#*holds murderous Shikamaru* I just think he's neat

[charkyzombicorn]

Neji nearly died and it's all his fault.

Kiba nearly died and it's all his fault.

Choji might die and it's all his fault.

Naruto's still fighting and it's all his fault.

Shikamaru sat in the hall just outside Choji's operating room, on a stupid wooden bench that made his tailbone sore, surrounded by stupid creme walls that made the whole world so unbearably dull. Shikamaru stared at the stupid little brace on his pinky finger and he spiraled.

Neji was out of the red, Kiba was out of the red, the only reason Choji had a fighting chance was because Naruto dragged the fifth here less than a month ago. Naruto isn't back yet, Shikamaru doesn't even know if all the sacrifices his team made was worth it.

He waited, and he thought, because that was all he and his clan was good for. He almost wanted to break the rest of his fingers, punish himself for his leadership, for his own safety. He knew it was irrational, but there was nothing else to do but think and hope and pray if there even was a god for them to be generous and let Choji live, let the mission succeed, give the team the win for all their hard efforts.

Shizune opened the door, immediately looking at him. "He's stable. He'll make it, Tsunade-sama will be sure of it."

Shikamaru felt the majority of the weight fall off his shoulders. Now it was just a matter of waiting for Naruto to return, most likely with Sasuke. Naruto can't be predicted, but he makes his word law.

Shizune put a pillow on the wooden bench without a word, and Shikamaru thanked her before curling up like a child so he could nap for a little before learning if their mission succeeded.

--

When Shikamaru woke up, it was to a loud boom followed by furious yelling from Tsunade. He smiled a little to himself. The mission must be a success then, she was probably tearing into Sasuke for that stunt. He remembers when Iruka used to yell at him, Choji and Naruto just like that.

He tried to go back to sleep, but he kept hearing her yelling but something about it wasn't like how Iruka yelled. It was different, something wasn't right. He got up off the bench.

He walked through the hall toward her voice, the yelling had stopped, but he still knew the direction it came from. He turned a corner and saw Kakashi, soaked to the bone and praying, muttering.

"I never took you as the praying type, sensei." Shikamaru started, and Kakashi immediately shot him a look that crumbled they second after they made eye-contact. "I'm not praying, only apologizing. I'd say don't go in, but you wouldn't listen to me." He said cryptically, but with none of the humor he usually held. It sent a few more alarm bells off in Shikamaru's head.

He closed his eyes for a second, focused on chakra signatures. There were two in the room, Tsunade and Sasuke. The mission was a success, he was right. He wondered what room they were keeping Naruto in, everyone else was in their own room in this hall.

He opened the door, and not a second later Tsunade shoved her way past, some frustration fueling her but Shikamaru couldn't quite catch her expression.

Then he saw a rectangular black bag sitting on the bed with a lump in the middle, shorter than the only one he's ever seen before. Shikamaru wondered why they would put Sasuke in there, if it was some kind of power repress or for his curse mark, a small part of him knew Sasuke was sitting in the corner watching him.

He walked up to the bag and eyed the zipper down the middle, his thoughts jumbled, disorganized, his brain less comprehending of the world around him than it ever had been before. He didn't quite notice.

He pinched the zipper slowly, the cold metal unsettling. He pulled it down and the whole world zeroed in on how it wasn't Naruto. It couldn't be, his skin was too pale, he was too still, too quiet, his eyes were open but so dull, looking at nothing, seeing nothing. Those weren't Naruto's eyes, that wasn't Naruto's skin, he was supposed to be colorful, loud, vibrant, why wasn't he moving? He has to wake up, he's starting to scare Shikamaru, he knows how much he hates scares, he knows that's why he never plays jumpscare pranks on him.

Shikamaru's hands were shaking, the zipper felt foreign, his fingers felt numb, he pulled the zipper down lower and saw a hole where Naruto's diaphragm should be. There's a hole in Naruto's orange jumpsuit, he saved up for months to get that, Shikamaru slipped a few extra ryo in his frog wallet to help him get it but didn't say anything, Naruto thought it was a spirit and talked about it all day. Naruto would fuss if he saw that, he's always so careful with his things.

He needed to wake up, so he could fuss about the hole in his jacket. He needed to wake up so he could badger Shikamaru into sitting with him while he mended it because he always hated quiet chores. He needed to wake up because Shikamaru hates getting scared and he hates troublesome things and he hates when Naruto's still and he wants Naruto to break all his fingers because it's his fault that Naruto's dead and he hasn't been hurt nearly bad enough to atone because Naruto Is Dead.

Naruto died getting Sasuke back. Who was it? He needed to kill them, he needed to, he needed to, he needed to, they need to suffer for wrecking Naruto's jacket that he saved up for months to get, they needed to suffer for making Naruto break his promise to never scare Shikamaru, they needed to suffer because Naruto's the loudest, proudest person Shikamaru's ever met and they took it away. They need to die.

There was a group, the sand siblings reported back, he pulled his quick mental analyses of them out of his brain like the easiest thing in the world because he needed to kill them, he needed to kill them now.

Fat guy? No. Two heads guy? No. Bones guy? No. Red girl? No. Arms guy? No.

Who else was there? Who else was with Orochimaru? He already knew, he just needed to think it through.

His eyes refocused on dull unseeing gray eyes. Thinking it through led him to this, what was he doing?

His head snapped away from Naruto, turning as far back as it could before his eyes singled in on Sasuke behind him.

He was sitting on the floor, his eyes were open, they were red, red with black patterns the likes of which he'd never seen before other than in books. Good, he knew Naruto's importance, his life's worth ingrained itself in one of the last pairs of Uchiha eyes. Shikamaru looked at the clock, it had barely been five minutes since he'd woken up, Kakashi was probably still outside, but he couldn't get his chakra to stabilize for the first time in his life, he felt like he was boiling under his skin, Sasuke needed to be dead.

His hands were shivering but his signs were sure, and shadows shot toward the traitor in the corner, wrapped themselves around his wrists with cutting edges drawing blood the more he struggled.

Sasuke didn't struggle much, facing Shikamaru with a challenge in his eye. Oh, Sasuke thinks Shikamaru wants a fight.

No, no, Shikamaru isn't that kind, Naruto was, Naruto would've stood between them if he had nothing left but his legs, Naruto was that kind.

Naruto is dead.

Shikamaru is left.

He walked up, pulling out every taijutsu lesson he's ever received from his memory in the four steps it took. He put it all into the first punch, right to the jaw. He desperately wanted the sound of his teeth clacking together and him choking on his tongue to sound euphoric, he needed it, but Sasuke couldn't even give him that. He went for another punch, but the door burst open, Kakashi and Asuma flooding in, he lost half of his momentum, but still landed a punch to his nose, making it bleed.

The hands on his arms pulling him away were familiar, but they were still keeping him from his target, keeping him from avenging Naruto and everything he stood for like Naruto was nothing, dirt, trash, Asuma was just like all the other villagers, wasn't he? Just a pathetic adult that can't see that all Naruto's ever wanted was a home, friends, acceptance. Just like everyone else.

He started thrashing, trying to get free, make a new hand sign, make Sasuke hurt, but the hands on him were firm, even as he yelled about how he was just like everyone else, about how Sasuke and Asuma and Kakashi and the whole village is what killed Naruto, he yelled and screamed and spat and thrashed like a wild animal, like what Naruto would've done if anyone he cared about died.

Then he felt pressure on his neck and the world went black.

#naruto #shikanaru #*holds murderous Shikamaru* I just think he's neat #Been a while since I wrote some good ol fashioned spiraling into insanity #Sasuke ILY it doesn't look like it ever but I do