#'with a sunny balcony and tomato plants and walking distance to the market and all the asian food you could also for'

[artemisbarnowl]

Congrats me for going on a stupid little walk for my stupid little mental health.

While I was on said walk a nasty little thought popped into my brain, saying I needed to pack up and go home. For good. I was thinking about how Im having trouble identifying my thing to look forward to, remembering how my trips to melb were always exciting, not just for home cooked pasta but for getting to do other fun activities and live the lifestyle I want, when all of a sudden the "i need to go home" appears. It was weirdly upsetting and anxiety inducing and i dont know if its true or not.

#after i got my breathing back and wasnt in danger of crying anymore I had to poke a little deeper #with a 'he won't BE there even if you go back' and i was even very good about not mountaining the mole hill of appartment sesrching #i thought I'd have to start all over again with a workplace and friends #but i left friends there i wouldnt be starting from nothing #but now i need to wait a bit and see if the thought wanders off #or takes of the mask revealing a 'you dont want to go to Melbourne you want to go to one very specific apartment' #'with a sunny balcony and tomato plants and walking distance to the market and all the asian food you could also for' #or maybe actually take root as a move back to melb and live between the 3 bouldering gyms i used to frequent before moving #and bike to the gardens every week #and go to the bathhouse and DONT have a panic attack every time you go near the museum