twilightbutgay

[twilightbutgay]

i have returned to my place of birth for literally three weeks before i leave again and had to have my medication upped. Disclaimer not for any specific reason, simply just because im fucking crazy.

[twilightbutgay]

My Personal Dichotomy

i am too much.

all of my feelings go on one person. i feel everything through them.

i cannot find joy in myself, i cannot find sadness through anything but the lack of them.

the only thing i can feel when they are not around, is nothing at all. emptiness.

sometimes, if i am lucky, a sense of panic. anything is better than the complete and utter void they leave.

when they leave.

which is inevitable, because

i am not enough

to make them stay.

#gay #literally crying #l m a o #lol wtf #pls help #a h h h h h

[twilightbutgay]

Please, take all of me.

I don’t need any of it.

This body traps me, this brain betrays me, and this heart works against me.

It serves only one purpose: to ease your pain, to keep you alive.

But I don’t need it, it’s barely mine.

Take my time, take my life; please. It’s not doing anything for me.

I exist for one reason: so you may feel again, so you may thrive

Even if I could take all those things and use them for me, I wouldn’t want them.

Not if it meant your destruction.

#i am sad #i'm so fucked #why am i like this #ahhhhh #upsetting #l m a o

[twilightbutgay]

being home for break is eating a raw bagel in your dark living room at 12:41 am, family has been asleep for hours and you’re waiting for a text

#home for christmas #mental health #college #mental breakdown #bagels #waiting

[twilightbutgay]

Sleeping with Sirens My Love

Family Tree in Complete Collapse referencing Trophy Father Trophy Son is gonna make me completely collapse

#sws #sleepingwithsirens #emo as hell #emo #completecollapse #trophyfather #trophyson

[twilightbutgay]

                                                  𝓐𝓪𝓪𝓱𝓪𝓱𝓪𝓪

[twilightbutgay]

“I’m sorry to all the people I hurt whilst I was hurting.”

— Unknown

[twilightbutgay]

"I could fix her" well actually I like evil women and I'll let her commit crimes in the name of love

[twilightbutgay]

This is MY tumblr blog if i wanna reblog 50 mcr posts in 15 mins i can and will

[twilightbutgay]

i have wasted so many days, weeks, months, even years to my disorder. i feel like it’s never going to end.

#mental health #ed recovery #orthorexx #self harrrm #pr0 4na #notprojustusehashtags #ed not sheran

[twilightbutgay]

i feel unwell

[twilightbutgay]

i feel like i’m slipping back into orthorexia. like i’m not restricting calories per say but the ortho thoughts r so goddamned loud. i had a few grad parties the past few days and broke out bc of it so i was like okay i’ll just lay off processed foods until i leave for florida and i think it wasn’t my best idea. i’m so sick of eating disorders.

#orthorexx #lgbtq #self harrrm #mental health #ed recovery #notprojustusehashtags

[twilightbutgay]

i feel like shit again for no reason

[twilightbutgay]

i need to know if i’m crazy or if this is normal in the ed recovery community:

sometimes i forget i’m in recovery. like okay here’s an example to best explain it- i have prom tmr night and a final exam in the morning with no time for lunch i between. so i had already planned to eat a rly big breakfast. then i realized that i had to eat whatever was served at prom and started freaking out and trying to figure out ways around it~ ex: only eating the salad bar and sides, choosing the lower cal option even tho it’s something i ate deep in ana and it would’ve triggered me, etc. i’d been stressing about this for h o u r s. then i realized i’m in recovery and was just like “oh yeah, i’m allowed to eat what i want.” and now i’m gonna get the second option (which is broccoli alfredo if u were interested) and i’m still gonna have apps and dessert if that’s what my body and mind want :)

#ed recovery #ana recovery #orthorexx #mental health #tw ed in the tags #self harrrm

[twilightbutgay]

one bad day does not mean i’m not still recovering. i am still recovering. i am still working towards my goals of intuitive eating, body neutrality, and listening to hunger cues. one bad day does not mean i’m not still recovering.

[twilightbutgay]

midnight sun movie where theres a hallucination carlisle everytime edward thinks he's gonna do something bad, like how bella had the hallucination edward in new moon

[twilightbutgay]

i miss who i was at my sickest, because at least they understood and accepted that they were sick rather than pretending that what they are doing is healthy. they embraced the sick and took it with stride. this person busies themselves until they don’t have a moment to think, because as soon as they do, they’ll realize how sick they still are and will always be.