#AND DON'T GET ME STARTED HOW THIS. LITERALLY CONNECTS WITH HAPLOS CORE CHARACTER CONCEPT

[cosmik-homo]

Lying in bed crying about Alfred's fucked up identity situation

#usually im like. Understandable But Still Yuck about his Samah Apologisms in the epilogue #but i read a quite good Luke Grappling With Vader fic and while not directly applying it did make me think #about how much i feel it's because of how Alfred still measures himself compared to Samah #in a fucked up way. #and how so much of his Issues- this is about the serpent mage emotional abuse but also In General i think he definitely #has some childhood baggage that the whole Last Sartab This Is All On You thing only. Enhanced into the complete. emotional ruin we meet #but all of that. All Of That is about Inadequacy it's about not being Enough in a society that justified it's crimes by its perfection #and then he detaches himself from that and chooses to align himself with the patryn. and. #you know. like. the sartan goverment did do awful things and v much everyone is complicit in privilege ways #but People Are People is the point of the series but the point of the series is also it takes time to drill that point in and this kind of #trauma and hesitance of the oppressed group is v reasonable and worth respecring in some ways. #you know realisticlly he's gonna have to smile politely while people accept his existence as An Outlier To The Still Ancient Enemy cuz #'you aren't really... (vauge handwave at all his stuff) A Real Sartan' and he isn't going to DEFEND HIS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION TO SARTANESS #TO A BUNCH OF LABYRINTH DWELLERS HE'S BARELY GONNA SEE AGAIN. #like even if he wasn't World's Most Confrontation Averse- who would do that #so he's just. yknow. forced to qgain internalize in a way this basic fear or belief he has #and even if he can now build himself a self worth that isn't tied to being A Good Sartan- and he can and he will- #that's still tearing something away so much from a new direction? #AND DON'T GET ME STARTED HOW THIS. LITERALLY CONNECTS WITH HAPLOS CORE CHARACTER CONCEPT #MAN WHO SHREDS HIMSELF TO BITS TO BE WHAT HIS SOCIETY WANTS A PATRYN MAN TO BE AND NOTHING MORE #AND. (gender redacted) who CAN'T. who is too much of all the wrong things but too little of the right ones- #actually no that's the goddamn serpent mage he IS a sartan ideal but #he isn't Granted that. #idk. he's just. his home is a person because they are literally so woven together into one story #but also. haplo very much gets his own community still belonging in and his love interest and. and Alfred just kind of has this. #both worlds and neither situation. #& hes disabled and effeminate and His People are gone and his people are right across the street and may or may not be inventing new slurs #for him. #OH AND HE GETS A GOOD PERFECT USEFUL BODY HE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO OVERUSE OR GET ADDICTED TO THE SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF. #just. how do you expect him to believe Samah was wrong about him if everyone agrees- he just Can't Be Enough?