#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

HEADCANON 013. DAMIAN & ASPD.

OG POST. most damian writers will diagnose him with autism, my portrayal aligns closer with ANTI-SOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER (aspd).

i was originally going to write this about sociopathy but damian was born with an emotional disconnect, a symptom of those with aspd.   without his brain’s amygdala (fight or flight instinct), he is reckless, impulsive, and careless.   it makes him a great assassin but it also stunts him emotionally.   studies have shown that those with aspd, with no empathy and no proper emotional connections in their brain, will begin to mimic those around them in an attempt to fit in.   damian had been hard-wired to be talia’s perfect successor.   it was a way of life and also the way to nurture a sociopath.   by frowning on emotional outbursts but praising him for logical achievements, this taught damian to repress anything and everything.   with no coping mechanisms as a child, this further pushed him back.

according to the national library of medicine, aspd is a "deeply ingrained and dysfunctional thought process that focuses on social exploitive, delinquent, and criminal behavior most commonly known due to the affected individual's lack of remorse for these behaviors. [ ... ] disregard for and the violation of others' rights are common manifestations of this personality disorder, which displays symptoms that include failure to conform to the law, inability to sustain consistent employment, deception, manipulation for personal gain, and incapacity to form stable relationships." further, mark zimmerman states "[b]oth genetic and environmental factors (eg, abuse during childhood) contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder. a possible mechanism is impulsive aggression, related to abnormal serotonin transporter functioning. disregard for the pain of others during early childhood has been linked to antisocial behavior during late adolescence."

another study from 2010 for aspd in incarcerated offenders brings up an interesting point: "[aspd] is associated with comorbid disorders, high suicide risk, and impaired quality of life. those with comorbid adhd were more impaired than those without adhd." theravive references the dsm-5 in saying "[ ... ] antisocial personality disorder is comorbid with substance abuse disorder, and other personality disorders (american psychiatric association, 2013)". this specifically aligns well to damian & his grappling with his skin condition. skin hunger is a condition created out of emotional distance in some children, especially if neglected touch from birth through childhood.   it’s especially difficult to deal with on top of aspd.   it can lead to health problems, skin conditions, and in the most severe cases: death.   humans require endorphins to function healthily so when given none from human touch, damian spent his childhood seeking the rush from other means such as assassination contracts.   in his case, he developed a skin condition from it, thanks to his heightened senses.   when touched by another human, his skin feels like it’s being lit on fire.   it’s similar to the feeling of cold water splashing on feverish flesh but amplified.    fortunately, the cure for it is simple:   human contact.    his childhood with it is rough but by the time he reaches maturity, he grows out of it thanks to spending the second half of his childhood roughhousing with his older brothers.

back to aspd. zimmerman had another point that i think is important to highlight: "[r]emorse for actions is lacking. patients with antisocial personality disorder may rationalize their actions by blaming those they hurt (eg, they deserved it) or the way life is (eg, unfair). they are determined not to be pushed around and to do what they think is best for themselves at any cost."

FOR A DIAGNOSIS OF ASPD, PATIENTS MUST HAVE: a persistent disregard for the rights of others AND meet three or more of the following criteria.

disregarding the law, indicated by repeatedly committing acts that are grounds for arrest

being deceitful, indicated by lying repeatedly, using aliases, or conning others for personal gain or pleasure

acting impulsively or not planning ahead

being easily provoked or aggressive, indicated by constantly getting into physical fights or assaulting others

recklessly disregarding their safety or the safety of others

consistently acting irresponsibly, indicated by quitting a job with no plans for another one or not paying bills

not feeling remorse, indicated by indifference to or rationalization of hurting or mistreating others

for a full diagnosis to be accurate, aspd is typically diagnosed at eighteen. the patient must have disorder present before the age of fifteen & the behavior patterns must continue into their young adulthood. there is no evidence of a "cure" for aspd. the current treatments for it are cognitive-behavioral therapy & drugs: both of these are considered short-term goals & are not permanent solutions. neither of which, damian will partake in.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #CHRONOLOGICAL META. #q. #ask to tag / #i swear i gotta start annotating these with mla lmfaoo #time to regress to college papers just to write some hcs #this is just a post of me going through a bunch of academic papers with an orange highlighter

[exghul]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄.

