#Then again so does this entire comic

[theerurishipper]

Tim Drake, for no reason at all:

Dick Grayson, Tim's big brother in every conceivable way for the past several years:

#DC #DCU #DC Comics #Dick Grayson #Tim Drake #Jason Todd #Nightwing #Red Robin #Red Hood #Robin #Batman #My meta #DC say sike right now say it RIGHT NOW #Like if this was a fanfic it would 100% have the “Dick Grayson is a bad brother” tag on it #It just gives that vibe #Then again so does this entire comic #Batman and Robin Eternal my beloathed #Like I know this was in the New 52 or whatever and I'm really late to the party #But it's still so wild to me how someone can get it so goddamn wrong #DC what the FUCK are you doing #Forget the conspiracy against Dickbabs and TT by Dickkory shippers (lollll) #The real conspiracy is against Dick and Tim's brotherly relationship #They haven't been the same since the New 52 rolled about and I miss them so much #We got a few moments with them recently but that's literally a shell of their former bond #We've lost so much and for what

[basketobread]

your art style is so fun and lively i am always smiling and cheering when i see ur posts on my dash!! big fan of "save us white girl"... think about that every time i go see my barista....

DHSJSJSJJSBEHQJESBWHA PLEAAASSEEE i am DYING at the thought of you just pulling up to your barista one day and saying that LIKE?? 😭😭

BUT ALSO!!! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!! i hope i can continue to make you smile through my art work!! and thanks for cheering!! :) please have a super lovely day ❤️❤️❤️

#OK SO HOW MANY TRADE MARKS DOES THAT MAKE THIS #THY MOTHER WAS THE FIRST #then it was stinky #NOW ITS SAVE US WHITE GIRL…. #i mean i cant really claim the save us white girl thing ENTIRELY but 😭😭😭 #it’s just funny that that’s like the main comic ppl associate with me rn HAHA #i totally love it #also thank you so much again😭❤️❤️ #ask bob

[apotelesmaa]

I don’t think ppl give enough credit to rui for his dedication to fucking with people (outside of tsukasa of course) like. Knowing & acknowledging that nene wants nothing to do with him and Tsukasa on her first day of second year and deliberately following tsukasa to loudly ask if she’s getting along with people (just to be a jackass)? Implying his gift to akito will explode even though it won’t bc he wants to bug akito? Like I think rui at his core is full of love and a desire to make ppl smile but I also think he’s 200% committed to the bit first and foremost. If something will be funny he’s going to do it regardless of the consequences. Guy filled with zero social anxiety & a never ending desire to embarrass his friends.

#‘he’s insecure’ is very fanon. like I think he has hang ups over that obviously as one does when one is excluded from their peers for being #odd. but he’s never had that issue w the general public. w friends? a little. but he’s kinda moved past that #gestures towards the Halloween wxs story and (heavy sigh) rmd. #project sekai #in general I will die on the hill of rui and Tsukasa having so much more self assurance and confidence than ppl give them credit for #if u want a fail girl nene is right there. open ur eyes. #consequences of ppl only viewing him thru a shipping lense… #*nene* is socially anxious #rui canonically trespassed on ppls property to put on solo shows for several years. #i could go on a rant abt tsukasa & the portrayal of him w social anxiety despite the ample evidence against it but I don’t feel like doing #it in the tags bc it is entirely unrelated. rui and Tsukasa (handshake emoji) horrifically misrepresented by fanon. #2 end on a more positive note: everyone think abt the comic where rui is perfectly capable of understanding emu #and he has the ‘all perfect’ text after comprehending her fascinating vocabulary. beautiful. perfect wxs relationship moment. #read curtain call again. & the other rui focuses. main story in general. etc.

