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vampiremasc · 3 years
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dear teenagers on this app:
don't let people over 25 call you cringe. they're literally fully grown adults and they have a tumblr account dedicated to bullying teenagers on the internet.
if anyone's "cringe", it's them. don't let them bring you down, enjoy your life!
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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I am affected.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in elementary school. I’m an avid reader, always have been and always will be. My favorite books are the ones with lots of action, and fantasy, and different worlds full of different lives and different people. Whenever the characters fall in love I roll my eyes and turn the page. I don’t understand how they have time to fall in love when there’s a war going on.
I only like the historical and realistic fiction books without any romantic based plot. I love the Little House on the Prairie books, even if Laura does get married later. I care more about the lifestyle than anything, about learning how the prairie children live.
I finally get permission to read teenager books. They seem so mature and amazing and developed compared to the children books, but they have so much romance in them. What happened to preserving family bonds and forging strong friendships? I roll my eyes through slow kisses and huff at the silent pining for someone they can’t have. It seems so ridiculous.
My favorite pairs are shipped, but I never see how they could be in love. I never really have an OTP, but I treasure my BROTP’s and collect their friendships and sibling bonds quietly. I try and explain how I feel about the shipping to my friends, but they don’t seem to understand, so I give up and quietly listen to their talk of how much the characters love one another, defeated by the overpowering majority who scream about romantic love.
I don’t hate the ships, I just like the friendships better. I seem to be the only one who feels this way. I am isolated. 
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in elementary school. I really want to be friends with this boy. He is smart, he is funny, he plays sports, and we seem like we would be good friends. Most of all, he reminds me of my last best friend, before I had to move. But I am awkward, and easily influenced. My friends tell me I must like him. I don’t know how to deny it, so I agree and follow their advice.
I think it’s stupid, but maybe I do like him. Maybe that’s how all this works.
Our friendship is ruined. He doesn’t like me anymore, friend or otherwise.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in middle school. Everyone around me talks about who they like, and why they like them. I think that I also like people - surely, liking someone means you really want to be friends, right? I ask. I’m laughed at. I choose a boy in my grade to like.
When I get older, I’ll like people, I decide. I’m just not old enough. For now, I’ll hide behind being unable to date until I’m older, and for now I’ll choose someone who checks all the boxes my friends seem to talk about. To me, it just sounds like what people want in a best friend, except they’re supposed to be cute.
I make a list of qualities, find a new boy every year in my classes. I choose someone I probably won’t see the next year, and am never very disappointed when I don’t have a class with them the next school year. I wonder if everyone does this.
The ‘crush’ of the year tells me he’s moving states after I tell him I like him. I’m relieved, instead of sad. All my friends comfort me, but I don’t really care. They find this odd, so I don’t talk too much about it. I hate feeling isolated.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. I’ve been a silent observer of the LGBTQ+ community since elementary school. For a long time, I wonder if I’m anything besides what society considers ‘normal’, if any of the identities apply to me. I wonder if how I feel is how everyone feels. No matter what I do, I feel different than everyone else about love, because I’m so indifferent to it.
I discover the asexual community first, and then I find the aromantic community. I’m surprised by how much I relate to it, but I’m also scared. This can’t be me, because then I wouldn’t be able to have the life I’ve always wanted.
Perfect family. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life.
I deny it. I tell myself I don’t actually relate, I just want to be different. I’m just caught up in a trend. I can’t aromantic, no matter how much I relate. I hate how I feel. I just want to be like everyone else. Why can’t I be like everyone else?
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. All my friends are in relationships. I don’t really understand, but I try my best to be supportive. At the beginning of my sophomore year, my best friend tells me he likes me, and has liked me for awhile. I ask my big sister what I should do. Do I like him back? For the first time, I ask what romance feels like.
She tells me it’s like being best friends, but there’s just a little more. I wonder what that little more feels like.
We begin to date, and I’m uncomfortable. He’s my best friend. Nothing is different, except we hold hands, yet the concept of dating someone… it feels wrong.
I finally accept it. I’m aromantic, and that’s okay. We break up. We’re still best friends, and he still likes me. I am okay.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. I tell my friends that I’m aromantic. Each time I come out, it’s a new vocabulary lesson. It’s exhausting to find metaphors and explanations and definitions that they understand.
One of my friends told me she thinks it’s sad that I don’t feel romantic love. I’m too shocked to respond. She doesn’t even try to understand, and I’m hurt by her words. I am perfectly fine without romance - why can’t she see that?
I can’t tell one of my friends. I think he likes me and I don’t think he would understand, because he says things that feel wrong. I find out he’s a Trump supporter and quietly break off our friendship. I can never be too careful.