FLAWS.

moody |  short-tempered  |  emotionally unstable  |  whiny  |  controlling  |  conceited  |  possessive  |  paranoid  |  liar  |  impatient  |  cowardly  |  bitter  |  selfish  |  power-hungry |  greedy  |  lazy  |  judgmental  |  forgetful  |  impulsive  |  spiteful  |  stubborn |  sadistic  |  petty  |  unlucky  |  absent-minded  |  abusive  |  addict  |  aggressive  |  childish  |  callous  |  clingy  |  delusional  |  cocky  |  competitive  |  corrupt  |  cynical  |  cruel  |  depressed  |  deranged  |  egotistical  |  envious  |  insecure  |  insensitive  |  lustful  |  delinquent  |  overthinker |  guilt complex  |  reclusive  |  reckless  |  nervous  |  oversensitive  |  perfectionist  |  pessimistic  |  naive

STRENGTHS.

honest  |  trustworthy  |  thoughtful |  caring  |  brave |  patient  |  selfless  |  ambitious  |  tolerant  |  lucky  |  intelligent  |  confident  |  humble  |  generous  |  merciful  |  observant  |  wise  |  clever  |  charming  |  cheerful  |  optimistic  |  decisive  |  adaptive  |  calm  |  protective  |  proud  |  diligent  |  considerate  |  compassionate  |  good sportsmanship  |  friendly  |  empathetic  |  passionate  |  reliable  |  resourceful  |  sensible  |  sincere  |   witty  |  funny

SKILLS & HOBBIES.

art  |  acting  |  astronomy  |  animals  |  archery  |  sports  |  belly dancing  |  bird watching  |  blacksmithing |  boating  |  calligraphy  |  camping  |  candle making  |  casino gambling  |  ceramics  |  racing  |  chess  |  music  |  cooking  |  crochet  |  weaving  |  exercise  |  swordplay  |  fishing  |  gardening  |  ghost hunting  |  ice skating  |  magic  |  engineering  |  building  |  inventing  |  leather-working |  martial arts  |  meditation  |  origami  |  parkour  |  people watching |  swimming  |  puppetry  |  pyrotechnics  |  quilting  |  reading  |  collecting  |  shopping  |  socializing  |  storytelling  |  writing  |  traveling  |  exotic dancing  |  singing  |  yoga  |  gaming  |  surfing

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆. @starignite @burg1ar @acidcaught @mobhyaku & you looking at this right now 👀 ! 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘. @jokethur ♥

#i color coded this one like my last long hc post: #green is for t.alia's (or the a.l g.huls in general) influence #and orange is for b.ruce's #if u cant tell . . he's very much like his mom #but brooce has good influence on him :3 #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

damian does not have a middle name. like cher, he's simply damian.

#yeah . this goes here. #his tag is a fucking nightmare of Terrible takes #so just a reminder . dami would not take his father's . father's . first name as a middle name #t.alia named him. #and as another reminder . his birth name is h.afid. #bc hes not a yt boy. #this has been a psa i will disappear back to drafts #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

HEADCANON 012. DAMIAN & NAMES.

OG POST 1. OG POST 2. damian is the child of two opposite houses: the league of assassins & the batman. as the sole male heir to the al ghuls, damian was raised with the intent that he would eventually take over ra's' legacy & continue his terrorism streak. after taking refuge with the waynes, he is then offered an alternative: (one of) the heirs to the wayne fortune & more importantly to damian, eventually he will wear the cowl.

the name damian at its core means a few different things. pop culture has led people to believe that the name means “son of the demon/devil” most likely prompting where dc got their idea for his name (real original). upon digging further, the name was misinterpreted. most sources say the name means “to tame, to subdue” and is used as a euphemism for “to kill.” others say the name means “harmless, sweet.”

the tradition for naming damian was held by ra’s (though traditionally it is the paternal grandfather) and talia alone.   he was swaddled in ra’s’ green jacket and named hafid al ghul.   though the translation varies from translator to translator, the most often depicted are either “offspring / descendant ” or “ the wise one. ”   ra’s expected him to fail from birth. thus, in his exasperation, he gave the boy a generic, bland name.   talia whispered the name damian into his hair, conquerer, subduer.   she knew he was to be her successor, her perfect son finally.   out of spite, ra’s only referred to the boy during his boyhood by the name he bestowed upon him.

(src: the shadow/batman issue 6, pg 19.)

ibn al xu'ffasch is a reference to his original character, before he was created as damian: the son of the bat, damian was originally an unnamed child between talia & bruce that grew to be the successor of the bat in kingdom come 1996. this is also the comic series that introduced mar'i as a character & the two got married. i digress.

as damian was the name that talia gave him, this is the name she used to introduce him to bruce for the first time. hafid is a symbol of his past to him, a dead name in the broadest sense of the term. since leaving the league of assassins, damian has never once called himself hafid, never longed to bear the name. hafid, like his al ghul legacy, are a part of his past, NOT his future.

