sugurusombereyes

[sugurusombereyes]

my fav girl 🥹🥹🥹

i wrote Close To You seven years ago and we made a demo that i posted 20 seconds of and you somehow cared about it enough for us to revisit the song seven years later. Close To You was not initially a part of TSOU — it’s from a different time entirely, we had finished the whole record top to bottom, but i heard you loud and clear. consider this one a bonus track pre-deluxe?? with everyone getting their vinyls this week, i got impatient and wanted you all to have it early. or seven years late, actually. CLOSE TO YOU OUT EVERYWHERE THIS FRIDAY AND ONLY 17 DAYS UNTIL THE SECRET OF US 😭💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

http://GracieAbrams.lnk.to/TheSecretofUs

#gracie abrams

[sugurusombereyes]

🥹🥹🥹

i want you closer, closer even still ; suguru geto

synopsis; in the midst of a rainshower, you run into your mysterious classmate.

word count; 6.1k

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, implied no curses au, fluffy summer vibes, forced proximity (my beloved <3), pining, very shoujo manga coded, vague allusions to sugu having a troubled background, (kind of same w reader), switching povs, gojo slander, stsg implications if you squint (my brand), he’s a sweet sweet boy and i love him :((

a/n; teen sugu reminds me a lot of the kind upperclassman type of otome game li… with secret emotional baggage that makes his route really hard to complete….. anyway i dedicate this fic to hit mobage jujutsu kaisen: phantom parade PLEASE bring sugu home to me please please please ple

geto looks beautiful in the rain. 

it’s an embarrassing first thought to have, as he rounds the corner and comes into view. a black head of hair, making you stop in your tracks, breathe in a gulp of humid air.

you can’t help it, though.

it’s raining. droplets ricochet against the sidewalk in an endless cadence, the sky above you blanketed by gray clouds; enveloping your city in a summery shadow, the scent of hot concrete and blossoming hydrangeas. everything smells of a blistering summer, youth in a bottle cap. tasty on your tongue.

those very same hydrangeas surround him, on all sides, framing his figure like a painting come to life. splotches of colour, flecks of purple and pink and blue, clashing with the gray sky and the black umbrella in his hand. he looks a little disheveled; hair a little frizzy, bangs sticking to his skin. a peaceful expression on his face. 

you see recognition flash in his eyes, when they meet yours, a tiny spark in the amber hue. 

you take that as your cue to move closer. 

he waits for you, always so patient, smiling as you look both ways before crossing the street — shoes hitting the concrete in a steady thud, thud, thud. a splash from the puddle you step in.

you’re in a good mood. veins flooding with sugar and buzzing with joy, raindrops sticking to your skin and the plastic bag in your hand, absently humming along to a song playing through your headphones. your clothes are soaked, but you’re smiling; swinging the bag of treats as you walk. bags of chips, colourful lollipops, bottles of ramune, clinking together for every step you take. enough to last you a couple weeks. 

in your good mood, you ended up stocking up on your classmates’ favorites — bouncing on the balls of your feet at the thought of giving them away, seeing their satisfied little expressions. you even got something for gojo. he’ll have to fight for it, obviously, but you look forward to seeing his face light up when he takes a bite of the soft mochi.

you like giving them things. it’s fun. it makes you feel like a normal high school kid. 

right now, nothing can dampen your spirits. the entire world smells of rain, and hydrangeas, and apple blossoms from the backyards behind you. a scent that creeps into your bloodstream, sneaks into your breath. 

a smile grows on your lips — blooming even brighter when you step into your classmate’s orbit.

”hey!” you chirp, raising a hand up in greeting.

”hey,” geto echoes, voice honeyed and smooth, bringing a hand up to wipe at his forehead. wet from the humid air. ”out on a walk?”

you smile, lifting your plastic bag up slightly to get his attention. raindrops stick to the plastic, to the tips of your fingers. you clasp it tightly. ”just went to get some snacks. you?”

”i wanted to get some fresh air,” he smiles. eyeing you up and down. ”did you forget your umbrella?” 

silently, he takes in your appearance. your breathing is a tiny bit laboured, and the flimsy, oversized hoodie you’re wearing is sticking to your skin. it’s all that protects you from the steady downpour; no umbrella to be seen. you look small, tilting your head upwards, meeting his gaze. he feels the beginnings of a smile play at his lips.

seeing the rain cascade down your skin, he can’t help but be exasperated. all you do is blink, seemingly unbothered, as if you aren’t straight on the road to catching a cold. you can be a little scatterbrained. 

maybe that’s why he can’t help but dote on you.

(that’s what satoru calls it, at least. suguru thinks it’s just called being nice — not like satoru would know anything about that.)

”oh. no, i didn’t forget.” you scratch at the back of your neck. ”just didn’t know it was going to rain.”

the sudden downpour gave you no time to prepare, heavy and abrupt — clouds obscuring the glowing sun in what felt like no more than a second. like someone high above flicked the light switch of the world. all you could do was pull your hood up, try to walk under whatever apple tree you came across. it didn’t help much, though. 

you shift your weight from one foot to another, soles weighed down, dripping with dew. sort of sheepish.

geto chuckles, raspy and soft. a little teasing. ”didn’t you see the weather report?”

”well, it… just slipped my mind, i guess.”

silently, you avert your gaze. now you remember — yaga-sensei did mention that, didn’t he? you heard him say it. but you just forgot.

geto is laughing at you, a little, from within his eyes; at least that’s the impression you get. so you continue, eager to defend your honour. 

”it’s fine, though,” you assure him, smiling brightly. a sunny grin. ”i like the rain!”

geto raises an unimpressed brow, but the expression fades away just as swiftly — giving way to something softer. ”you’re heading back to the dorms, right?” he asks, continuing once you give him a slight nod. ”then we can share.”

you blink. one moment passes, then two. but geto only smiles, shifting his umbrella a little, hoping you’ll get the hint. silently beckoning you over. 

you feel oddly flustered.

in truth, you and him aren’t particularly close. he’s nice to you, sure, but geto is nice to everyone. you’d like to call him a friend, but what do you actually know about him? not much. 

suguru geto is a bit of an enigma. a little mysterious. he’s polite, well-mannered, and he seems like the most normal of your classmates — but the bar is in hell, because you know for a fact geto isn’t normal either. no normal guy deliberately chooses to keep his bangs like that. 

there’s a gap, there. a kind of inconsistency. he’s hard to approach, but he puts you at ease. pulls you in and scares you off. with a soft voice and kind smile, keen eyes and a heavy palm on your head. sometimes he brings you snacks when you study in the library, or helps you with homework. kind of like a dependable senpai. someone to lean on.

but then there’s that gap. 

the real geto, who you’ve only seen glimpses of, only ever in gojo’s vicinity, is boyish and bright — he laughs and pouts and takes up space. he glows brighter than the sun. but the geto you’re seeing, right now, is more like the moon. wearing a polite, patient smile. standing up straight.

waiting for you to join him under his umbrella.

(he’s kind. but is he doing it because wants to, or because he feels obliged to?)

”… oh.” a pause. ”ah — no, it’s fine!” you take a step back, quick to reassure him. ”i can walk there without it! i’m already soaked, anyway.”

geto observes you. for a moment, something in his expression flickers; a crease between his brows.

then he shakes his head. still wearing a comforting smile, the same one he always slips on when he’s around you. ”still. we don’t want you catching a cold,” he persists, sounding something like a nagging mother. ”you’ll miss the exam next week.”

and with that, your shoulders drop. 

right — the exam. the one you haven’t been studying for in the slightest, completely distracted by the feeling of summer in the air. the one you can’t fail, under any circumstances, because yaga-sensei can and will force you into taking summer classes for it. that exam. 

a wistful sigh leaves your lips. ”god, i wish.”

geto chuckles — a little deeper than usual. it makes your heart flutter. then he’s beckoning you over, again, with a slight shake of his head. 

