titless-wonder

[titless-wonder]

thinking abt how in the days of incredibly strict and gatekept access to gender affirming care, just mere decades ago, trans and nonbinary ppl who were afab were just literally not allowed to transition. the reason our history is seen as not as extensive or influential as trans femme history is bc we were quite literally not allowed to exist.

#me #top surgery wasn't an option until very recently #or else I'd had done it 23 years earlier #at least not by itself

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What the fuck? This makes me even more relieved that I had top surgery. I'd hate to wear a bra for all eternity if I'm buried.

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Exactly 2 years ago I had top surgery and it is the best thing I've ever done for myself.

#top surgery was still the best choice i ever made #top surgery

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The tweet: https://twitter.com/Lionhearted_ben/status/1629919975203848192?t=HfF1j3BVqZMgZEIHgVnz3w&s=19

And in case Twitter is being a fool, here's the PDF itself: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PiO5JAc2_erXL9rEPU-Gj4DXQ3N0dTbe/view

Shout-out to a friend for showing me this!!

#important #i had a lump last month #didn't expect to have to do a self exam #it went away but early detection is key

[titless-wonder]

Don't forget calf implants, butt implants, pec implants, tummy tucks, lipo, lip (labia) reshaping, penis ligament release, and hrt for menopause/low testosterone.

Do you need several mental health experts and at least one PCP to write letters of support?

Check your privilege.

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And take care of yourself leading up to surgery. Lose that extra weight you've been heaving around if you were like me. That also means your old button downs will be both too big and perfect for post-op recovery. Plus, you'll get to welcome your new body and buy a new wardrobe to fit your new body sooner, if finances allow. Fruits and veggies are your friend. Frozen veggies are a freaking awesome way to increase the amount you eat. They're precut, prewashed, easy to portion out, and you don't have to worry about them going bad before you eat them.

What others said about opening doors and putting things at shoulder height is real. Cups, dishes, shampoo, pain meds, freaking everything needs to be at shoulder height or below.

The pain wasn't terrible but stay ahead of it.

Don't do too much. Just don't. I thought I could do some presses about a week after surgery and I couldn't. I think I tore some internal sutures and my swelling went back up, prolonging my need for drains.

Drains are horrendous. Where they exited my body on my back made it nearly impossible to get comfortable in my back.

Take the anti nausea med with you to surgery AND TAKE IT BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOSPITAL. I didn't and the ride home was dicey.

Take the laxative. I've never been so constipated in my life. It was really, really, really bad. 😂 I can laugh about it now but it wasn't fun at the time. I was really close to going to the ED because of it. Luckily, the milk of magnesia eventually worked. Took about 18 hours though.

Things People Don’t Mention About Top Surgery or Mastectomies

There is reluctance to do the surgery if you live alone, even if you have a good support system. One of the most stressful things was the hospital constantly asking about who would be looking after me, picking me up, etc. I really felt the bias towards people who are married and against people who are single. I don’t think it was intentional but it was definitely there. That being said you will definitely need a robust support system of some kind to get through everything in the first 4 -8 weeks or more after surgery. 

All your pill bottles will have safety caps and you won’t have the strength to open them on your own without a lot of struggling.

There are soooo many medications. Take them as prescribed and when they say take the level of pain meds you need to manage your pain, do it. I got opiods and ibuprofen. If the pain is bad 5-7+ on the 1-10 scale take the stronger meds. Pain can slow healing by causing stress on the body.

Drains are a pain in the ass. Every hour pushing the hoses so they don’t clog. Major drag but they are very important and if they get clogged it can cause issues

Sleeping sitting up, prepare for this. Lots of pillows or recliner or something. Practice for a week or more before surgery to get used to it. 

Sleep as much as you need. Don’t feel like you should stay awake or whatever because you are supposed to or it is day time or whatever. Listen to your body.

Drink lots and lots of fluids. You may think you are drinking enough but you probably aren’t. The fluid in the drains and the medicines and peeing all the time and sweating from the tight wrap. You need to replace all of this fluid. I think I have been up around 80+ oz the past few days.

The month before and a month after surgery eat a high protein and higher calorie diet. It will help with surgery and recovery. You need the energy and the protein to recover. 

