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weekend sabo
Going through my journals from the past couple years
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Journal - Wednesday, January 2nd, 2019
I was so lazy yesterday. What did I do yesterday? I made pizza. I was made with green sauce, carnitas and cheese. I used the mixer, but it was way to dry, but it turned out pretty good. I think I should just come up with my own recipe, but they are basically all the same. On track. I woke up around 12ish, picked up the kitchen and mostly laid on the couch. I did write a day so it wasn’t a complete loss, but around 4:30 I took a nap till around 6ish and decided it was time for bed. I slept almost 14 hours. It was nice. I needed it. Pretty unproductive day, but it’s okay. It’s a new year and I’m ready to crush it this year. After work, I am going to clean! Evey thing! bey really. Kitchen for sure and the table. I will do the work out and possibly yoga. Maybe yoga before bed. I want to get more on a set schedule. It’ll be good. I also want to make the flash cards and play on the piano for at least 30 minters. I want to do that every day to get better at the piano! It’ll happen. also. No T.V. today and not on my phone too much Read. Read. Read. Read please.
Cont on 8/15
Top things I would like to do more of this year. Play more music. Listen to more music. Read more. Write more. Maybe find a different year planner with bigger days, or just start filling up the other journals I have. Move my body more. I did great for a long time then I just sucked some more. I want to save as much as possible. I’ll stick to the $200 budget and any thing that doesn’t fit I need to move my budget week from Friday to Sunday. Sundays will be fore grocery shopping and chilling. then by the time Friday/Saturday roll around we’ll see how much I have left. It’ll work out way better that way. No more of this $1.87 in my bank account. I specially since I made over $60,000 this year. I do have a lot to show for it, but it is the very least I could do. At least I’m aware of it. I’ve been living like this for a long time. 2018 was a great year and it’s only going to get better! Keep you sight close and focus on the day to day. You can do this. You want do do this. It will happen. You got this!
Cont on 8/14
So. It’s a very good possibility that I will have Mona back in my lfe relatively shortly. Like a week or so. As long as I’m able to get this pet deposit paid on Friday. Just have to wait for Anna to call and it should be good to go on Friday. I’m so stoked. I may have to drive up there to pick her up but I don’t mind. I could invite someone for the road trip. Could be a dun weekend. We’ll see what happens though. I do have my hopes up, but I won’t believe it till it happens. Then I always have an excuse to always go home after work. No more just stopping at the folks, which I don’t mind, but I just won’t be tempted. Then I’m always home on work days. Even Friday. There, I will move there likely just stay home all the time and I’m okay with that. Then I have no excuse to go out and not cook at home and not work out. Lets go with the no zero days. This is going to be my best year yet! I’m excited! I’m also very excited about the left over pizza that In the over! I can’t skip lunch anymore. It sucks. Couple more days!
Cont on 8/13
I may bail on Ian to go to the party. I’ll talk Ian to come earlier so I can get out of here around 7:30 and get to his place around 8:15isg. I haven’t. We’ll see. We have time to figure it out! They’ll be alright with it. Got the flash card done. It won’t take long to go through them before going to bed. Like 10-15 minutes. I feel just going through them once a day I’ll have them memorized pretty quickly and I’ll keep with the piano practice as much as I can. I like it. I want to be really good at the piano. If I do a couple times a week, there's no way I won’t get better. Lets say if you are getting better by like June, I will by myself a piano. Then I will have to practice all the time. Either way. I will keep practicing and getting better. Today I cleaned very little. Exercised. Kept under my calorie goal. Made some flash cards and practiced piano. there’s no reason why I can’t do that almost everyday. Only thing stopping me i myself. I am the reason why I am where I am all the food and all the bad. I just need to get rig of the bad stuff.
Cont on 8/11
I wonder how Haily felt about the Christmas card. It is weird I sent it to her work, but I’d be stoked to get something like that. I really do hope she writes back. I didn’t really leave her with any other option. No phone number or anything. Just a return address and hopefully it was legible enough for her to read ti. Oh well. It’s gone and if I don’t hear from here, I hope she lives a very happy life. I’m sure she will.
Cont on 8/12
I don’t think I can go vegetarian, but I definitely want to seriously reduce my meat intake. Maybe I can be part of the history of humans that stop eating meat. I’m not going to raise any kids, but maybe I can influence someone with kids that will lead them to veggie diets? Probably not. I don’t know, but I do want to but out a lot of meat from my diet. I’m starting to feel bad for these animals. What makes out life so much more important than theirs. The fact that we can talk and read and write and understand complex thoughts. They have thoughts an feelings as well.
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Journal - Tuesday, January 1st, 2019
2019 me: Please most of all, don’t forget about me. I really hope you read this next year. Right now you weigh around 210-215. I hope to be under 170. I feel that is an easy goal. I hope to have a MC and be comfortable riding. Okay. It has been 5 years since I had a new years kiss. Whatever. It’ll probably be another
Sorry that my entry sucks. I did pretty good last though.
I am dedicated to taking a year from drinking. Then replace the year as forever. Let’s really see how long you can go with out drinking. Like.
Let’s do 1 week. with no smoking work nights and see how it goes.
Alright. From today. See how long you can go without buying meat. I have a bunch, so it’ll be a while till it’s vegetarian. I’ll just
I have so many memories that I don’t what to forget. I’m going to write more of it down.
Cont on 12/31
It was so much fun to see the D last night. I still should have gone alone, but having Skylar go was cool. I hope she doesn’t get any ideas. I just enjoy her company. I did have a good time with her. Probably one of my favorite new years. I go drunk for what is hopefully the last time. I have a goal of one week. Then I’ll move it to two weeks. Keep it small, achievable goals. I wonder how many books I can read this year. Lets say 12. One a month minimum. I can probably get through a lot of Sapiens today and maybe have it finished by Friday. Id’ like to start collecting books and vinyls. I will this year. $200 weekly budget with no eating out or drinking, I should be able to get a lot of things. I also want a lot of house plants. I feel I should be able to stay another year at least. I think I can buy this house by Sept. 2020. It’ll be a lot of hard work, but I feel it’s do able, especially if I hit a 9 spot keno for 60 grand. Walk away with like $45,000 that’s a nice down payment. I’ll definitely get inspections for the house.