#CHRONOLOGICAL META. #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #q. #ehehehe finally got this one rewritten #peeling all of the m.orrison garbage out of my old hcs #so if u look at the old posts they're a lil contradictory #just assume anything i wrote 2018 and before i was braindead #anyway this prob doesnt flow right #i ripped out pieces from the old posts so they'd line up-ish

[exghul]

HEADCANON 009: DAMIAN & DEMON MAGICKS.

hi i'd like to talk abt the panels below the cut.

importantly, the context around these panels: rūh (great-grandmother) shows damian her memories in which ra's (grandfather, rūh's son) performs a spell from rūh's book. this shocks damian as up until this point, the only magic he has known in his bloodline is the al ghuls' possession of the lazarus pits.

for readability, their dialogue: rūh: my visions passed to ra's... and i believe they have also been passed to you... damian: i don't have any powers. rūh: it is not a power... it is a GIFT. you must learn, young demon! that no matter what path you choose, THE DEMON is a part of you!

damian used the opening where she grabs his head as an advantage & they fight, stopping any further dialogue. as they both return from the depths of her mind, she iterates again "... but the demon still lives on in your BLOOD". this has yet to be mentioned again.

rūh engages in conversation some time later with talia & ra's. she implies that talia, at one point, had sought her out specifically "searching for more than a mother figure. to be trained in the true ways of our family..." & that damian has come to do the same:

rūh: and now your SON has done the same. you don't see it yet but you will. DAMIAN will become- ra's: enough, mother.

these panels lead me to a single conclusion: damian has demon magick, same as his grandfather & great-grandmother (& likely mother): just dormant. damian, at his age & maturity, cannot actively cast spells. throughout robin 2021, however, damian had occasional nightmares that were mentioned. he does not possess his great-grandmother's arcane magicks but he does see snippets of his own past, present, & future through his nightmares ( but does not understand them nor does he connect them to rūh ).

the large pit under lazarus island has seeped into the earth itself, allowing rūh to feed the demon with the blood spilled on it. rūh herself carries a spellbook ( also aptly named the lazarus book ). this spellbook contained the containment spell that ra's performed to bind rūh to the island.

currently, the usage of demon magick in dc is minimal & rarely explored. demonic magic is mentioned as the corruption of one's will, overpowering & subduing the target. given that damian's current run (batman vs robin) finds damian possessed by the lazarus demon (imaginative name, yeah.), we can assume this is the direction they're taking him next.

will i throw all of this in the garbage when batman vs robin concludes? who knows. this is just my current stance :)

PANELS:

panel 1 & 2, next to each other:

panel 3:

panel 4, damian is nowhere in the scene:

#hi this is where ive been all day #anyway the introduction of ruh adds . a LOT of things i can meta about #so ima keep rambling #enjoy today's tedtalk #i'll get to replies * #* eventually #does this read like a consistent post? #no probably not #but its a collection of thoughts ive added throughout the day :) #moved da readme so its not a giant wall of text hhdnfk #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #CHRONOLOGICAL META.

[exghul]

HEADCANON 011. DAMIAN & NIGHTMARES.

hi hello i'd like to talk about the dream sequence from RSOB 01. for context, this happens in damian's mind as he's free falling from goliath while flying too high to breathe. under cut for tall panels :)

damian: mother. dick: nope. nobody out here but us. ghosts. right, kid? damian: as usual, grayson, you only think you know what you're talking about. dick: oh, right. i guess you're considered "the expert" now, is that it? damian: pretty much.

they're standing over talia al ghul's empty grave. important to note, the grave next to hers has a crumbled headstone & both stand empty. the grave next to hers is damian's. he was buried next to her after he killed by the heretic.

dick: so... what was it like, kid? being dead. before batman brought you back from apokolips? what was waiting for you in the dark? you told him that there was nothing, right? that you didn't see anything? after all the horrible things you've done, damian, i find that kind of hard to believe. damian: what are you--? dick: oh sure, i once wore the cape & cowl but did you? do you actually think you'll ever be worthy to answer the call when it comes?

this is where the tone shifts. dick starts to explain exactly what damian feels guilt for. he has a sense of remorse for his own body count, his bloodlust. for these sins, he does not think he's worthy of becoming batman. he wants it badly but the doubts pile high.

a wild bruce appears. bruce: what have you done, son? damian: father! i-- bruce: tell me the truth! before it's too late! what is the year of blood? damian: no! i-i can't! i don't know what you...

this is just setup specifically for the issue's run as damian goes through the year of blood. we'll circle back to that in another post ;3

finally, the dream becomes a nightmare. the heretic appears to kill both damian & bruce. bruce gives damian his final words: really? more lies, damian? you and i both know there's only one place for liars to go, don't we?

again, this highlights damian's guilt. this time, instead of his guilt of the blood he's spilled, it's guilt for what he keeps from bruce's side of the family. he has a loyalty to the al ghuls to keep their family secrets: the year of blood, the splinter groups of the league, the existence of his great-grandmother, etc. this is doubly proven as it is talia that rises from her grave, chains him, & drags him into the grave with her.