”c’mon. there’s enough room for two.”

he gives you that same familiar smile, and you’re forced to admit that you might be slightly weak to it. something about the way his lips tug upwards, the light crinkle of his eyes. a certain glint in them that tells you he’s not budging on the issue. 

you’re still a little hesitant. but…

(this is a chance, isn’t it? a chance to bridge that gap between you.)

silently, shyly, you join him under his umbrella. shielding you from the still falling rain.

pitter patter, pitter patter. you don’t know where the rain ends and your own heartbeat begins. he’s so close — your shoulders nearly brushing together. it makes your nerves bubble up, in rhythm with the droplets bouncing off the cover up above. you feel stiff. the tiny, miniscule gap between you feels like a sweltering stove, radiating a heat that warns you to stay away. as if his touch could burn you. like this, you can even smell him; fresh laundry, an earthy cologne. the slightest hint of caffeine and tobacco. you blame it on shoko — the whole dormitory smells of cigarettes, thanks to her. 

it’s comforting, though. his scent. blending together with the aroma of rain, wet earth, blooming flowers. with his fragrance smoothing over all your senses, the closeness between you a constant reminder of the situation you’re in, you can’t bring yourself to look at him. 

so with a quick murmur of thanks, you begin to walk, in tandem.

geto can’t help but steal a glance at you, out of the corner of his eye. you look a little meek, a little flustered. he hopes the narrow distance between you isn’t making you feel too uncomfortable. 

just to be sure, he angles his body away from yours. ever so slightly, one subtle step away, to make the gap a little wider. then, as discreetly as he can manage, he tilts the umbrella in your direction — not wanting the seemingly never-ending drops of rain to graze your skin. he can feel them, now, soaking through the material of his shirt, hitting his shoulder. but he doesn’t mind. 

you don’t seem to notice, and geto is relieved. he’s pretty sure you’d protest — and as enjoyable as another friendly squabble would be, he’d prefer to avoid it for now.

you’re nice. accommodating, he thinks, in a subtle kind of way. always showing up with trinkets after your little outings, offering to get everyone a drink on your way to the vending machines. you’re friendly with the other two; always nagging at shoko to stop smoking, even when she just rolls her eyes and calls you a goody two shoes. recently, you’ve even started to be patient with satoru, even when he tries to get a rise out of you. it wasn’t like that at the start of the year. geto wonders what changed. 

he’s a little interested in you. just a little. you’re sweeter than the other two, easier to worry over. he saw you trip over your own shoelaces last week. you’re a little clumsy, a bit of a ditz — airheaded. maybe that’s why he can’t help but feel protective of you. satoru brushes everything off with a cheeky grin, and shoko is self-sustaining, but you’re often in need of a helping hand. the last time he tried that with the other two, they wouldn’t stop calling him mother geto until he smacked them over the head with gojo’s shounen jump issue. 

it makes him feel out of place — when he doesn’t have anything to tend to. itchy, a feeling of dread crawling up his throat. peace and quiet feels suffocating, when he isn’t in total control over it.

so, in his own way, small as it may be, geto enjoys taking care of you. grabbing you a carton of strawberry milk, or warding satoru away when he’s annoying you a little too much. he likes the smile you grace him with when he does. it’s pretty. 

that’s all geto really knows about you. that, and that there’s a tenderness to you that’s hard to fake. it’s not much to go on.

so this is the perfect opportunity to learn more. 

(a heartfelt connection. something he’s always, always craved. something that maybe he can finally have, with satoru, and shoko, and you — 

if you’re willing, that is.)

”hey,” he starts, breaking the rainfilled silence. keeping his umbrella steady, leading you both away from a big puddle in the middle of the sidewalk. ”can i ask you something?”

you raise your head to look at him. blinking owlishly, at the sudden question, nerves beginning to rise again. he sounds kind of serious. did you do something? paranoia gnaws anxiously at the ridges of your ribs, but all you can do is swallow empty air and stammer out a meek reply.

”… uh, sure!”

geto glances over at you, his eyes meeting yours. that gaze of his is kind of heavy — the deep colour of his eyes coaxing you closer, luring you in. honey and amber, splotches of cedar and flecks of gold.

they’re pretty.

”this might be kind of a weird question,” he begins, reaching a hand up to adjust his bun, sneaking a finger under the black hair tie. voice light; to put you at ease. ”but i’m just curious.” 

he looks ahead, at the street before you, only meeting your stare once you give him a slight tilt of your head. then he parts his lips.

”why did you come here?”

you blink. 

silently, confusion painting the interior of your iris, you stare at him. waiting for a clarification that doesn’t come, before giving him a hesitant answer. ”… to get snacks?”

geto has the audacity to laugh, after such a vague question. the sound is light and breathy, melting together with the pitter patter of the rain, and for some reason it strikes you as sincere. ”not like that,” he grins. ”i mean, why did you come to the school in the first place?”

ah. 

that’s a different question. harder to answer. he must notice your hesitance, the puzzlement in your features, because he’s quick to elaborate. hiding a smile behind his fist, disguised as a cough.

(you’re sort of cute when you’re confused.)

”i mean — it’s an odd choice, isn’t it? far off the map, barely any students....” you nod along, and he continues. ”i don’t know about your background. but moving away from home must be kind of tough, right?” when he glances in your direction, you notice a sparkle of genuine curiosity in his eyes. ”so i was curious about your reason. if you feel comfortable telling me, i mean.”

a hum. it buzzes in your throat, absentminded, as you stare into space. brows furrowed. 

geto gives you time, as much time as you need, always willing to wait. for a minute or so, the only sounds that fill the space around you are the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the plastic cover of umbrella, and the sound of your shoes meeting puddles on the street. silently, you ponder the question. thinking of your answer.

geto has a point. you’ve been curious, too — about how your classmates ended up in such an eccentric little school, so detached from the rest of the world. a quirky private school in the middle of nowhere. you must all be a little eccentric yourselves. that’s probably why you feel so safe with them — you get the sense that you’re all lacking something. something that would ward normal kids away from such an unorthodox choice.

you could say you were just going with the flow. a relative of yours used to work with yaga-sensei, and heard about his position at a newly reinstated private school — heard that he was looking for students to fill the roster. 

so you accepted.

(if it was really that simple, geto would already have his answer.)

what drew you in, more than anything, was the promise of something new. a strange, small school, far away from home; from the people you know, the town you know, the life that you’ve lived. far away from the person you are, the person you was, the person you’ve always been.

an escape. that’s all it was. 

a way out.

he’s still waiting for your answer, even now, trying to read your thoughts off your face. eyes trailing over every contour. very briefly, you consider dodging the question — but his silent, steady presence squeezes a little honesty out of you. 

you want to give him a genuine answer.

”… i guess,” you begin, weighing the words on your tongue. they feel stale, a little awkward, but not dishonest. ”i wanted to stop being me for a bit.” 

the words are unexpected, surprising even to your own ears — like your mouth and your mind weren’t quite cooperating, one ahead of the other, one not weighing in on the honest choice. they catch geto off guard. 

he looks at you, silently, attempts to dissect your expression; but he doesn’t succeed. 

for a second, something flashes in his eyes. a glimmer that you just barely catch, that you can still sense behind his eyelids when they flutter shut. you’re not sure what to call it. recognition, maybe, or something like empathy. a sense of acknowledgement. it’s gone when he opens his eyes. 

he doesn’t look at you when he answers.

”… i get that.”

there’s a depth to his words that you’re afraid to uncover. you feel their weight, all the same, glancing up at him, studying his expression, the humid drops of dew that stick to his lashes. and you feel a tug. faint, non-existent, the string between your pinkies —

a growing connection. 

(it makes you feel oddly bare.)

all you can give him is a chuckle, a little breathless. ”do you?” you ask, grinning weakly. ”it’s a little melodramatic.”

geto only smiles. silent, comfort personified. there’s no judgement in his eyes, none whatsoever — because he knows exactly what you mean.

fleeing from the past. 

it’s a kind of murder, he thinks. a rebirth.

maybe the two of you are similar. similar in the sense that he recognizes the shadow in your eyes, the one he sometimes sees in mirrors; familiar in the sense that you both suffer from that same sickening awareness. 

(maybe you want the same thing he wants, what he’s always wanted — 

control.)

it’s a realization that creeps up on you, the both of you, slow and steady. a sense of kinship. it envelops you, cradles you close, in the same way molten clouds cover the summer sky.

geto isn’t lying, you can tell. he does get it. you know, just from that tilt of his voice, the way his eyelashes flutter, his absent shifting from one foot to another. and it soothes your worries.

everything is silent, for a bit. you look down at the asphalt, at your own reflection in a puddle, and geto gazes at the bushes of hydrangeas to his right. you feel safe, right next to him, under his umbrella. and he feels content to have you there. your shoulders brush together, for a moment, and it sends a jolt through your heartbeat.

geto inhales a breath.

