theresplendentphilosophunculist - Tumblr blog

theresplendentphilosophunculist · 1 month

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Red tried to replace red

Made my body run on wine

Instead of blood

Just so my mind,

Would be quiet...

For just a small amount of time

- R E D

#poetry #excerpt from a book i'll never write #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled words #alcoholism #addiction #memtal health #mentalheathawareness #writing poetry #my writing #poetsandwriters #writersclub #writerscorner #writerscreed #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 2 years

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And it tears my soul to think, that

after a lifetime of loving you

I have to face eternity missing you

- I dread the Gates of Heaven

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And my friends lit up a cigarette,

passed me one too

But I said no, because

well, I promised you

Eventhough I felt like I needed it

And the moon was shining,

blinking on the water

While my thoughts took me just a little too deep

Like all the things your mum said,

voicing all my fears

I can't be happy, so I can't have love

Don't want sex, so I shouldn't claim love

Not like they're the same, but it feels unequal not to put them on one line

Not made the way a human is supposed to be, should learn to live with it, but to others it's not living anyway

Should've just kept dancing and taken another shot, because sitting feels like drowning to me anyway

- Drunken Beach Thoughts

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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But the butterflies in my stomach had knives for wings

And every day I let them cut me open

Believing that the sharp sting

synchronising with my accelerated heart beat

Was how love was supposed to feel

- and it felt RUSTY RED

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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Maybe greatness is not made of big things or heavy feelings.

I believe greatness is made of small rays of sunshine,

fleeting feelings of yellow and orange.

I see greatness in my plants growing tiny, soft green leaves,

in my red scars healing white.

I feel like it's in the scent of spring through my bedroom window left ajar, feeling sunshine yellow and powdery white.

I know greatness exists when I made it, eventhough I thought I wouldn't.

It is my grandparents walking hand in hand, playfully bickering when I thought I'd lose them last year.

It is my sister telling me "remember when..."

Greatness, I believe, is always there, as long as you notice the little things

- G R E A T N E S S

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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Today is ashy green, and I hate it.

Because the sun out is a warm yellow

and the sky is a cotton candy blue.

And he, oh he is the brightest shade of purple.

But all I'm left feeling is ashy green

- Xanadu

#writerscreed #poeticstories #spilled ink #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #blossomfully #literature #lit #love #spilled thoughts #spilled words #writing poetry

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And our problem is

That 'us' just feels right

We're straight love

In a crooked world

A beautiful reality

Trapped in a nightmare

Forever, at the beginning of the end

And my mum told me we're sinners,

Because our only crime is loving each other

- Our Problem

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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He had this old school charm,

a film noir beauty...

With his blond, curly hair combed back,

a cigarette between his lips with a mischievous smirk

And whiskey golden eyes.

And somehow he fell in love with me,

a small ball of fluff...

With thoughts that just move too fast for others to understand

Living in a cotton candy world.

And together we are the most beautiful fairytale ever written

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And some couples have their "own special thing", which can be anything. A song, an inside joke, a colour, anything. And no, we are not a couple, and we might not have one special thing, but I feel like everything we do is special to us.

Like all of those "secret" hugs at work. Or our favourite Redbull: blueberry flavoured. Our love for Disney movies and my sad, depressive Chase Atlantic favourites. Walking alongside the river when it's freezing outside. And my hands smelling like cigarettes, because whenever we're together you always hold my hand in yours.

It is the fact that you changed your led lights to neon purple, because I told you that that is your colour. And your necklace that holds so much meaning to you, but you gave it to me, so I'd always have something of yours. So I bought a bunch of turtle necks, so my parents can't see I wear it every single day. Or the fact that you can now grab and light a cigarette with one hand, because you don't want to let go of mine.

So no, we might not have our one special thing, but that is because I believe that every second we spend together is just as special as the one before and the one after.

- S P E C I A L

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And I know everything is very difficult right now and things might seem impossible even.

But I also believe that one day everything will be alright. One morning I'll wake up in your arms and cuddle with you until the coffee is ready.

And one day we'll go grocery shopping together while holding hands and having small, meaningless roast sessions and we'll have a home cooked meal, almost burning the food while having a tickle war and afterwards we'll end up cuddling on the couch and have a Disney marathon.

We'll buy a puppy and love and care for it like it's our own child.

And we'll go for a walk every night and drink coffee together every morning, you'll call me a sleepy head and I'll just shrug and steal your hoodies.

And I'll probably make so many drawings that you'll start to go crazy and you'll pick me up and put me down on the couch whenever I'm being annoying and you'll give me a million forehead kisses and I'll jump on your back all the time.

