#1 conversation about my other options would be nice don't look a gift horse in the mouth etc

[gideonisms]

good god. If anyone knows how to turn off the brain setting that is like. If I do not write this perfectly I will die but also I Cannot get started or I will die. Let me know

#i'm suffering #because the prof was like what are your plans after this class and i was listing jobs i might apply to #he was like no i mean ur grad school plans and we had the whole conversation u know the one teachers sometimes have with you #it would be a waste of potential to do *whatever terrible job you are doing* instead of like. continuing to write papers #and he was really kind so i kind of played it off like haha you haven't read my final paper don't make up ur mind yet #but he said if my paper was good i should discuss my options for grad school afterwards with him and like. fine okay #i was planning to go to trade school after this maybe but like #1 conversation about my other options would be nice don't look a gift horse in the mouth etc #of course i'm wary af i don't trust an authority figure as far as i can throw them but you know. my paper was good i know this for a fact #point is now this paper has to be good or i'll become an electrician. or whatever #and u know what it definitely will be good it's just it won't be quite as good as the last one and i have #work hours and like due dates and i also have to eat food and experience experiences and everything is extremely bright and loud this month! #this is exactly why i am not living up to my 'full' 'potential'. this is exactly why i work the job i do which by the way someone has to #someone has to check out ur groceries and listen to you complain and my only real quarrel with it is the pay and the fact that #i'm just wildly unsuited to it as far as personality goes. like this is just because i can imitate everyone else #i do it in my papers too. i just think of the last peer reviewed paper i read and make my writing also do that #in a way i'm constantly writing fic. when u think about it #if you're wondering whether it has inhibited my 'own' 'voice' the answer is yes! it has.