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unimaginablenotions · 22 days
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March 6, 2024
I learned a lot today about the office culture and as usual it's a busy day for me. After hearing my officemates experiences at our company, I'm pretty sure that I would just stay at our company for only a year and then I'll resign. Although the pay is great, I noticed that most of them just gaslights us to excuse their rude behaviors. Lol. Aside from that, the micro management of that one boss is so fucking annoying. They also think that the things we do is easy peasy, so many fucking red flags. Also, I really hate that one office mate and is definitely not a girl's girl, her attitude speaks a lot since she voted for BBM. LOL.
I feel a bit lost right now, all I do is wake up commute go to work commute sleep and then repeat. I realized may I should do a reset and assess my goal for this year because I do not want to neglect myself. I need to focus focus focus on myself because I love myself. Myself, my family, and my friends are what matters. Co workers? Nahh. That's all for now cause I'm tired.
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unimaginablenotions · 27 days
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March 1, 2024
Today is Friday and it's the first day of March. It's been a long and busy week for me as there are so many things need to be done at the office and it was quite a roller coaster of events and emotions, all packed in five days. As much as I want to celebrate the upcoming weekend, unfortunately I have work to finish for the design proposal and I also have to plan what food will I bring to the office for lunch. My anxiety is at its peak but as much as possible, I try to stay calm most especially when our boss get a tantrum. I think I'm getting used to the adult working life for now and the only thing I'm looking forward to is getting my paycheck and spending a date with my boyfriend and buy myself and my love ones nice things to show them that I appreciate them. Thankfully, I'm not so awkward with my coworkers anymore and they're nice but still, not all of them. I wish by next week I finally get to have my weekend because our OTs are unfortunately not paid! Ugh.
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unimaginablenotions · 1 month
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February 24, 2024
Today is Saturday and I have no work today (YAY) so I get to spend time with myself and did some chores for my well being. I feel grateful for the life that I have and it's incredible how I can finally buy the things that I want. Although, it's been ovewhelming me so I have no idea what to buy yet. Aside from that, it's also overwhelming how I need to spend time with my self, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and my work. I probably haven't input it in my entries yet that I will be going to Taiwan in a few months so I need to plan my outfits because I need to SLAY everyday and it will be my first trip out of the country!! Thanks to our company for this opportunity. It's weird how my manifestation board has been slowly coming to realization. Hence, thank you universe.
I have a one workmate though that I kinda dislike because she always make favors to me and it's been annoying me. Recently, she borrowed money from me and yet she haven't paid me yet. I hope she pays me back on Monday because I'm really getting irked. Lol.
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unimaginablenotions · 1 month
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February 23, 2024
Its finally friday! I've been waiting for this day throughout the week because I've been quite busy and there's so much to do at the office. I hope our bosses won't come today so my anxiety won't be at peak. I really hate that one boss at the office because obviously, he's a man who has a lot of ego and too workaholic. Smh. The commute today was too long and I'm getting impatient already. Lol. I hope I can leave early today and make time for myself. There's nothing much lately and my mind is not really functioning because I try to rest my brain whenever I can. As I write this today, my mind is so blank.
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unimaginablenotions · 1 month
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February 19, 2024
Today was another busy day at work and I always try my best to keep up with my commitments to myself, deadlines at work, my responsibilities as the eldest daughter, making time for my boyfriend, friends, and myself. It's so overwhelming how everything is happening all at once. Other than than, I also have to be mindful about eating, exercising, upskilling, budgeting my money and so on.*Insert the barbie monologue*. As much as I want to write on my trad journal, I'm just really tired to write there hence I am writing it here. Or maybe I should just write here consistently instead. It's a stressful day especially given that I have a gen x boss who notice every little thing at office even my fork in which he always has a fucking sarcastic remarks and it's so annoying. Everyone is annoyed at him at work and I pity for him because he probably doesn't receive love as I do and that's why he's like that. Lol. I used to be the person whose always ready to fight people whenever they do bad things to me but I just don't have the energy anymore to care about their shits. So I'll just think they don't have love in themselves and I pity them. The words and actions they create is a reflection of themselves and not me. I am always greatful for the love that I receive from every people I meet. That's all for today, my mind is really blank today because of so many revisions at work.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 months
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January 26, 2024