”by the way —” 

”— have you studied for the exam?”

you both still. blurting out the words at the same time, turning to look at each other; sheepishly blinking in the other’s direction.

then he barks out a laugh.

”sorry,” he hums, a sleek smile on his lips. bright and sheepish. ”what was that? the exam?”

”ah — yeah,” you feel heat settle on the back of your neck, crawling up your ears. ”have you, um, studied for it at all?”

geto moves the umbrella from one arm to the other, smoothly directing you to stand on his right instead of his left. guiding you with his hand on your lower back, ghosting the fabric of your clothing. he stretches his free arm, a little stiff.

”yeah,” he exhales. ”not a lot, though.”

”really?” you blink up at him, trying not to blush at how easily he maneuvered you. stupid, stupid heartbeat. ”you strike me as the honour student type…”

geto scoffs. it leaves his lips before he can tug it back. ”satoru said the same thing.”

a breath spills from your lips, almost a chuckle. you’re not sure how to feel about being compared to gojo, of all people, but you’ll let it slide this once. ”well, you just kinda have that vibe.”

now he’s huffing, tethering on the edge of something childish, and your smile grows. you’re seeing him make a lot of new expressions today. 

”why, though?” comes a sigh. he must be playing it up, a little — you almost get fooled into thinking he’s pouting. ”is it the hair? i don’t even wear glasses anymore...”

”well —” you pause. ”hold on, you used to wear glasses?”

all you get is an absent hum. he doesn’t notice your wide, shellshocked eyes. ”when i was younger. i got rid of them a couple years back.”

“oh…” you try to imagine it, for a second. he’d look frighteningly good in them. just barely, you manage to keep yourself from saying it out loud. ”i think it’s more just your general personality. like, you’re responsible and polite… or something.”

and geto chuckles; the intersection between a teasing smile and a soft grin. it’s just a little bit ethereal, painted over with the humid summer air. he turns towards you.

”and that makes me an honour student?” 

”… okay, maybe not.” you bring a hand up to your hair, fixing it absently. deflating a little. ”you just strike me as intelligent, i guess.”

geto smiles, again, as always. the chuckle that escapes him is faint and fond, and awfully soft, dripping down his lips. ”well, thank you.” 

his eyes are warm, burning into yours. all you can do is glance away. you still don’t really understand this sensation — why he’s suddenly so easy to talk to. why he feels like something other than just a classmate, when he looks at you like that. 

then again, geto has always been a natural at putting people at ease. maybe that’s why you can’t help but warm up to him, compliantly, the way a child dutifully follows the first butterfly they ever see — it’s a little too pretty to resist. 

you want to slip deeper into his world, you realize. you don’t want this moment to end so soon.

”you guys really get along, huh?” you change the subject, speaking slowly, savouring every syllable. there isn’t any rush to get the words out all at once, when you’re with him. 

geto blinks, tilting his head. 

”hm?”

“you and gojo, i mean.”

a glimmer passes through his eyes, as your query sinks in. ”ah. yeah.” his gaze strays upwards, and a contemplative look settles into his face. he knows what you’re after, what you’re really asking; why are the two of you so close? why do you put up with his antics? 

what do you see in him? 

he thinks it’s a fair question. it’s not like he hasn’t asked himself the very same thing, before — satoru can be annoying. ignorant, too, and terribly rude. a little prick. when he stole his curry bun yesterday, geto wanted to kill him. spoiled little brat.

(then again, he’s…)

”he’s… well.” geto exhales, a little breathless. tasting the words on his tongue. ”you know how he is — but he’s not a bad guy.” 

and it’s true. he really isn’t. satoru is a lot of things; rude and spoiled, cocky and bratty, an expert at ticking everyone off. but there’s a kind of charm, there. an innocence that geto admires. 

satoru is childish — because he is a child. a child who knows a lot of things that children shouldn’t know. a child who doesn’t know the most basic of things. satoru doesn’t know how to make friends. he doesn’t know how to ask for help, doesn’t know how to give it. he doesn’t know what cotton candy tastes like, because he’s never tried it before. 

his childhood couldn't have been very warm. it definitely wasn’t normal. 

is that why he puts up with him, then? out of pity? of course not. the bare thought of it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. he’d never look down on satoru, like that — he knows he’d hate him for it. if anything, geto thinks that maybe the two of them are close because he doesn’t give him any special treatment. even if satoru wasn’t treated with warmth or love, he was certainly coddled. spoiled. it’s evident, in the way that he acts.

but satoru isn’t a god, and he shouldn’t act like one. 

one punch, right across the face; knocking the white-haired boy off his feet. that’s where their friendship began. there were stars in satoru’s eyes, geto thinks, when he looked up at him from the ground, sunglasses fallen off from the impact. eyes entirely on display, catching the light of the sun, gleaming with a certain bewilderment. almost amazement. like he didn’t know he could be hit, didn’t know it was possible. the sun shone down on him, illuminating the vague bruising on his cheek, and geto wondered if that was the first punch he had ever taken.

it certainly wasn’t a first for him, when satoru lunged at him next —

it was a little juvenile. more than a little deranged. geto isn’t one to throw fists, in the first place — he’s out of practice. the punch he fed satoru might’ve been a little too forceful. he couldn’t help but feel bad, for putting a bruise on that irritatingly pretty face of his. 

but it still ended with satoru’s arm around his shoulder, a buzzing voice by his ear, proclaiming them as friends. cheery and bright.

geto couldn’t help but echo the statement.

(satoru is a lot of things. 

most of all, he’s really hard to hate.)

geto’s answer brings a smile to your face. ”yeah,” you hum, soft voice breaking him out of his reverie. ”he isn’t.”

he looks at you. silently, a question of his own brewing in his irises — and with you so close, close enough to touch, smiling at him like he’s an old friend… geto can’t help but indulge in his own curiosity. 

he tries to appear nonchalant, stealing a glance at you out of the corner of his eye. ”seems like the two of you are getting along better, too.” 

”me and gojo?” you blink, surprised. a little flustered. huffing out an amused breath, trying to brush off the bare thought. ”no way.”

geto laughs — it’s a deep sound, a full one. somehow very earnest. you wonder if that’s how his laugh always sounds, whenever gojo’s involved. ”oh, come on. you don’t hate him that much.” a teasing glint blooms in his eyes, as he scrutinizes you. ”or am i wrong?”

you pause. faltering, a little, gaze falling down to the pavement — then to the sky — then to him. and then back to the pavement. 

”… i mean…” you attempt to squeeze the words out from within your chest, but you can’t help but feel hesitant. as if gojo could jump out of the bushes at any moment, ready to tease you if you say anything that paints him in an even moderately decent light. ”i don’t… hate him. but he’s still annoying.” a pout slips onto your lips. “he has it out for me, you know.”

geto laughs, again. you note that you’re fond of the sound. ”isn’t that because he likes you, though? he just doesn’t know how to show it. it’s like pulling pigtails.”

”don’t even joke about that,” you scoff, shooting him a scowl. “and that wouldn’t make it any better, even if it was true.”

a fond smile. ”yeah, you’re right.” he opts to dial down on the teasing, shifting into a more sincere tone. ”you do seem more friendly now, though. before it felt like you really hated his guts.”

a hum buzzes in your throat. brows furrowing, as you mull on what to answer with. unsure how you really feel. it’s not like you’re suddenly super close, or anything — but you have gotten friendlier. just by a smidge, but still. you’ve gotten better at putting up with him and his antics, at finding comfort in how open he can be.

after a tiny pause, you speak up. 

”… i still don’t really understand him.” you gnaw at the skin of your bottom lip, trapping it between your teeth. “but i think i might be starting to.” 

you’re a little embarrassed over the words that fall from your lips, barely above a whisper. 

