yes-kissmeonthesidewalk

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

I miss you

I just want you to know that I miss you, contrary to that I dont intend to send this letter to you.

I loathe myself for deciding to stay away from you, but its the only way for me to recover.

I cant sleep. I miss you.

I miss you.

There’s no day in my life that I don’t reminisce the moments we shared however short they were.

There’s no way I’m not crying everytime I remember hugged and kiss me at the parking lot.

I don’t understand. I miss you.

I miss you.

When I look at anything, the pillow, the electric fan, the stairs, the shoes, everything reminds me of you.

When I listen to any song, watch any movie, all I can ever think about is you. No one just you.

I can’t stand it. I miss you.

I miss you.

I’ll miss how you modulate your voice when you explain with all conviction. I’ll miss your quick-witted jokes about everything I say.

I’ll miss when you smell my hair, you’ll say it smells nice when I know I  absorbed all the samgyup scent in the world. 

I  don’t know anymore. I miss you.

I miss you

I miss the comfortable quiet car rides when I don’t know what to talk about and you’ll shout belting Regine Velasquez songs.

I miss the intensive casino business model lectures that  I can’t comprehend up until now. Most of all, I miss the way you make me feel. 

I miss you. I just miss you but I can’t tell it to you.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

To my Maroon,

I’m in between and I’m torn. Clearly I do not value my own feelings and health and cling simply to you. I do not even understand your full intentions, I just know you like me,  that’s all I know and that’s just based on what you said. I like you too, but I don’t like the version of me that I developed throughout our connection. I’m careless, I’m confused and I’ve had illnesses, physical, mental and emotional. I thought I can handle this, I thought I’m used with the trauma but I’m not. I’m just too soft for all of these. 

Sorry. I like you too, I may have liked you more than you will know or more than I have shown but I decided to choose myself this time. 

I hate it when I waited for 12 hours for you to reply. I hate it when you forgot my tattoos and their placements. I hate the way I’m making a cringey and overly emotional letter for a 3-mon love affair.  I hate it when you lied, you didn’t flinch an eye but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, when I know I should. Maybe because I know, it’s my fault too. I have risked it too without even the guarantee of anything. 

They’re things I need to settle with my life I can’t afford to lose focus.  I’ll see you, when I go back to Nectar or when I see you wherever, I’ll still smile and say hello. I have no grudges. I have no regrets. I learned so much. 

Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me feel special. I appreciate the good mornings, the quick getaways, the coffee conversations, the dance under the blinking lights, the overflowing food-trips, the affectionate pillow talks, the neck smudges, the honest opinions over life issues, the birthday bonding with Joven. You’ve taught me a secret language you know I can’t speak with anyone else.

I’ll miss the how you modulate your voice when you explain with all conviction. I’ll miss your quick-witted jokes about everything I say. I’ll miss when you smell my hair, you’ll say it smells nice when I know I’m absorbed all the samgyup scent in the world. I’ll miss the comfortable quiet car rides when I don’t know what to talk about and you’ll shout belting Regine Velasquez songs. I’ll miss the intensive casino business model lectures I can’t comprehend up until now. Most of all, I’ll miss the way you make me feel. 

All good things must come to an end. I need time to rebuild myself and my life. Maybe in the future or maybe in the next lifetime we’ll meet again and we’ll make things work. 

And I’ll wake with your memory over me, that’s a real lasting legacy to live. 

Green

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

Virgo I used love Virgoes, until I encountered you.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

I know, once again, I prayed for him. I know he might not love me. Thanks for the dream Lord, at the very least in my dream, I felt it was real. I hope and pray you work on his life too, that someday he'll find the love that you purposely put for him. In Your light and love, I PRAY.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

#PLEASE MY EUROPE LIFE #MATERIALIZE

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

Is it wrong to pray for you to be mine?

I already know prayers don't work that way and the numbers dont lie.

I have been praying for plenty of things and to be honest they've never materialize.

Prayers dont work that way girl. You gotta trust on the Lord's purpose.

I know. Lord knows I have been trying hard to grasp this cncept.

I just want to let this all out. Just for once.

I know it's long shot from the start, I see i for what it is.

Maybe the Lord's just protecting me.

But Lord, maybe just maybe there's a chance for this can you make it happen for me?

Can he be the answer to my prayers?

Can he be my soulmate?

I know long shot it is.

But I still like to try.

I never learn.

But I see it for what it is, if it'll hurt me then I'll pass.

I just want to risk it.

I just want him to risk it for me too.

Viktoriapark-Waterfall in Berlin Kreuzberg. Photograph: Sebastian Raabe

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

What am I thinking? I'm just once again trying to shoot for something longshot.

Is it even worth trying? Why risk for something I know will hurt me a lot?

Photograph: Ciydem Ayyildiz

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

Parts

You own parts of me that you don't love.

I love parts of you that weren't mine.

And I release you, I release the love I have for the parts of you I do not own.

And I take back, I take back parts of me that's once were yours but you never loved.

May all our strings be cut in God's timing, purpose and light.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

If it's God's will, so be it.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

"Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander Let us hold each other Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander Let us hold each other" -James Bay

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

"If by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of, leads you a lonely place, find your strength in love."

A full moon, also known as the Strawberry Moon, rises behind Temple of Poseidon, near capital city Athens Photograph: Anadolu Agency

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

I'm Deep

I guess you never really knew me,

You just fixated on what you chose to see.

Which wasn't deep? Was it?

And that was by your design.

You didn't want deep,

So I gave you shallow.

Too bad. What a shame.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

"Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us did the love affair maim you too?" -ATWTMV (TV) (FTV) by Taylor Swift

I've been singing this phrase non-stop since it was released a few weeks ago. I realized it did capture the most hopeless question I'm ashamed to ask you.

That desperation to know if what happened hurt you too? That it was meaningful for you as it is for me, that it has given me permanent scars in my soul. Lord, I never even knew I could hurt like this.

You know I kind of believe the answer's no. It never did even fazed you. It was never even a love affair for you. There was never love involved in your point of view. I'm just a blob in the air, without weight in your life.

And sometimes I felt like I deserved it, to get hurt this much because it was clear that you never intended to love me. Explicitly you established the relationship you want to pursue.

But I'm just a human and I was on my most unstable emotional phase. I always ask my self,"Did I love him?" I always thought I did not because I never really known who you are. You never even wanted me know the real you.

Oh to have a picnic under a willow tree ♡

(via)

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

"Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold, I still remember the first fall of snow and how it glisten as it fell. I remember it all too well."

Edinburgh, Scotland // Newhaven Harbour // (2021)

#taylor swift #all too well #all too well 10 min version

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

Lord, Let me get back my focus. Let my enthusiasm blood, run in my veins again.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

I think it's important to take note that healing is never linear. Its always a graph of ups and downs but you will always remember to go up and at the end of the day if you decided to really choose yourself. I hope you always flinch and find your way back to your path and journey to a happy life.

Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa, Kyle Meck

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

I have no one to turn to now.

Lord. Help me understand. Help me survive. Just guide me. Please.

[yes-kissmeonthesidewalk]

Ohhh God, what a masterpiece view! What a wayto say hello to mankind. Thank you!

㋡🥀