Aaaaa. Hello, I'm too overstimulated almost everyday so having silence and being alone right now gives me a sense of comfort. Yesterday, everyone got to work around 9am to 10am so maybe I'll go to work around 9amish so I dont have to compromise my sleep and personal hobbies. Everyone at work is always ranting and it's a bit too much for me because I need some quietness to focus on my work and have the best output but they're always talking T_T (maybe I'm just an introvert though). Also, we went to Parqal to avail donuts from the gift voucher but unfortunately, they don't accept it for a while so that was a shame. We left the office at around 5pm because the bosses will come back soon and they really hate our bosses that's why they always rant. But my officemates are actually kind and nice, they just like to rant and they're talkative. I'm thinking if I really made the right decision to accept this job offer because I hope I made the right decision given that the bosses are mostly boomers and old (i'm not old shaming) T_T I got home around 7pm and I do not know if I am tired or not. I just try to not be stress about my travel time and make sure to rest well during the travel time because apparently, I'm not special and almost everyone experience the same commute as I am. So that's that. I tried to sleep on the bus but there's too much noise. So I am really overstimulated at this point T_T. Maybe I'll get used to it overtime though. For now, I am going to work from home because I have a deadline on Monday which includes modelling and rendering and I haven't even finished my models. I am so happy because my eardrums are finally having a break.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 months
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January 25, 2024
It's my third day of work and so far everything is well. I can't bring my journal with me and I'm still trying to figure out how I can balance my work and my personal life because you know I'm a Virgo. So I guess I'm going back here now since writing in a journal takes up a lot of time and I need to be mindful of my time now since I am working. I woke up at 5 am, left the house at 6am, and by 7:30am I'm already here at the office. It's just me right now at the office as I am writing this so I guess I can journal here to clear my mind. I have so many realizations these days. And I miss my boyfriend. My boyfriend is still my boyfriend and we've been together for so long. I wish he also works nearby so at least, the commute will be bearable because everything with him is bearable and makes me happy.
Anyway that's all for now. I'm so sorry for leaving this journal blog but then I have my notebook journals with me so I'm still consistent! Goodluck to me!! <333
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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April 16, 2022
I'm kinda feeling empty again. Lol. I feel so uncomfortable around my mom, it was her birthday a few days ago and its easter so we're all basically seeing each other at house 24/7 and I feel so uncomfortable, anxious, and a bit depressed. I dont know if that is even valid. I feel like a bad child for even thinking of that. Everyone is just alway angry and mad. I dont want to be here anymore.
I envy every kid who is the same age as me who can live their life while here am I not being allowed to go out and has a curfew at 7pm. My life just sucks.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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March 31, 2022
I just finished watching Bridgerton Season 2 and must I say, it is a chef's kiss work. I love the build up but I dont like that there's less screen time for both Anthony and Kate!! I wish they also portrayed the wedding scene. Anyways, lately I have been very overwhelmed with my hobbies because I realized, as the years keep progressing, my hobbies has been a variety of things. Reading, Poetry, Drawing, Painting, Makeup. Making my own nails, Crocheting, and then we also have my skills that I have acquired from school which are about 3d softwares and rendering, and now everything just overwhelms me on what I should do next and what to focus. But, I am re assessing myself and focusing on what I like best, there may be a lot of them but maybe I should find a common ground for all these to stay the same. And that is flowers and garden right, cool tone colors, and peacefulness. Maybe I should incorporate that in my art.
And maybe that is also why I am so confused because I have this dark period in my art lol
Aside from that, I will also try to read whatever I like now, fuck about productivity books. The only thing to make you keep going is to go for what you like.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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March 16, 2022
hello. its been a while.
a lot of things happened during the time i wasnt able to write here. first and foremost, i got busy entirely during december and january and february and i forgot eventually to write to myself here.
december.
december was really stressful and quite exciting, i finally had a group members to work with on our design subject but the catch is we are gonna compete in a design competition and we only have a month to prepare. 'twas czam, pio and me yay to my groupmatess <33. we did very well and gave our very best and sacrificed our sleep for that so yeah we gave our all still. we finished it on time. life was nice.
january.
we got a two month old labrador doggo and we named him Peanut Butter. he was from our cousin in Bicol and my father brought him last january 2 which is quite shocking and unexpected. Peanut because he is a mix of color of black and brown and Butter because his mama's name is Butter. at least that way he will still be connected to his mom even if he's far away. we had the very best time of our lives with peanut. he was kind and knows how to properly pee and poo. he was playful as well and likes to watch me cook food because he just want to be spoiled by food. he also sleeps a lot in the most random places. he likes to jump on you. he has a favorite chair to sit on. we bought him all the things he needed. we bought him a bed, a nice shampoo for ticks, his nail clipper, a brush, his powder, toys, and a vest. he will welcome you when you get home and then jump on you. he likes to sleep on my arms and he's very obedient as well. my boyfriend and i went on dates as well since we'll be having our semester break. we went out to eat a lot to make up for the times we weren't able to.