”… he’s not the worst.”

geto smiles, but you don’t see it — gaze still lingering on the droplets that bounce off the pavement. ”i’m glad,” he hums, earnest. ”that guy needs more friends.”

something about his tone of voice urges you to look at him. that smile of his is bright, gleaming in the rain, in the midst of the flowers all around you. a little teasing, a little boyish, but somehow very sincere. you didn’t think you’d get to see it up close.

and you can’t help but chuckle. the raven-haired boy glances over at you, confusion in his eyes.

noticing it, you breathe out a quiet chuckle. ”sorry, it’s just —” a teasing grin smooths over your lips. ”you guys bicker a lot, and you act like he annoys you… but you really care for him, don’t you?”

this time, geto almost stops in his tracks. his eyes widen, slightly, and you’re not sure why he seems surprised — when he always sounds so fond saying satoru’s name, talking about him like they understand each other fully. maybe he didn’t notice it until now. 

a moment passes, before he collects himself, clearing his throat and averting his gaze. awfully good at keeping his composure. 

(though he fails to fully conceal the flustered look on his face.)

”i wouldn’t go that far,” he mumbles, but it only makes you chuckle again. his lips curl up slightly, at the sound; despite his embarrassment. ”someone’s gotta look out for that idiot.”

”right. of course.”

geto gives you a displeased little look. you bite back a laugh. feeling at ease, by his side — you get the sense that you can trust him, that you could tell him absolutely anything, and he still wouldn't use it against you. it’s a relief.

standing there, under geto’s umbrella, in the shadow of summer, rain obscuring the world — you reach a definitive conclusion.

you want to get to know him. want to see inside his heart, hear more of his thoughts. if you could only step over that gap between you, wriggle your way into his world — 

you think you’d be happy.

so, as you walk side by side, narrowly avoiding puddles and breathing in the humid summer air, you try to coax them out of him. little thoughts, bits and pieces of the suguru geto you yearn to meet.

(unbeknownst to you, he’s doing the same.)

you continue to talk. about miniscule things, meaningless things, a comfortable sensation of trust simmering in the air between you. and before you know it, you’ve stepped onto the school grounds, stopping right in front of the dormitory.

”here we are,” geto hums, folding the umbrella and tucking it between his arm and torso. you turn to look him in the eye, taking an absent step away.

”thanks, geto,” you can’t help but smile. ”for letting me walk with you.”

”don’t mention it.” he brushes you off with ease, quick to drag the door open; waiting for you to step inside before following suit. always so accommodating. 

for a second, he hesitates. a glimmer of uncertainty, in his eyes, that you miss — stretching out your tired limbs with a shallow groan, enjoying the warm and dry air on your skin. 

finally, geto takes the leap.

when he parts his lips, his voice comes out soothing. natural and breathy, floral patterns blooming on his tongue; as silky as jasmine petals. ”you can call me suguru, you know.” he lets the silence linger, for a moment. ”if you want to.”

you turn to look at him, eyes widening, at the sudden offer, and he can’t get a good read on the emotion reflected in them. you seem caught off guard, but he can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing.

after a moment or two, you fumble for a response. 

”oh. um — okay? i will, then.” you shake your head, as if brushing off the hesitance you feel, mustering the courage to imitate his offer. ”in that case, you can call me by my first name, too.” 

a brief pause. 

”… if you want to.”

geto smiles. it’s laced with relief, hard to notice, impossible to miss. instead of answering with an affirmation, he takes a more teasing approach — unable to resist the temptation.

so he says your name. your first name, dragging the syllables out on his tongue, as if tasting it. trying to get used to the way the letters bend as they come out of his mouth. despite the teasing lilt it carries, the sound is oddly earnest; he pronounces it clearly, like he’s trying to call you to his side. you almost feel compelled to take a step towards him. 

geto looks you in the eye, as he calls you by your given name, for the very first time — and you can’t help but grow flustered.

”… suguru,” you echo, for whatever reason. you think your brain may be slightly fried. but it feels right, to say it. suguru. 

(what a pretty name.)

suguru smiles at you. you think it’s just a little wider than usual, a little more sincere. almost giddy, if you squint. in the open air, the intimate atmosphere simmers.

finally, you clear your throat, glancing in the direction of your dorm room. a silent que for him to follow.

and he does. leaving the umbrella by the hall, before walking you to your door. his steady, soothing presence sticking to your skin. you’re just about to place your fingers on the doorknob, when a pang of realization hits you — stopping you in your tracks.

”oh — right!”

swiftly, you turn on your heel, facing suguru again. he gazes down at you, bemusement in his eyes. watching as you rummage through the plastic bag hanging off your arm. finally, you find what you were looking for; holding it out towards him. 

”here,” you give him a warm smile. ”as thanks.”

suguru accepts it, compliantly, allowing you to slip a pack of gum into his palm. he recognizes the brand, one he favours over others. it helps him, on days he can’t find his appetite. 

did you see him chewing it at some point, he wonders? when, though? 

maybe you’re always paying attention to the people around you. the way they like their coffee, their favoured flavour of gum. it may be a small kindness, an absentminded one, but suguru thinks that makes it all the more meaningful. a kindness that seeps out of you, that draws him in. 

he wants to know more, about you. he really does.

but for now, this is enough. a walk back to your dorm, your shared home, talking and growing closer than before. 

it’s a small step, but in the right direction. 

the pack of gum stirs a mellow, tender feeling in his chest. all he can do is give you a smile, and a thank you that you’re quick to brush off. then you say your goodbyes, and you close the door behind you — flopping down on your bed with a muffled squeal. a giddy kind of excitement swimming in your veins. because finally, finally, you feel like the gap between you has been dented.

you know what his real laugh sounds like. that the tips of his ears turn pink when he’s embarrassed. you know that he used to wear glasses, that you’re a little more similar than either of you could have assumed.

you know that you’re fond of him. fond of a boy with black hair, who smells of summer and rain and chewing gum. fond of a boy you’ve only scratched the surface of.

on the other side of the door, suguru walks back to his room. with a pep in his step, one that satoru notices — because of course he does — appearing from around the corner with a shit-eating grin.

“oh? what were you doing over there, suguru?”

suguru ignores him. popping a piece of the gum you gave him into his mouth, a flavour of apricot melting on his tongue — he sinks his teeth into it, slowly, feeling his lips curl up into a smile.

it tastes of summer and youth. a memory that both of you will savour, for many years to come.

#geto x reader #geto x y/n #geto x you #suguru geto x you #suguru geto x y/n #suguru geto x reader

[sugurusombereyes]

nightmares, geto blurb

“can i come in?”

suguru stands naked in front of you, well not naked but you could practically see the smudges in the brushstrokes that painted him whole. he had tried to hide that side from you, the places of him that weren’t flawless to the eye but would shatter to pieces if you touched them.

“yeah of course.” you say carefully, letting the invisible light he carried with him pour into your dark dorm. the warmth and brightness he carried spilling out onto your floorboards that would creak with the times you circled your room confused with the thought of how you felt about geto.

you softly closed the door as he walked in, taking his pillow from his hands and throwing it onto your bed. this was a common occurrence for you. geto would show up at your door with his pillow and eye bags progressively getting worse as his nightmares went on. you wanted to wrap him up in all the warmth he had radiated on to you and cover him in the comfort of silence just being silence instead of the absence of rikas heartbeat.

“c’mere.” you softly murmur as you lay on your bed, motioning for geto come and lay next to you. it was hard to not pretend that you couldn’t notice getos deterioration, the same eyes that you once believed could light up a pitch black room had dimmed out. carrying less of the anger he held and more of a heroic grief that was too painful to even think of. you couldn’t not pester him, inviting him to outings or to silent walks that would say so much more than he would. you couldn’t pretend that you hadn’t memorised his outline, the lines in his palm and the creases that would show up whenever he would smile.

that smile.

“wanna talk about it?” he shakes his head no, moving his body closer to yours and resting his head on your chest. you hoped that he couldn’t hear your heart going at hundred miles per second or the hitch in your breathing pattern that matched his whenever you were together. (he noticed the skips in your heartbeat and thought of how the sound of the rhythm was worth holding on a little more for)

but what geto didn’t know was that you would stay up and count his breathing pattern. he didn’t know that you would grow daises in your lungs if he had told you that they were his favourite flower. he didn’t know that you would do anything that would make him feel okay again, because you didn’t know how to feel okay without him. but he was scared. he was scared that if he let you in he wouldn’t stop pouring, turning into an ocean of his memories and waves of the weird feeling that he disguised as being sick. but you wanted him to engulf you like the waves did once to you when you were young, you wanted him to soak you in the crimson liquid that he felt seeped from close wounds whenever someone would ask him how he was doing.

