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Carter: i am such a jerk

Sadie: yeah. wait, why?

#kane chronicles #carter kane #sadie kane #incorrect quotes #source: how i met your mother

[toomanyincorrectquotes]

Nick, about Cece: she calls you piggy in bed? what do you call her?

Schmidt: farmer cece

Schmidt: she’s a dairy farmer who dabbles in pork and i’m a dainty little pig who doesn’t like the mud

Nick: you guys have been on like three dates

#new girl #nick miller #winston schmidt #cece parekh #incorrect quotes #source: how i met your father

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Nick: god will kill me before letting me successful

Winston: you don’t believe in god

Nick: i do for the bad things

#new girl #nick miller #winston bishop #incorrect quotes #source: seinfeld

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Schmidt: we could get married in the forest like some squirrels

Cece: squirrels don’t get married

Schmidt: like you could possibly know that

#new girl #winston schmidt #cece parekh #incorrect quotes #source: how i met your mother

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Carter: guys don’t talk to guys about guy problems. they just… punch each other on the shoulder

Sadie: that’s stupid

Carter: to a girl. to a guy that’s like six month therapy!

*later*

Carter: *punches walt on the shoulder*

Walt: ow, what was that for?

Carter, sighing: i don’t know

#kane chronicles #carter kane #sadie kane #walt stone #incorrect quotes #source: ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs

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Wade: this was all a terrible idea. why didn’t anyone stop me?

Matt: because you didn’t tell us

Peter: why didn’t you tell us?

Wade: if i told you, you would have stopped me

#marvel #wade wilson #deadpool #matt murdock #daredevil #peter parker #spider-man #incorrect quotes #source: she ra and the princesses of power

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Meg: you’re a pathetic loser, right?

Apollo: oh yeah

#trials of apollo #toa #meg mccaffrey #apollo #incorrect quotes #source: friends

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Reed, to Franklin and Valeria: who wants to make five bucks?

Franklin: how?

Reed: i need someone to take the fall

Sue, from another room: oh my god!

Franklin: what did you do?

Reed: i can’t tell you. yes or no, no questions asked

Sue: OH MY GOD!

Franklin: make it ten

Reed: done

Reed: *grabs franklin* you’re a good son

Reed, to Sue: i got him, honey! i got him!

#marvel #fantastic four #reed richards #mister fantastic #franklin richards #powerhouse #valeria richards #brainstorm #susan storm #invisible woman #incorrect quotes #source: malcolm in the middle

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Jess: nick! you didn’t do a very good job of frosting winston’s birthday cake!

Nick: what? it’s not winstsston’s birthday?

Nick: oh

#new girl #jessica day #nick miller #winston bishop #incorrect quotes #source: the simpsons

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Winston: so, i was trying to think how to best express how sexy you are to me. a song? a poem? and then it hit me

Winston: a board game!

Aly: you just get women

#new girl #winston bishop #aly nelson #incorrect quotes #source: how i met your mother

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Clint: you think i need a new walk?

Natasha: what?

Clint: well you know, i’ve been walking the same way since high school. you know how some guys walk into a room and everybody takes notice? i think i need a take-notice walk

Natasha: are you actually saying these words?

#marvel #clint barton #hawkeye #natasha romanoff #black widow #incorrect quotes #source: friends

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Schmidt, about Cece: are you saying she’d rather be with robby than me?

Nick: i’m not saying anything, i don’t know. but i can tell you, i would definitely rank you above robbie in most categories

Schmidt: most categories?

Nick: almost all!

#new girl #winston schmidt #cece parekh #robby mcferrin #nick miller #incorrect quotes #source: animal control

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Sam: aw, you’d miss me

Bucky: i’ve got better ways to spend my time than going to your funeral

#marvel #mcu #sam wilson #the falcon #captain america #bucky barnes #winter soldier #incorrect quotes #source: ben 10: alien force

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Dane: hey mikaari, do you think it’s weird that sersi is still friends with ikaris?

Mikaari: i think it’s weird that we’re all still friends with ikaris

#marvel #eternals #dane whitman #mikaari #sersi #ikaris #incorrect quotes #source: how i met your mother

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Chiron, to Percy: clarisse will show you around

Clarisse: here’s the exit

#percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #chiron #percy jackson #clarisse la rue #incorrect quotes #source: parks and rec

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Jess: so when you lost consciousness and fell down like an overwhelmed victorian woman—

Schmidt: i fell normal, i fainted in a normal way

Jess: you put the back of your hand to your forehead and spun around

Schmidt: that never happened. i fainted in a normal or maybe even masculine way

#new girl #jessica day #winston schmidt #incorrect quotes #source: twitter

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Leo: i don’t like bugs okay. they freak me out

Nico: interesting. you are afraid of bugs and women. ladybugs must render you catatonic

#heroes of olympus #hoo #leo valdez #nico di angelo #incorrect quotes #source: the big bang theory