#<- girl who feels she has a deep understanding of grace chasity's character and motivations but who is also

[pinkseas]

when the line changes from meaning "im the ruler of my own world" to "i finally have worth because i am finally the ruler" because this character has never been allowed to break the rules and never been in control of their own life. and now that they HAVE broken their every most significant rule in the worst, most traumatizing ways possible, they've both changed drastically as a person and warped the entire situation in their head: they blame themselves, they KNOW that the situation is their own fault, but they cannot handle the weight of that guilt and have forced themselves to blame absolutely Anyone else instead because of it. in losing everything that defined them as a person and Taking control for the first time in their life out of an inability to face themselves and their own actions, they think that they've finally found worth in themselves, that they were meant to be the ruler. that THIS was god's plan and what they were meant to be all along. and even then, supposedly having finally broken the rules and their meaning and their worth, they're still not actually in control. they're in denial of the truth of what happened in spite of knowing it deep down, they've lost everything that defined them as a person and have NO idea how to find it again or to discover themselves without it, and though their revenge plot has given them power over perhaps the entire world they still aren't actually the one in control. taking revenge and pleasing the only gods they know for certain exist is one last desperate, terrified attempt to save themselves from the consequence of what they've done and from ever having to face themselves.

#maybe Im the one who has the heavily warped perception #<- girl who feels she has a deep understanding of grace chasity's character and motivations but who is also #deeply enamored with her writing and everything about her AS a character as well as extremely biased in trying to see the best in her #rather than facing that maybe she just Isn't a good person #<- like im so fr i CANNOT believe she had bad intentions i CANNOT believe she acted out of malice as opposed to #just being in shock and denial and genuinely having NO fucking idea what to do as things spiraled rapidly out of control #it was HER plan all of it was HER plan because of HER feelings !!! the first time she's ever been the leader instead of the follower #and everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. all her fault. and she KNOWS it's her fault!!!!! but the worst things get the harder it is #to actually face that. she almost turns herself in she fully intends to take the blame and make sure steph and pete arent punished for #HER choices and HER mistakes. and then the mayor shows up and ghosts and gods become involved and it Just Keeps Getting Worse and it's STIL #grace's fault !!!!!! #i need to shut the fuck up before i start going off about the football field scene too god help me im so srs #alyalyoxenfree