“why aren’t you tired of me yet?” he asked confused.

“how could i ever be tired of you?” you replied with the same amount of confusion, but this type wrapped around his cold bones and brushed a thumb over them; assuring them that you weren’t going anywhere.

#geto suguru #geto x reader #jjk #fluff #jjk fluff #jjk suguru #jjk x reader #geto x you #suguru fluff #blurb #jjk blurb #comfort #fluff blurb #getou suguru x y/n #getou suguru x reader

[sugurusombereyes]

worms | suguru blurb

“wanna love you till’ we’re food for the worms to eat”

a/n - thank you all so so much for 1K on the other geto blurb??? ily 🥹🥹 this might be a little longer but it’s okay 🤞🏻

“did you know worms have been here longer than dinosaurs?” you threw another chip into your mouth, the food crunching loudly in your mouth.

(geto hated the sound of food noises and always put his head down in defeat once you would do it, but this time he let it slide)

geto’s eyes shimmered purple into your green ones, the faint wrinkles by his eyes making an indent into his soft skin even when he wasn’t giving you that same smile which sent a million butterflies swarming around your heart; dancing around it as it beat in sync with his.

(you’d always ask him why he didn’t complain about his faint wrinkles and he’d tell you that he didn’t mind since he then always had a permanent reminder of you painted onto his skin)

“sorry.” you sheepishly smile, remembering how he would cringe at food noises. geto didn’t break eye contact, rather shaking his head softly and rubbing his soft thumb onto your bruised purple knuckles from battles that were never fought physically. “ts’ okay baby.” he said so genuinely it made you melt into a puddle onto the floorboards that you both danced on when the lights went out; the refrigerator light being the only source of light.

“oh and you know what?” you smiled eagerly at suguru as he searched the cabinets for a glass, turning around to your body as soon as the words were uttered from the same lips that he could swear healed any open wound on his body.

“worms literally have five hearts.”

now suguru would usually smile at how interested you were with worms but he just stared at you with a blank expression. his eyes still shimmering the violet that matched the bruises that were plastered onto you, but had a complete different meaning. you wouldn’t tell him since you had to keep up your cold sarcastic nature so he could unfreeze your fists with the warmth that would always engulf you whole no matter what.

“what?” you let out a small chuckle as he still stared at you, running a hand through his raven locks that you would always find yourself playing with when you were nervous.

“i love worms.” suguru blurted out, a crimson tint creeping up onto his cheeks that reminded you of the new paint colour you had just bought. if you had looked a little closer you would see the carefully crafted brushstrokes that kissed every inch of his skin.

“i love worms… too.” you had breathed out, the same heat mirroring onto your face, but this time you had no urge to cover your face.

geto moved closer toward you, his big arms snaking around your waist as you smiled at him, his purple eyes glistening red and any other colour that you would associated with the L word that would wrap around your heart and bleed it dry.

now you both knew what this meant, well geto questioned if you did know but he hoped he did. for some reason he couldn’t think straight, his thoughts directing only towards you and your weird facts that you would blurt out throughout the day.

“i love you too.”

he sighs in defeat, your laugh following along and echoing throughout your small house that you’d told him was perfect the minute he has suggested it.

he was perfect.

and he felt like he could finally forgive the world for its cruelness that constantly charged at him.

(his forgiveness spelling out in the letters of your name)

#geto suguru #geto x reader #geto x you #fluff #jjk #jjk fluff #jjk suguru #suguru fluff #jjk x reader #blurb

[sugurusombereyes]

okay idk what the next blurb shld be so decide for me 🥹🙏

#geto suguru #geto x reader #geto x you #fluff #jjk fluff #jjk #jjk suguru #suguru fluff #blurb #jjk x reader

[sugurusombereyes]

sleepy mornings with suguru

“c’mon we have to get up.”

sunlight peeked through your half closed curtains, the liquid gold painting your exposed skin in the warmth geto gave you whenever you were in his presence. you attempted to cover your eyes from it since you already were going blind from your horrible eyesight that suguru would always tease you about.

(he would then later tell you in bed how it was a joke and he wasn’t making fun of you. you would then smile and tell him that you knew, his small doubts sending a flutter to your heart that was practically beating outside your chest)

shoko and gojo would constantly talk about how you and geto were complete opposites all the time. how he was the sunlight that everyone would be trying to get in pictures and how you were the night sky that he would disappear into.

(it was supposed to be somewhat of an insult to geto as he would always be teased about how he was so much softer around you. but he took it as a compliment as he truly felt like he could be himself around you)

“wake up.”

you groan for the fifth time in the past minute, you both had slept in for the past three days as you the two of you didn’t have work. but it got to a point where you most literally wouldn’t leave the bed, as much as you weren’t a morning person you had to take some control over your zombie body.

and zombie boyfriend.

“m’tired angel go back to sleep.” he groaned, turning over to your side and attempting to rest his head on your chest as you pushed him off. you rolled your eyes and tried to rub the tiredness out of them, “we all sing.” you referenced to that one video of victoria justice that would make geto cringe as you would cry out laughter which would make tears fall out of his eyes at your reaction to his facial expression. “close your eyes.” geto slapped his hands over your eyelids and attempted to close them as you giggled.

“i’m not sleepy sugu, we need to-.”

his big arms immediately wrapped you up in a giant bear hug, trapping you towards his body while your face met his chest and his chin meeting the top of your head. “getooo.” you groaned as he let out a laugh, his husky voice dripping like honey into your veins and slowing down your blood rushing as well as the moment. “i rarely get these with you so let’s just relax a bit, yeah?” he murmured into your hair, pressing a soft kiss onto your forehead.

(the same feeling heat that would make him blush rising up to your cheeks)

“you always have me.” you say quietly, relaxing your body into his. intertwining your legs and practically sewing together your hearts even though they were at very different placements geto still felt like his heart was stitched with the colour of your eyes.

“mm i know baby, just wanna love on you right now.” suguru rubs your back soothingly, slowly and gently as you sigh in content; your eyes drooping down as he snaked a hand underneath your t shirt and drew shapes that you were too tired to guess on the curves of your hips. “love you.” you sleepily mutter, your breathing slowing down as you couldn’t fight off the drowsiness. “don’t say you love me more or i’ll haunt you in your dreams.” suguru nods while fighting off a laugh. you yawn as his heartbeat fades out as you fall into a deep slumber.

���i love you most angel.”

#geto suguru #jjk geto #geto x reader #geto x you #jjk #jjk fluff #fluff #jjk x reader #jjk suguru #suguru fluff #getou suguru x y/n #jujutsu kaisen suguru #blurb #short fiction #getou suguru x reader

[sugurusombereyes]

guys not a writing post but thank u for the love on the small geto blurb 😖😖😖 ily!

#geto suguru #geto x reader #geto x you #jjk #ily #ilysm

[sugurusombereyes]

house song | geto suguru

“saviour pulled from an open mouth, did you want to be something more?”

summary: geto is drowning and you are his anchor.

warnings: mention of suicide once, hurt/comfort, gonna make you miserable, allusions to struggles with depression, really sad :)

a/n : thank you for 300 notes on my other geto blurb 🥹🥹🥹

wc: 821 words

five days you had been gone, five days it took geto to get out of bed.

the house was perfectly clean, a fresh aroma hitting your face as you walked into your house. the place was practically gleaming. the dishes had been done and counter wiped down, the couch and cushions put perfectly into place as well as the floor freshly hoovered and clean. just like how you left it when you left for your girls five day vacation.

but something was off

the apartment was full of silence, the absence of what makes your house a home pouring through the closed faucets and leaking from the slightly closed cushion covers that geto never bothered to close as you both would struggle to take them off as he complained.

(he kept them a quarter open so he'd see your angry face when you'd call them ugly and then proceed to complain about the whole house as he threw you on the couch himself, with that same laugh that made his heart skip a beat the first time he met you)

you were outside your room, the door slightly open as you softly smiled at geto laying on the bed. the darkness that engulfed the room poured out onto your white socks, travelling up to your neck and sending a shiver down your spine as something just didn't feel right.

which was unusual as everything felt right when it came to him.

