Zero Redeeming Qualities
Inspired by: Lov Ya by sunblind_seabird
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Chapter Thirteen: Grateful
—Sans—
Red followed his brother into the kitchen, tapping something on the screen of his phone. Sans trailed behind him, reluctantly leaving his own in the living room to charge.
Edge was already gathering ingredients when they entered, a surprisingly frilly apron over his clothes. Sans smiled at the familiar sight. Papyrus wore an apron when he cooked as well, although his was more utilitarian, off-white fabric with "Bone Appétit" screen printed across the chest. The ties and pockets were all made with skeleton-themed fabric, black and covered in bones.
The kid had given it to him for Giftmas their first year on the Surface. Papyrus had complained that Sans was "corrupting" them with his terrible humor.
(Frisk had disagreed, explaining that they got all their humor from Toriel. Sans had never been quite able to thank them for that. Not properly.)
"y'never answered me before," Red said, pulling Sans' attention from where it had wandered off. He turned to find Red at the kitchen table, motioning at the chair next to him. "how long's yer phone take t'charge?"
"n-not too long ... " Sans stuttered as he took the offered seat, turning to keep Edge the kitchen in his peripheral vision. "i only need a little boost. just enough to keep it goin' ... t-til i can get back into the apartment ... "
Sans couldn't meet Red's eyelights as he trailed off, instead finding an interesting scratch on the table surface and tracing along it with a finger. He'd intruded on the Fell brothers' lives far more than he had any right to. He'd taken enough of their time.
"y'don't gotta ... " Red said softly. He reached out to Sans but fell short of touching him. "no need t'dine-n-dash, sweethea-" The pet name was cut off with a clatter of dishes in the kitchen as Edge dropped a mixing bowl. Red started over after glancing to make sure his brother was okay. "i mean ... listen. i don't got work today. boss's shift don't start 'til four. yer free - welcome - t'stay here as long as y'want."
"you d-don't ... " Sans stuttered, uncertain which part of Red's statement to deal with first as the words echoed in his skull.
You're free to stay.
"you don't hafta put up with me," he said, trying to make his tone light and dismissive. He knew Red was just being polite with the offer. He had to be. He couldn't actually want Sans to stick around.
Why would they? Edge wasn't his friend. They had no relationship at all. And Red ...
You're welcome to stay.
Red was just being polite.
"i-i don't wanna impose on you," Sans said. He glanced into the kitchen, at Edge's back as the taller skeleton blended ingredients. "on either of you."
"you can't 'impose' if we offer, sansy," Red said softly. He reached out, putting a hand over Sans' and giving it a gentle squeeze. "we ain't 'puttin' up' with ya."
Sans felt a strange little shudder go through his soul at the words, his eyelights locked on their joined hands.
Red's hands were warm.
"hey, boss!" Red said, raising his voice just enough that Edge could tell he was being addressed. "y'don't got any complaints 'bout sansy stayin' here today, right?"
"OF COURSE NOT," Edge said as he turned on one of the burners. "I WOULD BE A POOR HOST, OTHERWISE." He poured a little oil on a skillet before meeting Sans' eyelights. "YOU ARE WELCOME TO STAY AS LONG AS YOU WOULD LIKE, SANS."
"b-but-"
"WOULD IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ASSURED YOU THAT I WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU BEGIN TO WEAR OUT YOUR WELCOME?"
Sans blinked at Edge, uncertain how to answer.
"it's fine," he said, turning away. Glad his magic was so pale as he felt it warm his cheekbones. "you d-don't have t-to do that."
"trust 'im, sans," Red chuckled. "boss's never been one to hide how he's feelin'. he's been assertin' himself since he was a babybones."
"I HAD TO, WITH A LAZY BROTHER LIKE YOU," Edge shot back. "SOMEONE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF US."
"y'know? yer right. it's a good thing i kept ya alive until you could take over, ain't it, boss?" Red teased. He nudged Sans as he stood up. "so whaddya think, sansy? gonna stick around?"
Sans flinched at being addressed, his attention returning to the nick in the table as he desperately searched for a response.
He knew he couldn't stay. It would upset Papyrus, and Sans had been in enough trouble lately. There were routines. Rules. Papyrus had put them in place for a reason. They were there to protect him. He couldn't just ... break them.
But he wanted to.
Stars he wanted to stay.
He didn't want to go back to Papyrus' cold, empty apartment. He didn't want to sit in his dark, empty room waiting for his brother to get back from school. He didn't want to eat week-old mystery spaghetti.
He wanted to stay here, where it was warm. Here, where there were people.
Where the scent of blueberry pancakes filled the air.
... But he couldn't.
"i-i can't," Sans forced out. "paps- ... papyrus'll get ... upset if i'm not home when he's done with school."
"THERE MUST BE SOME WAY TO LET HIM KNOW WHERE YOU ARE," Edge said as he waved Red away with two plates of pancakes.
"yeah," Red said as he held one of the plates out to Sans. "he can't get too 'upset' if he knows where you are, right?"
Sans accepted the plate without comment. The question hung in the air above him like a sword, unacknowledged and unanswered but no less threatening.
He was saved from having to respond by Red's phone lighting up with a chime.
"YOU KNOW THE RULE ABOUT PHONES AT THE TABLE," Edge said, a hard edge to his voice. Sans glanced up to see him glaring at his brother.