[anominous-user]

HOOOOOH it's finally done - this was supposed to be for kevinsu week day 7 (free day) but i ran a little late as you can see so consider this a late submission. this whole thing has been on my mind since last year but its only until a few months ago that i actually thumbnailed and june/july that i sketched and rendered all the panels... BUT what matters is that i finished it so (salute emoji)

#honkai impact #kevin kaslana #honkai su #kevinsu #kevsu #kevinsuweek23 #a-u art dump #a-u pmv stuff #thats a tag now #unfortunately once i post/save this draft i cannot edit this in any way so what you see here is final...on this post #quite a bit of this was inspired by another rty song comic (salute emoji) #i used the legacy editor for this so i can fit in 70 images #so if editing reblogs of this doesnt work then thats why #or if it somehow fucks up the editor entirely #it does for me! #anyway #once again don't be like me and attempt to fully render 60+ frames in less than 3 weeks you will burn yourself out #but its done and thats all that counts

[ohlovxr]

reader is on the couch sad bc of overthinking and Marc/Steve/jake come in and it’s very fluffy and they’re just trying to cheer you up. “why is my pretty baby crying?” And they’re cupping your face while wiping the tears away :(

there’s something about the use of “pretty baby” that immediately made me think of marc in this scenario. he’d do exactly that. and when you tell him that you’re “just thinking”, his concerned frown deepens because there’s not actual problem for him to fix to make you feel better. there’s nothing he can do other than just be there. he’d honestly probably try to cheer you up, or rather just to let you know that he’s there, by planting soft and slow kisses over your face with little murmurs of assurance.

steven kinda immediately tries to be helpful even when he knows your sadness is just a product of your own overthinking. he’ll crouch down in front of you and hold the hands resting in your lap with all the tenderness in the world and a sympathetic “oh, love,” on his lips before he’s asking you, “‘s there anythin’ i can do t’help?” (you take his helping offer in the form of cuddles; wordlessly wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him onto the couch with you.)

jake wouldn’t really say anything. he’d kinda let you have your tears; let you let out what you needed while he’s kinda just giving you some comforting touches and letting you lean into him.

#i don’t know much about jake bc i don’t read the comics so i apologize to anyone who does if he’s not accurate like at all!! #i’m just going off the vibes i got from his two seconds of screen time lol #marc feels ooc lowkey but also not bc i imagine him like this??? #like super soft when you’re alone and especially when you’re sad #kissing also feels like his thing #like genuinely it feels like how he expresses his love sometimes #with the way he kisses you where he kisses you when and all that stuff #random but hey it’s the energy i get from him #also i feel like jake wouldn’t feel as though there’s much for him to do other than that when your sadness is a result of your own thoughts #yk #like if there isn’t some ass he needs to deal with #sad but i feel like he would feel inadequate in that scenario #<- again tho just the perception i’ve gotten from two seconds of screen time and what i know about him thus far lol i could be entirely off #so sorry #marc spector x reader #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader

[oc-cinematic-universe]

i LOOOVE thinking about fantasy disabilities!!!! i love figuring out what people would have to do to accommodate them! it's literally awesome!

#fun after-comic joe facts time yayyy so joe's soul got a little bit fucked up #its just this small crack. which makes him entirely unresponsive to anything for like 5 minutes max #at seemingly random intervals. it slows down and doesnt last as long as it heals but its still like #not good lol #and its just gonna keep happening the rest of his life because souls fuckin heal weird #its one of many problems disorders he has to deal with this ones just special because doctors have #NO clue what to do with him so he and his friends just gotta figure out how to cope with it themselves #after a while he can kinda tell when its about to happen a few seconds before it does #so because he's rarely left alone anyways because he. cant take care of himself much anymore #he can give them a warning and they will make sure nothing dangerous will come from it and just wait for him to come to #as it heals and becomes less of a problem it kinda becomes more of a problem ironically #he does reach a point where he can mostly handle himself. but he cant do shit when that happens #except try to sit down asap. so while it happens less often it causes More Incidents. alas #i think kiara's way of dealing with it happening in particular is so silly #cause she just. grew up with him like this. this is just normal to her she's never questioned it #like oh ok dad's blanked out again i will just wait so patiently for it to be done so i can keep showing him #my mlp toys and explaining mlp lore to him #it happens and she just stops what she's doing and waits for him then continues as if nothing happened #everyone else gets so fussy about him when it happens but kiaras just #are you done? ok so pinkie pie is the laughter pony #he thinks its awesome he loves her so much

[nozomijoestar]

The entire T8 story is on YT and I hyperventilated so hard you'd think it's not 30 something F right now but 55