"suguru?" you pushed open the door, he heard you come in and could practically feel your smile that plastered your face when you walked in brighten the darkness that covered him like his favourite blanket as a kid. suguru and you were complete opposites, he was a listener and you were a complete rambler. he was good with kids and you mostly just made fun of them whenever you were in the presence of them. he was the one the elders would refer to as 光 (hikari), the light that always seemed to seep its way through the darkness of environments and you were referred as the grey cloud that hung over him, dimming out his light.

(if only they knew he only did that so you could shine brighter)

“hi.”

he rolled over so you could see his face as you stepped into the room, closing it as you went to turn on the light. geto looked like he hadn’t slept for days, even though he was laying in bed and looked like he hadn’t gotten up since you had left.

“hi,” you sympathetically smile at him, your warmth unfreezing his features which he kept plain while you were gone. you crawled into the bed with him, burying yourself under the covers as he was and let him mold his body into yours.

“missed you,” he softly breathed onto the bare skin exposed on your chest, spreading goosebumps throughout your smooth skin and he rubbed lazy circles onto your arm. something was off about him, wearing the same shirt he had as the day you left and his eyes irritated as if he has been crying.

(not like the empty tissue box beside his bed didn’t immediately scream at you the minute you entered the room)

“you okay?”

you asked softly, already knowing the answer but asking to ask anyways. he always said that made him feel appreciated.

your voice dripped like honey into his veins, rushing through them and wrapping around his heart as you ran a hand through his growing hair. tugging and squeezing it as you rested your cheek upon his head patiently waiting for his answer, “it came back.” he muttered, burying his head into the crook of your neck.

it came back

your mind lingered on his words, the memory of geto drunkenly uttering how he felt miserable all the time circling your brain and stitching itself into the nooks of your brain. he had then smoothed it over the morning after, calling it a ‘drunken mistake’, how everything he said didn’t mean anything and he was so out of it he barely remembers. you had brushed it off until the morning after you felt his hot tears burn into the crook of your neck, leaving the scar of his re occurring thoughts that held captive of him when he was alone, but loosened the noose once he was in your arms.

he had then told you how he constantly felt like he was drowning, but there was nothing to actually drown in so he felt like he was slowly killing himself no matter how hard he would try to swim to the top. geto was vomiting up too many words he had vowed to tell anyone, all of it spreading down the bed onto the floor full of how he felt as rotten as his insides.

“good thing i’m here to help you swim then, yeah?”

#geto x you #geto suguru #jjk suguru #suguru fluff #jjk fluff #fluff #hurt/comfort #geto x reader #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk #geto x y/n

[sugurusombereyes]

“plus, after all of this time i should be a pretty crier”

“don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love”

RULES/INTRO!! - first member to join getos cult.. taygracie 4life/julien bakers favourite ╰┈➤ i ♡ kakeru naruse - evermore enthusiast (esp tolerate it!!) ★ ୨⎯ deep end felix preacher ⎯୧ ★

• unread messages!

[sugurusombereyes]

masterlist!!

jujistu kaisen!

fluff ִ ࣪𖤐

small soft geto blurb

sleepy mornings with suguru

worms | suguru blurb

angst ➶

hurt/comfort ❥

house song | geto suguru

nightmares, geto blurb

smut ◎

attack on titan

fluff ִ ࣪𖤐

angst ➶

you had to kill me, but it killed just just the same

hurt/comfort ❥

smut ◎

[sugurusombereyes]

RULES/INTRO!!

welcome to my bloggg ੈ✩‧₊˚ you can call me “somber” as I’m not comfy with sharing my real name on here <33. i love geto obvi and jjk, I’m also a massive gracie abrams fan and adore skz!! i would love to be moots so just ask if you would like to be <33

☁︎rules below!

• i do not write incest, cnc, blood/shit/play, piss kinks & other kinks like that!

• i do write smut, fluff, angst etc - you can send requests for blurbs and fics if you have any ideas as i open to ideas and love receiving them!

• lowkey inconsistent but i am active most of the time!

• minors please dni and if over the age of 30 please also dni!!

- this is the end of the rules, hope you enjoy the rest of the blog <33

[sugurusombereyes]

small soft geto blurb

“can you hold me?”

suguru blinks twice, you almost regret what you asked of him and wanted to immediately plummet into the bed. covering yourself with the sheets and hiding yourself below your duvet.

"yeah of course," he replies with a sense of warmth engulfing you whole, the weight that you had been carrying for a while slowly being lifted off. the bruising it left being soothed by his eyes that glistened with the homey feeling that made your chest feel warm and fuzzy whenever he would call you angel.

his arms were wide open as his soft gaze followed your figure as you moved towards him on the couch, letting your body lose all it's strength once his strong arms wrapped you up like they were never going to let you go.

"anything on your mind?," he asked so carefully, his words outlining the curves in your body and kissing them with reassurance and the sense of love you'd been longing for.

"nothing m'just tired," you mutter in response, lifting your head to nuzzle it back into the crook of his neck. he smelt of the vanilla essence you had mixed into his body lotion and the same expensive cologne he refuses to buy because of the price, knowing that you were going to get it for him anyways.

his hands brushed over your hair, dragging down your body but then coming back up and rubbing soft circles into to your nape, slowing your heartbeat from what it initially was when you decided you wanted to ask him to cradle you.

“you sure that’s all?,” he softly kissed your forehead, his tone eliciting care as you nodded.

sugurus arms tightened around your body, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as a small smile crept up onto your face, sending butterflies to getos stomach and circling around his heart.

your hands began to loosen the grip on his waist, your eyes slowly growing with tiredness and fluttering closed as geto put a pillow underneath your head.

“goodnight angel.”

#geto suguru #jjk geto #geto x reader #getou suguru x reader #geto x you #jjk suguru #getou suguru x y/n #suguru fluff #fluff #jjk fluff #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #blurb

[sugurusombereyes]

you had to kill me but it killed you just the same ; eren yeager

synopsis: spending your pre-teens with eren meant that you would have to somewhat abandon the home that meant it’s meaning, he comes to visit you after you fled without a word of goodbye.

you can aim for my heart go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones.

word count: 4405

contents: eren yeager/reader, implications of sh, implications of depression, some crying, gonna make you want to rip your heart out, mutual pining kinda, reader is kind of a bitch at first, somber ending??

a/n: first fic so please be kind (nobody is going to see this) 🥰🥰 - hopefully no errors bcs it’s 4am rn and icba to read over it <33

november 10th 2002

"do you really believe in that?"

"believe in what?," the boy asks confused as mikasa huffs for the fifth time in counting during this conversation, "the whole deep down thing that you just spent five minutes talking about, keep up yeager."

eren nods in realisation, "yeah i mean i don't think it really exists y'know? you are just what you put out for others to see, i mean why would you project yourself as someone else in front of someone else. if that makes any sense." he mutters the last bit a little quieter than before, "maybe some people just can't be bothered to be fun all the time, you think too much into things eren."

the boy shrugs in return, like he did for everything everyone had disagreed with him on. "okay guys i'll meet you later on, armins over there!," the brunette smiled as she waved the two of you off, both of you murmuring a small 'bye' as she jogs towards the blonde.

it was the day before your birthday, usually you would prepare for a party. buying the decorations months in advanced and telling everyone about how you changed your mind on your cake for the fifth time while they all sigh in return, but you still keep your smile because it's your birthday, one of the best days because it was all about you.

as usual you had training with your best friends, the people that practically saved you from yourself multiple times without knowledge. what more could you ask for?

but this year was different.

your birthday now meant something else, something that made your stomach turn and heart tug whenever someone would even mention your existence.

the anniversary of your mothers death was always hard, but especially hard around your birthday. this was the third one without her but it still made your soul leak with blood, slowly and excruciatingly dripping down as it begins to swallow you whole and spit you out after the wave of grief was somewhat less exhausting than it was initially.

it was harder this time year round because it was another reminder that you were alive and breathing while she was somewhere buried under the ground you were forced to walk on while the creator of your limbs no longer had any attachments to her creation.

the somber silence between you and eren grew cold and warped into the same silence that filled your ears once you heard the news from the same mouth that whispered sweet nothings into your ears when you had accidentally spilled the contents of your brain on him, attempting to wipe it away with your sleeve but continued to spread the mess around you both as the remainder leaked out of your eyes.

