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ttsblogg · 3 years
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Trying to fill the void with things you can’t see, the unspoken validation from people you can’t reach. The people who used to know you always told me to tread lightly but now I know I’m in way to deep. The darkness I see in you is something I’ve only seen replicated in myself. The difference is mine is real and yours is a persona. Pretending to feel pain for your art but its disingenuous. Looking for validation from lovers because the people who used to love you can’t stand you anymore. It’s easy to understand why you feel so misunderstood, trying to be something you’re not must be difficult. Pretty face, pretty smile but nothing behind it. A kind of emptiness that nothing can fix. A void. In a way that is a good thing, but for now it will hurt. I’m glad you found a way to fill it, I’d never be the one to do it for you.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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This body holds power. It holds secrets, it holds fantasies it, holds dreams. This body holds the power to get what you want and do what you please. This body makes people feel good, this body satisfies. Then why do I feel so trapped? I know when I look into the mirror I have little complaints but I still feel so constrained inside what should me mine, but it's not. It's a trophy for some and a playground for others. It's something that's never really been mine at all. When struggling with such superficial issues I tend to feel as if I'm in a shallow void, segregated from more painful problems people face. The pain still runs as deep but it's easier to brush off until you're in front of a mirror. Staring, placing your value on your appearance because that's how others decide how much you matter to them. I could write masterpieces and some one will still tell me the best thing about me is that im pretty.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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The snow made me feel safe because I knew that if I ever got tired the sun would come and it would disappear. I found both comfort and fear in that. Comfort in the limited commitment, fear in the fact that the slightest bit of warmth could destroy it. Because no matter how cold it made me, I couldn’t stop the warmth from coming through.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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As we grow closer I can't help but worry. I can read you too easily for my liking but I'd like to tell my myself that you haven't figured me out. I like to think I'm a mystery that no one can figure out but who knows if that's the reality. We act too similar, just not in the ways I need. I can't how I feel about you yet. Something's blossoming but it's always hard for me to identify what that might be. Sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of feeling things. I can never decipher  my emotions when it comes to you. I want you, then I don't. You act like me but not the parts of myself that I like. You're hurt and I can see that but I don't know if I have time to fix you. I don't want to fix you. There's a million red flags but I still do this dance with you. This fight for power over one another that makes itself more then obvious. I know how to pull the strings and win the game, but I wish we didn't have to. I may not even want to move further with you, it may just be my head telling me it's time to move on from someone you honestly couldn't replace . As much as I force myself to see something more in you I don't think I can. You won't be the one to fix my perception, it will stay clouded. My memories of the past fade away, but I still know this isn't what I want.These games that I'll always be able to play ten times better. I could make you fall in love with me without feeling a thing. My superpower. I can make you feel like you've never felt before but it will always be fake. You're never gonna see the real me because I'll never let you. Cause then I'll never get hurt.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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People have never been for me. After living your life engulfed in other peoples' bullshit maybe you'd feel the same way. People suck, but sometimes you get lucky. When life seems it's darkest I know I'll always have a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent to, but that's not what makes a friend. Knowing that people will be there through the dark parts is a comforting feeling, but the realest people offer so much more than that. When you go through life as a lively spirit people will thrive off hearing your short comings. I used to mistake that for true friendship. The people I've met this past year have been some of the best. True friends are able to pull you from your breaking points while still knowing your boundaries, they know how to let you vent without letting you pity yourself. They know just how to make you feel better even when you don't know yourself. They care about if your safe or if you're on time. Genuine people are hard to discover in a world of people who thrive on your downfall. People who want nothing from you other than friendship. As the end of this chapter rolls around, I find myself reminiscing of how my life has changed. I found that even through all the losses and all the hurt I can still find beautiful moments that I shared with perfect people. Moments that I won't be able to replace with superficial treasures or even romance. Moments that I shared with the perfect people I'm surrounded by.  
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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Though the seasons come and they go. Nothing will ever change.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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🕊🏖
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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thats hot.
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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ttsblogg · 3 years
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