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Journal - Sunday, December 30th, 2018
I’m glad I’ve really kept up with this this month. It’s helped me out a ton. I’m not going to reach the goal of getting under 200 unless a miracle happens tonight or tomorrow and I suddenly drop 10lbs over night. It’s okay. I’ll write down my January goals and put them up some where. I can get one of those white board panels out of the bus and use them. That’s a good Idea! Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. Get the “studio” set up and maybe attempt to record some thing today! Took all weekend, but the beetle is complete! It was just. I should have done a better job cleaning the pieces, but I t worked out alright.
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Journal - Saturday, December 29th, 2018
I wasn’t as productive yesterday as i could have been last night, but I still did a lot. When I got home I cleaned the table off. Got a lot of trash out, I cleaned the spare room a bit. I did my 5x5. did come laundry. I did play some guitar but it wasn’t a ton. and I was in bed by 10:30! but I did watch porn last night and this morning. I’ll do better with not watching it. Now I want to get my kitchen picked up and ready for my Pa. he will be here in about an hour. Should be another good day.
Cont on 8/23
I don’t know why I can’t just relax. I mean I do, but I feel like I always need to be doing something. Even when I’m doing something. I think it maybe have something to do with having to plan things. On a different note. I got lost in thought and forgot what I was going to write. I feel like I should go out, but really I just want to be social. It’s hard. I talked to my dad for a sec. I talked to my cashiers at Albertsons and Starbucks, and other than that I haven’t talked to anyone. Not even through text. It’s my own fault that no one hits me up. I was gone and not that I’ve been here, nothing. I tried. Oh and I deleted Facebook. I feel people got butthurt or they just forget about me. Whatever. I know I keep using excuse that I need it for the music stuff, but whatever. What If I just have a bandcamp/spotify and I get stickers made. That just say Duck Musk and maybe have spotify/bandcamp at the bottom and I just put them up when I go out and that’s it. No social media not nothing, I won’t tell anyone!
Cont on 8/22
It’s not even 5 yet. I’m going to finish this beer then I’m going to get another on and take a shot. I want to paint. I think I will ask gma if I can have that stuff or invite her over so we can do it together. Invite Mom and Mel and dad and Makayla. I want people to come over and do things with me. Whatever. I’m ready to be better at everything. Look how alright I do with not being good. I still manage to eat well, get fucked up, have a car and house. I have a whole house to myself. It’s so tight. I’m so concerned with getting people over to have when I just need. We’ll I just need to find a girlfriend and get them to move in. Easy Peasy. I will do more art. not just music, but I just want to draw or take pictures or paint or sculpt or build! I will. Fuck drinking. I’m over it. It I can get some acid to day might be the last day I get drunk. Till April... but I can do so much If I don’t drink. I can buy tools and actually redo the bus and get a motorcycle. I want it so cad. I will make it happen. By the end of March.
Cont on 8/21
After this sunset, jammies are going on! I really like lifting. Like I want to do it now, but I have to wait till tomorrow. not super into cardio but I will incorporate it. It’s going to be a good January. January Goals.
January Goals
No drinking at all. I just have to do it. I know I can do it. I’ll make a sheet and put it on my wall or fridge.
No Porn. Including reddit. I can jerk off as much as I want, but I can’t use porn.
Jan. 4th Pay pet deposit, and ask if Crystal would be okay with me taking Mona back.
Lift at least 3 days a week.
Stay with calorie goals
Only smoke weed on Fri and Sat.
Only eating out twice a week. bonus points if its only once or not at all. Get everything from the MC Class the weekend before.
Pass the MC Class and get my MC License.
Get under 200 lbs
Try not to eat too much meat. Once a day.
It will be a good month if I can make these goals happen. I will.
Cont on 8/20
I have to buy this house. I will for sure rent it again come September, and by the time 2020 September, I will be ready to by a house, and I want it to be this house.
525 5th Street
Boulder City, NV 89005
I have the ability to make it happen. JG Delete Facebook. I’m over it. Not JG but I am going to get fucked up tonight. By myself and its going to be something. Probably bad, but whatever. I just don’t care right now. Maybe I’ll care tomorrow. I’m okay with getting fucked up to night. I would love some company, but I feel weird. Not weird, but I don’t want to give the wrong idea. I just have to say no. I have to be in control, and if I can’t next month, I will look into AA and do that. I just don’t have any other options at this point. I’m even drunk and realize that is something that need to happen. If I don’t change. I mean. There’s also a really easy way. One that doesn’t require meetings and you know fully committing to being and ALCOHOLIC.
Cont on 8/18
Am I excited to read this
Stocksmile ended because of me. Okay. Jeag didn’t help at all. We would have kicked him out at some point. I suck. I need to listen to my own music. I do. I listen to what I want. Maybe I move. Maybe I get out of here next Sept. What If I do get the bus et by next Sept and I just leave? I could have like $5000 that will get me a long way. I’ll check it out on Monday.
Cont on 8/19
I could last me a long time if I keep it cheap. Okay. Could be cool. But what would be the ultimate coolest is retiring early. I have time to think about it so whatever tonight. tonight is farewell a farewell to drinking. Only makes it better that I’m alone. Tsvet did invite me to the Henderson Breweries but I’m broke. I have so many options. I want to talk to some one about them. Marlon mention about me getting free counseling. I’m interested. I just want to open up to someone. I wish it was someone was romantically involved with. I has to be someone close to me.
Cont on 8/16
Let’s see whats up 8/19. Just take a look. I got really drunk last night. I don’t even remember going to bed. I guess 4 beers and a half bottle of tequila will do it. I do remember throwing up last night. That was fun. But I’m over it. I could have a lot better day if I didn’t get hammered by 8 o’clock. At least I slept through the hangover, and I’m up early again so that is really cool. I’ll hit him up in a minute. After the first of last sets have him come early! and I didn’t drunk text anyone or drunk FB. I am deleting it though. Probably new years day! I’ll get the numbers I need and then that will be it, do it for good. I can use reddit and stickers and send it to labels and see if they’re done to just share it. Hit up Vegas Weekly and even P.I.V. Session. I don’t need F to promote my music. I just don’t care anymore I get nothing out of FB
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Journal - Friday, December 28th, 2018
After looking at penmanship porn yesterday, I really want to make an effort to have better and more legible writing or penmanship. this 1.0 pen doesn’t help anything, but I should be able to do better even with this. Maybe look up how to do architecture style writing. I’m down to work on it! Got a lot done at work today. Felt good. I need to do that more often! I think I will. Lunch with Bridget want well. Nulling. I am nulling to lego. I’m kind of not liking it, but I think it’s because I’m just taking it apart. It’ll get better. Man, it probably took like an hour to get this lego se apart. but it’s wash time!!! I wish I had someone here. A girlfriend to be more exact. I just want to be close to someone. I want to hold and kiss someone. I want them to happy to see me. or at least feel that way. It’ll happen. I don’t think it will with anyone I know now. I’m just going to lay low for a while and chill. Exercise and eat healthy. I’m excited my pa is coming over in the morning. Get that table and BBQ all cleaned up and ready to go. Then tomorrow I’ll get that room set up!