"are you going to be doing anything tomorrow?"

he broke the silence, his words immediately turning sour, regretting it as he uttered the wrong words that were always going to be wrong no matter what time they were uttered. eren knew that you were hurting, i mean how could he not?

he noticed the things the others didn't, the way you would immediately tense up whenever someone would ask you something about yourself. it could be the most simplest thing and you would hesitate before answering, almost as if you didn't know who you were, that you were simply a host in a brain that you couldn't find your away around no matter how many times the layout would be explained, yelled at to you and you still wouldn't understand why you felt the way you did.

he noticed the way you would scrunch your eyes closed when you would find something exceptionally funny, your smile radiating love and joy onto the next person and basically forcing them to join in on the shared happiness you faced in the moment. he noticed everything you wanted to say you swallowed, opening your mouth and left with silence as you were talked over or shot a look which would make you divert your gaze to something other than him.

"it made sense," you scratched your head, glancing up at him once and looking back down as you met his eyes full of the stars that you both peered out of your window to look at ever night, not together but was a silent agreement to do whenever one of you felt like you needed to forget who you were.

"before, what you-."

"mhm," he hummed softly in response, cutting you off from re clarifying what you meant. because he knew what you meant, he always did.

the elders would've been pissed if you were late again to another meeting, he sped up walking towards the building as you kept your slow steps, sighing softly as the breeze kissed upon your skin.

"c'mon, let's go. i know you wouldn't want to be late, i mean they wouldn't anyways." eren grabbed your hand, coming off more eager than he intended. but he was quick to make up for it by the soothing swipes back and forth over your bruised knuckles that didn't always mean defending yourself, rather saving yourself from the possibility's of hurt you could inflict upon the protection of your temple that sometimes you wanted to claw off.

you always felt a different type of peace with eren, acceptance almost. i mean you'd been craving it ever since you decided that you could never be destroyed by anything but yourself, over and over again until the desire to not be wounded repeatedly would stop. you felt at home because with him you didn't have to think about yourself and it would hurt less.

he would make you hurt less.

november 10th 2012

"you're fucking joking me," you hiss, burning yourself for the third time this week. cooking was never your forte but you felt like you needed to make somewhat of an effort instead of ordering take out for the third time this week.

i mean you wouldn't order the take out, the poor old woman down the street that was completely oblivious of the real world and it's corruption would order it for you and give you the same sweet smile and offer to come by her house so she can make you an actual meal.

you would always decline politely, pre making a good excuse so she wouldn't feel like you didn't wanted to be around her. you would tell her that you have training once again, you have to get in the extra work due to an injury you faced a few years back. you tell her that you would love to stay but you can't burden your eldian blood, you had come too far to betray yourself for nothing.

she'd then give you that same sweet smile, the smile lines cemented into her skin telling you a story of how she watched her kids get eaten by titans in front of her while she carried the burden of existing. she kept on smiling no matter what, making their favourite dishes, eating them alone and gazing into the empty seats which were once filled by the love that made her home an actual home.

you couldn't break it to the woman that the life you had fed her was completely rotten and was going to poison you both eventually as time went by. you couldn't break it to her that you didn't actually have a boyfriend who was out fighting the remainder titans left and that he hand wrote you letters every week about how much he missed you.

you couldn't find the words to tell her that you were hiding out in this small town in the middle of nowhere because you were most wanted everywhere else, that you had in fact betrayed your eldian blood and went against everything that stood for it because you live with the burden of being yourself.

you couldn't tell her that you weren't living in the colours you painted out for her but were so afraid of losing something, you refused to love anything.

"okay fuck this," you turn off the stove, wiping your hands on your apron and throwing it across the room in frustration. "one more order can't hurt." you murmur, grabbing your flip phone and heading towards the front door.

you let out a sigh before swinging open the door, a softer one this time compared to the one you let out when you realised that you had to create another excuse for the old woman.

"i would say i like what you've done with the place but it just doesn't seem like you."

the plain expression on his face doesn't tell you anything more than you would usually expect it to, he knew that obviously. he knew you.

the sun kissed upon his features perfectly you thought, his green eyes glistening an unsettling sense of normalcy back into your boring brown ones.

his hair was grown out; half of it tied into a bun and the rest flowing down his shoulders, making your brain shift to the times when you would run your fingers through them as he let out the same soft sigh you did before you opened the door.

"well then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought yeager."

yeager

(his heart ached for a split second, the nostalgia of your first interaction turning in his stomach.)

he blinks twice and nods softly, "maybe," he utters so carefully, looking anywhere but the eyes that moulded the way his heart was shaped.

there was something different about him and for once you couldn't pin point what it exactly was. you spend a minute observing him, the faint smile lines that reminded you of the time you both laughed till your eyes were red from crying.

he knew what you were doing and observed back, the faint scar that laid upon your right cheekbone that was more defined than the last time he saw you, the shadow of it spilling out the grey novembers you spent alone.

"i'm not inviting you in," you step to the side, letting a small portion of the cold house spill out upon his vision. "i know you wouldn't." you swear the corners of his lips turned up for a second, letting a bit of warmth into your living situation.

(you couldn't call it a home because you were without the thing that stopped your heart from permanently longing)

eren walks in slowly, turning his head to the burnt smell that wafted throughout your house, mentally smiling at your failure at cooking.

i mean he wasn't surprised, why would he be? he couldn't help but let his mind drift off to the times you both talked about your future, and how you were adamant on not living together because apparently he'll get sick of you.

(he could never imagine a universe where he wouldn't want to be by your side)

but then you'd change your mind and remember how responsible he was, and then he'd remind you that you couldn't eat take out everyday after the world faced peace. then you'd decide that you both would live together so he would cook for you and not result in you dying from an extremely high cholesterol level.

(you'd then ask him to spell cholesterol and he'd quickly change the subject)

"you have anything to drink?," he took his hands out of his pockets and darted his eyes to your sink, "not really." you murmur, clearing your throat to make him look back at you, just for you to glance somewhere else.

you were afraid that if eren looked too long he would notice the brush strokes that were smudged over and over to make who you were, that the longer he looked he would realise that you weren't painted as carefully and softly as the others were.

(he didn't care for softness, only for you)

he hummed in response, walking towards the rusty sink and pouring himself a glass of water. "m'kind of hungry, you?," he cleared his throat, setting the glass down and facing you from across the room.

"nah- but make yourself at home," you raise a hand towards the burnt mess on the stray pan. you found yourself playing along and liking the narrative he wrote out for you as soon as his warmth leaked into your home.

"perfect," he chirps in response, he was turned around but you could still hear the small smile in his words.

sending a pang to your heart.

a tender moment passes, eren looks around the kitchen leading into the living room, finding his eyes softening at the sage coloured curtains.

the only part of your home that felt like you.

everything else was bland, beige and black. rusted or a little scratched up, i mean he knew you weren't going to stay here forever but he assumed the interior would be a bit more put together.

"you can't stay," you almost declare to him, knowing it was the obvious but saying it to make it clear.

he couldn't stay because you weren't allowing him.

(not like that ever stopped him before)

"busy?"

he turned his head, swiftly turning on his heel and walking slowly towards you. eren knows you aren't busy, but he's just asking to create conversation. he doesn't know why, but then again nothing didn't need to mean something.

you had to bite back a laugh at the comment he made, it was almost comedic that eren had showed up. you were most wanted everywhere except this small town that was full of abandoned houses, something out of a horror movie he thought as he arrived there. but it didn't matter, after all you had moved there for a reason, the same reason that he longed to find out even though he knew somewhat of the answer.

"yeah, something like that."

you start to walk to the counter top, standing behind it as a shield or something. but you didn't need a shield, you never did, if anything you felt like the whole world needed one against you. like the worse possible thing in the world was to know you, for someone to let you in their life.

but eren thought the complete opposite, he had reminded you that knowing you was one of the greatest blessings anyone could earn.