#I AM SCRUBBING THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING TO SEE ASULILI FIRST BECAUSE I MUST #and i have to say so far...Ehghhhh like yes im happy to see them finally be portayed this way but at the cost of not having much to Do #in ways which surprised me with how quickly it moved or wasn't rly addressed so tbh I'm in between about this #NO ONE can take away the silly and cute shit they did from me though #Asuka being chill w Xiao & Panda though like they were in the pachislot 💖 #AsuLili are also cool with Alisa- they got the pachislot gang together again instead of the comics w Leo at least they got friends #HOWEVER I WILL SAY I WAS VINDICATED A LIL- when the 'Why doesn't Asuka know Jun?' question was sorta answered #ALSO SORRY LARS FANS HE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD IN THIS ONE- YOUR MAN IS SO GOOFY #needed to pause when i saw the motorcycles 🤣 #Nina's VA is awesome in this too #**SPOILER**hmmm ok i think i know what's not sitting right w me: This is 100% The Jin Game at the expense to everyone elses character depth #if you like Jin then you'll most likely love this one if you like anyone else or are neutral on him you're sifting through scraps #and the scraps all come in different sizes- which kinda sucks HOWEVER now that this is out the way it does set up a T9 without this problem

[dilfsonic]

The disrespect not only fandom but IDW continually puts on my boy’s name 😭 I hate Jet’s treatment I really do

#i don’t have many complaints abt IDW or the writing but I think for the most part it’s so good #but this right here I could write an essay on #if y’all thought shadow has been written badly y’all don’t even know the pain and suffering Jet stans go thru #they really straight up refuse to acknowledge any development or story from the riders games #like how the hell do you make Jet a descendant of aliens and just never bring that up again #they literally only use the rogues to clown on them as petty stupid thieves #also the fact that Jet was so blasè about saving sonic and the world during the metal virus arc literally does not add up #he’s already helped sonic save the world TWICE #and the entire ending of zero gravity was Jet seeing sonic as his equal and setting aside petty bs to forge a friendly rivalry #like I literally do not understand why he’s written the way he is in the comics

[sanchoyo]

unrelated to anything but ….the way I’ve been rotating my ocs around for months now nonstop might be the hardest and longest period I’ve ever obsessed over them and I keep thinking abt it and like. The plan was to do a fanfic with illustrations each chapter. I LIKE writing! But I don’t think the story’s suited for it the more I think abt it. There’s shots I can see so clearly, character expressions that words won’t do justice and I don’t think I could do justice in general without art. But I tried a webcomic twice and failed so hard and the idea of starting and failing a third time is such a bummer!!!! But I really do think it’s the medium it would work best in 🫠

The story in my brain is like, 50 chapters long (I have a notebook with rough outlines already so that’d be the Ideal Length) even if I was to go wild and do a chapter per month (which would be an ungodly amount of work…I’d have to keep the chapters kinda short to do that, too!) it’d still take four years to finish if I was doing 50 chapters and one a month. And it’s not like I’m mad I quit the other times bc I’ve reworked so much this year alone!!! I think the ideas and concepts I have now are better but… lord the amount of work and time it’d take. Would it even be worth it?

I’ve played with the idea of a patreon for it, where I’d release behind the scenes stuff and early pages (the comic wouldn’t be paywalled, just early access yk I’d never entirely paywall a fan comic lol) but it’d be really really disheartening if no one was interested. Even when I was just putting it out on dA the lack of feedback or interest hurt sm bc these are My Personal Blorbos. My Babies 🫠 and this story is like. Everything to me… I know I know not everything good is supposed to be marketable or popular to be good and I shouldn’t worry abt that kinda thing but I DO!!! I like getting feedback and nice comments when I work hard on stuff 🥺

#it’s just. I want to start the comic again 🫣 I said someone must assassinate me if I say this again tho so Ill be expectin one of u shortly #starting it from scatch….3!!!! *bullet thru window noise* #sanchoyorambles #like u guys let me know if this sounds like smth ud actually read don’t just tell me that if ur not interested tho pls? #this isn’t like an ego thing this is like I’m genuinely wondering if it’s even worth it or if I should just #spoil the entire story and dump all my unposted concepts bc I’ll never do anything w it otherwise #if I can’t tell it the way I want to …does this even make sense 😭