at the bottom of it is an ambiguous demon that we can safely assume is supposed to symbolize the devil as he's pulled into then lava. at the very top of that panel, we see the tiny hole in the earth that is talia's grave. she's nowhere to be seen, only damian is punished for his guilt. bruce, despite standing in the grave below talia ( as if he's waiting for damian ), does not follow him into the hellfire.

damian blames himself & only himself for his past. this is recognition and understanding of taking of life. damian understands the weight of each kill, understands who he was & who he still is. this is opposite of the concept that children that do not understand morality ( and therefore do not differentiate right from wrong ) will simply go to heaven. damian knows his own morality, he dreads hell as a concept.

he did tell bruce he didn't remember anything, like it was waking from a dreamless sleep - one minute he existed, the next he was nothing, and the next he woke a year later in a rejuvenated body.

damian knows he will die again ( as has, twice since then ). knowing that his time while dead was simply ceasing to exist, to be one with the stardust, gives him a sense of recklessness. he no longer fears death but what would become of him should it be permanent. he has blood in his past, present, and his doomed future (batman in bethlehem). no matter how much he repents or feels remorse for his actions, the bad outweighs the good.

damian is doomed & he knows it.

#chucks this at the dash like a live grenade #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #CHRONOLOGICAL META.

[exghul]

HEADCANON 008: THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS.

HISTORY:

the league of assassins ( sometimes interchangeably called the league of shadows which was later adopted as a name for a splinter group of it ) was founded by ra’s al ghul in 1013 AD/CE as the “fang that protects the head”. though he founded it, it was initially governed by professor ebeneezer darrk then the sensei then finally ra’s himself. the league was named after the order of the assassins, whose main objective was halt conflicts/wars throughout the world. as a foil to the order, the league of assassins acts as the catalyst for the reformation of civilizations on the decline. ra's affectionately calls his assassins ghouls.

darrk controlled the league for the longest amount of time. when under his rule, assassins that failed contracts were hunted & gruesomely flayed as a message to the rest of the league: fail & pay the consequences. it is never stated how darrk & ra’s fell out but their relationship escalated in recent modern times until darrk kidnapped talia. bruce wayne met talia al ghul for the first time during this scheme, rescuing her while darrk died in the chaos.

to replace him, the sensei was placed in charge of the league. this, also, did not last very long. quickly after coming to power, sensei was possessed by the spirit jonah though jonah never appears again in comic canon. while in control of sensei, jonah killed boston brand ( who becomes deadman upon death ). sensei & deadman fight, killing jonah in the process. the longer he was in control, the further he was driven to his own insanity. an initiative of his leadership, however, was to study assassinations as an art form. (in his original canon, sensei murdered kate kane. as this was written in 1979, canon has since been re-written).

sensei's plots grew more chaotic & sloppy until the batman was involved once more in the league's internal squabbling. sensei engaged in a battle to the death with his blood son while batman did his best to minimize causalities. during a hunt for the fountain of youth, batman & ra's & sensei crossed paths once more. sensei stabbed ra's in an attempt to destroy him & take the league for himself. ra's shoved sensei into the fountain, shredding him down to the very soul for his impurity. on the complete contrary, batman also lands in the fountain: and is healed & rejuvenated, implying a clean spirit. ra's survived the ordeal after an emergency dip in a lazarus pit.

when sensei was permanently killed, ra's siezed full control over the league ( having learned his lesson about trusting others ). while growing tired of the blind loyalty to the demon's head that his league possessed, david cain was assigned to create the perfect bodyguard. sandra wu-san, eventually lady shiva, was the suitable mother for this specimen which would eventually grow to be cassandra cain. the canon of cass & her lineage, however, varies per story (naturally).

after "the death" of ra's al ghul, his first-born daughter nyssa al ghul raatko (who has her own whole . . . complicated story with ra's that would need its own post -- some implications that ra's is antisemetic, however it could just be due to ra's not caring about nyssa at that point) briefly seized control of the league. under her rule, lady shiva returns. the league split in two here, becoming the league of assassins who followed nyssa & the league of shadows that followed lady shiva.

following the split, nyssa ambiguously died in a car crash caused by league members & a young talia al ghul stepped up for the first time to take hold of the league. talia takes complete control & begins to raise her army of man-bats, thanks to the man-bat formula that she killed kirk langstrom for. she alone has control of the man-bat commandos.

ra's lived, to no one's surprise. he took back control of the league of assassins from talia & ensured that any mentions of the league of shadows were squashed. the league of shadows became barely a rumor over the years, a legend that new ghouls would gossip about but never have confirmation for. during damian's childhood, he heard mention of the league of shadows once. ra's & talia agreed on one thing: the child did not need to know the extent of their family history.

little to nothing is known about what came about of the league of shadows. damian has choice encounters with members such as *master dusk*, a ghoul banished for attempting to alter damian's training regiment which would contradict talia's teachings.

ra's dies for good at the hands of deathstroke when damian is fourteen. talia takes final control of the league of assassins.

