unrighteousbooks

[unrighteousbooks]

Terry Pratchett

It happens every year. Today, as I was unlocking the door of the bookshop, a woman shouted from across the street:

"Terry Pratchett!"

I turned to face her. When I did not reply she shouted again: "Terry Pratchett!"

Annoyed, I said, "I'm not Terry Pratchett. I don't know who that is."

She put her hands on her hips and waited. Finally she said, "The clacks. You have to know. You of all people have to know." She gestured at me, turning her palm up and making a pulling motion, as if to say: Come on, it's your turn. I sighed. I really do not know who Terry Pratchett is. But people evidently think that I should, because they come into the store and shout or whisper or sing or chant: Terry Pratchett, Terry Pratchett, Terry Pratchett.

I do not understand it, but I know what I am supposed to do. Reluctantly, I answered, "Terry Pratchett."

She smiled broadly. "Terry Pratchett!" she shouted again, louder this time.

"Terry Pratchett!" I shouted. (I do not often shout.)

She gave me a thumbs up sign, and as she turned to walk away she yelled very loudly indeed: "TERRY PRATCHETT!" The name was still echoing among the buildings as she disappeared.

#terry pratchett #the clacks #aziraphale #aziraphale's books #strange things at the bookstore #every year around this time

[unrighteousbooks]

Lovely old books in the morning light. Such a fine way to begin the day.

#old books #vintage books #beautiful books #book photos #booklr #aziraphale's books #bookshops #aziraphale #aziraphale's bookshop

[unrighteousbooks]

Overheard in the shop: "I'm not going to dwell on mistakes I made years ago. I've got much more recent mistakes to dwell on."

#mistakes #past mistakes #i'm very old #so i have an ample supply #overheard #overheard in the shop

[unrighteousbooks]

A photographer of my acquaintance has shared this photo of a book he purchased at the shop. It annoys me that you can barely see the book (Banksy: You Are An Acceptable Level Of Threat And If You Were Not You Would Know About It, published by Carpet Bombing Books, 2015), but at least it is bright and colorful.

#bansky #book photos #booklr #art books #things people send to us #aziraphale's books #carpet bombing books

[unrighteousbooks]

Fran came into the shop today and commented on the fact that I have not been posting much lately. She browsed around a bit, grabbed a copy of The Color Purple by Alice Walker, and took the photo that you see here. She usually does this sort of thing around the holidays, so I asked her what the photo was for. She looked at me, annoyed, as if I should already know. Finally she said, "It's Purple History Month."

Ah, yes, of course, I replied. Purple History Month.

She stared at me for another moment, then shook her head sadly and put her arm around my shoulders. She gave me a slight hug. "Sometimes you're forgetful. Sometimes you're clueless. But I know you mean well."

She is right, of course. I am certain I am missing something obvious. Eventually she will tell me what it is and I know she will forgive me. Clueless people like me are fortunate to have friends like Fran.

#alice walker #the color purple #purple history month #black history month #of course it's black history month #fran reminded me #fran #aziraphale's books #bookshops #forgetful booksellers

[unrighteousbooks]

This book arrived in the mail yesterday, along with a note: "Sir: I believe this may belong to you. It served me well on a very, very long day. I'm happy to be able to return it to its owner. Thank you." There is nothing else. The note has no signature, and the return address is illegible. Yet the strangest thing is this: I believe that the book did, in fact, belong to me, and that I lost it many years ago, in a town called Punxsutawney. I cannot imagine how it has found its way back to me.

Oddly, I have a peculiar feeling, as if I have posted this over and over. Again and again seems to show up on my blog, almost but not quite the same.

Haven't I have posted about this before? I have, haven't I? No one seems to remember except me.

How very odd. This book arrived in the mail yesterday, along with a note: “Sir: I believe this may belong to you. It served me well on a very, very long day. I’m happy to be able to return it to its owner. Thank you.” There is nothing else. The note has no signature, and the return address is illegible. Yet the strangest thing is this: I believe that the book did, in fact, belong to me, and that I lost it many years ago, in a town called Punxsatawney. I cannot imagine how it has found its way back to me.

#groundhog day #ground hog day #punxsutawney #vintage books #ned ryerson #why am i thinking of the name ned ryerson #strange things #possibly i am confused

[unrighteousbooks]

Over the holidays I acquired this lovely little book. Realizing that the author was from the Chicago area, I became curious: Perhaps the author -- Anita Willets-Burnham -- was in some way related to the famed architect Daniel Burnham? A bit of research revealed that she was in fact married to his nephew. This, however, was merely a footnote in an illustrious life. The beautiful artwork in the book reflects the author's career as a painter and an instructor at the prestigious School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Her most enduring legacy, however, may be revealed in a passage on page 113:

"Why be a human truck horse?… Wheels! Suitcase on wheels! Bud immediately fashioned two wheels to one end of the suitcase and a sliding handle to the other end. Force of habit and sense of humor made it work beautifully."