[keeps-ache]

eye test scheduled :DDD

#just me hi #!!! i'm getting glasses baby !!! #i've needed them for like 5 years so this is SICK #only downsides i can see (lol) is that the glasses will annoy my entire face like glasses usually do. but that's okay because i'd like to #see the stars and clouds again :DDD #i've been using these pinhole ones when it's very sunny outside and i Can see the clouds pretty clearly!! #they become more of a visual obstruction in the dark though so i'm glittered to get real ones hfvsh :DD #Oh and i'll be able to learn to drive again lol #OH and painting traditionally will be so much easier!!! #and i'll be able to recognize my family in dimly-lit grocery stores hbfvhshv #i'm kinda wondering what i'm going to do when i want to go skating because obviously it's dangerous to do that with bad depth perception lo #(i have ~+~Experience (i compensated by reacting 20 feet earlier to everything loll)) #and i know i won't be getting contacts so i guess i'll just figure that out somehow (ducktape? mayhaps? :3) #/also funny thing is my mom is scared of losing me in grocery stores because i'm 'blind' fvfsdhcbhs #was walking behind her n she started going 'w- WHERE'S KEEPS W- OH there you are!!! stop doing that !!!' [does not know what That might be] #hfbhdf <333 #//okay now i'm going to finish this comic!! #excited!! once again side-eyeing the colours + shading duo with apprehension HVFSH #so POW! i'm going now ! toodles :3

[misspickman]

People who have supposedly read red robin 2009 but still insist that tim is like one day away from becoming a murderer and that actually hes not bothered by people he might have killed, please explain

#I wasnt gonna subtweet on tumblr but actually #U can point at those blown up bases as much as u want but listen if the comic wanted that to be an instance of tim killing people #It would havw been brought up. Considering that the no kill rule is u know. Like the bats entire thing #Yeah theres no way that none of those people wouldn't have died but first this is comics sometimes shit doesnt add up and second #If tim was aware of people having died bc of thta he wouldn't have been so chill about it #And if he wasnt aware but it happened the comic would have brought it up bc again. Thats their entire thing and it would have made #For a great story! I would like to see this! #But the conclusion isnt ohh tim kills people and is actually down to murder. He didnt kill his dads killer and he could have #Thats like the best confirmation that he Doesnt kill people as u can get #And in robin 93 he accidentally (? Its weird) kills that one guy and has an entire breakdown about it #Hes not cool about it!!! #Anyway. Sorry. I know these are stupid jokes but it is a pet peeve of mine re this character #txt #ITS JUST THAT TIM IS LIKE THE MOST BORING NEUTRAL GOOD GUY U COULD GET #He is at his lowest in red robin and he still agonizes over every death that happens around him like!! #How do u get to this fanon Nearly A Villain tim #Yeah hes met different tims who had become evil that does not make him evil. Thats the entire point of meeting other version of him #He was ready to shoot himself if it would stop him from becoming the batman who kills people what are u talking about

[lord-squiggletits]

Like I'm not one of those story "critics" who will nitpick the smallest inconsistency and call it a plot hole that ruins the whole story. I'm okay with inconsistencies and even the occasional plot hole if it ends up producing a story that's interesting, gripping, and brings up interesting things.

The problem is that suspension of disbelief only stretches so far. And secondly, stuff like character drama and themes are only as strong as the plot that supports them. If the plot is full of contrivances, plot holes, and really stupid things that make it feel like the author is just forcing something to happen to move the story along, then the themes and character drama become much less convincing.

#squiggposting #anyways i do like problematic idw op and i do like it when he has enemies and ppl who don't trust him #but not when the plot to make ppl hate him is stupid as shit and barely makes any sense #or when optimus does something mildly dubious and people act like he personally tortured their families and then murdered them #or like when characters are oddly hostile to OP/the autobots but are perfectly fine working with far worse ppl #like how the humans were all 'fuck the autobots theyre evil' but were fine with helping the cons build a fucking base??? #after the decepticons already killed 1 billion humans??? including soundwave who is one of their main liasons??? #if the humans really didn't trust the decepticons then why didn't they just say 'fuck you you can't build a base in our solar system' #or like that stupid publicity plot point about how OP 'abandoned' jazz when like. #so you're telling me OP can't defend jazz for killing one. ONE cop in self defense #but it's not bad publicity for him to associate with soundwave who. let me repeat. was literally on the ground slaughtering humans in AHM #spike even knew about how that entire situation with the cop was a trap laid by megtron but somehow that never came up in the whole comic #it's just so dumb man like it feels sometimes more like its an IDW OP hate train and actual logic is secondary to making OP look like an as #also galvs being all like 'that's my boy' when OP annexed earth when galv is a racist boomer grandpa who kills organics for sports #i refuse to believe that guy would be impressed by anything less than OP personally murdering a human. not making them part of cybertron's #gov. you know? it's just silly #it's part of why i've been putting off rereading barber's comics because it was weird and contrived the first time #and i don't really want to put myself through rereading it again just to have to suffer through shitty plot again #so many things in that series couldve been genius if they were written in a plot that wasn't aggressively mid tier