GEOGRAPHY:

damian spent his first years in nanda parbat, a hidden city in the mountains of hindu kush. the assassin's keep resides in the heart of this city, practically invisible against the mountainside. the hindu kush is a vast mountain range that stretches between afghanistan & north pakistan: in between, the range touches bhutan, china, india, nepal, & myanmar. the entire stretch of hindu kush, ra's & the assassins consider to be THEIR DOMAIN. intruders discovered in the range are brutally mutilated & their corpses are left as warning signs or fed to wild animals. hikers have been known so to frequently disappear within hindu kush that locals discourage & protest their hubris.

damian's first kills were wanderers that had reached too close to the city, had begun to find specs of their hidden world. from high in the keep, talia spotted strays. she brought her son down to greet them, placed a small pocket knife in his hand, & instructed ( and encouraged ) him to take his first life. non-verbal until six, damian did not protest. talia held them down & walked her son through his first kill. then his second. by his third, she wanted him to face a challenge: wanted him to begin to hunt on his own. barely five, damian required a helping hand.

talia brought her child down into pakistan, his first ever appearance in public. the sound, the bustle of people, overwhelmed him. she guided him through a third kill in the city before they disappeared back into the mountains. eye witness accounts claim that a toddler weilding a knife had begun stabbing wildly --- but that he had gone for the throat while his mother cooed & offered sweet nothings. no children or their mother in the city matched the description. the case remains unsolved. this incident is one of few clues as to the location of nanda parbat.

CULTURE:

the city of nanda parbat is said to be a place of healing & enlightenment. the city is said to be watched over by the goddess of karma rama kushna & her devout followers. when the sensei was possessed & killed boston brand, it was rama kushna that was responsible for turning him into deadman. as her spiritual agent & attachment to the earth, deadman possesses the bodies of the living to do her bidding. rama kushna is the sole presiding goddess over nanda parbat.

to worship a lesser creature on an altar within the city limits of nanda parbat is considered a direct insult to rama kushna. she is the protector of the mountains & often blesses the league with peaceful weather. her manipulation of karma itself often leads wanderers near her city to their certain demise. she protects her people from harm & thus they repay the favor with worship, rowdy celebrations, & as much booze as they could possibly produce.

rūh al ghul worshipped a demon, one that she founded her league of lazarus to resurrect. following her initial death, ra's was confident that the magicks of the lazarus pit were enough to convince her to abandon her hope for the demon & worship rama kushna once again. the rebirth invigorated rūh & she was banished from the mountains. ra's locked her away on an island whose name was long lost to the sands of time: rūh renamed this place lazarus island. LINK TO HER STORYLINE.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #ok i lied NOW - i go to bed #ive been writing this for days #i have finally mashed all the canons into one: this is the Official Post™ to explain the nuances #aka this is my bloge canon for how i treat the different l.eagues + some of how dami's family is structured #i meant to meta abt how life was growing up in the l.eague but realized . i need to establish them first hahahaha #CHRONOLOGICAL META.

[exghul]

CITY AESTHETICS.

bold what applies.     repost,   don’t reblog.

smoke escaping a dark alley.   speckled lights up a skyscraper at night.   the business of the morning rush to work.   the smell of freshly baked bread and pastries from bakeries in the early morning.   the crack of dawn walk of shame.   lines of cabs and buses filling the main streets.   sunrise breaking over the skyline.   neons flashing against brick.   lightning bolt cracks in the pavement.   sunset streaming through buildings.    a theatre district full of tourists and performers.   night time rain hitting long glass windows.   activity on every street corner.    shattered glass littering the concrete.   wind tunnels passing through a maze of buildings.   churches nestled within high rises.   breakfast on a small balcony.    sirens echoing and bouncing off the inner city walls.   dirty rivers breaking up the concrete jungle.    season changes:   burnt orange of autumn trees,  light white snow of winter,   midday sunshine of summer,   blooming flower bushes in spring.   crystal canals littered with houseboats.   dusk falling and lights flickering on.   lightning striking the tops of skyscrapers.   vague reflections in the water of fountains.   cigarette ashes in the gutter.   darkened and empty side streets.   lines of people and chatter outside of clubs.   fire escapes trailing down the sides of buildings.   high ceilings in industrial studio apartments.   rainbow hues reflected in glass.   cityscape views from monuments.     rain gutters swelling during heavy downpour.   a park oasis in the middle of the city.   new years fireworks lighting up the night sky.  airplane trails littering the sky.   polished corner offices.   strip club pamphlets strewn across the damp footpath.   rooftop gardens.   oil pools staining asphalt.   skyscrapers protruding thick cloud.   helicopter spotlights.   litter piles surrounding dumpsters nestled down alleyways.   window displays of designer stores.   streets lined with thin trees.   the contrast of the white paint and asphalt at crossings.  street views from the bathroom windows.   lowlit bars permeating red light.