One day I'm gonna wake up next to you... and it will all have been worth it

#writerscreed #poeticstories #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #love #blossomfully #literature #lit #poetry

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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So I hugged you tight, standing on my tippy toes, mumbling an "I'm sorry" into your neck and I felt you press me against you even tighter.

And when I let go, you still had one arm wrapped around me, not loosening your grip. Smiling down on me you said "Never do that again!".

And inbetween all my stomach flips and stuttering heart beats I found myself swearing that no matter what, I'd never hurt you.

So I found myself nodding my head, smiling apologetically as you walked away, only to be met with the questioning stare of our friend we both had seemed to forget in those last seconds.

- I'm Sorry

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And I guess I just want you to become my best friend. But with best friend I don't just mean you're the one I text goodnight and good morning to or the one I go with to amusement parks. No I mean the best friend I ever had, better than anyone else before.

I want you to be the one I scold for leaving hairs in the shower drain, I want you to be the one to persuade to eat Japanese food again for the third time in a week, just because I love it so much. I want to know exactly at which spots you're ticklish, just so I can beat you to the TV remote. I want you to know that I can't sleep without hugging a stuffed animal and something self soothing. I want you to be the one in whose arms I cry when my goldfish dies, because once I care for something I start to love it. And you will definitely have to be the one who get's rid of the spider, but please do so without killing it.

I want to get so comfortable around you that when deadlines strike I will not worry about greasy hair, smudged mascara and stress pimples, but just jump into your arms in bed after the deadline is handed in. I want you to know me so well that when I tell you to 'take care of Honsool' you know exactly which of the 40 potted plants to water, because I can never stop talking about them.

But I also want to know exactly how to make your coffee in the morning, and know to set three cups instead of two when you have an extra stressful day at work.

I want to know to hang a post it on the door when it's one of your friends' birthdays, because I know that you're terrible at remembering dates and you feel bad whenever you forget. I want to know which song to put on when you're sad and which chips is your go to comfort food.

I want to lay in bed with you, singing our favourite Disney songs at 2 a.m., because I am way too hyper and you can't help loving me for it.

And I guess it all comes down to that apart from the fact that you make my stomach flip and my heart do this little stutter and that I really want to hug you, hold your hand and kiss you, so bad, that I also want to get to know you better than anyone else ever has and share every little detail of my life with you.

So please, would you become my best friend?

- Best Friend

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 3 years

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And we're just friends, so it's not like I'd ever think about kissing you, but sometimes I imagine...

...that it'll be soft and sweet and you'll taste like blueberries with a hint of cigarettes and I'll probably be caught of guard and forget to breathe through my nose and you will probably end up smiling half way through, muttering I'm cute under your breath.

But it's not like I'd ever think about kissing you...

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 4 years

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And I don't really know what we are. Because we send each other sleepy morning selfies and talk until we fall asleep. And I met your parents and your mum thought I was sweet. You pick me up from work and help me buy presents for my sister's birthday party.

And you remember the little details, like how I associate you with neon purple and that my favourite flavour is blueberry.

But we're not dating, honestly, you haven't even told me if you're interested in me at all and it's all just so confusing.

- '?'

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 4 years

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Brain is swimming

Head spinning

I'm sorry

Did you make a sound?

So sorry,

Tryin' to listen

But my thoughts are just too loud

Am I walking, don't know

Could be talking, wouldn't know

Please,

Take a step back

You're way too close

My mind is stardust overload

Have to find my balance,

Everything feels so far away

Don't mean to act crazy,

just got a fucking galaxy brain

- ☆Galaxy Brain☆

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 4 years

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And last night, while you were sleeping for once, I let my mind wonder.

Because we can't keep doing this forever.

A year from now, how are we still going to be awake at 5 a.m., talking 'till the first signs of dawn?

We probably won't, because nothing lasts forever and we will run out of things to say.

We are going so fast, and honestly, it is kind of scaring me, because how do I explain to people I only saw last two weeks ago, that now there is this guy.

Who knows everything about me, who knows I don't doubt God, but I doubt religion.

Who knows I'm still a virgin and the whole concept of sex scares the hell out of me.

Who knows that I am terrified of people thinking I'm awkward.

Who knows I love polar bears and the colour yellow.

Who knows that Mulan is my favourite Disney movie and 'Drugs' by EDEN is one of my favourite songs.

How do I explain, that ever since a week ago

I now have 5 hour long phone calls, without getting tired of talking.

Just how do I explain 'us' to everyone I only saw last a week ago?

- 'US'

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theresplendentphilosophunculist · 4 years

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"He likes you, doesn't he?" My friend said, taking a last drag from her cigarette as she stalked his Instagram page. I shrugged "I don't know" I said honestly, "but he sure makes it seem like he does, and that confuses me"

- Confusion

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