[concerto-roblox]

i fear i may have accidentally conditioned myself to only be able to write essays if i’m listening to shake it by metro station

#do i owe them royalties if i get my degree #i'm writing this entire essay with less than 16 hours til the deadline with only the power of lucaozade comic sans and my steve funko pop #(well i have to queue this bc i hit post limit so i've probably handed it in by now but that's what it was at the time) #i'll let you guys know what mark i get #to be fair i'm kind of just adapting an essay i've already written but i can't just hand the same one in again bc self-plagarism #anyways #now if she does it like this will you do it like that… now if she touches like this will you touch her right back… #how to be cringe 101

[noxianwilled]

I think every day about how much katarina loved all of her family (like, sure, she worshipped her dad, he was her hero she wanted to be him but she loved all of them) and how easy it'd have been for them to use her as the most effective, undyingly loyal tool, hadn't marcus chosen to punish her arrogance with death

#she always loved noxus and fought for it #but until her first mission fighting for noxus and for her family were the same to her #had his approach been different #she'd definitely have grown to put her family first #but katarina was never humble nor easily controlled enough that she'd beg for forgiveness and try to get on his good graces again #the lesson she learns is that she did make mistakes but her failure stems of her need to please him instead of fighting for noxus #and the way she becomes so fiercely devoted to her nation is doubling down on that #i do love that it took more than that for her to really break away from them entirely #that marcus continues to haunt her and dictate what she does even after she's disowned #albeit in a sense of wanting to do things to purposefully go against his teachings #bc in the end it's still his influence dictating her steps #which is why i also love what the comic did and how it shows she grew beyond that #she made herself her path and her choices! and she made mistakes and learned from them! #anyway. that single moment is so crucial to who she eventually becomes #it's very defining of how she turned out #but also what i meant to say originally is that she loved all of them #and i think that's particularly interesting if bitter in that she who became the outsider #was the one who loved so deeply the father that did nothing to earn it #who loved the mother who barely showed interest in her at all #and the siblings who were elevated as favorites #in talon's case even worse bc he was her replacement. and she still loved him as a brother #and it's sincerely heartbreaking considering how all of it turns out #if you ask her she'll say pfffff who needs family (it only hurts bc she still cares :///) #» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟

[sm-baby]

I want to see all the carnival AU bios again, but finding Zooble's is too hard, even when using the search. I hope there's a more organized way to view them.

(Trying to come up with nicknames that said characters would give my characters.)

CARNIVAL AU MASTERPOST + BOUNDARIES

Augh... I never know how to organize stuff! But here is a mini master post of the TADC Info Cards (edited):

The Main Cast (Minus Zooble :C)

Zooble ( Plus Zooble!!! :3)

Shiny Cards ✨

Lesser AI

THE GLOINKS!!!

Level layout

OFFICIAL COMIC:

The Entire Comic has also been dubbed by @volticglitch !! If you're not a reader, You can watch their dubs instead!! Here is the dub

Your best friend!

Jesterly duties

The hallway

Crying

First clue

Special event!

Foul language - a silly

CONCEPT ART:

Characters Relationship Chart ( Bonus, OC relationship Chart!)

The Tent

The Funhouse

Cutscene

Pomni expressions

Character design

Meet Pomni

ALT character skins (Bonus, Maid skins because of course I did)

Pomni expressions AGAIN!!! (and a bonus)

The Jester's Circus tent (and a bonus)

References

Shape language ramble

LOREEE:

Neck pieces

Neck pieces (prt 2)

Neck pieces (prt 3)

Silly Frilly

Toxic Positivity Duo

Quick Ragatha Doodle

The Rabbit

Non-sentient Pomni

Pity Laugh

First act of violence

First and only visit

DOODLE DUMPS:

First look

Meet Jax

Meet Ragatha

Meet Kinger

Meet Able

Zooble's room

Theatre shinanigans

Thanks for listening

Jax Doodles

Ragatha doodles (Feat. Kaufmo)

Caine doodles

Queenie?