One of my friends says that I’ll find someone who makes me love. He thinks it’s just a joke, but I am hurt. None of my friends understand why I am mad. He means well, but it’s like he’s forgotten who I am.
I can’t tell my family, except for my big sister, but she’s far away right now. They wouldn’t understand, they would tell me I don’t know what I’m feeling. My little sister would try and remind me of every fake crush I had. My parents would tell me I haven’t found the right person yet.
“BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”
I’m in high school. I finally get to tell my big sister that I’m aromantic. I wanted to do it in person, and I’m not worried that she won’t accept me. After all, she’s LGBTQ+ too and the only ally I can have in my house, because I can’t trust anyone else not to shame me.
I tell her everything. She’s pokerfaced. Later that night, I hear her laughing through my bedroom walls. When I pass her door I hear what she is saying to her friend on call. She is making fun of me. 
She doesn’t think I can be aromantic, since I’m so young.
She thinks it’s an excuse, since I don’t want to date my best friend.
She says she felt the same way, and that I’ll find someone like her.
She’s laughing at my identity.
I’m heartbroken, betrayed, anguished. In my bedroom that night, I sob for an hour, spiraling, hating myself more and more. She was supposed to be my ally in the house, she was supposed to support me, but instead she laughed behind my back.
The next day, I can’t look her in the eye.
“BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”
I’m in high school. My best friend still likes me, and we’re still only best friends, because he knows that we can never be together. Sometimes it can be awkward, but mostly we avoid the topic. A month after we break up, he tells me we can’t be best friends anymore, because he needs to get over his feelings for me.
I go to my queer friend group and cry for ten minutes before my two hardest finals, because they’re the only ones who might understand. This is worse than when we broke up, because then it was mutual and now it is another rug swept from under my feet, another friend lost because of my identity.
He doesn’t understand why I am hurt, and I am too exhausted to put it into words. My friendships matter so much to me, but my friends don’t seem to always understand. 
I tell him to leave me alone. I need to process this by myself. He tells me that we can still be friends. I tell him to leave me alone. He finally understands how much I’m hurt, after I try to explain. I tell him to leave me alone. He tries to comfort me, and I ignore him. After all, he isn’t my best friend anymore, because he likes me and I can’t like him back, and this is just another friendship ruined.
I am affected.
I was in elementary school. I was a kid. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and different because because nobody understood I didn’t have a crush. 
I was in middle school. I was a tween. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and lost and confused because nobody seemed to feel the same way as I did.
I’m in high school. I’m a teenager. I don’t understand. I feel isolated and different and lost and confused and angry and hurt because nobody gives me representation and I’ve lost so many friendships because I finally have an identity I’m at peace with.
I’m going to be in college. I’m going to be an adult. I don’t think I will understand. I don’t know how I will feel because the future is uncertain and maybe one day nobody will need a vocabulary lesson every time I say I’m aromantic.
I hate the world for erasing who I am, for enforcing a narrative where I don’t exist. I hate that people tell me that since I can pass for straight, being aromantic doesn’t matter. I hate that people tell me they pity me because I can’t feel romantic love. I hate that I’m never represented. I hate that my potential representation only becomes discourse.
I hope for a future where romantic love is not the only narrative. I hope for a future where my affection with my friends is not seen as inherently romantic. I hope for a future where society acknowledges I exist and doesn’t ridicule my feelings and identity. I hope for a future where I can find canon representation and not have to guess. I hope for a future where I am accepted by those not exactly like me.
I hope I don’t hope for too much.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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Important Post!
Here, I'll be outlining my DNI (do not interact) & BYF (before you follow)!
DNI:
- exclusionists or neutral leaning exclus
- TERFs/SWERFs/TEHMs
- ddlg (+variants) supporters and partakers
- anyone under the age of 16 and anyone over the age of 25 (just makes me uncomfy, I'm 18)
- right-wingers & centrists (no matter your lean)
- if you're triggered by the word queer, I do not and will not censor it so this isn't the place for you.
- self identified truscum. it's 2021, I thought we stopped the "omg ew transtrender" insecure bullshit in 2019.
- pro-shippers, maps/nomaps, etc. y'all are pedophiles. literally fucking choke.
BYF:
- I curse a lot. If that causes panic, or you just don't like it, please don't follow/dm.
- I use they/them & it/its pronouns, I'm also okay with most neos if that's what you wanna use. Do not EVER use she/her or he/him when talking about me/to me.
- I'm neurodivergent and lack sympathy/empathy for those who aren't close friends of mine. I also deal with mild anger issues because of this as well. So if you tick me off, I'm not going to hold back, and I won't care about going off either.