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Journal - Thursday, December 27th, 2018
Goals for today. Finish buildings 3m/3k
Lunch at the park. Maybe walk around a little.
Finish cleaning the kitchen
Do some laundry.
Ride exercise bike. find a spin cycle class on youtube.
Play some guitar. Hit up Boswell about jamming.
PB sandwich for dinner
Maybe stop to get some cheese. I don’t need it but I want it.
I think if I do all those things today I will be looking good for today. We’ll see how well I do I should be able to get all that done today. I will continue the no porn today. I really need to get away from that. I feel it’s not as bad as my drinking, but it’s up there. I need to release music like Yvett young. Just make it and release it and hope people like it. or it could just not be listened to. Either way its cool. I’ll get the DM Facebook going and get people to like it. Once I get the deck and room done. It’ll be Saturday. I wonder if Bridget is down to date. I don’t know if I’m down. She does smoke and doesn’t play an instrument. I can’t do it. I get to be picky and she’s a good friend.
Cont on 8/25
I gotta go back to work. :( work was good. I didn’t finish building 3m-3k but they’re 90% done. I’ll wrap it all up tomorrow and get the proposals done on Monday! I didn’t walk during lunch. I’m not going to ride the bike. I did put the dishes away and some laundry. Which should be about ready to put in the dryer. Then I’m going to have a prime rib sandwich with a pickle. I’ll actually put it on the sandwich. Plus some diced jalapenos and maybe some tomato?
Cont on 8/26
Another tasty dinner. I probably did eat a little too much today. but not too much. Probably hit 2000 calories. I’m excited to have lunch with lil B. I hope we go somewhere delicious. We probably will. I did order my knife sharpener. I’m just realizing my procrastination probably came from my folks. Maybe. I don’t know. I know I have to stop that. Alright 2019. Work on not procrastinating. Just to do less of it over time and do better at everything. I slacked off since April. Kind of. Food. Booze. Slacked. I did alright with getting a house. It is pretty crazy that I do live in a super tight house in Boulder City. I still can’t believe it.
Cont on 8/24
I may have some ice cream. I’m not doing anything tomorrow night or Saturday night and I’m going to bail on jamming. Probably not, but I am nervous about it. I just want to stay home and be by myself for a while. I can hang soon. But I just want to get back on track and being home is how to do it. They got me a couple lures. I’ll get us licenses nest weekend so we can go finish. It’ll be fun and I would love to spend more time with him. I’ll even ask him about the landscaping. he may be down. But may be not cause he is taking care of mom, gma and Makayla. I feel he would do a good job and I’d see him more or sure. We could do a garden together and all that fun stuff! I’d be down. Either way I’ll ask him for help on thinks. I know I can do it myself but I know he enjoys stuff like that and will help out a ton. Especially with the bus stuff. I’ll get all the demoing done before I ask him for help. Not drinking Fri/Sat will help me get a lot more done on weekends. I’m excited for that. It’s going to be a good year. I’m excited.
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Journal - Wednesday, December 26th, 2018
Didn’t do good today. I didn’t wake up early. I didn’t take a lunch and went to del taco. Slacked off a ton at work. I had soda at work/lunch. Other than that It was a good day. I did get a bit done at work. I got all my dishes done. I exercised. I did some laundry. I had a really good dinner and now I going to go do some writing. read some before bed and stretch. I feel bad for not going to Shea’s dinner. I should have went, but whatever. I didn’t miss out on anything. I would have just talked and drank and had fun, but I just didn’t feel like going. I just want to be gone and relax and have a dog. That’s all I really need. That’s priority #1. I can pay the deposit on the 4th then I’ll hit up Crystal. I would love to have Mona back. She’s chill, and it’ll be perfect. she’ll probably live a couple more years. I would take amazing care of her. and take her on walks everyday and show her so much love! I have no clue if Crystal will be down. Couldn’t hurt to ask, I’ll ask Neal and see how sere feels about it. Just Mention how he say shes not the same I’ll ask Him
Cont on 12/25
I would like someone that’s just down to chill and listen to music and do hobbies. It would be so great. Like if I had someone here right now cuddling up to each other. I probably would be not writing. I feel it would have to be if she’s over a lot and I forget to write then hopefully they don't thinks its weird. cause its going to happen. I don’t think I will ever stop writing. It’s so good for me. To get all these thoughts and feelings out. I won’t make it by the end of the year, Filling up the journal that is. I’d have to write like 20 days a day. Even with the extra week. I’m still going to get a new one and start on it on the first. I don’t want to get behind again. It set me back like 9 months. The past 6 months and the 3 months it’s going to take to get back there or at least a lot closer. I’m definitely going to keep up with the working out. I’m determined to get down to 170 again. Man I felt good. I feel like garbage right now. And its definitely the beard fault. I’m going to shave this thing off when I get done with this day. Good bye sweet beard. You always treat me well.
