#(so either I'm misremembering hearing him say it or he has randomly picked it up hgjfjf)

[damnprecious]

do you ever just have a strange relationship with your name

I hanged out with a friend and some friends of said friend and they introduced me by my given name, which, objectively, is a name I've gone by for 28 years of my life at this point, but I felt so damn detached from said name??

Idk why exactly, I haven't like. abandoned or discarded the name fully, I just prefer to go by a nickname with most of my friends, this particular friend I haven't mentioned the thing to so far and didn't feel like going "hey actually" in the moment bc it didn't feel relevant (bc like nobody's gonna use names after introduction and I probably won't even meet these people more than maybe once a year, tho will defo mention it to my friend at some point)

But yeah anyhow it was so weird to sit there and be like "right right right that's my(?) name and that person has known me by that name for like 12 or so years and it is, in fact, my name, but also no????"

#noopa rambles #it's just one letter different too dkdkdkd #and like. my family uses that name (tho I'm pretty sure my brother has used the nickname a few times??) #(even tho I can't even remember actually mentioning it to him lmao) #(so either I'm misremembering hearing him say it or he has randomly picked it up hgjfjf) #I use the official name at work and I have no plans of changing that (I think??) #yet hearing a friend use it made me go 'wait what the hell is this' #I'm but a littel noopa in this wide wide world #no but I love the nickname #the nickname is a gift #and it has no baggage #noora has baggage #who would've thunked the one school friend from middle school was right #idk what brough it up but I was complaining about the name and the r and shit #and the friend just went 'why don't you just change it then' #and I was like. as if it was that simple #I mean the immediate thoughts were my 2nd name which would make me have to explain 'it's one i' #third name is not an option bc it has an r too and the r is the root of all issues #actually bullying is the root of all issues but that particular bullying was bc of r so djdkdk #back then I also thought that changing the name would mean that the bullies won #which I still feel on some level I suppose #but also not bc the nickname comes from something that is precious to me #like. I was gifted with the name by precious friends #rather than me jus throwing the actual name out out of idk bitterness and hurt? #tldr I have a very weird relationship with my name fjfkdkd #also idk if the 'nickname is a gift' makes sense but for me it really feels like that #bc like. it feels like that the friends who originally started to use it went 'hey we see you' #it really isn't that deep but djdkdk