february
i noticed Peanut was getting thin and wasnt really eating much so it made me really worried and thought it was about the ticks. i told my boyfriend about it and he said i should not worry about the ticks because those are just ticks. i was still worried though so we decided to went to the vet,
our precious baby Peanut Butter unfortunately had a canine distemper virus at 3 months old. i was really sad that time and i was crying. i never thought that would happen because i thought i gave everything and made sure my doggo is safe. Peanut did not have any vaccine yet because my father thought he was still a baby and we would do it later, it was our mistake we didnt get him the vaccine first. and i didnt know. i thought he was healthy. i gave him all the healthy foods, the comfort, the things he need just to make sure he's okay. but still we lost him.
our time with our baby doggo felt like a long time, i felt really happy and we felt we had another sibling in the house. we played with him during the day and spoiled him secretly together with my siblings.
sadly, his brother also died last january, Pebbles, he was a brown labrador and as of now, all his black labrador siblings are very well <33
it was really heartbreaking for me and up til now as i am writing this words, i miss him so much and i wish he was still here. we were supposed to go to parks and have play dates with my boyfriend's dogs so he can have friends and many more. but we werent able to now.
we miss you so much Peanut Butter.
march.
time went fast. a new semester is coming.
after a lot of grieving, i decided to start on my thesis title even though i dont have the energy to do it, i know i have to do it for my sake as well, since i didnt had any approved title last january and i cried to myself for that lol.
at first i wanted to focus on animal shelters but there has been proposed already so i dont think it wont get me approved. i just really miss my dog thats why i am doing that. after a lot of brainstorming and headaches, i came up with post harvest facility but then it just wasnt it and the datas out there are lacking, and finally.. i went for judicial complex and my professor thinks it is nice and it has new approaches and was never done before T_T thank god for that
and today, i got myself a uti. my lower back hurts sometimes as well as my pelvis. it was definitely because i've been eating a lot of salty foods since my doggo passed away and ive been drinking a lot of sodas last week lol becuase it was hot and i havent drank any water because i was quite feeling empty last week. and this week ive been holding my pee and voila.
my boyfriend came with me to go to the doctor and it was the nicest feeling ever. it was just a simple thing but i felt really happy that he was my boyfriend, he waited with me and we ate together as well. it was really hot today as well so it means a lot to me. god universe, thank you for blessing me with the best boyfriend in the whole world <3
and thank you to my sibling and friends who also helped me get through my overthinking as well
thank you to my parents for the money and probably for the nagging XD
thats all for now
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 26, 2021
Midterm week is nearly over T_T I finished my thesis proposal today and I wasnt able to present yet because there's no more time. But hey at least I've finished it on time T_T
Tomorrow I have my research paper to do and I also have to study for my exam on BT on Saturday because that subject is such a pain in the ass so I have to work my ass off again. I think I am done for the day. I am having a lot of thoughts and I just want to dump them here so I can sleep peacefully hehehe
One of my favorite youtube vloggers announced that they are having their second child and I am so happy for them <33
I am having these weird feelings because I wish to have that kind of family as well. Their children are so lucky and as a child too, I wish I had those kind of parents. But I am an adult now, and it feels weird that I also want a family of my own. For god sake I am just 21!
Yeah it doesnt feel right for me because I am so young to dream about that but I also want things like those. I see them happy and living their lives with their love and I wish to have that in the future too. What happened to me T_T What did you do boyfriend!!!