Cont on 12/24
No but my face is chubby. My beard had been hiding it. But never again. Well, maybe, but if I start noticing my weight going up and my beard getting long, I will trim/shave my beard. I feel this is a big enough change that If I did shave completely I wouldn’t be recognized. But it’s cool. I’m glad its gone. It was time. I couldn’t wait for NYE. I swear it was because eating that sand0wich was just horrible. I made me not enjoy that delicious sandwich. I’ll take tamales for lunch, then have another one of those sandwiches and spruce it up a smidge. Throw some of these diced jalapenos and hear it up with the PR. I do have parm. that'll be good. Especially with a toasted bread and my be I be make a little pan sauce to put in there. It’ll be a good dinner. Maybe I’ll wake up and do some time on the bike. I really should, but we’ll see. I kind of want want to start exercising in the evenings and still be a morning person. Especially with a nice yard. I’m going to do that!~ Going out is of lame-0s
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Journal - Sunday, December 23, 2018
Slacking again. But I made a bunch of tamales today. and chilled hard. I could have done way more today. It’s okay. There will be time to do things coon! I steel feel pretty committed to not drinking next year. I’ll drink in Boston. I had a great could of days. Friday was the Wonk house show. It was great seeing all of those guys. But it’s just not the same any more. And Jessica was a little too Friendly for my liking. I’m glad I left when I did. I’m very happy to be where I am, and don’t miss her at all. I miss Crystal more than her and I don’t even miss her. I’m back to no wanting to date.
Cont on 12/22
It’s pretty tight Luna is dating Ivan. He seems like a good dude and I bet he’ll be a better fit for her. I just wish. I don’t wish anything. I hope things work out for her. I hope she’s happy. Maybe I’ll get a chance to talk to her tonight if I go to Bunkhouse. I’m down to talk to her about it if she’s down. It’s up to her. I’ll probably be too scared to bring it up so I don’t really have to worry about it! One less thing I have to worry about or person or feelings
Cont on 12/21
I want someone that knows me as Steve/Steven. Sabo it going away come New Years. Net really, but I just feel meeting someone new would be best. Big News! Dugan wants to jam. I’ll hit him up tomorrow about dinner Friday and jamming that weekend. Even if it just my and Dugan or me and Andrew. But I just want to play with people. I’ll have Ian over for dinner soon and have him bring his guitar and talk to him about doing a 6-Good Summers acoustic album. It would be tight! but game night tonight at J&T’s and then possibly bunkhouse! Should be 1 1/3 1.33 3.5 Fun! It wasn’t worth it to go to the show even if I left at 9:00 I would have stopped to get gas and cash. As well as driving 30 minutes to a show to watch some band. No body cares if you’re any where. so might was well stay home. But. I had a lot of fun with James and Tsvet and Chad. I don’t think I’m down for DND with them. I like the games and stuff but I want to jam. I want to handout and jam! That’ll be the goal for 2019. Play with as many people as you can!
Cont on 8/30
I’m nervous to go play with Dugan. But I don’t know. I’m usually stocked on the songs but tonight I just don’t know. Maybe I
10. 50 Minutes
5 minutes @500 wight x 5min
2 hours.
5:30-2=3:30 the 50 2:40 prep at 2:00pm. Potatoe’s around 4:30 and asparagus. I’ll work out before. I’l just tamales o around 4:45. Do some aujus. I’m excited about tomorrow. It’ll be good! I will wake up earlyish. I will exercise. I will clean. I will be on time. I will do my best at making dinner. I just need to to to just be alone. Not go out or anything. Separate from every one for a bit. I only feel this way because I’m high and drunk and I don’t like it.
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Journal - Thursday, December 20th, 2018
I’ll swing by my folks and give g-ma her present. I hope she will like it. But I won’t stay for dinner. Just hang for a little bit then head home. I’m going to clean like crazy tonight. I’m tired of this messy house. May be get the presents wrapped. Either way just be productive! I have 13 days left to fill in 12 days. I think I can do it. Let’s actually make that happen. I can get a couple done at lunch and even more done at home. Then this weekend I can bust out at ton! Goal for today is to get September done and the first week of August. I should be able to do that. Five it your best shoot. I still have such a hard time waking up early. That’s okay. I did work out yesterday after work so I did do good. I may have eaten a little more than I should have. Bit I don’t think it was too much more. I think I can still make it to under 200 by new years. Just need to seriously cut back on the food and drinks. I’m drinking Friday for sure. Maybe just get like a 3 pack of tall cans and call it good? with no dinner. should be alright with that. Nit for sire want to wake up early and do some lifting! don’t be lazy! Okay! just wake up and do it!
Cont on 9/3
Dinner Monday! I have to get a prime rib, Potato’s and veggie. I’ll make rolls. Then have to make dessert. Sunday will be tamale day. - Just need the fillings. Maybe find someone to come over. Dinner Friday. I’ll see if Luna is down and maybe. I’ will do the cauliflower Alfredo with the ricotta tart. I’m down for that and do that shaki toast for dessert. Maybe roast some chicken thighs. I’m down for that. Get it confirmed with Tsvet and let Vivian know and Skylar. hoe fully they’ll be down. Worst comes to worst I’ll be James and Tsvet. I don’t mid that at all! but the more the merrier~! I got the cards out this morning! I’ll wrote one fore Rae tonight or in the morning. She better be here tomorrow. If not she’ll get it Wednesday. I’m very excited about this weekend. I should be a really good one! Plus DT tonight. Too good
Cont on 9/2
So I may have found a table. Deck, I have plans to go pick it in the morning. No one Saturday. It looks like a nice deck. I can refinish. We’ll see, but I’ll be able to get that room set up and then start recording. I would like end of January. I’ll start inciting people to like my band page and get rid of FB Cause I really don’t think FB will be around much soon. Probably get IF as well. Nag FB will be enough and I’ll make a reddit page for it as well. I don’t know. I’m not too worried about it. If it’s good people will listen to it. and if not oh well. I’m just exited to do it! Get me own thing out there.
Cont on 8/31
So I was supposed to clean and wrap presents today after work, but it’s Faith’s B-day and I’ll be good to see them! Plus other’s hopefully, Probably get out of work early tomorrow, so I’ll be able to get that stuff done then. I would really like to get someone to help make tamales! Maybe Luna. I hate that I can’ stop thinking about her. She never thinks of me. I don’t know if that’s true, but I just need to move on. I can maybe put some fillers out tomorrow or tonight and see if anyone seems interested. Best comes to best dad comes over and helps. I’m not totally against that. Well see. I will not consider you know who.I feel Donna is a good choose. She is very nice and sweet. This isn’t a huge commitment. I have to remember that. So, throw some feelers out there. I bet Donne will be down. I’ll her her up tomorrow. Maybe I don’t know. All I know is that I have to decide on someone. And I’m not worried about rejection this time. I’m worried they’ll say yes. But that's what I want. Is someone to so yes. I’ll wait till Saturday. I feel that’s the best way to go cause I feel seeing Luna may be good.