tagged by. @batagonist ♥

#q. #ehehehehe #i cannot stress this enough: dami doesn't belong in the city hfhdfh #he's a nature boy by heart #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚆𝙴𝚁𝙴 𝙰 𝙳𝙴𝙸𝚃𝚈, 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝚆𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙱𝙴 𝙶𝙾𝙳 𝙾𝙵?

stolen from @cranedre ♥

WARFARE & STRATEGY. prideful and ambitious, your followers come to you for guidance and luck in battles they feel are too much for them. you embody the bravery and bloodlust of warfare and the battle intelligence for strategy and leadership. your patience tends to thin around those who don’t respect you or question your intelligence and strength.

#q. #hfhhfdnf i love dashgames ;3 #so i will yoink hehehe #but also ? how many mf TIMES have i likened dami to ares? ? ?? ? #HOW MANY ?? the answer is TOO FUCKING MANY #he is a horseman!!! of the apocalypse !!!! he is !!! the god of war !!1!!! #SCREAMS IN IMAGERY #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

HEADCANON 010: DAMIAN & BLOODLUST.

OG POST LINK. to differentiate parental influence, this post is color coded with green for talia, orange for bruce.

damian was raised with a single mindset: KILL.

talia did her best with the tools that she had. she raised a child into a league of killers ( assassins, even ). this promoted violence as a positive pillar of damian's formative years, which was subsequently reflected as negative when he eventually fell in with bruce & his family.

with only ra's & talia as his main role models, damian falls in step behind them & their own habits. the NCTSN (national trauma treatment center), explains the below snippets specifically regarding children growing up in poverty but in this case, we're using this to only point out the negative effects of trauma on the child as damian has never experienced poverty.

"[..] the experiences of chronic trauma [..] ha[s] been associated with decreased parental effectiveness, less warmth, limited understanding of child development and needs, increased use of corporal punishment and harsh discipline, high incidents of neglect, and an overall strategy of reactive parenting."

damian was rewarded with positive reinforcement for lashing out in violence & performing kills. with the change in environment & pace by being placed under bruce's tutelage, damian's cool understanding of the world turned to red hot anger that he cannot find in himself to control. because of the reinforced positivity for killing, damian truly embraced its influence over his mind. this has set him up for failure as a hero ultimately. he cannot control the bloodlust that he was rewarded for indulging.

Research on intergenerational trauma [..] has demonstrated that adults with histories of childhood abuse and exposure to family violence have problems with emotional regulation, aggression, social competence, and interpersonal relationships, leading to functional impairments in parenting which transmit to the next generation.

talia did her best but she, too, falls in step behind ra's & his particular bad parenting habits. if we look higher in the family tree, rūh herself is atrocious in nature.

The family as a whole is also impacted by chronic conditions of high stress and exposure to multiple traumas and families often experience chaotic, disorganized lifestyles, inconsistent and/or conflicted relationships, and crisis-oriented coping.

this one ^ is self-explanatory.

back to the main point:

even after patrolling at night, he still has an itch at the back of his neck, the twitch of his bloodthirsty fingers ever present so he trains until he can’t stand anymore. it’s the only solution he’s found, especially needed when his mind wanders in public.

in public, he often finds himself staring at people. too many find it off-putting the way he picks apart their skin in his mind, imagining just how he would kill them if needed. when his imagination gets too much for him without any consequences, he retreats to either his room to draw/paint or ( more often ) to the batcave where he trains his frustrations off.

he knows where that bloodlust will get him so he does his best to bury it deep down. the few times he feels guilt is when he looks his brother in the eye and his mind is tearing muscle from bone like teeth to a chicken bone.

damian is horrified with himself most days, the bloodlust consuming him in the late hours as tears stain his pillow and dull fingernails drag down his scarred chest just to watch in sick fascination as red scratches follow in their wake seconds later. some days, he uses a knife.

disgusted with himself and his insatiable thirst to spill blood, he tends to turn it inward rather than seeking help or hurting another human. he’s added too many scars to count to his torso and arms in an attempt to still his fingers and calm his hunger. thanks to his nightly escapades, he can easily pass the scarring off to an inquiring sibling as a trophy of war. none know that most are inflicted by the katana propped up beside his bed or the dagger in his bedside drawer.

this behavior is a pattern that follows him into his adulthood. with it, he carries an immense guilt: he bears the knowledge that he must improve himself but the inability to do so as if he stops, his sword would turn outward towards others. without the innate ability to self-regulate, he copes alone in self loathing.

