing donuts on your Sparrow on top of their corpse. The game treats itself as both too serious and totally unserious in the same breath, a monologue of serious consequences punctuated by Cayde cradling a chicken and petting it gently. It's good, but it remains to see if it'll reach the same comfortable spot Destiny 1 got to by the end of it's lifespan.

9: NIOH Here's where I admit that some of these games I've played, in that I played it for a few hours and haven't had time to return to it. I have it on good faith that Nioh is an incredible game, and from the bits I've touched I know that to be at least probably true. I've heard it described more as a Diablo-esque loot-game pretending to be a Dark Souls ball-busting difficulty monster than vice versa. It's something I'm hoping to come back to, and if I'd been able to spend more time with, I likely would have put much further up the list.

8: Dishonored: Death of the Outsider Another game I fuckin' haven't had time to complete, Death of the Outsider is the thing I and several friends have wanted for years; Billie Lurk fucking shit up. And her powerset rules. I'm only like 2 missions in, but I'm looking forward to finishing the rest sometime before Christmas, hopefully. Dishonored 2 was definitely a game I was thrilled to play, and I know this will be more of the same.

7: Resident Evil 7 What could be better than the creeping horror of a deranged family out in the Louisiana Bayou? Resident Evil 7 was honestly so unbelievably effective at learning from the last 5+ years of immersive horror games while still, at it's heart, being a goofy Resident Evil game under that. That style clashes at times; The moment when you go outside to the courtyard of the mansion and find a double-keycard locked door when the most advanced thing in the whole house before now has been the goofy projector-doors that hearken back to the ancient history of the series. I think it sticks it's landing well, with a good lategame twist and plenty of goofy superscience in between. I've been meaning to go back to it for the Chris Redfield DLC, but I don't know if I actually want to, to be honest. That game was a fun ride, and they did their best to add the usual replay stuff like a NG+ gun and such, but I think I'm okay leaving it where I left it, on good terms.

6: Tacoma I bought the hoodie that came with a LUNAR TRANSFER STATION TACOMA patch Fullbright sold long before that game had it's transformation following feedback from beta testers, and I never stopped looking forward to it coming out. Gone Home was like a...I won't say formative, because it isn't true, but it was definitive for me. A story about two girls falling in love together doesn't come around that often, and the attention to the setting and feel of being in this old, deeply lived in house. Tacoma shows that same love of character and place in spades, giving you an even more intimate look at the world the crew of the Tacoma lived in together. I honestly lost it when I noticed during a scene that next door, their cat was asleep on the shelf above the laundry machine. Just the smallest details and love shown for everyone involved broke my heart and put it back together in a different shape. A vision of a world utterly fucked by corporatist greed such that they are essentially their own extragovernmental entities, and people live on anyway, just being people. It's so sad, but still sort of hopeful? Even if the world is garbage, people will keep on living as best as they can. It's very millennial of myself to find solace in that idea, honestly, but that's this game for you, one crafted based on the excesses of the last decade spiraling out of control.

5: Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood In any other year, this game would be #1. You're gonna hear me say that a few more times here before we're done. Final Fantasy 14 has been a constant in my life for the last 3 years, delivering again and again the sort of joy that only comes from a game lovingly made by people dedicated to their own love of the genre, the setting and their playerbase. That's the only way I can describe it, lovingly crafted. Naoki Yoshida loves this game, and so does his team, and every inch of that game radiates this. The storyline itself is a little meandering, jumping from a failed revolution to formenting a successful one, to returning triumphant with new armies and allies at your back. Everyone in that game is, again, a joy to be around. It has a somewhat similar roadtrip feel to Heavensward, but never treads the same ground in the same way. It's more like...taking your friend abroad to another country, while Heavensward was a road trip across a state that stops and starts in fits and spurts. I don't know if this expansion will hold my attention in the same way that Heavensward did, or that A Realm Reborn did. I don't know if I have that part of myself that's willing to ride with an MMO across the lifetime of it's expansion this time. I want to support this game, and the people who make it, and my friends who do still ride with it. But this might be my last expansion.

4: Tales of Berseria If this came out any other year, it might be my game of the year. You'll hear that 2 more times before we're done. I've never been a Tales person. I know people who are, and I understand the mystique, but I never Understood it until repeated praise (and some very cute lesbian ship art) forced my hand into buying it. I don't know if I'm gonna be ok when I finish it. The game is very baldly about doing bad things. The protagonist is a demon on a blatantly self-destructive revenge quest against the self-appointed savior of the world, aided by a demon swordsman who wants to kill his brother, a witch with existentially depressed ennui, a boy who barely knows who he is, a pirate cursed to bring ruin to those around him, and a pure maiden with a tragic backstory trying to do good in the world who has fallen in with them through a series of missteps so comic they're mostly just sad. Together, this totally uncohesive group of misfits abandoned by the world, rejecting it and destroying everything that stands in their way. It crushes my heart on the regular. This is definitely a 60+ hour JRPG because I just got to hour 20 and there's absolutely still so much left to go. They've introed villain after villain, placing the shotgun on the mantelpiece for Velvet to mangle herself with just to kill them in the blast. This game breaks my heart. The world it's in is awful, every party member has been utterly ruined by some facet of it that happened to conflict with a totally normal thing they wanted. They're the devil's rejects. And I love every single one of them.