Cont on 8/30
Going - I really like that dad smokes. It’s like having a beer with him. I like it. I need to spend more time with him. and mom as well. I hope shes going to alright. I’ll take her out to breakfast or something soon. She’ll like that. I’d like that. Well, I need to get going I’ll finish you when I get home
-Guess
I spent over 120 ha
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Journal - Wednesday, December 19th, 2018
Another good day! I was a little early to work but I didn’t wake up early. Thank you you guys for allowing me into your home and being such amazing people. I’m Ve. I’m excited to get these cards out. Hopefully they’ll get there before Christmas. There’s 100% no way I here back from Haily. It’s okay. I’m very excited for Friday. I will try to take it easy with the drinking, but It Fri and I don’t have shit to do Saturday. So I’ll just do my think. It’ll be cool. Maybe shmooze my way with Morgan? or someone. I really would like to start dating. But I’m bot going to push it. I don’t think Vivian is interested at all, so I’m not going to worry about it. Plus, I know what I’m looking for, and I feel she’s not it. oide note. I hope to get a motorcycle fairly soon. I want to find a nice pair of boots for riding. I start looking so I’m not in a rush. but its going to be awesome to have and ride a motorcycle! I’ll see if I can get on financed I feel I may be able to. I should have gotten that Capital 1 card to my limit to help my credit score.
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Journal - Tuesday, December 18th, 2018
Just had the craziest dream. I was swimming and Morgan Helleburg, who was friends with my sister was getting ready to go somewhere or maybe I was in bed but she lays down and basically puts her ass in my face so I began to touching. She had she nipples pierced and clit pierced. She rolled over and her pussy was in my face. so I started going down on her. then I get up and we start making out, We stop and she tells me. I mean there’s more but I feel the important part is she said that I know you’re going to hurt me really bad one day. So let’s just take it slow and walk around the park. It was so weird. I felt bad cause there is a chance that I will hurt the next person I date.
Pretty good day today. My Quinoa Tebbule turned out pretty good. I do wish I would have remembered chips. but other than that I was really please! Worked pretty hard today. I should have that UC Merced Wrapped up tomorrow. Got a few cards done right now. I’m going to heat up dinner the finish up who I have left. I should be able to get these in the mail tomorrow.
Cont on 9/4
Meatloaf was way better around. I’ll get some bread. Still feel like I ate too much probably cause I ate a half pound of meat and fat. I need to eat better. I’ve been getting indigestion. and I don’t like it. I should try to go all of 2019 with not drinking or being sober. I probably can’t do it. Okay, lets try to go a week first. If I can make it through a weekend. I feel I just may be okay with just setting some boundaries like only Friday Saturday and only with a meal. No more getting drunk. but its just do hard to stop once I start. I know I can do it if I commit. Just don’t tell anyone and do my thing. Just say you’re taking a little break to loose some weight. I don’t really care what anyone says or thinks. I’m also not better than anyone. I just know I’m not doing my self food with drinking all the time. I do like setting a couple date to drink. Nag. I want to commit to drinking every little next year. I’ll fer some drinks and chill new years. I wonder if anyone other Brock I going. Probably not. People just want to get together and drink. I mean. That’s all I want to do.
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Journal - Monday, December 17th, 2018
Being lazy today. I was lazy yesterday. Not really, but kind of. I definitely could have done better. It’s okay. I will get all picked up and cleaned tomorrow. I’m excited to make the prime rib. I’ll fo to a butcher and get a nice one. Then I’ll do garlic parm potatoes and a separate batch for mom/gma.Maybe make some rolls. and definitely a veggie. Should do the brussel sprouts in bacon. That sounds really food. I’m pretty down. Sunday will be tamale day. I’ll do pork, chicken, jalapeno.cheddar and pineapple. Do like 15 each? I may invite Donna over and see if she would be done to some cook. There’s a good chance she is sown. I should do to the show tonight, but I feel like I don’t really that that much. This band Adventures is cool, but whatever. I’ll see if James and Tsvet are down to go. It could be fun. but all those people will be at the Friday show so it’s not a huge deal not going tonight. It was nice she, Luna did hit me up. Which is really surprising. But I’ over it maybe, I feel I should still ask cause she may feel the same way and is just way to shy or anxious to say something. It’s a bit maybe. I’ll decide when I see her again.
Cont on 12/16
This day was a good day. I had a late start cause James and Tsvet stayed over for so long. Till like 3am, Then I played guitar for a while. I woke up around 11ish. Jerked off before even getting out of bed. Than I went over to my folks for lunch. Took my Gma to town square and wandered around. Then we went back to Guitar Center and I bought a PRS Semi hollow body guitar. The SE22 Series. It’s so nice. I’m very happy with my purchase! I played if for a while. Then bob called and we talked for a couple hours. I’ going out there around my birthday and I couldn't be more excited. It’s going to be awesome! I’ll get my ticket next month.
Cont on 9/16
Jenna Carolina, Merry Christmas!
I hope you tow have an amazing holiday! Thanks again for opening up your house to all of us, and hope you enjoyed that Whiskey that should be classified as a scotch. I still thought it was delicious!
Evan, Dany, and Shea,
I hope you guys have an amazing holiday filled with lots of laughter and delicious food!
From 12/16
Last night I got really bad heartburn. I hopes it’s nothing bad and just a cause I ate a huge lunch and nothing for dinner. But I just felt bad. I still should have got up early. I feel it was just an excuse.
Cont on 9/14
This is the greasiness salad I’ve ever eaten. Greek Bistro is doing it right. Just kidding. I wanted a light salad and this is ridiculous. I mean,. It’s still delicious but man. It’s crazy laugh - bowl is 6.2
2.5
Tomorrow! I have to do laundry for sure. Clean Kitchen. Play my fancy guitar. do some x-mas errands. I’ll get them wrapped up tomorrow. I have to take back the roves cause they are to big. I’ll do that Wednesday. Saturday, I’ll chill. Get my presents wrapped, then Christmas Carol with Grandma. I’ll get the card done tomorrow! Give to her on Wednesday. James did very well tonight. I’m excited to see how this is all going to pan out. I feel like he does have a chance! Good Luck James!
James.