#gore ment / #self harm ment / #mmm re-writing / brushing up hcs i wrote at uhm. like 16 #linking the old ones just to flex theyre old af lmaoo #this ones particularly sad #so i dont mention it often in my threading but :3 #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #CHRONOLOGICAL META.

[exghul]

@hauntrcss​ asked: What would be your muse’s go-to karaoke song? (alternatively what would you personally force them to sing?) 

if he had the choice & a gun to his head, damian would try to solo the music of the night from phantom of the opera. entirely because he thinks it makes him look more pretentious for knowing it by heart. unfortunately, he doesn’t have the range to sing it.

if i, as the writer, had to force him to sing something: shadow of the day by linkin park, no question.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ ONE MANIAC AT A TIME ; WE'LL TAKE IT BACK \ answered. #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #hgnfgdnsf this made me giggle when i saw the prompt #if there's one thing he's NOT good at it's singing

[exghul]

𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃 𝙵𝙻𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁 𝙸𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝚂𝙾𝚄𝙻?

VANILLA.    oh heart of ice and mind of gold, what am I to do with you? you are only good in small amounts, bittersweet fledgling, you are hard for most to swallow. your spirit is strong, your wit is potent, your biting essence drives even the most daring away. but why are you hiding your sweetness? I know within you, you are soft, but humanity has made you bitter. you mask your pain and sorrow with spite and sensibility. you say you do not care about trivial things, but don't you? sweetheart relax. you can let down your drawbridge, the waters are not poisoned. I know you have looked monsters in between the eyes and scoffed at them, but please, relax. you think your armor protects you but it is smothering you slowly. little owlet, when will you learn, words can only get you so far? feelings are what makes this world pulse. do not suppress your feelings. your heart can still thaw my dear. trust.

tagged by @jokethur​. tagging the dash 👀👀

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #' humanity has made you bitter ' AHHHH STOP IMCRY #& tvvm for the tag uvu

[exghul]

HEADCANON 003: DAMIAN & GUNS.

as a budding assassin, damian had a certain skillset to live up to: his mother’s. like a long series of quests, the final step in getting his father’s identity was to beat her once in a fight. this was achieved at age eight. by nine, he lived with bruce and by ten, he donned the cape for the first time. 

prior to his victory over talia, however, he had to master the tools of the trade. while the league of assassins primarily follow ra’s & his traditional teachings (re: they carry swords), each assassin is expected to understand the inner workings of weapons their enemies may use against them: such as guns.

while damian will always prefer his katana, he is more comfortable with firearms than he would care to admit. the most he’s ever admitted was to dick grayson during blackest night: batman, a three-issue story that ties into batman & robin. from his seventh birthday to eighth birthday, he spent every morning skeet shooting with talia. when she wasn’t available, he would run target practice by himself. 

this practice would typically follow a simple routine: 

take one of seven guns from a private rack in his mother’s room, each in line with a day of the week. 

disassemble the weapon & thoroughly clean, regardless if it is spotless: never trust anyone else’s cleaning job.

re-assemble the weapon & pocket a box (or more, depending on caliber) of ammunition

assemble the outdoor targets & take the 100 yard line. regardless of the gun, talia expected that damian will maintain his accuracy, scope or not.

use up all ammunition taken. 

the M72 LAW to which he refers is a one-shot anti-tank weapon, which was considered “special” training given the impact one shot will make in the remote mountains where the lair of the league resides. this didn’t deter talia: her child must be PERFECT. if perfect means giving an eight-year-old an anti-tank weapon, so shall it be.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #ik i have a ton more but i can only find 2 in my hellscape of my own tagging system lol #so fuck it we ball #CHRONOLOGICAL META.

[exghul]

WHY  DO  YOU  HURT  ?

you swallow pain & fold around it

you have always hurt. you hold it carefully, and twisted in such a way that other people don't have to see it. you don't choke on it. you don't drown. you just have it, the way some people have freckles, this is a thing that lives in your bones. you fold instead of fighting because you know how to make yourself small, tuck away the places where they have clawed at, swallow the bruises so you seem clean. nobody needs to see it. you will live through this on your own. you know what you need, and relief isn't it. this doesn't mean you cannot reach out - it means it is not in your nature to do so. you should. hiding does not mean you won't be seen.

tagged by: @sonburied​

tagging: @asterbatics​, @fightwing​

#fuck fuckFUCKf CUkF cuk im in Pain #⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons.

[exghul]

ETHNICITY.

it’s no secret that damian is thrown in canon as “ vaguely arabic / chinese ” on talia’s side.   ra’s was born to a tribe of desert nomads in the arabian peninsula over 700 years prior to damian’s birth.   i’ve been sitting on this headcanon awhile (hence the half pakistani fc) but its finally time to write up all official like.   from here on out, damian’s heritage is rooted in pakistan. q: but why, bat? woke points? a: actually no. woke points mean nothing. read below.