Thus, our modern luggage -- wheeled, with telescoping handles -- may way have originated with Anita Willets-Burnham in 1933. (A photo can be seen here.)

This particular edition was printed in 1943. It is signed by the author and includes a hand-painted illustration on the title pages, and a number of annotations and comments throughout the text.

#beautiful books #old books #vintage books #booklr #anita willets-burnham #luggage #history #signed books #aziraphale's books #aziraphale's bookstore

[unrighteousbooks]

As is typical at this time of year, the shop has been quite busy. Someone left behind a book bag from another bookstore yesterday, and I am posting it here in case the owner would like to retrieve it. Meanwhile, I would suggest that everyone visit Ray's Occult Books. I am sure it is a better bookstore than this one.

#bookstores #book bags #ray's occult books #aziraphale's books #lately there have been far too many people here

[unrighteousbooks]

The previous post in which I asked Fran whether or not she had been licking books in the Christmas displays has apparently caused some confusion. An explanation is in order. The book shown above -- which Fran had placed in one of the displays -- has a lovely emerald green cover. The green color, alas, comes from a pigment made with arsenic, and these books must be handled with care. They should definitely not be licked.

Of course, books in general should not be licked, although typically the risk to the book is greater than the risk to the person doing the licking. However, I do know a bookstore run by a retired longshoreman, and I believe that anyone caught licking a book in his store would in fact be in grave danger indeed. But I digress.

Pigments containing arsenic were popular in the late 19th century, though there were other green dyes and pigments which did not use arsenic. The book shown here -- Poets and Statesmen, Their Homes and Haunts was published by E. P. Williams in London in 1857, and has tested positive for the presence of arsenic.

Bearing this in mind, I will take this opportunity to declare an official policy in our bookshop: Book licking is not permitted.

#dangerous books #poison books #arsenic #green books #bookbinding #aziraphale's books #e. p. williams

[unrighteousbooks]

Everything is Fine

I am really quite alarmed and my heart is still beating much too fast, but I am sure that everything is fine. Just this morning I took a closer look at one of the Christmas displays Fran had created and I had to call her immediately with a crucial question:

"Fran! You didn't lick any of the books, did you?"

It took a moment for her to reply and I must tell you: That long pause was genuinely terrifying. But when she finally answered, she blurted out a single word:

"What???"

"The books you put in the Christmas displays. You didn't lick any of them, did you?"

She paused again, as if she found the question strange. Then, at last, she answered very slowly and deliberately, as if talking to a dim child."

"No, Azi, I did not lick any of the books."

"None of them? Especially not any of the green ones? Please tell me that you did not lick the cover of Poets and Statesmen, Their Homes and Haunts?"

"No."

"You're certain?"

She sighed. "Yes, I am 100% certain that I did not lick any of the books, and especially none of the green ones."

As you can imagine, I was greatly relieved. "Very well," I said. "But don't lick your fingers. And don't let anyone else lick your fingers. Also, you should wash your hands."

It was at that point that she hung up the phone.

#old books #aziraphale's books #green books #do not lick the books #frightening bookstore events #fran #fortunately she is fine #although she does seem annoyed #and a bit bewildered

[unrighteousbooks]

Crowley always complains about the shop's holiday decor, which he describes as "unnerving." To me it is clear that he is simply jealous, as the centerpiece of this particular display is a lovely Hello Kitty card. No one sends Crowley Hello Kitty cards. It's his own fault.

#crowley #hello kitty #holiday decor #holiday decorations #bookstores #aziraphale's books #christmas at the bookstore #the card was sent to me by a witch #it is lovely and I adore it

[unrighteousbooks]

Fran has begun decorating the shop for the holidays. Although I am grateful, it does mean that any book with a red or green cover is likely to be pressed into service as a Christmas display.

#christmas decor #holiday decorations #christmas in a bookshop #christmas books #booklr #fran #aziraphale's books #christmas displays

[unrighteousbooks]

A handsome little copy of Washington Irving's Tales of the Alhambra, circa 1940, published by Editorial Padre Suarez, Granada. The cover illustration is by G. Morcillo.