Tsvet Tvs Tsvet
I hope you two have an amazing Holiday! I’m really looking forward to having more game/dinner night, and just spending more time with you two in general! Thank you for being down to hang out and including me in
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Journal - Saturday, December 15, 2018
Slacking! Dear Journal, it’s been 3 days since last time we talked. A lot has happened in that time. You’ll hear all about it. Today I was late to work because I stayed out till past 2 am but it was worth it. I didn’t get anything done today work wise, but I did get my Christmas shopping done. I got my sister tickets to Slayer in May in Phoenix. I’m going to give it to her for her Birthday! she’s going to love it. I also got tequila and squirt for dinner tonight. I drank so much Tequila last night. I was probably half a bottle.
Cont on 12/14
Friday was good. Work was easy. Had the Company BBQ. Tacos this year and they were delicious. It’s SWS 20th anniversary and it seems like the company is doing really well. They gave us super nice jackets and a cute ornament. It was nice. I’m going to end up working there for a long time i feel, and I’m pretty okay with that. I’m still going to go back to school. Probably for psychology with some philosophy. I really want to learn more about both those subjects. I should sign up for it and go next semester. I can’t pick any music right now. But yeah, then I went and got my white elephant present which was a home alone game that looked pretty cool. I ended up steeling this baby drawing that is just amazing. I go to remember do steel Amanda’s I can’t remember doing it last yer or anytime before that, but I’m definitely going to do it every year just because. I think this meatloaf is going to be delicious! Hopefully it is. But the Italian sausage may not been a good choice. We’ll see! I am excited. Probably get the asparagus ready after the 45 minute timers. I still can’t believer that it so hard to get people out here. I think it’ll be easier. Just have to hit up more people!
Cont on 12/13
Thursday was a good day as well. I got most of Building 3G done as well as doing stuff that stainless job. Then ma and gma went to dinner at a Italian place at Boulevard Mall. Mamma Something it was really good! I got these butternut squash raviolis and a meatballs. Gma got a bolegnese pasta with was good then we went to Costco and shopped. I got my dads present and a couple other things. Nothing really expensive. Then went to Beauty Bar to see skating polly and ate an edible on the way over which got me stoned. at Beauty Bar the bartender from Starboard was working. It was cool to have a chat with him. The bands were good. Potty Mouth and Skating Polly were solid. It was so cold outside! I felt bad for those bands. Their fingers were probably frozen! Then I left there. Well I ran into Gady from Headwinds and hung out with him and we smoked a bunch and talked. It was nice. Then I left there and went to Velveteen to see Vivian but James and Tsvet and Sam and Brian and Dugan were there. I talked to Dugan and he seems down to jam! Hopefully I can get him to jam!.
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Journal - Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Big day yesterday! I went and got 90% of what I needed for my home gym. I got a sweet exercise bike and a squat rack, and weights and a barbell and a bench. I will move it to the spare room maybe. I do like having it in the spare/washroom. I will just have to do the overhead press in my room. which is no biggy. but I do need to get that door sealed up. I’ll stop by Big 5 and lowes after dinner. Big 5 for floor padding and lowes for door rubber. then I’ll be set. I’ll keep it all in the laundry room. I’ll get it better organized soon. Probably Sunday. Sucks I have to work Saturday, but having a 4 day weekend will be totally worth it. Plus it sounds like Rae and Neal are not going to be there so that’ll make it even better. My guess at how many calories my breakfast is 525 . Banana was 4.7oz. I do like waking up early. It’s nice to just relax before work. Plus I’m not in a hurry and won’t be late to work. not going to go in early but I will get there a little before 7:30 which does look good. Lunch is made. I should have made some egg salad as well. But I don’t have time. I spent all my time writing in this like, but I have to get this done!
Cont on 9/29
The Christmas Party last night was so great. So nice to see all those people. I would love to see them more. But I think my crush is over with Jenna. maybe. But she doesn’t seem awkward towards me so that that’s awesome. I feel confident. I feel like Steve’s girlfriend was checking me out and I’m pretty sure Donna has a crush on me. Maybe a little. And Possibly Bridget, but see did seem like her normal self. Julia, I wouldn’t be down, but its okay!
Cont on 9/30
I am ready to start making an effort to date more. Thanks to Gabbie. I just wish I was attracted to her. She seems like she would be fun. But its okay. I’m not going to ask Luna out. Can’t believe she just leaves me hanging like that. Oh well. I’m over it. I may ask Lousie out. She it really cute an adorable, but I just don’t know anything about her. I make and effort to go check out one of her shows and go talk to her. or ask her to hang out sometime. I don’t know. I really don’t want to mess around with online dating. It;s just way too much work. I am not going to do it!
Cont on 9/28
Tomorrow! I’ll find a couple nugs and a deck hopefully. Definitely going to get that BBQ ready wand get that power washer back to John. Then I’ll head over to my folks house and get that stuff ordered for Gma. Then I’ll make my lunch for the week and super chill tomorrow night. Take a Bath! Read a buch. It’ll be a good day. I’ll get the car looked at this week. I really should just do it myself. It’ll be easy. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow as well. I’ll wake up early. I’m sure they’ll probably leave around 11-12. So it’ll be sucet! But they are free to stay as late as they want. Either way. I’m excited to play a game. I’ll be good. I do with that more people would come over. I feel Taylor jinxed it when she said that. I felt bad instantly. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. I’m pretty over handing out with her. She’ cool and all but If I’m serious about taking it easy on drinking she will most certainly be a bad influence
Cont on 9/19
I should get a new lens for the camera. I’ll see if I can find an inexpensive used one. could work out. Spend a couple hundred bucks. Then I’ll can start taking photos again. I should use that instagram to post pictures of door knobs and never follow anyone else. Use hashtags to get followers. Could work. Probably never get very many followers. It’ll just be dumb. Bob will always like it. I’m going to take it out of the sauce and put it in my. I’ll start doing that when we see how long the taters will take. I knew I want it to rest for some time. It should only take like 20ish minutes for the taters to get done. I will do it when they get here which I think is now. My stupid door bell. It’s definitely going to make me laugh. I did laugh. I really like James and Tsvet. I hope we become good friends. I think we will. I think I predicting the future. I will date Vivian. Well at least hope to get to know her better. I don’t know for certain, but I think we would get along cause I get along well with James and Tsvet. Well see.