Colored doodles

Eye popping

Jax Ko-fi request!

SILLIES:

Final boss Pomni Theory

Ofcourse you would

Shoulder Pads

test

omg showtime teeheeh ehehehe

CUTIES!!!

MORE SHOWTIME (HAVE I REALLY NOT ADDED THIS IN BEFORE??)

Carnival AU meets Original

its ok she's not drowning

The Amazing Digital... Circus???

A Christmas Carol Play!

Carnival Freakshow AU Merge!! (Freakshow AU by @hootbon)

BUZZBUZZ!! Fan character by @awful-little-goose

Whore Pomni Inside joke - more slutshaming

Pomni where yo pants at

shitpost doodles

SCANDAL!!

SCANDAL!! (alt)

Genderbend time!!

Stupid fucking doodles i made at like 11 pm

Stupid fucking doodles i made at like 11 pm (I dont know why I keep making these ToT)

stupid shinanigans involving Pomni's tent (Pomni's tent for context)

POMNI LET GO OF HIM!!!!!!!!

BUBBLE DAMN

Please hear her out guys

Kinger with no robe!!!

Bunnydoll real?!?!!?(Kofi request by amazing people :3)

Genderbend Jax!

Dollar store Carnival AU

Gangle simping over Able slay - Gangle PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

Carnival GAINE!! - bro's so strong and cool and awesome

Flirty non-sentient pomni Inside joke (TW For suggestive themes): NON-CANON

Start

Context

Flirty non-sentient pomni (shitpost)

Pomni..........

Memory storage restart

the silly!!

no you're not.

oh god

someone paid me 10 bucks

SOMEONE PAID ME MORE MONEY

╔══ ❀•°❀BOUNDERIES/FAQ❀°•❀ ══╗

"Can I make OCs In Carnival?" - Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!! " Can I make NSFW?" - Yas and slay, just be sure to warn and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW! " Can I make Fanfics?" - Yes and please show me!! that would be lovely!! " Can I dub/voice your stuff?" - Yes but, I have only one rule... show me pleaaasseeee pls pls pls 🥺🙏 " Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?" - Aughh.. this is gonna suck to explain cuz its a lot to ask.. You're allowed to ship any ship! My only boundary is that it doesn't include either Pomni or Caine being with others who are not eachother! For example: Ragatha x Jax ✅ Pomni x Jax❌ Kinger x Queenie✅ Kinger x Caine❌ As long as the ship does not include Pomni or Caine individually, I'm all aboard!! I respect Jax x Pomni shippers, as well as Kinger x caine shippers, I just don't like them myself and don't want to accidentally stumble upon them in the tag! I do apologize if that's a lot, it just makes me uncomfy! Bounderies can be very tight! :')

#The amazing digital circus #the amazing digital carnival #carnival au #pomni #caine #zooble #gangle #kinger #Ragatha #Jax #tadc #tadc fanart #the amazing digital circus fanart #queenie #kaufmo #able

[english-history-trip]

Ever see a depiction of St. George and the Dragon? It's pretty fair to say if you've seen one, you've seen them all: Georgie on a horse stabbing a flailing dragon creature, princess piously kneeling in the background, vague landscape alluding to the homeland of the artist's patron.

The most varied part is the dragons. No one had a real definition for the thing, it seemed. For your pleasure and entertainment, I have ranked some medieval depictions based on how impressive George's feat seems once you see the dragon.

Paolo Uccello, 1456

This is a terrifying beast. The hell is that. Uccello was one of the first experimenters with perspective, so the thing also looks surreal, like it's taking place on Mars, or a Windows 95 screensaver. I would not want to fight that, I would not want to be tied to that. (Sometimes the princess is tied to the dragon for some reason.) 10/10

Horse thoughts: Maybe if I look at the ground it will be gone when I look up

Unknown artist, c. 1505

This is a rare change of form for the dragon; it's the only one I've seen actually flying (or at least falling with style). It doesn't look particularly deterred by the spear through its throat, either. Also, George looks appropriately nervous. On the other hand, it hasn't got teeth, it seems to be fuzzy rather than having scaly armor, and George is bolstered by his army of Henry VII and his children, most of whom definitely didn't actually die in infancy. Still, wouldn't want to fight it, wouldn't want my pet sheep near it. (Sometimes the princess has a pet sheep for some reason.) 9/10

