theroehamptonchronicle
The Roehampton Chronicle
A fictional, serial story about some people generally failing at life.
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20: “God, it’s like being in a live group chat”
20: “God, it’s like being in a live group chat”
Roz loved her apartment. It was small, sure, but it was still cozy. She had been living in it for a couple years and she had gotten it exactly how she wanted it. She had carefully picked out wall art, painstakingly put peel-and-stick wallpaper along the accent wall behind her bed, and she had even replaced one of the light fixtures because the dome light that had previously been hanging in her…
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19: “You’re having a real Sad Girl Summer, eh?”
19: “You’re having a real Sad Girl Summer, eh?”
Stella was late to Kelly and Brett’s Christmas party, even though Zoey and Hilary were also going and they were all technically living together.
“If you can get your shit together, you can leave with us right now,” Zoey told her, stopping by Rashawn’s open bedroom door. “Hilary’s driving.”
“Hilary has not agreed to that,” Hilary interjected, coming up behind Zoey to join her by the doorframe.…
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18: “Being awake is relentlessly awful”
18: “Being awake is relentlessly awful”
Kelly and Brett hosted a Christmas party at their condo. Kelly had decorated the place for Christmas and she was very excited to show it off to all her friends.
“She shouldn’t be proud of this,” Zoey said to Alisha in a low, dark whisper as they stood in Brett and Kelly’s living room, holding glass mugs of mulled wine. “It looks like the place was bombed with art supplies from a children’s…
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17: “You look like Lenny Kravtiz”
17: “You look like Lenny Kravtiz”
Jamie’s life was in social upheaval. Things were off with Paul, she felt unreasonable jealousy over how easily Ursula was fitting into the loft as well as how close Hilary and Alexa had become, and now Justine kept glaring at her during work hours. Any time Justine was in Jamie’s proximity, Justine glared at her. Jamie was trying not to let it get her down, just like she was trying not to care…
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16: “He does not get you at all”
16: “He does not get you at all”
Matt still wasn’t over the fact that Roz was dating Marcus. Roz only knew this because he had complained about it in his own home and Zoey had overheard. Zoey had then told Alisha, who had in turn told Roz.
“Unsurprisingly, this has not made me want to date him any more than I did before,” Roz said in response to Alisha’s dramatic retelling of Zoey’s dramatic retelling. Alisha snorted.
“Yeah,…
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15: “It’s hard to remember that I want to continue living when I’m at this place”
Alisha was having a particular bad day at work following several other not great days. She’d been out of sorts since Stella had left to spend her nights across the hall at loft 9B. Alisha felt personally responsible, even though she hadn’t really done anything wrong and it certainly wasn’t her fault that Stella’s was currently without a home. Still, she wished Stella would come back to 9A. Alisha…
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14: “Remember when that valet thought your car was your home?”
Stella had been staying at loft 9B since her leaving loft 9A a week earlier after her conversation with Alisha and Maxwell. So far, she had been staying in Zoey’s room. Some of the time, Zoey was there as well and others she was at Sharif’s pretending not to hate his improv group. Stella generally didn’t think that things between Zoey and Sharif were likely to last, but she had so far kept her…
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13: “But look at you now!”
Things between Jamie and Paul had become tense since she hadn’t let him vent to her about his and Brooke’s relationship. Jamie still didn’t think she’d been out of line, though. She barely wanted to hear about their relationship when things were going well between the two of them. Hearing about their problems was so much worse. Just thinking about it made her feel squeamish, as if she had…
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12: "You're a very bitter person"
12: “You’re a very bitter person”
Loft 9A was having a party, as they loved to do, and Roz had been invited. This time, she was going to bring Marcus, her sort-of-boyfriend. They still hadn’t had the conversation and Roz didn’t want to, content to let it play out as it was. Marcus hadn’t brought it up either, but she figured he would if he really cared to. He wasn’t an insecure man. He had no qualms about being direct and honest,…
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11: “Having this conversation is like being slapped across the face four times in different directions”
Stella and Maxwell had reached something of a detente following the end of Stella’s relationship with Braden. Maxwell had allowed her to use his storage unit and that act of kindness had granted him Stella’s forgiveness. Alisha, for one, was relieved. Now she didn’t have to sneak Maxwell in and out of the loft whenever they wanted to spend time together, which was a real boon if only because of…
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10: “You look haunted and not in a fun, spooky Halloween way”
Jamie had been invited back to girls’ night at Olivia’s. This time, she had been invited by both Olivia and Alexa. Hilary had also been invited. Alexa had invited both of them at work, just hours after Jamie had gotten the invitation from Olivia by text. Jamie was determined not to mess this one up.
“You could actually bring your man friend this time,” Alexa told Jamie, even though she hadn’t…
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9: “But I don’t want to look like Terry Crews!”
9: “But I don’t want to look like Terry Crews!”
Roz bumped into Matt in the elevator of his building while she was on her way to visit Alisha and he was heading out to the gym. He took great pleasure in telling her that he was going to the gym, as if she cared about how much time he spent doing bicep curls or whatever.
“As far as I concerned, there are two body types,” she told him while he was standing in between the elevator doors,…
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8: “R-U-F-F rough”
When Stella woke the morning after the Christmas pub crawl, her mouth tasted like eggnog. She had had the foresight to take a vacation day, having learned from Christmas pub crawls past, and she was especially grateful for it now. Alisha was no longer in bed next to her, probably elsewhere in the loft getting ready for her day. As Stella stretched out in her friend’s bed, she considered the full…
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7: “You pear-shaped fart”
Leaving the bathroom at the very first bar on the Christmas pub crawl, Stella sought out Braden immediately. He was standing with Zoey, who didn’t look at all like she wanted to be having the conversation they were having. Stella marched over to them, vaguely aware that she had picked up some followers along the way. She could see Alisha’s box braids swinging in the periphery of her vision.
“Oh…
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6: “We might as well go stand in traffic”
The Thursday after Jamie’s sister’s faintly disastrous holiday party, the holiday celebrations continued with the annual Christmas pub crawl. It wasn’t an official pub crawl. It was just something Zoey, Hilary, and Matilda had come up with one year and had since become an annual tradition. Alisha usually enjoyed the pub crawl. It was a great time and everybody ended up jolly and drunk. The last…
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5: “All hunched like Ben Affleck smoking on the beach”
Brooke and Paul hosted a holiday party the first weekend in December. It seemed early to Jamie, but Brooke was adamant that it was the only available time. All of Brooke’s friends had plans the rest of the weekends in the month. It was, as Brooke carefully explained to Jamie, a busy month for people with active social lives. Jamie assumed she was supposed to take from that that Brooke didn’t…
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4: “I’m a stone cold ten and you’re a Winnipeg seven”
4: “I’m a stone cold ten and you’re a Winnipeg seven”
Roz Cluney dated smart men. She was currently dating an archeologist named Marcus, who had skinny calves, a scruffy face, and a penchant for knit sweaters. They had only been dating for about two months, but she liked him well enough. They hadn’t discussed whether or not they were exclusive, but Marcus didn’t really seem like the type of man who dated multiple people at once. For one thing, he…
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