Pictures from this day
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Journal - Tuesday, December 11th, 2018
I am in charge of my self. I have to be the one to make an effort to be better. I know I want to loose weight and I know what I have to do to achieve that. I will get the bike and weights today. Then tomorrow morning I will change who I am and start working out. Wake up early. Eat some breakfast and work out. Everyday. No more of this being lazy. I will be under 200 by New Years. I am determined. I’ll ask Jeremy where he got. Nah. I’ll ask Neal if I could take one of those big calendars and hang it in my room. Have a marker with a sting attached so I have something to write with everyday. Just a little think to keep me focused make a little shelf for my phone to sit on so I can actually get out of bed to turn my alarm off. I feel that will help a lot as well. I will do all that today. I’m going to shave this beard off soon after new years its coming off. I should go the whole year with clean shaved face. I’ve had a beard for years its time to switch it up. Maybe. time for work. It’ll be fat east day. I’m exited for it. I’m ready to make the effort to make positive changes in my life. :)
Cont on 10/2
So . today after work I will be picking up an exercise bike, barbell and weights. Half way there. I can hopefully find the rest of the stuff soon. But I’ll have the bike so I don’t have an excuse to not work out at least a little. It’ll be like a $550 investment. but I’ll be set forever or for a while. New goal. I would like to go on a day with someone on Valentines day. Shouldn’t be too hard or I could be We’ll see. I will stop by and say Hi to Vivian on Thursday. Just real quick. Maybe. I really shouldn’t stay out too late. We’ll see what when the show gets over. I don’t think I’m the type of person Vivian wants to date. I feel she is just to cool, Or I’m just not her type. That’s probably the case. I don’t know and will never know until I ask. she might be down. I’m an alright looking guy and pretty cool, But maybe If be way cooler if I didn’t gain 30lbs in 5 months. I’ve don’t a lot of bad things this year, but I feel that’s the worst. I will go through and write down all the bad things I did this year as long as I write all the good I have done. that’ll be good to go over both of those things. I should do it on a smaller scale like once a month.
Cont on 10/1
What are the bad things I did this year? I think the biggest bad thing I did this year was spending over $5700 on alcohol. That is so crazy. I will not do that this year. I gained almost 40lbs. I was doing so well, and just blew up. I’ll do better. I could have helped Polo more, but he’s doing good at home so it’s not too bad. I got FB again. It’s not so much bad, but It’s not super productive. I’m probably forgetting things. I had polo and Zeus stay at Alan’s house. I definitely shouldn’t of done that especially with Zeus being a puppy. Poor Jeff didn’t know what was happening. He tore up Alan’s house it wasn’t super bad, but it was bad, Other that’s that, or all the drunk driving. that’s bad. I can’t believe I’m still alive. I’m done doing that forever. I’m pretty sure I’m done drinking hard. I’m okay with a nice beer with a mean, but that’s it. Maybe some tequila here and there won’t hurt, but I feel that it had to stop. I wonder how maybe times I’ve written that in here. Has to e over 5 at least. It’s okay. I’m aware of the problem and will do my best to fix it. No more till new years, then just a couple then. I’ll get some edibles and possible some acid.
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Journal - Monday, December 10th, 2018
Goals for today. Finish up budget. Get bonus cashed/deposited. Try to finish October writing. Laundry and clean. Stretch before bed. Read some. Play piano a bit. Clean laundry and spare room. That will be good for today. No weed after work to make sure I stay productive. I do want to get some coffee, so maybe I’ll swing up to Mothership and pick up a bag and a coffee. Nah, I’ll wait till the weekend. It’ll be easier. I can live without till then. I should swing by the store and get milk and yogurt. So I can make overnight oats for breakfast and some quinoa and veggies for lunch. I really don’t like the whole skipping lunch think. I like eat more that once a day. but today I will skip lunch cause I’m to lazy to get anything ready. Dinner will be left overs from Friday. I’ll have mashed potatoes all week I’m okay with that. they tasted delicious. Bob wants to make a space rock album together and I’m so down. I would be a lot of fun. Get it written then meet up somewhere and rent a studio for a weekend and get it recorded. It would be awesome! Probably release it under Stocksmile.
Cont on 10/6
I was bad today and went to lunch. but its okay. Got some ramen and It’ll be delicious. Pulled and audible and come here instead of Cafe Zupa. I feel I just wanted soup and this is basically noodle soup. Michi Ramen is pretty tasty. Not quite as good as the place I went to with Luna, but still good. I still forget that I went to Japan/Philippines. It feel so long ago. It’s crazy. I’m definitely passing on the Bali trip and will go to Europe in the summer. Take a couple weeks
Cont on 10/7
off work and travel around or pick a certain place and stay there or maybe just go back to Japan. I wouldn’t be against that. I should start planning it now. January I’ll start looking into Flights and stuff like that and a long weekend to Boston to see Bob and Emily. Probably around Marchish. We’ll see. I know I’m taking the two days to go to the film festival. I’ll pay her the money this weekend. have G-Ma stay with me and go to the festival together. Plus it’ll give Mom and dad a little break from her for a weekend. I have to hit up Marshall and then today and see if I can actually Play the show with them. Give him an easy out just so he doesn’t feel bad if he doesn’t want to do it.
Cont on 10/5
I don’t want to get Dad a coffee maker, but I know if I get a nice one he will appreciate it and probably get Mel something else like a shirt or something. I’ll get that stuff order this week. Find something good for Makayla. I may get her possibly some anime stuff and then influence her to go in that direction in life. Like I have that much influence. there’s Tiff, Trav, Andy, Jake and Nathan. I can swing that ad dget them stuff off amazon and have it gift wrapped. I’m pretty sure I have her address in my maps. I’ll ask her for some gift Ideas. Probably get Travis a new pipe or something like that. I wander if this waitress really talks like that. Maybe its a family trying to make a business out here. Nah. I feel there’s enough people that they could just be from here. Learned the native language first? or they are here with a visa or something? I have no clue. I’ll definitely get this week done plus some more. Finish up these rails and then after work head to Costco. Get some stuff there. See if Gma wants to go. She might be down or I’ll go the store by myself for an easier time.