Horse thoughts: I am so glad I wore my mightiest feather helmet for this

Raphael, 1505

We are coming to Dragons With Problems. This guy looks about comparable in size to George, and does have wings, but doesn't seem to be using these things to his advantage (and has he only got one wing?) And how does he deal with the neck? He does have a comically small head, but holding it up with such a twisty neck seems complicated at best. But most egregiously, he is doing the shitty superheroine pose where he is somehow simultaneously showcasing his chest and his butt, with its unnecessarily defined butthole (more on this later) (regrettably). 8/10 bc it's Raphael

Horse thoughts: AM I THE BESTEST BOI? AM I DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB? WE R DRAGON SLAYING BUDDIEZ

The Beauchamp Hours, c. 1401

We had a spirited debate about this one at work. Again, the dragon has gotten smaller, and this one hasn't got even one wing. He's basically a crocodile. So the debate became: would you want to fight a crocodile if you had a horse and a pointy stick? Would the horse trample the animal, who can't get on its hind legs, or freak out and throw its rider? Would the pointy stick be enough to pierce the croc's thick hide? In this case, George seems to be controlling his horse and putting his pointy stick in the dragon's weak spot, so we can be impressed by his skill and strategy. However, his hat is dumb. 7/10

Horse thoughts: Dehhhh

Book of Hours, c. 1480

Here we have the same kind of croco-dragon, but George's focus on his strategy has gone out the window. He's flailing around, not even looking at his target, he's about to lose his pointy stick, he hasn't got a hand on the reins, and his sword seems to only be poking the invisible dragon over his shoulder. All he's got going for him is that his hat is slightly less dumb. 6/10

Horse thoughts: Yay, new friend! Come play with me, new fr- what is happening

Final dragons put behind this Read More for your safety:

Rogier van der Weyden, c. 1432

I'm thinking this guy is at least semi-aquatic. Webbed feet, wings that seem more like fins, bipedal but top-heavy, jaws that seem more for scooping than biting. Maybe she's crawled up here from the nearby body of water to lay her eggs, and this is all a big misunderstanding. Moreover, George's dagged sleeves seem entirely impractical for the situation. 5/10

Horse thoughts: i got my hed stuk in a jar and now it is this way forever

Unknown artist, c. 15th century

I hate this. I hate everything about it. Why has it got human eyes and teeth. Why is its nose melting. Why has it got a dick on its face and balls under its chin. The fin/wings are back but they look even more useless. Also, George is shifty as hell, schlumped over in his saddle with his bowler hat thing over his eyes. The baby dragon at the bottom eating some hapless would-be rescuer is kind of metal. 4/10 at least the thing is gonna die

Horse thoughts: I Have Smoked So Much Crack

Book of Hours, c. 1450

Remember what I said about the buttholes? First, sorry. Second, yeah, we're back to that. I'll admit this one is less about the danger from the dragon itself than the very specific choices the artist has made. They didn't need to do that. It's a lizard. They don't even have. And it's like they had an orifice budget and they skipped an exit wound for the spear to focus. Elsewhere. It's so detailed. And George had an even dumber hat. 2/10 take it away

Horse thoughts: I Have Smoked So Much Weed

Book of Hours, c. 1415

This is just bullying. There isn't even a princess. That is clearly an infant. Look at that smug look on George's face as he swings his sword that's bigger than the whole little guy. This is the equivalent of when DJT Jr. hunted those sleeping endangered sheep. 1/10

Horse thoughts: ....yikes

And this is the previous one, but now the baby dragon is cute. He's chubby. He's got toe beans. He's Puff the Magic Dragon. His eyes have already gone white, implying that George is just kicking its corpse around for funsies. What's the difference between the dragon and the lamb in the background? That the dragon is dead, like our innocence. This George is truly deserving of the dumbest hat of all. 0/10 plus one more butthole for the road

Horse thoughts: Perhaps it is we who are the buttholes.

#art history #nonsense #hot takes #I am doing a St. George painting and have been wading through reference material #manuscript #fuck me I didn't notice van der Weyden managed to sneak a butthole in his too #the definitive list #when knighthood was in flower