Cut out added salt, caffiene, alcohol, and nicotine before surgery and during recovery. All of these can increase fluid retention, slow healing, or be dangerous with the meds.

Your chest will feel very strange. At first you can’t feel anything and then the skin feels tight everywhere and still strange. The recovery process feels real weird. Your whole torso feels kind of bizarre and new.

Ask all the questions. No question is stupid. It’s trauma to your body ask all the questions. YES all of them.

The tube (intubation) from surgery irritates the throat. Coughing from this sucks so damned much because of the binder and the chest tightness and what not. Find lozenges (Both cough drops and just candy) that you like. I say candy because too many cough drops can upset the stomach and you don’t need that after anesthesia and with all the meds. Also get popsicles.

Take everything out of packages you can before surgery. They are damned hard to open. Those paper cartons holding the apple sauce and snapping apart pudding cups and pulling apart pill blister packs.. ugh I should have taken them apart before the surgery.

Scissors are your friend and every package is an enemy. Seriously, get a good pair of scissors for packaging.

Also, skip 2 liters of pop, gallon of milk, etc. They will be too heavy to pick up after surgery. You can be more independent if  you get smaller size things.

Timers are your friend. All the phone timers forever. Also, handwritten or some other chart type to keep track of drain cleaning and taking meds. You will be sleepy and forgetful the first few days. Use other things to help you keep track.

Take stock of how your lights go on and off. Can you reach them while pretending you are a T-Rex. If not, especially ceiling fans and that, put long strings on the pulls so that you can operate them while you can’t raise your arms.

Also check your doors to make sure they don’t stick. You won’t be able to tug hard on doors or drawers or whatever.

Get yourself some treats. Food related or clothing or whatever. Treats will help.

Before surgery plan out and prepare at least a week of meals. Be sure to include some that are easy on the stomach like crackers, rice and chicken, etc. Just in case you have stomach upset from the anesthesia or meds. Gentle foods include starches and chicken/tofu that is low fat and low spice so that it is gentle.

Soft fuzz free and easy to get on clothing is essential. I went out and got a couple of those shorts and button down shirt pajama sets. Life savers. Also, get a size or two bigger than usual to accommodate drains and padded bandages and things. 

Strange pains, you will probably have them. 

Be sure to do the arm exercises as directed by your surgeon and watch your shoulders hunching. The shoulder hunching is from the chest tightness but you don’t want your back to start hurting. Try to sit up as straight as you can.

Pump action soap dispensers will be too hard to use the first few days.

Weeks before surgery, start teaching yourself how to do things without your arms; like standing up, getting into and out of bed, squatting, getting up from chairs, etc. Practice doing things with your elbows next to your chest like a t-rex; getting food and drinking, brushing teeth, taking meds, etc This will be very important

I am sure there are more but I thought some of you might benefit from the things I have learned so far from going through surgery.

[titless-wonder]

Hey this is why you stop fucking buying her shit btw

#shes an asshole yeoleo

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i had a meet n greet with the anaesthesiologist for my top surgery and he said it’s his favourite procedure to work on because everyone who wants it is just so truly happy to be there, and i can’t stop thinking about this career that is 99% attending to various sadnesses miseries and woes and 1% having funny little dudes in dangerfield buttonups throwing themselves on the operating table like YEEHAW LET’S GOOOO

#i thanked the anesthesiologist as i went under #was so excited

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I'm still amazed by how much anxiety I had about life after surgery. Honestly, I'm so happy in my body now. It is such a non-issue that I don't have anything on my chest.

Saw family friends who've known me for 30+ years today. Haven't seen them for 3 years which is to say haven't seen them since I lost weight and had surgery.

They commented on my weight loss but didn't realize/suspect top surgery until several hours had passed.

On an unrelated note, sensation is returning to my chest. It's 16.5 months post-op.

Also, I bought a really nice linen polo shirt that feels amazing but shows off my nips in a really unflattering way, lol. It's making me laugh. Definitely need to wear a tank top under the polo which makes me a little sad but also, eh, it still rocks.