Cont on 10/4
My quinoa tabbouleh may not turn out so great. I forgot the lemon, but I used some pickle juice in stead. Hopefully it’ll be all right. I’ll start heating up dinner after I get done with this day. I did get some stuff for the over night oats so I’m pretty excited about that. Got some maple syrup and banana and cinnamon! Should be delicious! I did pretty good today. Sucks I have to work Saturday but its a good excuse for taking it easy on Friday. I have to do something about this washer. This is just ridiculous. I need to ask my folks if I can take the set at G-pas. or just find a cheap washer at least then I can wash and dry at the same time. Something has to happen. I may go say hi to Vivian after the Skating Polly show. Would be nice to se her. I know she’ll be busy so maybe I’ll just go home after. I still want to ask Luna, but we’ll see how Friday goes. Maybe I will schmooze someone. I know I know I have a chance with Brittany. I’m just not stoked on her. So I feel that will be a lost cause on my end I’ll end up hurting her.
Cont on 10/3
Leftovers should be good. the pierogies and stuff I’m down for. Cut up a couple slices of cheese. I’m down! I am only disappointing myself when I eat too much or do it do what I should be doing. Like how I’m sitting here watching it’s always sunny in stead of doing what I should. I’ll definitely clean the kitchen before I go to bed. I wonder if everything thinks I’m an alcoholic. Probably cause its right. I’m definitely not drinking a lot anymore. I have to be better. I will be better. I mean. I had 2.5 beers on Friday and and had 5 drinks all of Saturday. I’ll do even better this weekend. Friday I will have very little, I’m even second guessing eve going to the party. Maybe I’ll just stay home. Nah. I will go but I won’t participate in the gift exchange or I will. I’ll get a bottle of booze. Can’t go wrong there or maybe get something off amazon that's cool. We’ll see. I’m going and I’m bringing a gift. No drinking and home early tomorrow. I’ll get the Christmas cars and stamps and start working on the cards. I am excited to get them sent out. It’s going to be great. I’ll get the list of names all done tomorrow and get some addresses.
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Journal - Sunday, December 9th, 2018
It was a good weekend. So nice to see Polo, Erika and Ralph. All of them really. Polo’s room is really cool. I’m happy it is working out. Tera Melos and Minus the bear were great. There was a Christmas Parade diring the start of the show so it was packed around the Glasshouse! Drive today was good. Ate way too much chicken shack, but it was all I ate so that's good. I did end up drinking last night. A fruit cider at lunch, then an IPA and Jameson and coke at the show, red ale and a stout at Erika’s work, I know I’m okay with talking to people. I definitely would have talked to her more if Polo wasn’t there.
Cont on 12/8
I have my Grandma and Mom, and Mel done, just need to get Dad’s, Zeb’s and Makayla’s. Which should be easy. Tomorrow at lunch. I’ll look for an exercise bike and weights. Possibly have to get the pads at big Five or sometime. Then I can start working out. Do the 5x5 strong something. It’ll be easy to find. Wake up at 5:00am no snooze Plz! I’ll just get a drip coffee black from or maybe just get some. I’ll get some tomorrow with other groceries. Should be good. Get stuff for lunch!
Cont on 10/13
So, for the white elephant party. I have an idea to take pictures in the bath. Could be funny. The test pic I took looked great, but I think I can do better for sure. Probably can figure out how to say hey google, take a picture, and it’ll take one. Probably already has a voice command built into the camera already. I’ll check it out either way. If I don’t do the picture. I’ll get something figured out tomorrow. I wander what I’ll weight tomorrow. Friday I was at 203, and I did eat a lot this weekend so we’ll see. I really have to kick it up a notch If I want to loose the weight. I can do it though. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. No eating out and eating food at home keep it under 1500 calories with working out. Goa of losing 10lbs er month. Under 200 by January 1st, under 190 by February 1st, under 180 by March 1st and stay around 175lbs with working out. I should be looking pretty good. Just in time for summer! how hiking.
Cont on 10/12
I got $2400. The comp. is $900, the monitors will be $300. leaving $1200. Exercise bike will be $100 then like $300 for weights leaving $800. I should get the record player and speakers. That’ll be like $300. Leaving $500. I should get my nylon fixed. I will take it over there next weekend. It’ll be nice to be able to play it again. I’ll probably keep it in here and it’ll be my de time guitar and if I can get a piano. That would be do great. I’ll make the note flash cards tomorrow and go through them every day. Till I have them memorized again. Even draw what key it is on the piano to associate the key with a note. That’ll help a ton! I will then start with easy songs and go from there. I’ll try it out not eating, then I’ll try a week of eating before. Wake up 5 eat exercise 5:30 to 6:30 shower and should have like 15 minutes to chill or get lunch ready. Tomorrow. Two Mar Row I’ll do the core exercises as well as the body weight work out think plus some stretching. I’ll be good. Then after is a clean day. I’ll pick up the spare room and laundry room and get them ready.
Cont on 10/9
I’m going to keep FB to help promote my music and possibly set up an IG and start taking more pictures. The camera on my phone is one of the best cameras out for phones and I hardly ever take pictures again. Just take your camera ever where. For reals this time. No more porn forever. I really need to just give it up completely. I can do it. My toy will be here in a couple days and I’ll use it and get off without porn. I’ll work. I was able to get off quickly in the tub last time, and this should be way better. I’m excited. No jerking off till then except for after I finish this writing. No more skipping day writing and reading as well. I spend too much time watching stupid stuff when I should be doing things more productive. I’m going sober this week till Friday. I did it last week and I felt great! Just not groggy or hungover. Feeling good and looking good. I’m going to wait a little while till I try to pursue any body. Not till I feel good about myself. That’s fair to the person that decides to date me. I’m so ready for a relationship!
Cont on 10/8
I wonder If I will ever read this? or if someone else will read it. I’d probably let my significant other read it if we are serious. I’d be okay with it. I should read it at the end of next year to give me time to forget this stuff. and I can compare 2019 to 2018 and see if there was an improvement or not. I bet I do have a picture from the end of 2017 I can compare myself now. I’ll check the camera tomorrow and see what I can find. It’ll be cool to see the difference of 30lbs will make. Regardless. I am very excited about next year. It’ll be another good one! Hopefully I won’t slip up like I did this year. Even though its’ not really bad. It still shouldn’t of happened. It’s not the end of the world though. I’ll have the changes that need to be made and do my best to stick to the.
Pictures from these days
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