❝      Thanks to its historical, geographical and ethnic diversity, Pakistan’s culture is a melting pot of Indian, Persian, Afghan, Central Asian, South Asian and Western Asian influences. There are over 15 major ethnic groups in Pakistan, which differ in physical features, historical bloodlines, customs, dress, food and music. Some of these include Punjabis, Sindhis, Baloch, Pashtuns, Kashmiris, Hazaras, Makranis and Baltis, coming from regions as close to home like the Indus Valley Civilization or as far as Africa or Tibet. Other than ancient ethnic elements, the religious influence of Islam has also strongly shaped Pakistani culture since it first came to the region in 700 AD.    ❞

ra’s’s history is vague enough in location to be assumed really anywhere in a modern arab country.   pakistan is a logical choice for the absolute diversity and general cluster of the ‘all of the above’ option dc seems to have picked for damian and his al ghul side.

the islamic tradition held for naming damian was held by ra’s (though traditionally the paternal grandfather) and talia.   he was swaddled in ra’s’s green jacket and named hafid al ghul.   though the translation varies from translator to translator, the most often depicted are either “offspring / descendant ” or “ the wise one. ”   ra’s expected him to fail from birth, just as all her previous attempts at creating the perfect soldier.   this one survived the dip in the lazarus pit, lived long enough to be named.   in his exasperation, he gave the boy a generic, bland name.   talia whispered the name damian into his hair, conquerer, subduer.   she knew he was to be her successor, her perfect son finally.   out of spite, ra’s only referred to the boy during his boyhood by the name he bestowed upon him.

though damian is pakastani, white, and less than a quarter chinese, he is far from active in his country’s various religions / languages.   he was raised in the  karakoram mountain range.   while it runs through pakistan, india, china, and afghanistan, he spent as little time as possible with the people.   though he’s read about it in books, damian never participated in religious acts or cultural holidays / traditions.   any media portraying him as actively muslim will be promptly ignored.   damian has a broad knowledge of religion but does not believe in any god, does not believe he should bow to anyone.   he believes those who do commit their lives to their religion or cause are honorable but never found religion to be his cup of tea.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #do not reblog / #mobile is a fucking bi t c hhhhh #but anyway nyello reformatted

[exghul]

damian wayne : a (fairly short) study of the psyche

ANTI-SOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER.

to be diagnosed with it (according to the DSM, volume 5), the patient MUST meet the following criteria:

impairment in self-functioning:

identity: ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

self-direction: goal setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative behavior.

impairments in interpersonal functioning:

empathy: lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.

intimacy: incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.

antagonism, characterized by:

manipulativeness: frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others.

deceitfulness: dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self.

callousness: lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse.

hostility: persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior.

disinhibition, characterized by:

irresponsibility: disregard for -- and failure to honor -- financial and other obligations and commitments; lack of respect for -- and lack of follow through on agreements.

impulsivity: acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without plan or consideration of outcome.

i was originally going to write this about sociopathy but damian was born with an emotional disconnect, a symptom of those with aspd.   without his brain’s amygdala (fight or flight instinct), he is reckless, impulsive, and careless.   it makes him a great assassin but it also stunts him emotionally.   studies have shown that those with aspd, with no empathy and no proper emotional connections in their brain, will begin to mimic those around them in an attempt to fit in.   damian had been hard-wired to be talia’s perfect puppet.   it was a way of life and also the way to nurture a sociopath.   by teaching him feelings were bad and only praising him for achievements, this taught damian to repress anything and everything.   with no coping mechanisms as a child, this further pushed him back.

there have been no documented cases of people truly “fixing” someone with aspd.   there is no replacing the amygdala in their brain, teaching them to love.   it’s similar to having a rubber band between your fingers.   you can stretch and stretch it but the moment you let go, it snaps back to its original shape.

SKIN HUNGER.

this one, i’ve talked about before but it’s well worth the mention.   skin hunger is a condition created out of emotional distance in some children, especially if neglected touch from birth through childhood.   it’s especially difficult to deal with on top of aspd.   it can lead to health problems, skin conditions, and in the most severe cases: death.   humans require endorphins to function healthily so when given none from human touch, damian spent his childhood seeking the rush from other means such as assassination contracts.   in his case, he developed a skin condition from it, thanks to talia’s enhancements of his senses.   when touched by another human, his skin feels like it’s being lit on fire.   it’s similar to the feeling of cold water splashing on feverish flesh but amplified.    fortunately, the cure for it is simple:   human contact.    his childhood with it is rough but by the time he reaches maturity, he grows out of it thanks to spending the second half of his childhood roughhousing with his older brothers.

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ MY WHAT HAVE I DONE? FUCK IT LET'S KILL EVERYONE ! \ headcanons. #hi hello it took me a hot second to write this up but #hopefully this makes sense / is semi readable