#(Karen like: It took me like 16 years to figure out how to healthily handle the emotions I have so far and I'm still stuck on this one)

[pkmnsdarkqueen]

Tell Me (Lysandre, the choice is yours)

Drabble Me

-Original ask open-

It was one of those nights at the bar where the place was technically closed down, but open to it’s shadier cliental. While playing some pool with Kimi, the main bartender, and with others watching some teasing had started about Karen’s well romantic life. It had all been in good fun, and Karen even slipped in a few jabs at herself to add to it. Besides since Karen dished it out all of the time she was good at taking it back. It was when she finished the game there was something unusual about her actions. 

She retreated  to her ‘office’ soon after it was done. Usually Karen, despite admitting to not being a large party person, would stay around the entire time for these events saying she felt more comfortable here. The second flag was how her umbreon during the game kept glancing over at her before quickly leaving the DJ booth to follow her. 

When he knocked on the door she opened it saying it was fine for him to come in. For the sake of space and keeping things secret her ‘office’ was simply a store room with a folding table and chairs to sit in. Ones that were perfect for her height at least. She gave a small snicker which she tried to cover as he tried to get comfortable. 

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t laugh.”

“No it’s fine, I mean you haven’t asked me how the weather is up here yet so you’re doing better than most people.”

“You have no idea how badly. The only thing  stopping me was how unoriginal it likely was to you by now, and I needed that perfect moment for it to come off as ironic.”

As he got settled she wondered why he’d followed. had something happened she didn’t know about? Was he wanting to ask her something? Maybe just talk? She wondered criss cross on her own chair to give her umbreon a good lap to sit on while she pet him. 

“You seem to be trying to leave early, everything alright?”

Ah, it was the second option, and it was about feelings. She should of hidden better. The umbreon nuzzled her hand at the minor spike in worry from her. Even the smallest shift to a negative emotion he picked up, and tried to account for when he was close to her. She appreciated the gesture though didn’t think there to be too much cause for concern. In fact maybe it was a good thing he stopped in to ask about this. She needed to be better about telling other people how she felt. Especially ones about self doubt. Not everything could be fixed by toughing it out, she’d noticed that fault in herself when talking to Will about why she started the bar. 

“It’s nothing serious, I’m self reflecting is all. Talking about romance and all that mushy junk is complicated for me.”

“You were talking a big game out there about all of the people you’ve made out with.”

It all started so childishly with dumb bets about having to kiss certain people depending on who won the game Kimi teasing about her finally getting Karen a first kiss. Then Karen bragging about all of the people she’d made out with, and asking if Kimi was trying to add to her version of a body count. The two continued back and forth like that laughing off, and even clapping at the other’s zingers if they were good enough. 

“Yeah well...it may of been true but it was more of a deflection to match the energy of the room.”

She sighed frowning as her head hung low to look at the pokemon in her lap. 

“She said she’d get me my first kiss because the truth is while I may of made out with plenty of people I never wanted to do it, well not really. It was when I was a criminal still, and I figured out pretty early my life I was attractive by general worldly standards. I saw my mom use her looks to get what she wanted when I was a kid, I saw in my criminal days how people used it, and learned if I played things right I wouldn’t even have to sleep with anyone. Just get them alone enough to knock them out, or dance around the topic enough so that Will could get what we needed. That was the other advantage, I could convince people to talk. Sometimes I still have to use those tricks if I feel I need to. You know the only good thing the Masked Man ever did was prevent me from doing any of that until I was of age.”

There was quiet that settled in after she chuckled from the final line. The tunes from the music still leaking under the door were the only thing keeping it so silent that Drake’s purring could be heard. Ah, she really should stop laughing when saying such depressing things it seemed to leave mix emotions on the other’s face.

“I’ve kissed, I’ve made out, I’ve been held. close, but I have yet to enjoy any of it. I always feel...disgusted really when doing it. Like I the only thing I want to do is claw and tear myself away from the person at any cost. If it’s the only way to get the job done though then I put up with it. I don’t want it to feel like that. One of these days I’d like to kiss someone and it feel nice like everyone says it does. The thing is I honestly have no idea how to do that.”

She let out a laugh again, dammit, as she turned her head up. 

“I mean yeah I can seduce someone, but my association with seduction is using a person. If I really care about someone the last thing I want to do it use them. A kiss, or any romantic affection is supposed to mean you care about the person which is the opposite of using them. The other thing is that I’ve seen happy couples. My dad and step mom are head over heels in love so is the old couple that helps me run this place. I know what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like, but I can’t figure out where the starting line is. Then there’s the other issue of me being attractive which should come as an advantage, but the problem is that people expect because of that I know what I’m doing likely having years of experience. I also know I’m naturally suspicious about new people so trying to not assume they’re interested because of my looks or position alone in stressful. Sure I know people in my coworker circle from this region or others are safe bets, but then I have to talk about my past which is an entirely different can of weedle to deal with, and I should stop rambling shouldn’t I?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

He answered genuinely. Lysandre had his head resting against his hand as his elbow laid on a shelf supporting him. It maybe a relaxed position, but Karen knew he had been genuinely listening the whole time. She felt something stir in her stomach as her mind reminded her that she’d admitted her dating problems to the captivated audience being him. Karen wasn’t sure what that feeling was, embarrassment was the closest emotion she could pin it to which was possibly why her cheeks felt warmer. 

“I mean.....I can relate to some of what you were saying.”

“Oh well now you can’t say that without going on a rant yourself! Go on if I have to share something as embarrassing as being 35 without having my first real kiss then you ought to share something otherwise it’s simply impolite.”

She jested.

Besides.....I like listening to your voice too.

#(Karen like: It took me like 16 years to figure out how to healthily handle the emotions I have so far and I'm still stuck on this one) #(also yes I was low key like imagining part of her convo with Will her asking when it'd be appropriate to make the tall joke and him trying #nats-ass