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i want antagonists. i want anti hero. i want evil just for the fun of it. donā€™t give me justifiable intentions based on an unfair past. while adjusting to live with constant malice, i want to subdue some of it from the point of view of the perpetrator himself. an explanatory lens which does not clarify his vision rather blurs mine a little more. i donā€™t want to understand his mind, i want him to complicate mine. donā€™t make villains likeable for us. we fear what we donā€™t see or understand, a human so different from us and yet so similar, and that fear lies in ambiguity. is the villain ignited by a certain kind of words or does he like when people challenge him and what lengths will he go to prove his superiority. donā€™t untangle his mind just for the sake of reasonability. give me pure malicious, sadist, self-centered villain i can stick on my mind just because how inhumane and irrational his actions are.
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repeat after me: i am not going to feel sorry for myself. i am going to let my flaws flow and correct it while being accepting of them.
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i donā€™t want to be someone else but when i see people making friends of the people i admire i wish my self was different. i start wondering whether itā€™s me with the fault. if burning with jealousy is a blasphemy then im the devotee. i find myself questioning ā€œdo i send off the vibes that im not talkative?ā€ if so, then how do the non-talkative people still have friends and i donā€™t have people i can cry my problems with. excuses are made and eyes are shaky, to their sweet minds maybe im the polite intruder. my voices are cut mid talk and im told to be the quiet one. i smile and my eyes smile, but which sadness is it called if the smile fades en route my mind? is it life that gives voices to others and silence to few? if i wailed would my silence be heard through my indifference? maybe people walk blind eyed. infront of them are thousands crying, shouting to be heard in their silence, thousands like me whose voices are read through their words. i want my voice to be heard before my lips learn to be stationary forever.
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social media isnā€™t as toxic as we are made to believe. i open my handle just so i could peep into the lives of the few people that illicit warmth to my heart. i look into the life of that one senior who makes life so wholesome and unbothered of toxicity, it almost makes me believe i can go past all my hardships. the writer i admire so much for her taste in music, books, movies and politics makes me only wish i was her. or the charming guy, whose posts i tip-toe my way into and wish were dedicated to me. but what made me want to watch only a selected few? the fomo that comes from the romanticisation of their lives. while im aware of the fabricated reality, a part of me wishes i could partake in it too. and to be superior than them, i make myself believe i am better than being these fakes while all the time i could only wish i were them.
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iā€™ve been the go-to friend whenever they needed mental satisfaction. i could be crying out loud for help, gasping for air and they would still let me know how much sadness they are experiencing. it is so overwhelming. for once i want to tell someone how suffocated i feel and not hear them ranting how burdened they themself are. people just want to be heard yk? i donā€™t want validation as if everything will be okay, ik itā€™ll be but rn i donā€™t believe in it. so just tell me itā€™s okay to feel this way. tell me you hear me and that you will not force yourself into answers you yourself are not faithful about. make sure ik you are just there. just present with me, as if just by being beside me youā€™re absorbing some of my despair. donā€™t try to make it okay, try to share the grief.
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who would want to question themselves when they ask others to justify what they believe in with responses to meaningless questions? if i forced you to take a look, an honest look, at the side youā€™ve been on, will you give up the joyful ignorance that planted daisies into the rotten groundsels spewing illnesses?
would you forgo your comfort for a girl so tired of belonging in the world full of people dying everyday just to survive?
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im so grateful to all the girls who just decide to compliment me randomly. like do you know me? no. and yet here you are, making my day with just three nice words. and although it might not be a big deal to them, you write my words iā€™ll be remembering them after years and smiling to their kind words. so ig thanks for making my misery less miserable.
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one of the good things about social media is i can dig into the kind of person you are. i absentmindedly watch somebodyā€™s story and they involuntarily reveal a part of themselves to me. they could be a criminal for all i know, but somewhere down the illogical aspect, it gives something to root for, a person who may not exist outside this realm. but the part they expose, the part that resonates to me, it gives me a hope, to wait for them to post again and to collect more information about them when do. how they can be social and quiet at the same time, or how they like a particular band so much, or how they get distant with reasons unknown. donā€™t get me wrong, iā€™m all up for selfies and yay see i had a great time vacationing but as long as i learn something informative out of every post of the person i like, iā€™ll keep the hope inside of me alive and wait for them to post everyday.
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our mind is literally full of complexities we cannot begin to fathom and can never even try to explore. i recently stumbled upon this book named "thinking, fast and slow" by daniel kahneman and it intrigued me. i'll share a snippet of it here. also, this content is not written by me, so credits to the real owner whom i couldn't find.
