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3:25 am
Oct 15 2023 was my last entry. almost 6 months ago & in these six months i been struggling. not in the worst way but in a way that makes me wanna go back in time and just talk myself through the hard times and embrace the qualities and talents that i’ve mastered while being in survival mode. I hopefully can apologize to myself one day for partially giving up on the idea of my hobbies making me a millionaire… no matter what tho them muthafuckin tables??? they always turn. Gods plan is vivid and clear i’m blessed that he chose me to be one of his soldier’s in the world.. i took that role w a grain of salt cause i didn’t understand why i was chosen.. confusion is the most confusing feeling ever. but we prevail! we keep pushing and real believers give everything to God anyways! I stopped letting the little things trigger my mind cause that fucks with my growth and i don’t appreciate that shit. I know my dad would be proud of the woman that i’m becoming and would enjoy this version of me… it’s almost 11 whole years since God called him home though so we depend on memories to get us through... as they seem to fade i just try to replay them in my head as much as possible for my own peace of mind. what’s a peace a mind any mf way????? wount even know..
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3:09 am
no matter what or how i’m about to go about this shit ima always remember where i came from and where im going. relationships have taught me to always always always love myself first bitch. can i vent? i’m 27 right and this is my first real relationship and it was all fun and games until it put my mind in a loop… a consistent one. first it’s smooth then is hectic like a mf. i’m still learning but didn’t nobody tell me i couldn’t go upside a nigga head when he piss me tf off. i didn’t know it wasn’t an option. anyways at the end of the day a man is gonna be a man and ima be ME. nothing last forever and that’s the realest shit i have ever heard and had to acknowledge as a first timer in this game… i know yall probably wondering how the fuck this my first relationship at this big age and shit but it’s cause i never trusted it. i’m a dog so im attracted to dogs i guess. woman have always kinda had my attention but who doesn’t like a man’s touch right??? 27 no kids and no experience on how to love correctly cause i been loving on myself and i accept the bare minimum cause its always only been me and me. you still there????
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1:58 pm
Blessed this Sunday morning. missed church but I thanked God I woke up. I'm not feeling all that good today so me and baby in the car right now running errands, eating dry cereal and talking over the music. I love days like this we really just chillen yunno
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9:02 PM
I cried 4 times today nobody noticed but me tho.. I'm super blessed to b here and i know that. Things could be worse but here I am still fighting for me each day tryna make myself better than I was yesterday. I'm laying on my stomach in the new spot on the air matress with my shoes still on cause even tho me and my nigga into it I'll probably still go into town in a few hours and go listen to music or something... This year I promise to myself I'll love every part of me even the parts nobody ever claps for... I see why I was single 3 years prior to this. See the thing about me is I'm very independent... with my words... with my lifestyle.. with my love.. with my goals... but hey here I am number 5 of 6 kids.. grew up with just enough but no hand outs.. hating myself down to a fake name race and hobbies just to "fit in".. truth is though I'm a born leader.. through any battle I've fought till I couldn't! through any losses I've prayed so hard that I don't even have to say anything when I pray I just say thank you... moral of this entry is that I'm evolving and my mind is tripped out cause my heart don't give a fuck anymore... my gut still telling me to chill out!! whole time my body is giving out on me, even though I'ma sit back and pray & ask God for an answer to a retoricle question....... truly and honestly I always knew I was a rockstar but love sucks. It feels so good even though it's not real! places in people's lives are like question marks.. the big red mufuckas too!! lead by example because at the end of the day you gotta protect the heart that was givin to YOU not the heartless your heart eyes about..... I'm in the middle of a good time and a hard lesson all at once. there wasn't even any rules for this shit.. noone told me it was gonna be this mf hard to smile on days when you feel like the whole world is in your hand like a bowling ball tryna strike...... and when you dont it just attacks your whole mood like the flu!! we pray though lmao. I'm about to enjoy the few hours I have left being 26. no matter what I'ma always love myself more each day that passes and that I'm blessed with...
I love you. that's to my family & who loves me
#trillag#thinking#writerscorner#writer stuff#women writers#thoughts#writers on tumblr#viralpost#poetry#diary entry
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11:58 am
BLESSED. Today I'ma just tap in with my baby and appreciate him alittle more than usual today. few things I want to point out about this king is he laughs at my jokes and calls me beautiful not pretty. if you know you know... I just enjoy the person that he is and how sexy he make me feel. real nerdy but super fly with a little swag about him I really like ya dig. we jus sitting on the couch watching shark tank my feet are under him and he mugging me rn cause he thinks I'm texting somebody lmao. we both artist so that makes everything smoother as far as the days go. by far this is prolly the chillest relationship I've ever been in! I love him real bad I mean bad bad. We here yunno we just kicken it about to move into a really dope loft next week so we vibin. I'm finna bless him with some top and he don't even know it. Aigh bye
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9:32 pm
BLESSED. today I got my blonde and black wig on , a black tee with my niggas red supreme shorts & my panda dunks he got me the other day when we went shopping. real chill and blessed today as of right now I'm at my girl crib just chillen cause space is important in a relationship. No matter what crazy ass shit my mind might be thinking I know I got me a good one. he wanted some top earlier so I told him to come get some it was sexy as fuck. anyways I'm like 13 shots deep and I'ma just leave it at that. keep y'all heart 3 stacks
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7:40 am
Woke up blessed just cause I woke up. laying here just got some morning sex finna take my morning bathroom session & read. I feel okay this morning my mans off work so therefore we 9/10 drinking today. I been trying to stop but I'll make a stronger effort after my birthday. It's creeping up but I'maa make something shake no doubt about it. Praying for a chill day today. aigh I'll tap in a few times today
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10:01 pm
Blessed. I'm laying in this bed straight chillen right now thinking how the fuck I've been so much in my feelings lately that I don't even know how to move around rn. I'm praying more and loving myself more daily. this shit is so crazy to me truly I don't even really understand why I put up or deal with certain things anymore. I'm blessed for the people who left my side it just made room for others to get a chance I guess. I love myself more every second nobody can take that away from me. I'm NEXT. CHOSEN.
#trillag#writerscorner#thinking#writer stuff#women writers#love#self healing#self love#depression#healing
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