- Typically I don't understand when someone is being sarcastic or joking over text, tone tags are appreciated but if you don't use them, don't get mad when I constantly ask if you're serious or not.
- Most of my posts aren't discourse. Identity discourse isn't tolerated, I'll just block you.
- Invalidating my identity in any way will seriously set me off, as my identity journey has been a big part of my life thus far. I will not hesitate to block + go off on you if you do this.
- Genuinely, if you disagree with me, keep it to yourself. I couldn't be assed to care. I don't care if you think certain identities are fake or whatever, that shit makes you look insecure and sad as fuck. Get over yourself lol.
- I don't always respond to messages, my phone is a piece of shit and dies constantly, freezes, etc. So don't expect much.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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nobody makes the community look like a joke, quit the victim-blaming.
queerphobes will make fun of us, harass us, hurt us, and oppress us whether microlabels exist or not.
people aren't being killed because some kid on the internet is plantgender. we're killed for simply being LGBTQ/queer. whether someone is simply gay/lesbian, or are a variety of microlabels, we are all targeted for the same exact reason.
so stop pinning the blame on those who express their queer identity differently from you, and actually blame the real issue: queerphobic bigots.
if anyone is "embarrassing" the community, it's the folk who decide that allocishet validation is more important that queer expression.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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reminder that other people's dysphoria, whether they have it or don't have it, is none of your business!
reminder that everyone's dysphoria manifests differently! so no, Kyle, you can't pick out "trenders" based upon what they wear. clothing doesn't have a gender, anyone can wear whatever they want, and yes that includes trans people. if cis men can wear skirts and makeup, so can trans men.
reminder that you're not a doctor, you don't have a PhD, and you're not the trans person in question! so you don't get to diagnose them from your laptop or phone. you're a teenager on the internet, not a professional.
reminder other people's lives, their medical needs, and their diagnoses are none of your fucking business, unless they make it your business. and even then: it's not your job to comment on their business and tell them whether they're "valid" or not.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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I really hate the "when I say I'm bisexual I mean women and 🤢men🤢" trend that bisexual tiktok started.
being attracted to men isn't dirty or gross. being attracted to men is perfectly fine. why the fuck did y'all think this was okay to do?
because of this, many mspecs of all kinds feel invalid or wrong for preferring men, or just being attracted to men in general.
mlms/nblms are targeted by wlws/nblws constantly with their comments: "imagine being attracted to men" "you like men? get well soon" "ew men🤢".
hell, even wlws/nblws are targeted and called fake or "traitors" for preferring men by OTHER WLWS/NBLWS.
you're allowed to not like men. you're allowed to not be attracted to them. you're allowed to prefer women as an mspec. you're allowed to be a lesbian. but y'all cross the fucking line by shaming others for being attracted to men. that shit is NOT OKAY, and only causes internalized homophobia for people. shut the fuck up.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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hey achilleans! your attraction to men isn't gross! it's not predatory! it's not weird! it's not bad! you're allowed to be attracted to men! you're allowed to be vocal about loving men! you're allowed to want to be sexual with men! you're allowed to want to be romantic with men! whether you're gay, mspec, ace, aro, aroace, non-binary, polyam, or any mixes of those: your attraction to men is okay! it's beautiful, don't feel ashamed for it!
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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queer people are allowed to call themselves queer.
queer people aren't obligated to dehumanize themselves and censor their identity.
queer people don't owe you an explanation on their "actual identities", we are allowed to just be queer.
we're not q*eer. we're not q-slur. we're not TW: Q-SLUR. we're not kweer. we are queer. get over it.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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aromantics can like romance.
aromantics can date.
aromantics can have meaningful relationships full of love.
aromantics don't owe you the stereotype of being cold and disgusted by the idea of romance.
at the same time, aromantics who don't like romance or dating shouldn't be shunned or villainized.
there is no right or wrong way to be aromantic, stop pushing us into boxes.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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being transmasc doesn't always mean you're male or male-aligned.
there are transmasc women. there are transmasc agender people. there are transmasc genderqueer people.
transmasc people do not always associate themselves with the male identity / male-aligned identities.
transmasc literally means transitioning to look or be masculine. masculine =/= male.
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vampiremasc · 3 years
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it really sucks how mspec labels were ruined for me and many others.
"battle axe bis" tarnished the bisexual label with their toxicity towards other mspecs, I abandoned the bisexual label because I didn't want to be associated with BaBs.
likewise, I don't feel comfortable using pansexual, polysexual, or omnisexual because I'll get harassed for that as well.
so now I just use queer mspec.
I really wish all mspecs could just exist in peace without being shunned.
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