1. recognize your gullibility and protect yourself
human beings are gullible by nature. according to professor Kahneman, if something is repeated to us enough times, we tend to believe it. this is because our minds are not able to distinguish between familiarity and the truth.
it gets even more dynamic, because of the principle of familiarity, if a statement is repeated to you several times, you are likely to believe it as well as anything that is said after the statement. as long as some of the statement is familiar, the rest feels the same and becomes true.
2. we are capable of fooling ourselves
the human mind is capable of fooling itself. when we are making decisions, we can bias them so that they fit into our traditions.
this bias is interpreted as intuition and we feel as though we are making the right decision in doing this. professor Kahneman indicates that we normally practice this phenomenon even if we have had some scientific training in making the decision in a measurable way.
thus, whenever you make a decision based on intuition, analyze it to find out if you are deliberately ignoring a tried and true procedure of doing things.
3. be wary of overconfidence
one of the conditions of the human mind is a confirmation bias. this is where we allow overconfidence to affect our decision-making process. although it is good to be optimistic about the future, it should not directly affect our decisions in the short term. when we do this, we are likely to merge our recent, positive past into our immediate future. this can result in major mistakes in decision making.
as such, professor Kahneman indicates that we should control our overconfidence before it leads us to make decisions that we will regret in the short term future.
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there's situations which go beyond control, people who hate you or judgements that criticize you, so id become a bigger person. i'll accept the people hating me, the unwanted situations however many they come, the criticisms my way because getting hurt won't solve it for you. maybe changing perspective is what we need to be happier. life isn't material neither are the people around nor your feelings, everything's valid and justified.
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i don't get the concept of always wanting a love interest for the female lead like i get the "yayyy i ship them both" but why's it so hard for me to find a female protagonist who's just ALONE??? she enjoys her own company, works hard for herself, loves eating alone, goes on dates with herself, is happy being by herself, hangs out with her friends. i need more of that ngl.
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So, India is dying.
Look, I know a good number of you are from the US and things aren't amazing there either, but my country is literally on the brink of collapse. So I'd love it if we could talk about that for a minute.
If you can't do anything else, please just read and reblog.
A second COVID wave has taken out the healthcare system. There are no more hospital beds. There's an oxygen shortage. There's a critical vaccine shortage. The Central Government has thrown its hands up and is passing the baton to the State Governments to do what they can.
There are over 16 million covid cases. A record 330,000 new cases reported yesterday - comparable to the US at its peak. 187,000 dead as of today.
There is no plan.
Mass cremations are taking place. The cremation grounds are running day and night and they are short on wood. People are watching their loved ones die while waiting for a hospital bed, and then they're unable to give them the proper burial rights.
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Hospitals are overwhelmed. Patients are being confined, two to a bed. They're the lucky ones.
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We are on the verge of people dying in the streets.
This is the second-most populous country in the world. The largest democracy. A country that encapsulates over 15,000 years of recorded human history and has endured everything from famine to invasion to colonisation.
We might be at the end. This might be the thing that does us in.
People are dying.
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People are dying.
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People are dying and there is no plan.
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More good news? Variants are popping up. A double mutation strain has shown up. It is resistant to current vaccines. This will not go away. This is the devastation they warned of when the anti-maskers were out protesting the minor inconvenience of covering their face in public.
My country is on the verge of an emergency state. Our government has failed us. This is as dire a situation as it ever could be.
Look. I don't do much with my life. I write fics, some of you have read them and that's pretty much it. I spend my days with my head in the clouds because that's where I like to be.
But two days ago, my grandmother tested positive, had to be taken to hospital and the ambulance caught fire.
She barely made it to the urgent care she needs.
So, here I am, using whatever meager platform I have to cobble this request together. Because I have to do something.
If you can, donate.
Or spread the word.
Help. Please.
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wait its that bad in india????
as of 22nd April 2021 we have about 16.3M new cases and a death toll of 187K . Only about 1.4% of the population has been fully vaccinated yet.
on top of that, we've been facing a major shortage in oxygen supply (to the point where the govt has decided to airlift oxygen from other nations), a shortage in hospital beds and services. The numbers keep rising and with the spread of the new strain, the scenario has transformed into something deadlier than ever.
our infrastructures are falling apart and we need all the help possible at this very moment so the nation can be atleast saved when there's still a chance. I've already lost two of my friends, a teacher and family to the second wave and I can only imagine how much worse it can get. so i would like to take this opportunity to link in some donation posts belowā€“
> Here is Akshaya Patra's Covid-19 relief serviceā€” help provide meals and packed grocery to those in need
Getting the word out at this time of crisis matters.
Please reblog and help
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