3: Butterfly Soup Remember all the praise I gave Gone Home back there? This game is like that for me this year. You can just make a game about some queer girls playing baseball and being in love, and I'll love it with all my heart. It's not hard for me to peg why I love it; Akarsha is like a fucking mirror pointed directly at my face with a moustache painted on it, Diya's anxiety and gay panic is so deeply relatable that I very nearly cried the first time she said the word Lesbian to herself and immediately tried to convince herself she's not gay. Brianna Lei's depiction of young, messy, goofy girls living with all the problems that happen to kids their age; insane parents, abuse, self-discovery, a lot of bad jokes and getting all too real at a moment's notice. I honestly cannot wait to see what else she can bring to the table.

1 (TIE): NieR: Automata If this game came out any other year, it would be #1 without effort. The original NieR did something at just the right time, with just the right amount of feeling. A rejection of the trend of father figures rescuing their child and getting the good ending, NieR was a quest to protect a girl to the detriment of everyone around the protagonist, including the girl herself. The final ending of that game ends with you erasing yourself from the world so that you never existed, to save someone who deserves to live and would have if not for you. NieR's destructive quest to protect his daughter literally destroys the world around him, disrupting millennia of careful planning and manipulation by people far smarter than him. All because they took his daughter. Damn the world, he wanted what was his. NieR: Automata follows another 10,000 years after that, in the same world, scarred by a war that broke out centuries ago. The game frequently lies to both you the player and you the protagonist, but the protagonist already knows better, and simply doesn't let on. The game focuses, instead, on the ways that something built by humans craves to become like its long-gone masters. Androids are built to be physically ideal, sexy and at times loving to one another, because that's what humans did. It's unclear if they chose this for themselves or if humans did it to them (and obviously Yoko Taro chose for them to be like this, human choice or no), but it's how they live. The machines they fight do the same, playing a phone game across millennia of what humanity was, trying to fill the holes in their life with gender binaries, sexual intercourse, children and family and love. What separates them from us? Are we any different? Do we deserve to be different? Do they? I don't know how to talk about this game coherently. There's so much there. People recently have been talking about it again, as lists like these come up, and so many bad takes are floating around that it crushes my heart. 2B's sexy, so the game is horny. It's bad because you have to replay it 5 times (no, wrong, bad). It's bad because 9S is a softboy and 2B could have been a lesbian with any of the women throwing themselves at her (come on, dude, at least try). I'm not gonna try to rebut any of these, because the game itself doesn't need my defense. It stands on its own. It's the best game I've played in the last 5 years, in all likelihood. It's definitely my favorite of the last decade.

1 (TIE): Persona 5 If this game came out on any other year, it would be #1 with a bullet. This game had an insanely tortured development cycle. Pushed back again, then again, then again. Remember that February 2012 graphic that used to go around, and likely will right around Valentine's Day? Characters were revamped, removed, redesigned 5 times in the case of Haru (who started out as a boy, somehow). But it's exactly the game I needed in 2017. I was a transplant in Texas in 2004, going into high school in a new state where we knew no-one and nobody. I was quiet, spending most of my time outside class reading the 6th Dark Tower novel, Song of Susannah, a 2 inch thich hardcover beast. Because it's high school, rumors started about whatever they thought I was because I was quiet and wore a hoodie to school regardless of the weather, hiding guns or knives or what have you. Akira's experience touched me, in ways I never thought I would be a decade after graduating. Shit, everyone touched me in some way. Yusuke's quiet acceptance of the abuse and labels applied to him by his teacher and his fellow students. Futaba's isolation in the wake of her mother's death hit me in the heart; I dropped out of college when my own mother had a spinal cord fusion in her lumbar spine that ruined her life, left her with 10% her previous mobility. I mourned for years. Haru's quiet demeanor and the immediate, effusive joy she displayed whenever she could be with her friends, no matter the context. Ryuji's bristling rage at authority that ridicules him. Even the side cast struck me in ways Persona 4 and 3 never did. Kawakami's tiredness with the world, her exploitation she brushes off as a fact of life. Takemi's cool acceptance of being forced from the job of her dreams into treating bruises and being blackballed by the world she worked to survive in. Sojiro's struggles with cruel family that would destroy the daughter he loves as his own. Persona 5 is a game about the ways that society is designed to strike down the odd man out, casting them aside as worthless or ridiculous. The simple girl run into a cult, the daughter of a model forced into a role she never asked for, the typecast and the downtrodden, who deserve so much better than the world they've been given. This is a deeply flawed game. Within hours of Ryuji standing side by side with Ann to defend her from the casual sexism of Kamoshida or any other number of aggressions, he becomes a slavering hound doing the same thing to his best friend. The writing, when it's not inconsistent, simply isn't there; Haru's final and rather grand entrance peters off into maybe a dozen lines she has in the main story following her introduction. 6+ years in development can do some bad stuff to a game. But I love it, despite all of that. I can see what this game could have been, with a less tortured development, with a director who didn't ask the character design to make all of the female confidants "cuter". With a more focused vision, a clearer goal, and a better route there. All of that said, I still love my satanic crime ring. And I probably always will.

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