africanseal

[africanseal]

Repost from @freethenipple made me lol 😂

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In Bed with the Bae

Her: Babe I wanna have a baby

Me: When?

Her: Right now… *Climbs on top of me*

Me: *Throws her off*

*pulls out Calendar*

Me: Uh uh. Look here.. right now it’s September and approximately 9 months from now it’ll be around June, which means there’s a strong chance our baby could be a Gemini. Too Risky. Let’s not.

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i can’t fucken believe that one of the main arguments against wind farms is that they’re an eyesore

do you know what’s an even bigger eyesore?

not having fuckin trees or coral reefs or glaciers or any number of incredible natural beauties because fossil fuels and pollution and global fuckin warming killed it all dead

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honestly my favorite line from “Uptown Funk” is definitely “make a dragon wanna retire, man” because that’s honestly such a great mental image. an elderly, tired dragon taking a look at Bruno Mars and going “alright then, that’s my sign. time to let the young ones have at it.” taking out their 401k gold hoard. moving to a cave in Miami. collecting dragon pension

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I’M CLEAN

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R.I.P. to all the LGBTQ+ people who didn’t live to see June 26, 2015. Who died ahead of time due to murder, suicide, or old age. To those who fought until their last breath, the fight for same-sex marriage was for you.

[africanseal]

As a feminist, I don’t think women should be drafted into war.

As a feminist, I don’t think men should be drafted either.

People should never have to be drafted to war. If not enough people believe in that war enough to fight, then that war is not worth fighting.

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I went to this pole dancing class with my homegirl K the other day & we were in there with a bunch of housewives and their hubbys were watching and talking in the waiting room. We’re having fun laughing and what not learning how to swing around and pick ourselves up and hang upside down and what not. this one housewife (you know the ones that make snicker doodles for bake sale n shit) approached us and said “you two shouldn’t be here! Our husbands can see us right through that window and we don’t need you two coming in here and trying to wreck our marriages.” So at this point K and I are looking at each other like

And she’s clearly upset about it she’s redder than a habanero pepper at this point and she’s like do you have anything to say about yourselves? Are you happy that you can be the potential cause of several divorces? Blah blah blah. K and I are laughing hysterically at this point and I told her “maam, we aren’t here to ruin your marriage and if you think we are then you have problems in your marriage that are already present.” Before I can even turn around K bursts in with “plus your husband has had his eye on your friend with the Roshe Runs on anyways so looks like either A. He’s scheming on her or B. They’re already fucking and you didn’t even know it. By this point the woman is just like

The woman breaks down crying and runs out the studio and the real drama unfolded right before our very eyes turns out her husband and her friend have been having an affair since 2007, her now ex bff’s husband is trying to fight the other dude saying “you’ve been fucking my wife?” Cops get called they’re trying to separate the two men who are now in a huge brawl. The other two cops (backup) are questioning everybody else and they can’t find Roshe Run girl because she disappeared in the midst of all the chaos.

Anyways long story short, the two men were arrested for disturbing the peace and I learned never to go to a pole dancing class in the Wonder Bread suburbs ever again.

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[africanseal]

if I could breathe underwater you would never see me again

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people who are rude to their parents

people who are rude to other people’s parents

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do anons actually think that their insults are going to hurt someone when they’re scared to even show their url with it

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i said nigger and lost 20 followers y'all know i’m black right

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Omfg^^^^^😂😂

[africanseal]

Liberal media bias talking point is over.

[africanseal]

Ass grabbin is an important part of every relationship.