#( I'm always trying to tie psychology and influential experiences growing up to my muses tjrjfijrifidkfjf )

[sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins]

( ooc ): Sorry, no writing today. I'm taking the small day break to not burn myself out. But I have some thoughts that I'm going through for Lilian, and I would love any suggestions or advice. I'm just figuring out her personality, so I'm working through who she is as a person. Long ramble below to set the scene.

So, Lilian doesn't really know what she wants to do with her life. Typical adult stuff, but hers is kind of extensive. She has an interest in photography, but never really feel into any other interest as passionately as others. So she feels like she's sort of "half-assing" it with having no real passion. She took on multiple different jobs and interests to try to figure out her passion, but nothing really stuck around. Photography seemed to be her main interest, and even then, she deals with the complexity of not knowing if that's her true passion. (Like dealing with the existential question/longing of wondering if there's something out there that's her passion, just waiting for her to discover it, but hasn't found it). She's still trying to find her "meaning" in life. So, she joined the military because of this (to find meaning in her life) and involved photography in it in some way.

I was wondering what could've influenced this mindset. I use controlling parents a lot in my backstories, so I'm trying to find another explanation than that (other than the idea of wanting to please her parents and molded her identity around that, so now she doesn't know herself on an individual level and not as an extension of her parents). So I'm trying to find a new explanation for that? I know I don't need an explanation for it since this is a popular experience for many, so really feel free to give me suggestions or insights on what could've influenced this mindset/uncertainty within herself? I'll take anything, but I'm trying to pursue something new and original than my over-used trope of controlling parents.

#( ooc ) #( I hope this makes sense ) #( it got pretty lengthy ) #( but I wanted to put my thoughts to paper to demonstrate my thought process to it ) #( I'm always trying to tie psychology and influential experiences growing up to my muses tjrjfijrifidkfjf )