[titless-wonder]

I'm upgrading my wardrobe this winter. I'm going for warmth and style in that order. So far I've got a new pair of warm waterproof boots my wife says are ugly, lol. The rest of my items are fashionable though, a couple new flannels that aren't plaid, windproof insulated pants for life/work, new hats, new neck gaiters, cotton undershirts, and the best damn socks I've had maybe ever.

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Saw this review on a suit as I was browsing. It was the most affirming and awesome message. I bought the suit. Will let you know how it fits (I went with a small because I'm about 15lbs (6.8kg) heavier than the ENBY in the review).

Update: it didn't fit! Returned it and went back to my husky boys suits. Husky 18 jacket, husky 20 pants.

#enby in a suit #dapper nb #nb showing up showing out

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Almost 15 months post-op

Haven't posted in a while because things have been steady when it comes to top surgery. I've been to the beach, my body is a little pudgier than this time last year but only by about 6 lbs (2.7 kg). The beach was fun! I love being in a rash guard and swim trunks.

I've gotten rid of even more clothes including nearly all my remaining women's button downs. The boob voids are hilarious and also kinda triggering at this point. A few old teeshirts still have them and I'm torn about keeping them.

My favorite IDGAF work outfit is one of the $7 boys school uniform polo shirt I got from Target that doesnt wrinkle but is 100% cotton, with a pair of golf pants. A few years ago I'd have scoffed at that outfit as being really quite lesbian but now I look like I'm heading to the golf course and it makes me laugh because I feel like I'm subverting golf culture, lol.

I'm still stunned that cishet men move aside for me. Part of me wants to be angry that they were slamming into me on purpose before surgery, but I'm too tired. I'm just grateful that they aren't anymore.

I continue to be irritated that finding a place to pee is such a gamble. I hydrate. I just do. I have to. Urinating is a regular part of my day and shouldn't be ruled by it. I just wanna pee where I'm safe.

I'm finding more and more clothes fit me well and I need to stop panic buying clothes. I used to panic buy when I found something that fit my physique and presentation. I don't have to anymore. I have lots of options now and don't need to buy more clothes.

I might still get a small revision, my right side has a very slight dog ear on my sternum but it's definitely shrunk over the past year.

I'm still kinda numb near the incisions. My nips have sensation. Um..yeah. Still so happy I did it.

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I know I said I wouldn't go topless but the appeal has grown. I'm still not ready to do it in public but a private pool like this would be perfect for it.

Update: I did go topless on the beach in Mexico and the view from our room was really similar. It was so nice. So fucking nice. (Also, sunscreen those nips and incisions)

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June 2022

Today was HOT and humid. Heat index put it at 44° C. The AC went out in my car which sucked because it was a long drive home.

BUT the bright spot of driving with my windows down was that the sensation of the breeze going up my sleeve and across my chest was absolutely divine. Heavenly. Magical. I hadn't felt that since I was 12 which is to say decades.

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this little freak keeps sneaking into my garden and rubbing himself all over my flowers??Hello?????

#Turns out my favorite babysitter might have been right when she called me a bee.

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Were AMABs "taught" to never wear a white shirt if it might rain for fear that they might end up showing nipples through the wet fabric? It was seriously one of my mom's biggest warnings. (she still won't wear white before whatever or after whatever because of societal pressure and fear of offending some stranger)

I nearly stepped outside in a white teeshirt during a rainstorm and stopped because of nipples in my white teeshirt. But now I want to get wet. Do an NB wet teeshirt contest because who the fuck cares?

Behold, my nipples.

Course now it stopped raining...

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I'm back on a "fitness kick" which simply means I'm taking 3+ mile walks at lunch several times a week. It's taken me a long time to adjust my workout plans so they're sustainable and also give me the body I want. I bulk up really quickly. Can get beefy very easily, probably because I only have one ovary. My nickname in high school and college was Beef because I was buff and vegan...it made sense to my friends. I don't want to be beefy. I like being scrawny.

Anyway, I'm kinda chuckling at myself this week for being a bit cocky about how easy it is to get back in shape. Why? Because I still have a little belly except it really doesn't bother me since surgery. Not at all. I don't mind losing the 5 lbs of winter chub I put on and that's enough for me to feel "fit". Funny how much my attitude towards my own body has shifted.