I know that the things I want requires a lot of responsibility and a lot of money of course bc you need a house and you need to pay for you bills and you need to treat your love ones right and I dont make my own money yet
It feels like it's gonna be a long journey. I will get there too someday and as for now, I will enjoy this journey. Ciao. Goodnight
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 20, 2021
I've decided to do some journaling because I have been disassociating again lol. I am happy I made a diy like vase today for my flowers on my desk. Theyre just box but it suits it very well. I had two exams today and I feel so tired. Tired of everything lol. I saw a room makeover on youtube and its really cute because its not the usual ones that is white all over like on instagram, it contains some greens and yellows and has lamps which was nice because its really different and fresh in the eyes. I badly wanted to have a room makeover as well but everything in this house is a mess, like literally. Whenever I clean and fix something, it will be chaos again. When I alter something just to improve the space, my father will get mad at me lol. I wish I can move out but that also means paying for my own wifi which i dont think I am ready yet. I want to have my own apartment maybe in 2 years time? I hope so. If I were to have one, I'm gonna buy or adopt a lot of caatss yayyy
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 19, 2021
I have been talking about sad shits once again and this is because of my cancer moon jk
Kidding aside, and on the brighter side, a white cat with blue eyes had been visting me for months, like literally a lot of months before, and it asks for food during lunch and dinner or sometimes it just sleeps on the pavement during siesta time (sana ol). I am feeding it secretly because if my parents find out they will nag me for it and they will tell me to stop. I feel bad for the stray cat to not feed it. It wont hurt anyone if I feed it so I will continue to feed it secretly lol. I badly want a cat for myself but I know my parents wont allow it. Pain. I wish wherever that cat is going, I hope it stays safe because I will keep waiting and find food on the ref to feed it. (Yes, I searched what to feed it and what not to feed it)
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 19, 2021
I am on my second period which is why I am very emotional once again.
You know once in a while it always occur to me that my boyfriend dont deserve me, I feel like he deserve someone else, someone better. Because I'm shitty, all I ever know is to be sad about my past life and I'm not that confident and I dont have much. And then I searched it online and there are some people who is also just like me. And they say that it comes from my insecurities and if I think he deserve someones better, then I should be better. But I am trying my best all the time to be better you know, even if I didn't have a boyfriend. And I feel like a lot of things have change but theyre just things, and there are things I can't change because they're just the way they are and I can't do nothing about it. And it makes me sad and makes me mad. It just repeats all over again. I dont know maybe its just another day of losing my mind lol
You know I read somewhere that if you have toxic parents, even if you dont wanna be like them. There are some traits that you cant resist or do nothing about it because its literally on your dna and its engraved on you lol
Sometimes I feel like I cant accept love because it seems sus to me when theyre good to me. I dont know how to show my flaws because all my life my flaws are portrayed as weakness and I was shamed for it all the time and still to this day. I feel like that's affecting my relationship with anyone. Its a barrier. I wanna fix it. I tried to fix it and I thought I was getting there but I wasnt. Maybe just a little. It just takes too long to fix. What should I do? I cant be like this forever. I cant think everyone is sus. I cant do this to myself.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 3, 2021
I think I'm ovulating which is why I feel so shitty T_T I feel great sometimes and then one moment I feel shit. UGH. Having a uterus sucks
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 3, 2021
Today I feel shitty because academic is over and theres a lot fo schoolworks that need to be done but I feel like my anxiety is kicking in and so I can't get things done. Aside from that, my peace is nearly expiring because shitty men from my dad's family will come back yet again and it will be stressful and chaotic once again. Ugh. When this will ever end.
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unimaginablenotions · 2 years
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November 2, 2021
I've been getting laz these days. I know I have to do my schoolworks stuff especially on design and bt but I just dont have the will to study T_T
I'm doing my schoolworks naman but I feel like they weren't enough.
Anyway, my father was out in the city because he went back to the province together with his relatives so its just me, my siblings, and my mom but my mom has to go to work so its just me and my siblings and I am telling you life has never been this peaceful LOL I hope he dont bring any more of his relatives because I am losing my mind and all of them are ill manered and I am being a bad person whenever I see them.
Carlo had a quiz earlier and it was so funny because he had a breakdown on the middle of his quiz because he did not review anything beforehand and it was funny to see him suffer on schoolworks (bc we do mostly of his schoolworks). Hence, I just told him to take guesses because it wont matter anyway when he grow up and yet he is stil worried about the score lol
P.S I wanted some led lights and cute lamp and some mushroom mug or vintage goblet but my wallet says no. I badly want to get a part time job just to buy some of my luho and treats my love ones as well.
P.S I feel like the universe is telling me something yet I cant comprehend it completely, yet. I know the universe is definitely telling me to stop being lazy and do your fucking schoolworks but I am not caring. LMAO. Aside from that, I feel like the universe is also telling me to stop sabotaging my spotlight and be confident because I worked hard for the things I have now and I was not just lucky or sometimes I think, things were a bit easy and I dont deserve things when they're easy. I feel like I'm entering a new era of myself. Yayyyy <3
Thank you past self, for all the hardworks you put in yourself and to the world. I know there were a lot of times where I thought its gonna be the end of it and I was nearly giving up back then. But hey I survived <3 I'm proud of you past self. I will give you all the love you deserve and make you feel you deserve it without any conditions. <3
Okay that's all for today, I'm really loving this keyboard so I guess I will write here often.
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