tryingnsmiling

[tryingnsmiling]

I liked myself better when I was an avid Tumblr user. I need to cleanse myself and adopt some pet butterflies and listen to The 1975 on a crackly vinyl or something

[tryingnsmiling]

Growing Up

I’m picking up my bags

And leaving on a random Monday 

Because, hell,

The cold weather makes 

My bones feel hollow,

So I’m running away. 

Im walking out the door

And leaving on a random morning

In the middle of a summer

I would have never wished away.

And the friends I would have spent 

My August with…

My life with

Will cry as I drive the car away.

I’m watching my house fall behind

And leaving my childhood in my tracks.

I’m wishing it could grow legs and run…

And keep up with me.

My Teacup will be on her sofa

Expecting a cuddle when I get home.

She’ll have to wait until I get off on break.

I’m turning the corner and passing

My love’s house. 

The distance will shatter

What is already broken…

But the smaller glass fractles,

The more it pierces. 

I’ll see your familiar face

That I can’t have anymore,

And the pain will rush in like waves. 

I’ll drive by the town I once

Sped past

At a slower pace.

This home I’m so stuck in

Will feel so impermanent 

Once I return.

I’ll be like a rift in 

The picture perfect town

I once knew.

And I’ll hope I

Don’t become a rift in my family…

In my home,

As I continue on to 

What will be my new one.

I might never live in these rooms again.

My bedroom will be empty but I know

I’ll still linger in it.

I know I might never live with my little sister again,

But anything other than that

Will feel out of place, out of alignment. 

I know I might not see my parents 

For a while.

And I might not be their little girl 

In the sense that I am not little

And I’m doing those big scary and foreign things on my own,

But I will always be them and they will always be me:

We are all experiencing this world together for the first time,

And we have helped show it to one another. 

I’m leaving behind so many things

That aren’t wort leaving behind,

But like I said,

This is my first time experiencing life,

And I won’t experience it if I stand in one place. 

#ihaventbeenhereinawhilehello #iguessthisisanupdatelifeisweird #butwhenisitnot #poet #poetry #growingup #nostalgia #alt #indie #lyrics #My words #coming of age

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garden in the concrete

#cottageblr #photography #nature photography #aesthetic city #city #new york #new york city #poetry

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in this house we do grandma activities

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love is stored in the banana bread loaf

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fry cat

#music #cottageblr #lyrics #dark academia #hozier #aesthetic #writeblr #cottage aesthetic #twenty øne piløts #positivity #summer aesthetic #photography #playlist #poem #dead poets society #my writing #nature #writers on tumblr #cottagecore #indie aesthetic #cute animals #animals #cute #cat

[tryingnsmiling]

June, with the longest days of the year.

I wish the sun would stay,

Nails gripping into the sky like a blue torn fabric

Grappling on

Staying on the universe ceiling like a light bulb

Fixated.

June with your sunshine

And little ladybugs upon flourishing petals

And petals upon stalks...

The world is a little fresher,

The world is a little more alive,

I’m a lot more alive.

Dear June,

I’m in love with you.

My Dear June,

Last longer for me.

LA

#it’s not June but whatever #music #cottageblr #lyrics #dark academia #hozier #aesthetic #writeblr #cottage aesthetic #positivity #summer aesthetic #poem #dead poets society #my writing #nature #writers on tumblr #cottagecore #indie aesthetic

[tryingnsmiling]

I wish I could take the hurt away

And make it mine

Cause damn it belongs in these sad bones anyways.

I wish it could just leave

Like the light in your body left

And rose to your eyes

The energy concentrated

As your gaze concentrated

On the passing cars on the road.

Emotions are crashing in

The inside of your skull.

They forgot to ride on their tracks,

They forget how to last

In their place at your pace.

We’re just teenage cars

The hurt we drive could take us to mars.

The hurt of his crashed into yours.

I know that soul sitting beside me,

That beautiful soul,

But now it’s painted in agony

And you’re just keeping silent while I watch it

Rampage inside.

Your body was empty and slumped into your inky black clothes

Only held up by the seatbelt I forced you to wear.

You became the red and blue lights flashing past your face.

You became the memories flashing past your mind.

You became pain and I wish it

Engulfed me instead.

LA

#poetry #poem #writing #music #lyrics #dark academia #aesthetic #writeblr #my writing #writers on tumblr

[tryingnsmiling]

@evil-is-made babe let’s go on a date 😳

cute date idea:

we got to the botanical gardens. i point at all the plants i like. u point at all the plants u like

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sunlight in the kitchen is crucial

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*gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a hug* *gives you a

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i keep starting and abandoning things. here’s a scrap. lyrics from “creature” by half•alive

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from Hot Tea // half•alive

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What’s Wrong // half·alive

I can’t afford the truth even if it’s unjust - keep it top-shelf, keep it all locked up

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my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face lights up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.

[tryingnsmiling]

#thisagedterriblylmao