i will die without routine. also this routine is killing me
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āHow did it get so late so soon?ā
āĀ Dr. Seuss
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F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.
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ābut it wasnāt that badā
did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasnāt that bad?
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It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.
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"The seatsā¦ in my lifeā¦ How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat."
~ Nobara Kugisaki
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Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.
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you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.
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i be in my own head fighting for my life
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āIt couldāve been worse.ā It couldāve been BETTER. It couldāe been EASIER. It couldāve been lovely. It couldāve been beautiful, it couldāve been fun. It could have been simple, it couldāve made you HAPPY.Ā
You can drown in two feet of water just as simply as you can in an ocean. Stop downplaying what happened and neglecting your feelings. Kill that idea with fire. Or at least acknowledge that what happened was bad without immediately trying to justify or dismiss it.
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they said itād get better, itās been years and itās still the same
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Don't sabotage your future peace because familiar chaos is comfortable.
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You'll be surprised if you find out what kind of person I am. You know?
You know. I'm a scary person. I won't even blink if I was stabbed in the stomach. Butā¦ you scare me. I get nervous when you're in front of me. And that annoys me because it makes me feel like an idiot. But even though it annoys meā¦ I still wait for you. Okayā¦.
You should know, Yeom Mi-jeong, you should know who you are.
~ My Liberation Notes (2022)
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I donāt believe that being in love absolves you of anything. I no longer believe that allās fair in love and war. Iād go so far as to say your actions in love are not an exception to who you are. They are, in fact, the very definition of who you are.
~ Taylor Jenkins Reid, Maybe in Another Life
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