xdarlingimtryingx - Tumblr blog

xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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I want to hate you

But I love you too much

It doesn't matter

You broke me..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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I won't sit here

And expect to be loved,

You taught me

How it felt

To be loved,

You turned your back on me.

You shot me

You burned this bridge,

I'm not going

To sit here

Calling it love anymore

When it's convenient for you..

You never

Loved me

Did you..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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My open letters

Always go unread,

You say

You understand

But you really don't..

I'm trapped

And you don't seem to care,

You give me

So little attention

Just enough to keep it..

This is it

You lost me,

It's been a while

Since I knew

You said you'd get better..

But that's not it

This is goodbye,

You don't get to win

Anymore..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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The stars may shine

But the sky's dull,

The wind speaks

But there's no sound.

It's so empty

But so much baggage..

These four walls

Inside my head,

Hold so much power

Yet it's uncontrollable..

Thinking, Rendering .. Processing..

Sometimes too fast

Sometimes the wrong thing

I feel so different

Than everyone else..

It's like

I'm broken

But no one else can tell..

I'm just a shattered mirror

Glued back together

With the cracks

Barely Visible..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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My heart

Skips beats..

My thoughts

Are racing,

Everytime I think of you

Would you have approved

Of the choices?

I've rejected so much

This pain

Made me kinder..

It made me softer

It changed me..

You taught me love

When I only knew

Hurt.. Harm.. Betrayal..

You promised,

To see me..

But promises are just empty words..

Pretty lies

That break hearts,

That change

The fibers of a person..

Intertwining with

Never knowing

What's true and what's false

What's alive and what's dead,

I'm breathing

But I'm drowning..

Where did everything go wrong?

#poetry #atelophobia #bad poetry #bpd #bpd thoughts #heartbreak #mental health #spilled heart #spilled thoughts #tw suicice #3 am writing #anxitey #anxious #tw derealization #depressing #depressive #depressed #hopeless #tw depressive

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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Winter

The cold air

Comes by again,

Soon the snow

Will be reflecting the light..

Dark clouds

Will always be around,

Where there's rain

There's a rainbow

But what good is that..

When I lost all sense of color?

How can I see

The brighter side

If it's tainted grey..

All shades of grey

Differing but it's bland..

How can anyone tell the difference..

No one understands

Through my eyes..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 2 years

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Statistic

Days fly by

As time excels,

It feels like yesterday

We were kids

The same age..

Now I'm older

And you stayed the same,

I miss you so much..

The sadness, loneliness, pain

Everything wasn't fair

It's meaningless

Since it feels the same..

The system is still failing

Everyone like us..

Even though there's awareness

There's no break through,

I wish

Your death was more

Silver lined..

But one day

It won't just be a statistic..

Until then

I'll keep writing

Because they say people live on

If they aren't forgotten..

So live in these words

That come from my broken heart..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Faces.

In crowds of faces

I look for yours.

I know I won't see it,

That the feeling

You showed me

Won't ever last..

I won't feel it

Ever again,

I long for you

My heart aches..

I could have saved you

Different choices, different words..

Life isn't fair

The hand were dealt

Just didn't have enough..

Luck ran out

When our eyes met..

Reaching out

To the sky

Hoping to feel your grasp,

You earned your wings

But I'll still look for you

In the crowd of faces..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Watch over me. You promised you'd see me once you got better. You never got better, you left me here. I have so many questions that'll never be answered. You gave me hope. You were my only friend then. Watch me do something great. I'm still struggling, but I promised you I'd live for the both of us. I hope you watch me and smile. I may struggle, I still struggle without you. It's been so long and that night was one of the worst feelings..

- Open letter to someone special

#poetry #bpd thoughts #quiet bpd #bpd #3 am writing #atelophobia #anxitey #anxious #tw suicice #tw suicude #tw derealization #spilled thoughts #hurting #heartbreak #mental health #depressing #depressive #depression #depressed

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Clouds are painted,

Placed perfectly high above

We use to watch them

Float and move,

The stars

Use to shine so bright...

Now everything lost color

Am I colorblind

Or did you just

Brighten my life..

It's not the same

"Time heals everything"

Does healing mean

We forget each other?

Because if so

I'd rather be in agony and pain

Then lose you again..

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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I'm spilling my heart out,

Breaking into pieces

You're sound asleep.

In someone else's arms..

I thought you loved me

#poetry #3 am writing #atelophobia #anxitey #anxious #tw derealization #depressing #depressive #depression #bpd thoughts #quiet bpd #bpd #bad poetry #broken

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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I miss you,

I'm growing older

But you stay the same..

I miss your voice

Your number changed,

I can no longer

Call to hear it..

Every star

I wish to do things over..

You deserved to live

I loved you so much

But I wasn't enough

To keep you around..

#poetry #bpd thoughts #quiet bpd #bpd #bad poetry #3 am writing #atelophobia #anxitey #anxious #broken #tw suicice #tw suicude #spilled thoughts #depressing #tw derealization #depressive #depression #depressed #hopeless

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Sadness

It's a void

Inside myself

Voices echo inside the darkness

Am I hopeless?

Is this all that's left

This isn't what I wanted

No silver lining exists..

Smile after smile

I just have to pretend

No one can know..

No one understands..

But I can't understand myself either

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Never enough.

I'm not enough.

Everything fails just a little

I could have saved you,

I could have coped better.

Being alone hurts,

I can't sleep

The voices in my head

Scream I'm worthless..

Shattering the mirror

The voices still remain

But I can't see myself as whole..

#poetry #bpd thoughts #quiet bpd #bpd #bad poetry #broken #3 am writing #atelophobia #anxitey #tw derealization #spilled thoughts

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Silence.

The night sky is void

The stars lack luster,

Silent.

It's quiet

Am I deaf?

Suddenly lost all my hearing?

My heart races

I'm anxious

I'm alone

There's no one

Yet I have all these friends.

My phone

Is in my hands

I'm hoping I get that message..

~3AM thoughts

#poetry #bad poetry #prose #mental health #quiet bpd #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd #broken #Broken heart #alone #3 am writing #atelophobia

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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Silence is never the same,

I heard your voice

Your laugh..

I knew what you aspired to be,

I knew past the shell..

The copy that you tried

To show everyone,

You were strong..

I wish I could of done more..

#poetry #bad poetry #tw suicice #tw suicude #tw derealization #bpd thoughts #bpd #broken #anxitey #depressing #depressive #depression #depressed #recovery

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xdarlingimtryingx · 3 years

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We use to talk so much,

About things that didn't matter..

Until you couldn't take it anymore,

We were young,

I was dumb..

If things could change

I would of listened more

Even though I was drowning myself..

Losing you

I lost more than just you..

I'm sorry

I wasn't there for you

But what more

Could I have done..

.

This happened a while ago, I'm still recovering and that's okay. I am okay I just miss them is all

#poetry #tw depressive #tw suicice #tw suicude #tw derealization #depressing #depressive #depression #spilled thoughts #speak out #broken #bpd thoughts #bpd #mental health #recovery #heartbreak

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