#washington irving #beautiful books #old books #vintage books #tales of the alhambra #the prince ahmed #g morcillo #circa 1940

[unrighteousbooks]

Fran stopped in this morning and began dismantling the displays she had set up for Halloween. She went into the basement, looking for some sort of box to store decorations. Suddenly I heard her shout "Eleven!! Oh my god! Eleven, eleven, eleven!" She came running up the stairs, holding a peculiar black box. "Where did you get this??"

I explained that the shop had once been used as a music rehearsal space, and that it had been abandoned in a back room. I had no idea what it was.

"Today of all days. On 11/11. It's Spinal Tap day! You have to post a photo of this!"

I like Fran, so I did as she asked. For the record, however, I do not know what this box is. I do not know why it says it contains Stonehenge. I do not know how Stonehenge relates to spinal taps, and I do know what any of this has to do with the number eleven.

#spinal tap #spinal tap day #11 11 11 #stonehenge #november 11 #aziraphale's books #aziraphale's bookshop #strange things in the basement #storage containers #fran

[unrighteousbooks]

Readers of this blog are aware that many strange things happen in this bookstore. This story is strange, but it also a bit sad.

While walking to the shop one morning near the end of July, I noticed a bright red bicycle leaning against a lamppost. It was not locked and no one was around. When I walked home that night, it was still there. It remained there for more than a week, and each day I was surprised that no one had disturbed it. Meanwhile, an unsettling thought crossed my mind: Perhaps something had happened to the owner.

One day, after a heavy rain, it occurred to me that the bike would begin to rust if it wasn't taken inside. I brought the bike to the shop and took it to an unused corner of the basement. I made several flyers with photos of the bike and a note saying that I had taken it to the bookshop for safekeeping. I put the sign up around the area where the bike had been abandoned.

I heard nothing for months. Then, a few days ago -- on Halloween, in fact -- a woman came into the shop. She was large, with gray hair and a stern face. She walked straight to the counter.

"You got a bike here." She slapped a copy of the flyer down. "Probably nobody else could find this place. You didn't put no phone number and you didn't put no address."

I realized with great embarrassment that she was correct. I have trouble remembering little things like that.

"I found it, though," she continued. "'Cause I was a trucker. I know all the roads and all the streets."

"Is the bike yours?" I asked.

"Not mine," she said. "But I knowed the owner. I'll send someone for it. You don't give that bike to nobody unless they say Large Marge sent them." She left without another word.

Three days later a blonde woman entered the shop. She looked as if she had been crying. "My name's Dottie. Large Marge sent me. She said you've got PW's bike."

"Ah, yes, Large Marge. She said someone would come by. I'll bring it up for you." I went to the basement and, with some difficulty, managed to get it up the stairs.

When she saw the bike she sighed deeply, then ran her hand over the handlebars. She smiled sadly. The sigh told me that PW was gone. The smile told me that she remembered him fondly.

"It's a beautiful bike," I said. "I'm sure it brought him much joy."

"It did," she said. "And he brought much joy to all of us."

She rolled the bike outside. I watched her as she headed down the sidewalk. She did not ride the bike. She walked alongside, as if someone else were riding.

#peewee #peewee bike #strange things in the basement #aziraphale's books #large marge #dottie #peewee's big adventure

[unrighteousbooks]

Tell Your Cat Not to Worry

Yesterday an annoyed gentleman came down from the second floor of the shop and looked at me with obvious irritation. "You don't know anything about cats, do you? Your cat was very worried. I've taken care of the problem. But for your future reference, you should know this..." He paused and said, very deliberately:

"You have to tell your cat not to worry. You cannot simply tell the cat, 'I'm going to get your food. I'll be back.' The cat doesn't know when you'll be back. The cat doesn't know how you plan to get the food. The cat will be worried sick. You must say it like this:

"Don't worry. I'll get your food. Don't worry. I know how to do that. Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He shook his head disdainfully. "Honestly, I don't understand why you would even have a cat if you don't know these very basic things."

He wagged his finger at me, glared, and stormed out.

Strangely, this happens quite often: Visitors talk to me about the cat. So let me state on the record, once again: I do not have a cat. I admit, now and then I have caught a glimpse of a cat in the shop, but it is not mine, and I do not know how it gets inside. Even now, in fact, I can hear faint sounds from upstairs. But that happens every year around this time.

I suppose that if I do see the cat again, I will tell it not to worry.

#cats #ghost cat #halloween #haunted bookshop #haunted bookstores #bookstore cat #tell your cat not to worry #cat problems

[unrighteousbooks]

#halloween #halloween books #halloween decorations #halloween displays #halloween in a bookstore #aziraphale's books #october #fran #scary things mysteriously appear here #well i assume it was fran