(he'd told you when he thought you were sleeping, you weren't.)

eren had tagged along behind you, the creaking of the stool he sat on interrupting the soft silence that settled every time you both avoided eye contact.

the last years you had been gone were the hardest on him, well not harder than losing his mother or having to tell you that his father was the reason for you to lose yours. he'd found himself coming out of his room and looking at the stars every night to soothe him from the loss he'd experienced; soothed from the idea that maybe you were looking at them at the same time as him, that you hadn't left him because you'd lost sense in his words.

you had to kill him but it killed you just the same, the day you left wasn't easy for you either. everyone had made assumptions that all of a sudden you were a monster, a villain from the famous story's that erens father would tell you to scare you both into training.

the day you left you didn't feel the same amount of relief that washed over you when you had come to the conclusion that the elimination of your existence wouldn't matter to anyone, but it had covered your wet skin in dirt and mud.

the debris coating your skin like erens warmth once did when you were covered in snow during winter.

but it wasn't winter when you left, it was summer and you were left with burns from this external heat which you never asked for, you never needed to ask for his warmth because it would always come at the times you didn't know you needed it.

"eren-."

"i didn't ever think of you as someone who enjoyed small towns," he cut you off so carefully, you see eren knew what he was doing and you knew it too. it reminded you of the time when you found him crying, hot tears flowing down his cheeks as he tried to catch the breath he had been chasing ever since he experienced loss for the first time.

you sat beside him and handed him a pack of tissues you stole from armin.

he had a cold but you didn't really care.

you asked him what has happened and he immediately changed the subject, talking about how black absorbs heat so you shouldn't be wearing it out on such a nice day.

you'd then scoff at the comment, if it were such a nice day then why was he upset? eren would then talk about the colours you should wear instead because black would make you tired, not knowing that darkness was all you ever knew and you didn't really give a fuck about what colour to wear on a hot day because you had been absorbing everyone's exhaustion whenever they'd felt like acknowledging you.

but you would never play along like everybody else, you would gnaw at him for the root reason why he was changing the subject until you got the answer. no matter how much blood would be splattered around you both, mixed with tears and venom he spat out while dodging your question, burning your skin that was once burnt but not in the same way he hurt you.

"why are you here yeager?," you spat out, coming off more poisonous than you expected. venom spewing onto his clothes and burning small holes into it and branding his skin with your words.

(only the thing was that he didn't mind, if anything it was you so who was he to complain?)

he huffed and darted his eyes to your knuckles, "this doesn't suit you," he was looking into your eyes now, his gaze flickering back to the scar.

"and when have i ever cared about what suits me or not?"

he lets out a small laugh, looking down at his shoes. eren wasn't a fool, he knew that this had to come to an end and that your facade would also.

another moment passed, but it didn't have the same tenderness it had before you started talking. you didn't want to understand why eren was still in your kitchen, why he drank your tap water without letting it run to cold, why he attempted to make conversation with you and why he was smiling.

you didn't understand why you had to be the one hunted down, you knew it was your fault but why didn't anyone want to understand your actions and what drove you to insanity?

you'd ask these questions to the night sky, hoping one of the stars would talk back and explain that they see how you sob over what you destroy and how you begged the empty sky for everything stop but then pick up the dagger and dig your future back into your skin, while begging your hand to put it down.

you wanted the stars to tell you that they won't keep on inventing you and accusing but stop and take the dagger from your trembling hands, holding them in their warm grip while you wouldn't have to beg for your brain to stop.

"y'know it rained on the day you left."

he uttered so casually, looking at you as you dodged his eyes again. "not for long," you said a little quieter than you needed to.

"yeah, it stopped at night," eren murmured, he got up from the stool and rubbed invisible dust off of his trousers.

"the stars looked beautiful that night."

"i didn't see them that night," he breathed, a little twinge of annoyance in it, sending a hot flush surging through your veins. your expression wavers at the slightest as well as his hard gaze upon a face that he's slowly starting to not recognise.

he lied.

the night you left eren sat in the rain and gazed at the stars, but you already knew that. it didn't rain that night, if anything there was a cool breeze, sending a wave of nostalgia over your skin as you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the times you both would lay on the grass upon a safe silence.

eren breathed again but a little louder this time, the corners of his lips turning up into the same smile he plastered on before his eyes started to water and his ears turned red.

"don't ask it."

"but i need to know," erens voice wavered, his eyes pleading you to not swallow everything this time but vomit it up upon the kitchen counter. spilling onto the floor and onto him as well if it were more than you intended to get rid of. he would clean it up with a perfectly clean rag, well not perfect i mean it had broken threads but nothing compared to the putrid smell of all of the burning rage left inside you.

you shake your head no at his words, at the break of his voice that immediately sent pangs to your heart, wrapping around your heart and squeezing it till it nearly exploded.

"so what, you want me to forget all of this? forget you and move on, you know me-."

"i knew you."

you cut him off immediately, your voice overpowering him as he stood up, scoffing at your words. "don't do that."

"don't pretend like you don't know me, like we didn't spend birthdays together and fucking- watched the stars with me whenever i felt like the world was going to end." he threw his hands at his sides, unclenching the fists that he didn't know were drawing blood as you gave him nothing but silence.

"well it didn't- the world is perfectly fine and-."

"oh and you are?" he cut you off again, his sharp tone slashing back into the scars which you both had riddled from your preteens. "you're perfectly fine?" eren almost mocked you in his tone, his eyebrows expressing more than you could once questioned on your stability.

you spoon fed him with nothing but your silence, it speaking a whole lot more than your fake excuse of re clarifying what he just said. you couldn't afford to choke up anymore chunks of hurt around you both so you kept quiet, the best thing you were good at.

"i wish you knew me when my hair was long."

you cleared your throat once again, wiping your hands on your trousers and brushing your short length hair from your shoulders.

"i look for your laugh whenever i find something funny."

"i was kind, and didn't care about a single thing. i would be running around and jumping with joy- for like no reason." you breathe out, smiling at the thought.

you hadn't smiled like that for a long time.

"the knowing of your existence would've been enough for-."

"i wish you would've known me when i kept on failing on the maneuverer gear, the way i would flip upside down and my head bleeding from it, being scraped over and over until i accepted my fate."

you snickered at the old memory, "everyone would then flick the scab and some would even make it bleed- believe it or not," you smile looking up at him, "but you would've stole a plaster from shadis and took the blame immediately."

he stood there with nothing to say, well not exactly nothing but he couldn't find the words upon the waves that crashed over the both you with the things he wished he would've said.

"i wish you knew me when i liked myself a little better then i do now," your voice broke at the word 'little', playing a sad smile upon your lips that he couldn't bare to look at.

you don't find any point in looking away from eren, he stood there without the words that you wanted to hear him say. tears flooded your eyes and down your cheeks, you didn't bother to wipe them away because he was already heading towards you.

"i don't need to know your long hair to know who you are now," he whispered, his voice cracking as you shook your head. his warm hands moulding your cheeks, absorbing your tears and the reopening of the wounds that he helped close.

his thumb swiped your ongoing tears, rivers of longing and nothing but shaking fists as your teeth grind at the thought of you once were; who everyone painted you out to be once again.

your head dropped into his chest, the smell of nostalgia washing over you like the relief that did once you realised that eren was in fact watching you when your head dropped onto the wooden table you ate on. that it wasn't just tiredness but the exhaustion of being reminded that you are still you after all this time; that you didn't magically transform into someone else and still were left with the brain you were cursed with the minute you were born.

"we have to go," his hands found his way to your back, drawing lazy circles to soothe the raw open wound inside of you, "i know." your voice broke again, breathing heavily as he rubbed your back softly.

rustling outside of your house echoed inside, you knew what was coming for you wasn't the life you painted out for the sweet old lady that rambled on about the family she once had.

"they wouldn't want us to be late." his voice broke, tightening his grip on your body.

(you hate physical contact only because you knew that they would have to let go at some point.)

"i think i can make an exception this time." you smiled into his chest, nuzzling your head into him and hoping to never have to lift your head and face your fate.

he hummed in response, hearing the small smile in it as you felt his tears drip onto your shirt, burning through the material and leaving holes of grief of those who aren't really dead branded onto your skin.

now you wish you would've taken the home cooked meal.

#eren yeager #aot #attack on titan #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #anime #eren x reader #eren yeager hurt/comfort #eren jeager x reader