waiting2bweightlesss

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Gifts from edtwt

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straight up. I’m so fucking tired of being fat. I’ve been wanting to be skinny for so fucking long, and yet I’m still just as pathetic as I was 5yrs ago. 

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pls tell me i'm not the only one who got so obsessed with calories at some point that now 600 seem like A LOT when it's actually probably not that much

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HELP.

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Details at Jil Sander Spring 2010 / Photographed by Don Ashby & Olivier Claisse

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sorry mom, i'm too busy blogging about how skinny i wish i was

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Lillian Bassman - Carmen Dell'Orefice (Harper’s Bazaar 1951)

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I can't decide what diet to try first! it's going to be hard since I'm now basically living with my bf but he and I both don't eat a lot due to multiple health issues

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ed-things nobody talks about

(some things I experienced when my ed was really bad when I was 16-17. It’s not all fun and it’s not like the cute thinspo-posts you see here everyday)

hiding food in your pockets, shoes, socks… while eating with others

forgetting that you were hiding the food in these places (oh the smell)

friends, family … finding the food you were hiding

trowing away the food someone you loved gave you

making people cry and constantly worry about you

being upset when people give you the bigger portion (do they think you eat that much????)

being upset when people give you the smaller portion (do they think you are fat and that you should eat less????)

drinking to much water before a doctors weight in so you feel like you are peeing your pants

the pain after the laxatives kick in

being afraid to put chapstick on (because you know, it’s made out of fat lol)

not going out with frieds, because there is food everywhere (you will regret it later, because everyone went clubbing and now that you are healthy they are not into that anymore, aka missing out your youth)

freezing when people around you wear a bikini

not being able to get pregnant, although you recovered

heartproblems, although recovered

struggling with hormone-production, although you recovered

having bad teeth, although you recovered

having problems with your bones, although you recovered

having problems with your nails and hair, although recovered

the need to take medication your whole life because of a few years of having an ed

loosing your sexdrive

being afraid to fall asleep and never wake up again

not being able to stop, even if you want to

Edit: If you reblog please don’t use tags like pro ana because this post is clearly not pro and I also don’t want to get deleted once again ♡

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In 2 weeks you'll feel it

In 4 weeks you'll see it

In 8 weeks you'll hear it

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the worst part of eds and addictions is that you don't even want to get better, your illnesses become like a comfort blanket. you know that you aren't happy, you know that you're destroying your body but you don't want to stop. everytime i talk abt my illnesses people say things like "you're strong!! you can do it" but in reality the problem is not that i can't do it, but that i don't want to get better. i feel safe and comfortable. i can't even remember my life without my mental disorders and the unknown is scary as fuck

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I'm going to tell you a secret about eating disorders.

You're not going to reach your goal in the time you've set yourself. You're not going to lose 30lbs by christmas, or however much you're hoping to lose. You may well never reach your ugw.

I've had this disorder for 3 years, and I weigh 20lbs more than when I began.

In total, I've lost over 60lbs.

Never once have I reached a goal on time.

Never once have I felt happy with the rate of my progress.

Never once have I felt happy.

Eating disorders are not a quick fix to get you skinny. You will lose weight, yes, but you'll gain it all right back.

Anorexia is not a solution.

These past three years have been the worst years of my life. I lost them to this illness, and I'll never get them back.

So if you're new here, if you think that your "journey" will be quick and painless, then run. Run as fast as you can. Get as far away from this hellhole as you can possibly get, and don't look back. Don't even spare a thought for this community. Forget about us.

Save your own life, and run.

Because I wish I had done the same.

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some before and afters (not mine)