Red's face brightened with his magic.
"sorry, boss," he said, even as he tapped something out, responding to the text.
Sans braced himself for the impending argument, hand tightening around his fork.
"WHO IS TEXTING YOU AT THIS HOUR, ANYWAY?" Edge asked with a tired sigh. He reached for the butter. "IT ISN'T WORK, IS IT?"
Still tense, Sans cut into his own breakfast with a fork.
The pancakes were cooked to perfection, crispy golden brown on the outside and fluffy white on the inside. Blueberry and vanilla filled the warm air.
"not work." Red said. He held his phone out to his brother to let him read the messages. "i was askin' blue if papyrus was still over there, or if he'd already left."
Sans' head snapped up to stare at his counterpart, panic making him choke on the bit of pancake he'd tried to eat.
Why did he want to know where Papyrus was?
"hey," Red said as he took his phone back from Edge, voice bright as an idea came to him. "why don't we text 'im?"
"TEXT WHO, BROTHER?"
"papyrus," Red answered as he turned to Sans. "we can let 'im know where y'are. he can't get too upset if he knows, right?"
Sans stared, eyelights darting from Red's hands to his face as his exhausted mind ran in circles.
He'd thought he could get away with coming to the Fell brother's apartment. That somehow - if he did everything right, if he didn't stay too long - Papyrus wouldn't find out. That he'd never know Sans was bothering the Fell's. Again.
And this time he wasn't just inconveniencing Red but Edge as well.
He could rationalize Red. His counterpart had shown an interest in Sans, had shown some desire to get to know him. But Edge ...
Edge hadn't
Sans swallowed, a wave of nausea passing through him.
"y-you can," he managed to stutter out. He wrung his hands together under the table. "i-if you want."
Red frowned, concern clear on his face. He glanced at his phone.
"y'sure?" he asked. "i mean ... you sure yer okay with me textin' him? we could figure out somethin' else, if y'ain't."
Sans nodded, looking down at his pancakes to hide his expression. "y-yeah, it ... it's fine."
"y'wanna do it yerself?" Red asked, the gentle concern in his voice feeding the guilt in Sans' soul.
"i-it's your phone," Sans said. "he ... it'd be confusing if i texted from your phone."
And if he used Red's phone it would be another way he was imposing on them. Forcing himself on the very people he was supposed to be staying away from.
"makes sense," Red agreed, sounding unconvinced. Regadless, he pulled his hand back and began tapping a message out.
"HOW IS BREAKFAST, SANS?" Edge asked, breaking the brief, awkward silence.
Sans jumped, glancing up at the taller brother with a tight smile before looking back at his plate.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something so good.
His magic churned uncomfortably.
"it's real good," he managed. "th-thanks, edge."
Edge smiled at him, satisfied with the answer. Sans' soul calmed a little at the sight.
He didn't think about the last time Papyrus had smiled at him like that. He ignored the thought that he couldn't quite remember if Papyrus had ever smiled at him like that.
"wanna see what i wrote?" Red asked. He held his phone out to Sans.
(7:21)
red: sans is hangin wit us 2day. boss ran into him. wanted u 2 no.
Sans shook his head after glancing at the message, unable to think of anything that would make a difference.
Short of going home as soon as he'd recovered enough magic.
Short of not messaging Papyrus at all.
Sans forced himself to take another bite of pancake, chewing slowly as he braced for the backlash that was coming.
Waiting for a phone to ring. For Papyrus to order him home. To be reminded that this wasn't for someone like him.
Sans looked down as he picked at his pancakes, starving but too nauseated with nerves to eat. Frustrated tears prickled at the corners of his eyesockets.
Red slid his phone back into his pocket before digging into his own food with an appreciative hum. Oblivious to Sans' mounting fear.
"Ya outdid yerself, boss!" he praised, warm and fond. "these're great!"
NEXT CHAPTER
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Many of the physiological things are similar as there are a fair number of headcanons I have and that I stick to - including that skeleton monsters can get cold, but it usually isn’t too big of an issue. I mean, in the game Sans is wearing shorts.
If you’ve ever met people who wear shorts in the dead of winter with snow everywhere, that’s skeleton monsters, imo. They still get cold, obviously, but they have more tolerance. If they’re stuck outside for hours during a blizzard, they’re not going to be unaffected, but during the day and when they can go inside to warm up occasionally? They’re fine.
The big important physical similarities are:
Sans has a cracked/broken/damaged Soul
Sans is The Judge, which is a metaphysical “being” that chooses a host and lives inside them for their life.
The Judge comes with a number of side effects including but not limited to: use of KR/purple magic, deep pools of magic to draw on, ability to “see” others “sins”/wrongdoings, cause proportional retribution, grants the knowledge/”memory” of alternate timelines, allows shortcuts, lowers HP, causes chronic fatigue and/or narcolepsy.
Sans deals with mental illness, specifically depression and ADHD. He also has PTSD, although the extent to which it affects him is not the same (ZRQ is much more traumatized).
Magic color is linked to the monster’s health. Brightly colored magic indicates health. Pale or washed out magic indicates illness. Magic fatigue is a serious issue that can cause a monster to fall down if left untreated. At best it leaves the monster weak and frail.
ZRQ’s Sans is in much worse health than B+M’s, especially now that B+M!Sans is in a place where he’s getting enough food and sleep.
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